


Two Halves of One Whole

by meggles830



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Balcony Buddies, F/M, Major Illness, Post Season 7, Reunion, Rogan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:56:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 106,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggles830/pseuds/meggles830
Summary: Rory is on the campaign trail with Senator Obama working for what is, in my head, somewhere between Huffington Post and Politico- she’s writing political pieces and has a blog for the site Reporter Girl: Life as a Rookie Reporter, Logan did propose and walk away- went to California. This story picks up towards the end of June 2007 as the couple reconnects- they've missed each other, they were always destined to be together. But what happens when a sudden and severe illness threatens their newly rebuilt relationship? How will they juggle a life threatening illness, burgeoning careers, parental disapproval and Finn?Slightly AU- Lorelai and Chris had some marital problems, but none of that “you’re the man I want to want” stuff, they’re actually trying to work through it, going to therapy, it’s going well and Gigi is acclimating to Stars Hollow life.





	1. Reconnecting

**Author's Note:**

> Begins with a blog post where she has been speaking about the Obama Girl "I've Got a Crush on Obama" controversy- it picks up partway through her post- the rest isn't important, it's to set the scene of what she's been up to and how exactly our beloved Logan found her.

_And frankly, as this reporter is the daughter of two very young, charismatic and, (according to pretty much every friend I’ve ever had) “hot” parents, I cringe on behalf of the Obamas at this video. Of course, this family lives in the spotlight, their lives are public and speech in this country does remain free- but regardless the creator’s intent in making this video- whether as a playful parody, a biting indictment on the way the family has been handled by the media, or even just a genuine love song to a young woman’s crush object- I cringe at the thought of_ my _social media and email accounts being swamped with messages telling me to listen to a girl singing innuendos about either of my parents._

_That being said, I found myself clicking through on this video, on the controversial 1984 web ad and of course the video of John McCain singing Bomb Iran to the music of the Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann as well as a few other musical parody videos, commercial parodies and SNL/Upright Citizen’s Brigade-esque comedy sketches- although only after furtively checking around the bus, making sure no one could see what I was watching- earphones in, screen semi-dim and a look of guilt on my face as I realized that I was truly no better than anyone else._

_While we all like to imagine we are better than this, that we are focused on the facts, the policies, the important issues at stake in this election and anything else is simply beneath us, it is true that this election is different than any other- this election in a full-on Facebook/Twitter/YouTube blogosphere type of world is a different story- the playing field has been changed. Look at me, dear readers, writing for an online news aggregation site- we’re part blog, part AP Wire and part user generated content platform. The democratization of the internet has changed things- now parodies, rant videos, blogs and v-logs are easily shared and accessed by people across the world._  

_Now someone in France’s opinion of American politics can be posted, shared and responded to. Now a journalism student with a good blog name and following can weigh in on the Student Loan crisis or their feelings about Planned Parenthood and be picked up by a site such as this- published for the entire world to see. Now my stories will not only be judged by a newspaper subscriber base who voted with their wallets and wrote letters to the Editor, now there is a handy comments section where they can post anything they like, 24/7- instant and voracious fact checkers who would make my former Editor at the YDN proud (please be kind to me)! All of this means that if America thinks that a girl’s racy comments on Senator Obama are the appropriate conversation to be having as we go into the second half of the Primary Campaign season- who are we to behave otherwise? The people have spoken, so Sasha and Malia, if you’re reading this, let me know if you need tips on dealing with truly embarrassing parental moments._

_Reporter Girl, out._

 

To: Reporter Girl

From: lhuntzberger

Date: 6/29/2007

Wow, Hugo snapped you up after graduation I see- he’d have been a fool not to! Congrats on the job and your blog, 6 weeks on the trail and you’re already trending, I’m so proud of you. I always told you how wrong Mitchum was about you, you’re already a star and I love reading your posts- I have an RSS alert setup for you so I never miss a piece.

Hey, I understand if you hate me- truth be told, I hate me. I know we didn’t leave things in a great place, Ace, but I wanted to let you know that you were right- you needed time, I was an idiot and a pretty big jackass. I tried to call your number a few times, but it seems you got a new phone when you went on the trail and I wasn’t sure whether your mom would give me the new number if I asked her. For the record, mine hasn’t changed.

Well, it’s about 1 in the morning out here, so I should probably try to get some sleep. I hope you’re doing well, that you’re happy- I’ll be following you (on the world wide web, not in real life, I promise) and look forward to your next piece.

 Love, MAC

 

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 7/3/2007

~~What the hell?~~

~~Hey, how are you doing? Long time no talk.~~

~~How is the avocado tree?~~

UGH! What was she doing? 8 weeks ago this guy ripped her heart open- this guy who she genuinely believed she would be spending the rest of her life with had proposed and then when she said not yet, ended their 2 ½ year relationship. He was her best friend, her biggest cheerleader, next to her mom, and then out of the blue he oh so casually emails to say he’s proud of her, he made a mistake… and “Love, MAC”? What the hell was that about? Like, I love you? Or is that just the way that he signs off things these days? Flopping back on the not even remotely comfortable motel mattress, she groaned into a pillow- wishing it would suffocate her. The last three days she had been trying to come up with a response to his email, deleting everything as being either too mean, too direct, or far too casual and/or idiotic- as though she wasn’t still crying herself to sleep just about every night.

Grrrrrr! Finally she gave up trying to think for herself and picked up the phone.

“Hayden House of Hedonism, what itch can we scratch for you today?” 

“Remind me to reprogram your phone next time I’m in town so you think it’s me calling, but it’s your mother. I’d just love to hear her reaction to something like that.”

 “If you do that, see if I’ll ever BEG Luke to send some of his coffee in your next care package.”

“Dammit, you got me- now I see why you worked so hard to get me so hooked on the stuff; now, no matter how old I am or how far I roam, I’ll never be able to have my supply cut off- I'm eternally at your mercy!"

“Just call me Stringer Bell, baby.”

“Ok Stringer, before I let you get back to your business, HEEEEELP!”

“Whoa, sweets, what’s up? There was a lot of anguish in that very literal cry for help.”

“Logan emailed me.” SIlence.

“Wow. Uh, when?”

“Monday.” I bit my bottom lip, waiting.

“Monday? Uhh, hold on- it’s Thursday.”

“Yes.”

“Which is three days  _after_ Monday." 

“Wow, you know, that Junior College education is far more impressive than advertised.”

“You waited THREE days to call me and tell me that the love of your life, the Chachi to your Joanie, the macaroni to your cheese, the glaze to your doughnut emailed you? That after two months of pining and crying yourself to sleep over the way that he unceremoniously dumped you, breaking your heart and crushing it into tiny pieces, he _finally_ emails you and you waited 72 hours to contact your mother, a person who you are very close to, by the way, in case you forgot?”

“Mom, are you going to castigate me for my neglect or are you going to help me?”

“Can’t I do both?”

“Mom!”

“Ok, fine, sorry- the flailing can wait until after we solve this. So, tell me, what does the email say.” I sigh and pull it up- although I practically have it memorized at this point, and I read it to her. I heard her say “damn straight” under her breath about her not giving out my phone number, but other than that she kept genuinely quiet, listening. “Wow.”

“Yeah, that was pretty much my initial reaction.”

“I just… I honestly don’t really know what to say here. I mean, that’s a lot of information.”

“Is it? Or is it _literally_ the least amount of information he could have possibly given me. I mean, sure, he’s sorry how he did things- but what the hell does that even mean? I mean, I know he was being an idiot and a jackass and unfair- but what does that mean? Does that mean he wants to try long distance after all? And his number is still the same? Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to do with that information- first of all, I _DID_ get a new phone and I promised myself I wouldn’t transfer his number to it so that I wouldn’t be tempted to send him a drunken late night text message telling him just how miserable I am without him? So even if his number is still the same, I don’t have it anymore!

“And _Love_ , MAC?”

“Yeah, I gotta ask, MAC? Is that like a kinky sex thing between you two?”

“Eww, what? Mom, no! It isn’t a kinky sex thing between us, it stands for Master and Commander.” 

“And  _that_ isn’t a kinky sex reference?”

“God, no! It’s that whole thing where he told me to call him Master and Commander?”

“Like the Russell Crowe?”

“Yes, not the movie, the book, but that doesn’t really matter- it was kind of a nickname for him, kind of like how he called me Ace. But that’s not the thing that has me riled up- what the hell is with the “love”? I mean does he still love me, was he trying to tell me that he loves me and misses me and wants to be with me? Or was it like “oh, look at how mature and amazing and adult I am now in my zen, rock garden in California I have found true enlightenment and I want to show you how amazing I am and I’ll always care about you, but I’ve moved on with Brindy the yoga instructor?”

“Wow, I really was an amazing influence on you, wasn’t I? That was a pretty serious rant girl, I’m putting it in the Rory Gilmore Rant Hall of Fame.” 

“Why do I come to talk to you about anything, ever?” I was so frustrated that had she been in front of me, I probably would be guilty of matricide within the hour.

“Ouch, barracuda! Ok, clearly you’re not in a joking mood, which I probably should have guessed about 5 minutes ago, but I gotta say sweets, I don’t really know what to say here.”

“Tell me what to do Mommy!”

“Well, hon, what do you want to do? I mean, I know you miss him, you love him and you’re about as heart broken as I’ve ever seen someone- but does that mean you want to move past everything that happened and be with him? I mean, you’ve got this incredible job and he’s got an incredible job and he’s in California and you’re on the road and I’m starting to think that neither the campaign or the internet are fads so that situation isn’t likely to change much in the next year or so.”

 “I know. And being on the road is hard and I don’t know how long I’ll really be able to do this for- I feel like I’m exhausted all the time, I miss having more clothing options than can fit in one suitcase, and I don’t know how many speeches at Eagles, VFW, Owl and AFL clubs I can possibly handle before I genuinely lose my mind… but…”

“But you’re living your dream, right sweets?” I thought about that for a minute. 

“It’s what I need to do now. I miss Logan, I love him so much, and being apart from him… sometimes I think it’s going to genuinely tear me apart from the inside out, but… this is a once in a lifetime kind of opportunity, you know? Senator Obama is absolutely amazing and this campaign, even though I doubt he’ll beat Senator Clinton… it’s historic. The way that he’s changing the game, rewriting the narrative, I’m on the sidelines of history and I’m writing it and it’s amazing!” And it was true- I couldn’t believe that straight out of college I got this opportunity. Because it was exactly like I wrote in my last blog- the game was changed- and I was part of that. I was writing about things that had never happened before in political history, and I was doing so in mediums that I never imagined I would.

“Then why do you sound so miserable all the time?” She had asked so quietly, so seriously. Because that was the part that sucked.

“Why can’t I have both? It isn’t fair! I have everything in this job that I’ve worked for my entire life, and I’ve worked so hard for this! But, at the end of the day, I don’t have him, and that just tains the whole thing. There are at least a hundred times a day that I want to call him and tell him about something funny that happened on the bus, or about something the Senator said in a speech… or even just to tell him about the latest crazy Kirk story you sent me or the speculation that Ms. Patty may be working on her next husband… I want to hear his voice and know what Finn and Colin are doing, how the avocadoes are doing in the backyard of that house he got because of me… why can’t I have the perfect job and the perfect guy?” And the tears were back… I was a little proud of myself for having kept them at bay for as long as I had, but it was inevitable, I couldn’t talk this much about him without crying. 

“Well, Rory, I guess if you want my honest opinion?” I nodded, knowing she couldn’t see it, but it was fine, she knew what I was doing- that was our connection. “I think that he nudged the door open, and you don’t have to go running through it and move in, but maybe keep a foot in there, maybe respond. Maybe don’t worry so much about where it’s going or what it means, just tell him you miss him, you love your job and it was nice to hear from him.” We talked for a few more minutes, she told me about therapy this week with Dad, it was apparently going very well and they seemed to be doing well- talking through some of their issues; Gigi had just returned from France and was settling into my room- which was now pink with yellow and green accents- it made me a little bit sad to think of how it wasn’t my room anymore, but mom sounded happy, and that was all I cared about.

When we hung up I went back to my email, trying one more time to respond.

 

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 7/3/2007

I miss you too. I don’t know what that means, if it changes anything, but I do love you and I do miss you and there have been a million times in the last two months when I wanted to to talk to you and tell you about my day, about the trail (grueling, back breaking, smelly), about the Senator (amazing, charismatic and so friendly- and his wife is even nicer and more amazing than he is- I swear, if she was the one running, she’d have it in the bag), about how you’re doing (did you move into the house with the avocados? Made any guacamole yet?)

I love you, but I love what I’m doing too- it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I couldn’t trade it for anything, it’s too big and too important that I do this for me.  

By the way, I did get a new phone- lost mine at a rest stop somewhere between Louisville and the Western panhandle of West Virginia, the number is 784-565-7567. You’re right, mom would never have given you that.

Ace


	2. Corresponding Correspondents

To: Reporter Girl

From: lhuntzberger

Date: 7/5/2007

I haven’t met the Senator myself, but I have donated- if for no other reason than I know how much that would annoy my parents and the rest of the Hartford Elite- perhaps next time he’s in the area I’ll hit a fundraiser- I may not have the entire Huntzberger fortune at my disposal anymore, but I’d like to meet the man. 

I tried to live in the house, but it didn’t really work, so I found an apartment a few blocks away from the office and I bike there most days- unless it’s raining. I know, it sounds crazy, but it’s been a good way to work out while still being in the office and behind a desk a good 17 hours/day. 

I liked the piece you wrote about Axelrod, that guy is interesting- it’s crazy to see the intersection of political strategy and Silicon Valley… how was it meeting the newsman? I know you always liked him, was meeting that idol a bit more satisfying than your early interactions with my father? 

As much as I miss you, I think I’m glad you turned me down- I’d hate to have kept you from this, you’re killing it, Ace, you’re going to have a Pulitzer by 25!

Love, MAC

 

To: Reporter Girl

From: lhuntzberger

Date: 12/12/2007

Wow, I was going to send you a quick note to say it was great to actually talk on the phone the other day- I know you’re busy and you’ve had to cancel a few of our phone dates recently- but just as I was logging in I saw the photo of you and Oprah- what was that like? Did Lorelai absolutely lose it when she found out you were going to meet her? Finn was so jealous, he’s always had a crush on her, regardless the obvious lack of red hair. 

I liked how you wrote about the repositioning of the strategy- once again, Axelrod is a genius, making it about the status quo vs disruption. It seems like everywhere I go these days everyone wants to talk about “disruptive marketing” and “blowing up the box”, apparently we do want to reinvent the wheel these days- it’s impressive to see a politician harness that sentiment and use it, usually they’re so much less responsive. So, dare I ask, cards on the table- who do you think is winning come Super Tuesday?

Work continues to be intense, thank God we’re closed for the week between Christmas and New Years- I think Finn and I are going to go surfing, maybe scuba diving in South Africa or Paraguay, he’s still trying to decide which one, statistically speaking, has more red heads. Don’t worry, we’re not parachuting in this time, we thought we’d be boring and just fly into an actual airport with a landing strip and all. How about you, have you heard if you’ll be home for the holidays at all?

 Love, MAC

 

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 12/14/2007

Wow, this week has truly kicked my ass- and not just because I didn’t sleep for like two days after meeting Oprah! (Partially because of the ridiculous high of meeting the woman, partially because I’ve been fending off calls from Stars Hollow ever since the picture was posted- Babette wanting to know what she smelled like, Kirk wondering if I could pass a script to her and Patty with a message that she owes her for that thing in Chicago… I shudder to think what that could possibly mean). Oh, and mom of course asking if I can NOT wash the shirt I was wearing that day, she’d like to frame it and hang it on the wall. 

Anywho, I think I’m sick- I had to miss two events this week (God, I hope I didn’t get Oprah sick! Oh man, no one wants to be the rookie reporter that gave Oprah strep!) The weird thing about getting sick on the road is learning 1) exactly how crappy your health insurance is- HMOs suck; 2) learning to navigate the world of 24 hour minute clinics- trust me, you do not want to make the mistake of going to the ER with a fever because it seems the easiest way to get treatment- $200 co-pay? Ugh, that was a grim two weeks until my next paltry paycheck- and, sadly it was my plane ticket money to Hartford. Mom and Dad want to fly me home- Dad gave me a credit card for emergencies and yelled at me for not putting the hospital trip on that, but come on, this is the time for me to be a poor, starving reporter… of course, he pointed out that I didn’t seem to have the same issue when I was short money for coffee last week and put it on the card. But come on, a fever you can sleep off- caffeine is the elixir of life. Suffice it to say that I’m really starting to pay more attention to the candidates and their health care solutions.

And I wasn’t avoiding your question, I hear Vegas odds have it 3:1, Senator Clinton- but I gotta say, I’m at the rallies on a daily basis, it’s hard to ignore just how electric and excited and determined these people are when Senator O gets on stage- and then they meet him and it’s like “oh, hey, now I know how people end up joining cults”- he just gets people fired up, he makes you feel like change is possible and hope isn’t silly.  

Speaking of hope and change, PLEASE be careful traveling with Finn- while I’m glad to hear that you won’t be parachuting into a Costa Rican rainforest this time, something about you and Finn (well, ok, mostly Finn) being in such close proximity to the Great White Shark will likely give me Jaws nightmares for the next few weeks- promise me you’ll be careful? Seriously, I need both of you to come back in one piece, ok? 

In fact, I wanted to talk to you about something- I feel like our phone dates (when we manage to have them) have been going really well- I don’t think it’s just me, right? Well, there is a rally at Stamford next month, and I’m one of the pool who’s actually going to be able to go to the fundraiser that night- some fancy schmancy thing in a hotel ballroom in San Francisco… and if I don’t take a ton of time at Christmas, I was thinking maybe I could spend a day or two in the area before meeting everyone back up in Portland (I can’t write another article about Hipsters or what the Senator’s taste in food trucks means about his capabilities in governing). Just a thought, you’re totally, not at all obligated to say yes… I don’t really know if we’re really in a place where you want to see me or… you know what, just let me know what you think.

Anyways, I’m going to go take some more Nyquil and get some sleep.

Ace

 

To: Reporter Girl

From: lhuntzberger

Date: 12/15/2007

I just went online and bought tickets to the fundraiser in San Fran in January (god, I hope that’s the one you were talking about) and blocked off three days on my schedule- is that clear enough of a response to whether I want to see you? Let me know exactly how much time I have you for- Finn’s offering up a suite in San Francisco (two rooms, don’t worry) if you want, or we can stay at my place in Palo Alto- anything in particular you want to see?

And personally, I liked your pieces about the Senator and his foray into the Food Truck Culture of Portland- the parody piece on #Tacogate was funny- I saw it passed around on my FB a lot for a few weeks after.

I hate that you’ve had this cold for, what is it- almost a month now? Are you sure you shouldn’t go see an actual doctor? Maybe while you’re home for Christmas? (Yes, that was my subtle way of saying you should take your parents up on the trip home- nothing wrong with letting them treat you to something every now and then- you don’t have to go full on George Orwell, Down and Out in London and Paris to be a good writer). 

I promise to keep Finn in check- should I give Jaws your regards?

Love, MAC

  

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 1/12/2008

I know that I left a message on your voicemail, but I’m so sorry I won’t be in California after all for the fundraiser- Hugo found out I have mono and is making me take 10 days off (what adult gets mono? Isn’t that something you’re supposed to get in like middle school? Not to mention, mom read too many Judy Blume novels and now she’s going around making smoochy noises everywhere and talking about cooties and the kissing disease- you can imagine just how much fun it is). The worst part is that it’s fairly contagious so I can’t really hang out with Lane- Zach is way to paranoid about the twins getting it, so I’m sitting at home, on that horrible trundle bed in Gigi’s room and the writer’s strike means there is NO new TV to watch! I’m too tired most of the time to get much reading done, I’m honestly starting to get into Days of Our Lives and Survivor- God help me now. 

Ace

 

 

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 1/14/2008

So I was just going about my non-business today and suddenly a large package was delivered to my front door (I know, dirty) and imagine how surprised I was to open it and find the boxed sets of Friends, Will & Grace, Cheers, Frasier and every Ken Burns documentary ever made on dvd. I wonder who my dvd fairy could possibly be?

 

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 1/21/2008 

Wow, I didn’t really expect that getting back on the trail would be this exhausting- I felt so good the last few days, but I know that the second we pull into the motel tonight I will be out like a light- there doesn’t seem to be enough coffee in the world right now!

It was nice to go out to lunch with some friends on the bus though- finally catching up after the holidays. We’re in South Carolina getting ready for the debate tonight- I can’t believe that in the last 7 months I went from never having been West of Connecticut or further south than DC- and now I’m just waiting to check off Alaska and Hawaii- although I’m being told I probably won’t make it to either unless the Senator wins the primary- not a lot of us get to go on those kinds of trips for a primary.

We’ve been seeing some of the other candidates really dropping like flies- and rumors are flying about the rest. I have a feeling that Kucinich might be the next to drop- he has almost no press following him anymore and that seems to be one of the biggest signs. I hit a few of his events over the last few weeks and they’re becoming more and more pro Obama, anti Clinton, I have a feeling everyone is starting to think he’s got it relatively sewn up and they’re jockeying for VP or the Cabinet. I will say I miss Joe Biden the most- he was always so gracious to the press, I got to sit next to him at an event and he is just as charming as I always thought he would be- and the way he talks about his family is just… he’s so real, you know? I’m good at spotting the fakes, the society smiles and faces and I never get that from him or Obama… I haven’t met Senator Clinton yet, but I’ve heard that she’s perfectly cordial, but rarely sincere, rarely lets her guard down- sounds like she went to the Emily Gilmore School of Social Graces to me. 

Anyways, I think I’m going to see if I can’t get some sleep on the bus, we have a long drive tonight and I feel like I ran two marathons- one of these days the winter will be over and this damn cough will disappear!

Ace

 

 

To: Reporter Girl

From: lhuntzberger

Date: 2/6/2008

So I gotta ask, what was it like at HQ when the Super Tuesday results hit? I saw video of it, obviously, I kept looking for a certain Ace reporter I know, but no luck- perhaps you were upstairs with the family, in their inner sanctum, getting some kind of juicy exclusive? Or perhaps you had already enjoyed a bit too much of the celebratory champagne and passed out in a corner somewhere? 

So, the strangest thing came in the mail for me this week- a meticulously calligraphed cream and gold invitation to the vow renewal and celebration of a Lorelai Victoria Gilmore and Christopher Elbert Hayden (please tell me we can dig into the Elbert later?) on April 13th- I don’t suppose there is a chance that my attending this means that not only would we be in the same time zone, but the same ballroom? That sounds almost too good to be true- but I can’t imagine Lorelai V can possibly have a vow renewal without Lorelai Leigh, can she? Well, just on the hope that it’s true, I sent a yes RSVP, Finn wants to know if there will still be a way to object to the union (on the grounds that he’s more exotic than your father and therefore the better choice). 

I miss you, Ace. I love you. I want to see you, not just talk on the phone or trade emails- it’s so hard to remember that it was about this time last year that I found that engagement ring. I don’t think I ever told you the story behind that, did I? I was actually shopping with Josh for an anniversary gift for Honor, I was going through all of that crap with my dad about work, I was feeling so unsettled and unsure about absolutely everything in my life- except for you. And then I saw that ring and it just hit me, it just all came together for me, I wanted to be with you- and nothing else in the world mattered, at all. I wanted to marry you and have a life with you and babies with you… I wanted to travel the world with you and buy a house with you and everything else cheesy from those romcoms you and your mom like to watch and mock- it all just clicked. So I went back that night, after Josh and I split, and I bought the ring.

It was actually sitting in my desk at the office for a few months- then I was panicked once I moved in with you at Paris’ place- freaked out that you would find it, so I kept it at Colin’s- I had to go by every other day to make sure he and Finn hadn’t found it and lost it!

Anyways, I know we promised not to talk about this anymore until we see each other in person, but I wanted to tell you that none of that has changed for me- this last year, it’s been so amazing to see you conquer the world, like there was ever any doubt- but I miss you, and I miss us, and I can’t wait until April. BTW- who is the Best Man? And if it’s just a vow renewal, are you still obligated to sleep with him?

  

To: lhuntzberger

From: Reporter Girl

Date: 2/18/2008

Thank you again for the Starbucks, Caribou Coffee and Dunkin Donuts gift cards for Valentine’s Day- I promise you, they will go to good use- we’re in Wisconsin right now and it’s truly the worst coffee to date! On the other hand, the ice cream and cheese situation is incredible, like, Ben & Jerry’s ain’t got nothing on Wisconsin creameries- seriously, I think maybe I should move to the Dairy State, it’s incredible- almost makes up for the most miserable coffee experience of my existence and Starbucks triple shot macchiatos are a bit out of my normal price range these days, when you need 10+/day to stay on top of the campaign and the cold meds.

And no more nagging about the doctor- I went to one two days ago, they said something about an upper respiratory infection and an inflamed sternum (how does one’s sternum become inflamed?) and gave me antibiotics and ibuprofen for the inflammation- said it’s normal for women 14-25 and is probably aggravated by the cough- which is probably just a side effect of the mono and the travel schedule and being around 94956231 million people all the time, in drafty motels and this crappy, crappy bus.

Sorry, if you can’t tell, I’m a bit road weary at the moment, I’m cold and I’m tired and really hating the snow (please don’t ever tell my mother). I always knew that being a reporter would be grueling, but I don’t think I really thought about how nonstop a political campaign would be- it’s been like 10 months on the road and if the Senator wins this thing, and Hugo doesn’t fire me, I’ve got 9 more months to go- 19 months is the gestation period for an elephant!

Oh, and yes, I will be at the vow renewal, so it seems like if you’re coming, you and I will actually be in the same ballroom at the same time- I haven’t seen my dress yet in person, just some pictures, but Mom (I’m guessing to try and shock Grandma) said I needed to look “bootylicious” and “good enough to bang”- you see, she wants grandkids apparently and is worried that my advanced age of 23, being 7 years older than she was when she had me, means my babies are just getting uglier, and she could never love an ugly grandbaby. I’ll leave you to imagine what Emily Gilmore’s response to those comments was. 

Weirdly, the Best Man is Jackson- Sookie’s husband. Apparently they’ve gotten really close since that whole knitathon fiasco last year and so he’s standing up for Dad. And, after reading your comment about having to sleep with the Best Man, I’m going to go add nausea and vomiting to my list of physical complaints… gross. And please tell Finn that Mom would prefer to keep him as her piece on the side- or as she put it, “her secret lover from Down Under”... or maybe don’t tell him, I’m not sure if he’d get the sarcasm or charge forward in his usual drunk and delusional state- I leave it up to your discretion.

Love, Ace 

 

To: Reporter Girl

From: lhuntzberger

Date: 3/19/2008

Now you’re on TV? Ace, you were amazing! Did you know that they were going to interview you? Did Hugo arrange for that? You looked incredible- a bit tired and thin for my liking, but you were amazing. I still can’t get over that speech that the Senator gave- your analysis of it being our generation’s “Ask not what your country can do for you.” I actually got a note from my dad asking if I had seen it- wondering if I thought you’d be at all responsive to a meeting with HPG- my initial reaction was to tell him to go and fuck himself, but I figured I should tell you and see what you think.

I’m still reeling that you were on TV- and don’t shrug your shoulders and say it was cable news like that doesn’t matter- you were brilliant and charming and beautiful and you definitely put Joe Scarborough in his place (the look of contempt on your face when he misattributed the quote to Joyce instead of Faulkner? I thought you were literally going to explode right there)! And challenging him on guilt by association and the suggestion that it makes him as guilty of Iran Contra as Reagan? By the way, did that actually make Emily Gilmore keel over and die? Was she clutching her pearls as she did? 

What did your mom say when you told her? Has Taylor already put together plans for a festival and parade in your honor in Stars Hollow?

Ace, I’m so proud of you, and I love you. I can’t believe it’s less than a month until I can tell you that face to face. 

Love, Logan


	3. Back Where It All Started

April 13

“Hey sweets, are you sure you’re feeling alright? You look pale- not your normal, glowing porcelain doll limoge pale, but just pale- like Spike and Drusilla just came and feasted kind of pale.”

“Gee, thanks Mom- you really know how to make a Maid of Honor feel better about standing up in front of 300 people.”

“Aww, come on, you know I don’t mean it like that, I just think you’re working too hard! Can’t that Senator Obama take a few weeks off so my daughter can get a break, maybe some rest?”

“Oh, sure, well I’m guessing right now the status of my health is his number one concern, it’s probably on today’s staff meeting agenda.”

“But you’re all famous now- practically a movie star!” 

“I had two interviews on a morning cable show- so that’s an impressive 3 minute and 42 second reel at the moment, I’m not exactly on the wish list for _The Daily Show_.”

“Oooh, do you think Jon Stewart would date me?”

“Mom! Today is your vow renewal, wedding party thingy- to my dad! Can we not talk about your inappropriate crush on Jon Stewart?”

“Fine, wanna hear some inappropriate things about your father instead?”

“Mom, no more talking until I get a cup of coffee!” Rory moved into the kitchen, grabbing her favorite mug from the cupboard and crossed to the coffee maker, all the while trying to figure out why Lorelai was looking so weird and bothered.

“What about the coffee from Luke’s? Your dad brought it over special for you this morning- he actually went into Luke’s, for you, his beloved first born daughter, I mean, he must like you or something. You can’t upset Daddy by spurning his gift.”

“Come on Mom, that was gone within 20 minutes of waking up- you’ve got a full pot over there- I’ll just have some of that.”

“But we got you two cups this morning, that wasn’t sufficient? Aren’t you worried about your caffeine intake?” Rory looked at Lorelai as though she had two heads.

“Yeah, Mom, two cups- I had them already, both of them. I didn’t get in until past midnight after all and you were singing _Get Me To The Church On Time_ since 7 am… What the hell is going on? Why are you acting so weird?” Rory poured herself some of the hot, dark liquid- adding a splash of cream from inside the fridge door while her mom refused to meet her eyes, what in the world had her mother acting this squirrely? She took a big sip of the sweet nectar of the gods, waiting for it to slowly warm her… “What the hell is this?” She yelled as she spat it out immediately.

“Oh my God- is this… is this _decaf_?” She looked up at her mother, what alternate universe was this? 

“Yeah, well, see hon-- your dad and I were going to talk to you last night but your flight was in so late and you fell asleep in the car on the way back from the airport and…” Rory’s eyes went wide as she realized what was going on- what her mother was trying to say. She put down her mug of the offensive imposter and ran to her mother, squeezing her tightly as they jumped up and down, shrieking with excitement.

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant! You guys are pregnant! Wow, my mom and dad are having a baby- together! Oh this is just so amazing! I mean, I didn’t know if you wanted another kid, but this is so great, I’m going to have another sibling, I can be the awesome big sister who buys them beer and sneaks them into R rated movies- it’s going to be awesome!”

“I know, it’s crazy, right? I mean who waits until they’re adults, financially stable _and_ married before having a kid? I don’t know if I know how to do it this way!” Lorelai was joking, her eyes shining with unshed tears and one of the biggest smiles Rory had ever seen on her mother.

“Oh my god! How far along are you? Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl? Does Grandma know?”

“Whoa, hold on there, one question at a time please.”

“I’m sorry, I just… wow, it’s a lot mom, I’m trying to process. Ok, so, how far along are you?” Lorelai sat down as Rory moved around the room, dumping the disgusting decaf but grabbing poptarts and mallomars for them to snack on as they talked.

“About 7 weeks- we just confirmed it two weeks ago and wanted to wait until you were here in person to tell you. So no- we do not know the gender, but we definitely plan to- did you know that when I had you that was impossible to do ahead of time, but now you can do these crazy 3D sonograms to let you see everything like it’s baby doll inside, it’s really freaky but also kind of cool.”

“Wow! So you’re due like, when? I guess around Thanksgiving?”

“November 8th- so one month exactly after your birthday.” 

“Oh that’s perfect! I’ll be done with the election by then and can take some time off, come here, help out!”

“With what?”

“You know- be there for you when you’re in labor, help watch Gigi, help with the baby.”

“Uh, babe, everything about childbirth disgusts you and you’re totally freaked out by babies.”

“That’s not… well, it’s not _entirely_ true.”

“Sweets, you passed out when Lane  _thought_ she _might_ be in labor; you almost threw up when trying to read _What to Expect_ with her and you wouldn’t hold Steve or Kwan until they were like six months old.”

“Well, ok, true… so… I can help watch Gigi… and I can do runs for diapers and formula and stuff! Not to mention someone has to keep you in trashy magazines and intercept Grandma and Grandpa when they’re becoming too much- not to mention Babette and Ms Patty… oh, and Kirk- I can help get rid of Kirk when he applies to be nanny and home babyproofer and when he tries to get you to let him be your midwife.” 

“Ah, yes, that sounds much more up your alley. And to answer your final question, your grandparents do not know yet- so I’m going to need help today. I don’t want to tell them until after 3 months- I’m a little bit older than I was last time I did this, it’s not exactly a zero risk situation. So all drinks today need to look real, ok? Your grandmother knows I’d never willingly get through a party like this totally sober- so club sodas with lime, cranberry juice with lime- those look like legit drinks… and for the toasts you’re going to have to smuggle me some sparkling cider in my flute, got it?”

“No problem, I’ll get the fake drinks, you act like an insufferable drunk and Grandma never needs to know.”

“Aww, you’re the best girl a mom could ever have- definitely setting the bar high for this new kid…” Suddenly she got an evil Lorelai look on her face. “Oh, wow, I can’t wait until I can make you two compete for our love and affection- the battle of the best kid… oh, it’s going to be so much fun!” Rory just rolled her eyes as she stood up to go put on shoes- this was a day that was going to need coffee- the real stuff.

* * *

 

Four hours later they were at the venue- the same place where Richard and Emily had renewed their vows a few years prior- a thought that made Rory smile when she thought about what this location had meant to her and Logan’s relationship in the first place, somehow it seemed totally appropriate that they were back here now.

Rory was putting the finishing touches on her makeup as her mom came out from behind the screen in her [gown](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/225531893821771655/).

“Oh, wow, honey- you look absolutely… just… oh my God, I know, I’m crying and I promised not to cry, but you just look so… and you’re just such a good… and I love you so much… I’m so happy for you…” Sookie just couldn’t get a complete thought out as she teared up, looking at her stunning best friend who was finally getting her perfect wedding day- she was finally a sadie! Rory turned at that, taking in her mom totally.

“Oh my God, Mom, wow!” And there wasn’t much else to say. Lorelai stood in front of Sookie, Rory and Emily in an absolutely stunning ivory Ines DiSanto gown. It was a light and airy taffeta ball gown with intricate beadwork in an abstract floral pattern around the natural waist and matching crystal beadwork at the neckline for a whimsical, asymmetrical off the shoulder look. Lorelai’s hair was down and curly with a simple and she wore long, dangly diamond earrings, the same earrings Emily had worn at her wedding to Richard.

“Oh, Lorelai, you are just… well, you’re even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.” Emily leaned in and hugged her only daughter close to her, whispering to her, “Thank you for letting me do this for you.” As they separated they both had unshed tears pooling in their eyes and they turned their attention to Rory.  

“Wow Kid, you look pretty great yourself- Logan is definitely going to want another meeting in the dressing room, if you know what I mean.” She winked at Rory who blushed, yelling at her mom to shut up while Emily looked at Rory laughing.

“Oh, please, Rory- do you really think that I haven’t heard that story before? It made the rounds of the DAR years ago! You two being walked in on by Luke, Christopher _and_ your mother? Sneaking out of the back window half dressed? It’a classic!” Emily, Sookie and Lorelai only laughed harder as Rory blushed deeper, wishing that the floor would open up and swallow her whole. 

“Oh, don’t be mad at us Rory, we’re just teasing. And besides, you do look beautiful in that dress.” Emily noted before Rory got truly upset. “It’s a bit sexier than I would have liked for a wedding…” She glared lightly at Lorelai over that who just shrugged. 

“Yeah, your father is going to be really annoyed that I picked that dress once he notices the slit- I just thought you could use something with a little more _oo lala_ than your usual.” The dress was gorgeous- a deep red in a soft, silky, drapey chiffon. It was strapless with a gathered sweetheart neckline and a beaded empire waist, the skirt just flowed from the beading naturally- it looked classic and elegant and demure.

“Mom, it’s not that bad.” She moved towards her mom, the dress seemed so innocent- until she stepped forward and noticed that the slit of the dress went about 8 inches above her knee! “Ok, Mom, I did not think the slit was that high!” Lorelai beamed back at her. 

“What can I say hon, if you got it- flaunt it. Especially when a certain young Huntzberger is in the room.” She winked again, and Rory left the room to Emily, Sookie and her mother laughing, mumbling about being too sober for this. She wandered through the maze of hallways and doors, trying to remember where exactly the bar was, desperately needing at least a glass of champagne to take the edge off- she had a headache, she was tired, she’d only had like four cups of coffee today and that insane itch on her foot was back and making her crazy- no matter how much lotion she put on it. She was so focused on trying to remember where she was going that she almost didn’t notice who was standing right next to the bar.

“Ace- wow! You look… wow, you look absolutely incredible.” Whether it was not having seen her for almost a year or just the fact that the dress was one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen her wear- she was somehow more stunning than he remembered- and he remembered her being one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Her long dark hair was curled and fell down her shoulders, some of it pulled back with sparkling clips holding it in place. And while she looked a bit paler and thinner than he remembered, her collarbone was a bit more pronounced, and her skin a bit more translucent, he just chalked that up to the challenges of being on the road all the time. God knew that with his grueling work schedule and lack of interest in sleeping much over the last year he’d easily lost 10-15 pounds himself.

Her eyes went wide as soon as she noticed him, as soon as she heard that voice, almost as familiar as her own, and looked into his chocolate-caramel eyes she had always been able to get so lost in. 

“Logan, oh my god- it’s you! It’s really you! You’re here and I’m here and we’re both here- in the same room at the same time!” She paused, not moving for a minute, like she couldn’t quite believe it, but then all of a sudden she was throwing her arms around his neck and he couldn’t remember ever feeling better in his life than when he caught her to him, picking her up at the waist and spinning her around. He breathed in her scent- the smell of rich coffee and that coconut shampoo she loved, the way she felt amazing in his arms, like they just fit together- and they did, they just belonged together and he wouldn’t ever let her go again.

“So, can I take it you’re glad to see me?” He put her down and she could see that smirk again, she had missed that smirk over the last 10 months- it was cocky and arrogant and sometimes obnoxious, but she had genuinely missed it all the same. Before she knew what she was doing she just pulled his lips to hers- for the first time in almost a year she felt comfortable and at home. He apparently felt the same way because before she knew it he was deepening the kiss, pulling her as tightly to him as she could, one hand running up the thigh that had just exposed itself through the slit in her gown and she moaned into him, giving him the chance to run his tongue along her lips and it was taking absolutely everything in him to not advance the hand higher, up the slit, to her hip…

“Umm, Rory?” There was a very awkward cough behind them. Oh shit. Turning bright red, biting her bottom lip, ducking her head as she turned to face the owner of that voice, Logan refusing to let go of her hand, intertwining their fingers firmly- squeezing it in comfort.

“Dad- hi! I was just uh, I was just… saying hi to Logan. Logan, you uh… you remember my dad, Christopher Hayden, right?” FUCK, how was it that her dad caught them, like this, again? And in the same damn place? Why were the gods so cruel? Although, at least this time her dad was sober… and knew who Logan was… and that Rory and Logan had been… intimate, before. Wait, was that actually helpful here? She shook her head, realizing that Logan had ducked his head behind her, trying not to laugh at the situation, her dad was avoiding looking either of them in the eye, but she could swear that he had a strange combination of freaked out by what he just saw and actual amusement at the situation. Finally deciding to let them off the hook he stepped forward to shake Logan’s hand.

“Yeah, of course, hey Logan, how are you doing?” Logan stepped forward, without releasing Rory’s hand, or even moving more than six inches away from her.

“Yes, it has been- I think the last time we saw each other was Ace’s graduation.” Silence. That wasn’t the best reference to make right now- Christopher had always liked Logan, but he hadn’t been such a fan that particular day- watching his daughter sobbing as Logan walked away after she said no to his proposal. But, then again, if there was anyone who knew the power of second (or third or fourth or fifth chances), it was the man standing in front of a thoroughly embarrassed Rory. Not to mention the fact that his daughter just hadn’t been herself since that day- he and Lorelai had spent hours talking about it, worried about her- about how she was working too hard, how they worried she was on the verge of a breakdown, refusing to take vacations, barely coming home for the holidays- it was all too much, no one could handle that relentless pace; that much time on the road, with strangers, without an anchor, without a home base, it was too much.

“Well, Kid, I think it’s about time we got some pictures and then the ceremony will start in about twenty minutes so, Logan, you may want to find your seat and Rory, we’ll be in the side garden, alright?”

“Yes, of course, good. Umm, let me just…” indicating she needed a second with Logan. Her dad chuckled and shook his head as he walked away. Rory turned back to Logan who was smiling at her- he took a lock of her hair in between his fingers, twirling it, soaking in her presence, pressing his forehead to hers- it felt warm, but he figured she must be hot and more than a little stressed- she was never one to crave even a little bit of the spotlight.

“So, after this thing is over- what do you say- feel like a late dinner and some drinks? I’m sure the food here is all Emily Gilmore approved, but I’ve actually lived the last 10 months of my life without a salmon puff or a mushroom cap and I think I’d just rather have a cheeseburger.” 

“Yeah, uh… Mom says I have to stick around until cake and then I’m all yours. I mean, if you want…” He just pulled her to him one more time in another searing kiss, pulling her body flush against his until they both needed air, then he rested his forehead against hers, holding her at the shoulders, just wanting to drink in her presence for one more moment.

“Don’t tease me, Ace- all mine is all I ever wanted.” She just smiled, almost shivering at it.

“Ok, well, I better get back to mom- and pictures and all that. Just… I’ll see you in there? After the ceremony?”

“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere.” One more kiss and they parted- she walked away, smiling- throwing a look back over her shoulder to see his smile again, needing to know this wasn’t a dream, he was here, they were together and it might be just for a night or two, she didn’t know, but for the first time in so long she was just happy- she felt… whole… complete… it was amazing.

* * *

The ceremony was short but lovely- Reverend Skinner officiated and Chris and Lorelai wrote their own vows- they were unique, she would give her parents that much. Lorelai had one about trying not to yell only when angry and not just because she was hungry. Chris had one about never denying coffee or asking her to eat a salad. Gigi read a short poem (with Rory’s help) and it was adorable, Gigi had the slightest lisp these days and tripped over some of the words, but had a smile the size of her entire face.

But, all in all, Rory knew there were two images she’d carry in her mind forever: one was her mother walking down the aisle on Richard’s arm- he was so clearly thrilled to get the chance to give his little girl away, to share this moment, this tradition; and two, when Rory saw her mom and dad take hands at the altar, so happy and so clearly ready for this- it may have taken them almost 25 years to make this happen, but it was right. It was good, they were happy, they were having another child together, they were finally getting their happily ever after.

After the ceremony Rory stood for pictures for what felt like forever- Emily had pretty much hired a documentary film crew and probably every wedding photographer in the area- everywhere Rory turned was another flashbulb, another video camera or microphone. Finally, after a million years had gone by, the couple was introduced and took to the floor for their first dance- in a nod to their shared love of certain music, they had settled on a surprisingly gorgeous, slow and romantic rendition of _Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic_ \- and Rory could see them mock fighting while they danced, most likely about how Dad had lied about stealing her Synchronicity concert t-shirt all those years ago.

As soon as the dance ended they sat for dinner- a perfectly Emily Gilmore kind of meal- some precious salad with at least 17 different kinds of lettuce, followed by an overly delicate fish in some kind of french sauce (Lorelai’s request for carnival food had been wholly dismissed by her her mother, what would people think?) Before she knew it, Rory was sneaking Lorelai a glass of cider instead of champagne and clinking her glass as her grandpa stood to give a toast.  

“As many of you may know, my daughter Lorelai is not famous for doing anything in the traditional manner.” There was a bit of laughter at that one, that was a kind way to describe her. “She was not as much into the Disney Princess culture we see these days- I remember specifically that my granddaughter Rory had a certain crush on Sleeping Beauty’s Prince Charming for quite a while.” Rory ducked her head blushing a bit, but caught Logan’s eye at that one as he raised an eyebrow in question at her.

“But Lorelai was always a fan of the old, classic movies- _Casablanca, An Affair to Remember, Sabrina, Roman Holiday_ \- sometimes when she was sick I would stay with her and we would watch these classics. And whenever I asked her favorite she would always say _Casablanca_ or _An Affair to Remember_. When I asked her why, her response, at the age of 11, surprised me in a way that only she ever could. “Because, Dad, sometimes true love is messy- sometimes it works, sometimes it takes time. Imagine loving someone so much that you let them go, for their own good- not sure you'll ever see them again… it’s about faith that love is the strongest thing.” He was choked up, perhaps he was thinking of how he had needed that faith and hope for his own marriage only a few years ago. Lorelai’s eyes were brimming with tears and Christopher leaned in and kissed her cheek softly, holding her tight and whispering in her ear.

“And so, today, we all see what that 11 year old girl knew- that sometimes, true love is messy- it can be a long and winding road, it can take years with nothing more than hope to go on… but, today we have seen Lorelai and Christopher’s love story finally reach that long-awaited happy ending, that fulfillment of hope and promise that began when they were 8 years old. To true love, Christopher and Lorelai- may you never lose sight of the beauty you have found together.” He raised his glass and everyone echoed his toast.

After Richard’s toast- a toast that had Lorelai, Emily and Rory teary-eyed messes, Rory stood up- taking a deep breath and trying to wipe her tears away, coughing a few times, knowing her voice would be a bit shaky. She searched the room, looking at her parents, so happy and so in love, holding hands and giving each other goo-goo eyes. Then she scanned over and saw her grandparents, after almost 50 years they were still so in love- and positively beaming with happiness to see her mom so happy. And then, finally, she met Logan’s gaze. His chocolate eyes were deep with emotion as they met her’s- he smiled, and she stood up straight, a new found confidence in what she wanted to say. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen- I don’t know if you are all aware, but we are sitting here today witnessing a love story that is more than 25 years in the making. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a writer. I parse my words in a way you would not believe, so while writing this speech I spent hours debating my word choices- should I say this is the culmination of their love story? The peak? Pinnacle, apogee, zenith or meridian? No- because each of those words imply that this is the high point of their relationship, that no matter what happens after today, this is the best it ever was or ever will be, and I just don’t think that’s true. My parents fell in love at the age of 15… well, actually that’s my mom’s story- Dad says he was 8 when he knew he would marry Lorelai Gilmore, but I’ve never known if that’s because he wanted to be romantic and sweet… or look like he was a player in the 3rd grade.” Everyone laughs at that joke, especially Lorelai, who knew there is more truth to that theory than Christopher truly feels comfortable with.

“But, no matter what happened between them since, the tough times, the scary times- whether it was her acid wash jeans and side pony tail phase or his 90’s boy band bowl cut and goatee period; no matter the miles apart, the job stresses, the many times they lived wildly different and almost opposing lives- they’ve always had this magnetic energy- an inability to truly stay away from each other. Aristophanes hypothesized that originally humans were actually merely two halves of one whole- that we wander the earth looking for that person who completes us- “Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature. Each of us, then, is a ‘matching half’ of a human whole…and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him.” 

“I think that anyone who knows them, or just sees them here tonight, can agree that my parents are exactly that- two halves of one whole. They spent 38 years of their lives looking, searching for the other half- because, after all- who finds that second half to their whole at the ripe old age of 8? It's almost impossible to believe that can happen so young. So, while my parents may have taken a circuitous route, ultimately, they found each other and they realized what they are to each other. And now, it’s their job to claim each other, to be together, to love each other and take care of each other- luckily they have practically a lifetime of doing so and have become used to it.” More polite laughter- it was true, they had spent a lifetime caring for each other, whether officially together or not.

“And so today, I’m thrilled to stand here and celebrate the fact that they finally figured it out- finally got their shit together and realized that they are, truly, two halves to one soul and no one could possibly love them, or if we’re being honest, me, quite the way that they do.” And with that, as everyone in the room laughed out loud, she held up her glass and looked down at her parents to her side.

“Thank you Mom for always being the best friend a girl could ever have, and Dad- thank you for finally understanding and giving into what it means to be Gilmored. To the bride and groom!” And with that she held up her glass and toasted to the couple with everyone in the room- but in truth, she had no eyes for anyone but Logan, who held his glass up only to her.

Once dinner was over and dancing had begun, Logan found his way over to the table where Chris, Lorelai, Rory and Gigi sat.

“Lorelai, I have to say, next to my sister, you’re the most beautiful bride I have ever seen in my life- I don’t know how you do it, but I’m honestly beginning to suspect some sort of pact with the devil.”

“Watch it Logan, I like you for the most part- don’t make me change my mind now, not when we were getting along so well.” Chris joked, putting a protective arm around his wife (it had been almost a year and he was still so thrilled to be able to call her that- would that ever go away? It just felt too good to be true sometimes).

“Understood.” Then he turned to Gigi- the adorable 5 year old blonde with her hair in a perfect bun and tendril curls at her forehead, wearing a dress in the only color she allowed anyone to put her in- pink. “Now, Lady Georgia- would you do me the honor of dancing with me?” Gigi looked up at the man, her big blue eyes wide, her jaw dropped- he looked so much like Prince Charming! A tiny bit shy, but knowing this was a friend of Rory’s- her idol in all things, she nodded. Logan took her hand and lead her to the dance floor where he proceeded to pick her up and waltz with her to the song playing.

Rory, sitting at the table with her parents looked on, dreamily, as Logan picked up her half sister and twirled her across the floor making her shriek from happiness and he smiled back at her. And the best part was that he wasn’t looking at Rory, he wasn’t doing it to score points- she had never really seen this side of him before- this potential dad side before. She must have had a goofy look on her face because Lorelai kicked her foot under the table.

“Wow, kid, need a napkin to wipe up the drool?" 

"What?" Lorelai rolled her eyes, good lord had she forgotten just how disgustingly cute Rory and Logan could be towards each other. 

"Listen, just, do me one favor ok? Be super, extra careful with all that, lk? It would be a little to _Father of the Bride 2_ if you got knocked up right now- I cannot be a Martin Short movie- I’m sorry, I just can’t.”  

“Mom! I’m not drooling, nor am I getting knocked up anytime in the near future, ok? I’m just happy that my little sister is having so much fun- she looks beautiful, doesn’t she?” Chris and Lorelai shared a look- that “oh, yeah, I’m sure that’s what it is” look, but Rory missed it because she was too busy looking at Logan putting down Gigi as a fast song came on so they could both “get down” with the music. It made her laugh to see Gigi dance along to _AC/DC_ , her arms waving in the air as she did more jumping than actual “dancing”, but Logan was just laughing and smiling, trying to keep up with her 5 year old exuberance and lack of coordination by, from what Rory could tell, spinning her around and around and around until she had to worry about Gigi getting motion sickness.

After a few more dance numbers the band announced it was time for a break, meaning the DJ could take over and play the Father Daughter dance, Lorelai had felt very strongly about this song being by the original artists- _Unforgettable_ , by Natalie and Nat King Cole came over the speakers and Richard pulled his only daughter close to him to dance, unshed tears in his eyes, but a brilliant smile that overtook most of his face. In all honesty, he hadn't been sure he would ever get this moment with Lorelai- the heart attack a year ago had been a profound wake up call to all that he could miss. Honestly, he had been happy when Christopher and Lorelai married, even if it was an elopement in France, but he was beyond grateful that he had still been given these moments- walking her down the aisle in a beautiful bridal gown and the chance to have this dance with his baby girl… it was more than he could have ever hoped for.

Across the room, Christopher leaned over to his own daughter, “Rory, what do you say- dance with your old man?” She smiled at him, excited at the chance, for the first time since her cotillion, to get the cheesy father-daughter dance with her dad. She nodded but as he took her hand felt she had to warn him- “Just so that you know, I’m basically the worst dance in the world, your toes _will_ end up bruised and possibly broken.”

“Well, lucky for you, Francine Hayden made me take ballroom lessons since I was about 6, so that should be enough to keep me out of the hospital tonight, ok? We’ll keep it simple, I promise, nothing too flashy, no stunts.” They moved to the dance floor and Lorelai saw them, smiling- it did her heart so much good to see Rory and her father like this. Rory and Chris hasn't had a typical father-daughter story, but she knew that they loved each other, very much, and he was definitely making good now.

“So… Logan’s back?” Chris was not one for subtlety. Surprisingly, Rory didn’t blush this time, or duck her head- she simply looked up and smiled brilliantly at her dad.

“Yeah, I think he is.” After that, she just rested her head on her dad's shoulder as they danced, enjoying being close, enjoying this moment of sentiment and relative normalcy.

 “Hey, Ror, your mom and I were thinking, since you can’t stick around very long this visit, maybe for Christmas- you know, almost two months after the baby is born, we could all go away for a while- we could get a villa in Greece or the Caribbean or something for a few weeks- the election will be over, Gigi will be out of school, what do you think? And before you ask, Logan is welcome, of course. We could all use the time away, you know, as a family.”

“Wow, really? Mom signed off on a non-Stars Hollow Christmas? What about the snow?” 

“She also thinks that with a two month old infant and your ending your time on the campaign trail, a few weeks of sun and pampering is probably the exact thing we'll all need. She did try to talk me into the Swiss Alps briefly, but seeing as how none of my girls ski, snowshoe or even snowmobile, I'm pretty sure we'd all go crazy with boredom, and the Scrabble debacle of 2006 proves that we are incapable of playing board games to pass the time. But crystal blue waters and perfectly white sandy beaches- cabana boys and massages? Those are all things that Lorelai Gilmore can get behind.”  

“Wow, that sounds amazing! Of course, I’m going to be applying for jobs as the trail starts to come to a close… I mean, I think we’re getting to the point where the Senator is going to take the nomination, and he seems to like me well enough, I think I’m safe in a job past the primaries, but it’s not at all guaranteed. Not to mention, I’m not sure I want to stick with the trail after the primaries- I like what I’m writing, I love the exposure, it’s been much bigger for my career than I would have ever imagined if I was a fact checker and occasional writer at the New York Times… but writing about politics is getting a bit exhausting." She looked up at him, he seemed a bit disappointed she wasn't jumping right on his plan. "But no matter what, if I can get away, if I have the time- if I can make the time-” she noticed the look in her dad’s eye at the idea that she may not try- “then I think it sounds like a pretty amazing way to celebrate our first Christmas all together.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. “I love you dad- and I don’t think I’ve said this yet, but thank you- thank you for waiting all of this time and for loving Mom the way you do. We Gilmore Girls have always needed you in our lives, I hope you know that.” 

“I love you too, Kid, but this song is ending, and I’m pretty sure if I don’t deliver you to the blonde guy who hasn’t stopped looking at you since we stood up here, I’m going to be in trouble. Not to mention, I think your mom is ready for a little bit of a rest- apparently pregnancy at 39 is a bit rougher, physically, than pregnancy at 16.” He kissed her cheek and gave her hand over to Logan- having danced them in that direction for the last few moments without Rory realizing it- what could she say, the man was good. With a kiss to her cheek he went off in search of his bride, hoping he could get her to sit down for just a few minutes. 

The band picked back up and Logan smirked as the opening strains played- Rory smiled as she shook her head as comprehension dawned. “So, how much did you have to pay the band to make this the next song on the list?” He smiled back, knowing he was caught.

“Come on, Ace- this hall, me and you, this song? It had to happen, right?” The opening strains of Moon River washed over them- the first song they had ever danced to, when she had finally asked if he liked her, if he was ever going to ask her out. She pulled herself in close to him, one arm behind his neck, a palm on his chest and her head resting on his shoulder.

“May I say, one more time, you are the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen- that dress is… wow, you look absolutely amazing tonight.” She smiled into his chest, not wanting to move, not wanting to be more than a ½ inch away from actually touching him- physically connecting with this man she had missed for so long- much too long. He kissed the top of her head as they swayed to the music- Logan was an amazing dancer, and Rory had learned to somewhat keep up over their time together, but for now, swaying to the music was more than enough for the two of them.

“Logan, I missed you so much- I missed this so much. This, this right here and now is the first time in so long that I’ve felt anything even remotely like I’m alright, that I’m normal and going to be ok." She pulled back just enough to be able to look him in the eyes. "I love you, Logan- and I just hate the idea of ever having to let you go again.” He could tell from her voice that she was fighting tears, but she buried her face back into his shoulder, holding him tightly, loving him so much and needing to smell him and feel his heart beating, his breath against her hair. Using both hands he pulled her face up, needing her to see him- to know with absolutely certainty exactly how he felt.

“Oh, Ace- Rory… I haven’t stopped missing or loving you from the day I made that idiotic ultimatum and let my pride make me walk away- I can’t believe what a jackass I was. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that- we lost out on so much time together, so many amazing memories we could have had.” There were tears in his eyes, but it was difficult to really see him through the tears in her own.

“Can we just… not tonight? I mean, I know that we have a lot to talk about, there is so much to go through, to hash out, to share. But, right now, can we just be _here_ , in the moment- young and in love and at my parents pseudo-wedding renewal party thing and not think about the rest? I’m not saying we should ignore tomorrow- we can’t do that, but we’ll get there. Because don’t doubt me for a second, I want a tomorrow, and I want it to be with you. But right now, for this minute, can you just hold me close and dance with me?” She could practically feel his smile as he kissed her head, pulling her closer and they danced- ignoring that the song had changed to something much more upbeat- they were in their own bubble.

Their bubble lasted about another two songs before they were interrupted- no matter the love they felt, the need to be together, social graces could not be truly ignored. She was whisked away to dance with with her grandfather, (“that’s a fine man there, I’m sorry how things happened, but I’m glad to see you two working it out”), then it was chatting with Emily and some of the DAR women she had befriended during her lost semester, even exchanging brief pleasantries with Constance Betterton. After what seemed like forever, Sookie’s absolutely epic s’mores and espresso wedding cake was rolled out, the couple happily feeding each other- only a tiny swipe of marshmallow icing made it to Lorelai’s nose, which Christopher happily kissed off- giant smiles on each face- from more than the sugar high. Finally, Logan and Rory were able to make their exit, quietly after she hugged her dad and kissed her mom- wishing them well on their honeymoon to Positano- the perfect, quiet and romantic getaway for the two of them- after a quick stop in Paris to both drop off Gigi, enjoy another private and romantic meal at Jean Georges and another stroll through that romantic city, Giverny.

It was a quiet drive to Logan’s hotel, he had made sure to stay nearby- not thinking that Stars Hollow (too nosy) or his occasionally used penthouse in Manhattan (too far a drive) were good choices for tonight. By the time they made it into the elevator they were at each other, Logan kissing his way down her collarbone and running his thumb up her thigh, so easily accessible through that damn slit that he had worried would kill him so many times that night. Meanwhile she was tearing at his tie and trying to open his collar and the rest of his shirt as she kissed her way to that spot directly above the hollow in his collar bone- she was amazed that all this time later that spot still made him moan so deeply, not to mention the way that she could feel his arousal strengthen against her thigh as she did so.  

By the time they made it into the room his shirt was entirely unbuttoned and his belt loose, he quickly removed his shoes and dropped the slacks while she helped him shrug off his jacket, kissing his neck and sucking on his earlobe in the process. Realizing she had him at the disadvantage, he began to spend more time working on the spot just below her earlobe that made her melt while running his hand all the way up the generous slit in her thigh to his discovery that she was wearing a particularly tiny g-string under it, paired with thigh high stockings to just about guarantee this was the woman who would kill him someday- and he would die the happiest man.  

“Fuck, you are kidding me, Ace. You’ve been wearing this all fucking night?” She wanted to make a smart comment in return, but he deftly moved his fingers beneath the almost pointless g-string and massage her incredibly wet, slick folds. He stroked against the lips, not looking to insert himself inside of her just yet. She moaned at the pleasure and then, when he brushed himself against her clit,

“Oh, Fuck, Logan- fuck me!” Ace swearing like that was the ultimate turn on for him, he responded in kind.

“Fuuuuuck.” He groaned loud and low. They were right by the bed and it was time for him to unzip her dress and push her back, gently, onto the large bed. He unzipped her gown, watching the dress pool at her feet and took a look at her in a black lacy bra, g-string and the lace topped silk thigh highs, with her lacy Jimmy Choos that must have been on Christopher’s credit card- God, she looked amazing, and he had no idea how he was going to make this last- at all. But she sensed his hesitation- she grabbed his hand, pulled him towards her, kissing him fiercely-

“It’s ok, Logan, we have all night. Just come be with me. Please.” He looked in her big, beautiful, trusting blue eyes and knew it was just them, nothing else mattered now- he could just let go and be with her, and it was like being home.

* * *

 

Hours later an exhausted Logan was brought out of his sleep- he looked at the clock and realized he had only fallen asleep about 45 minutes ago, but he had been jarred from his dream- a very good one by the way, starring the stunning brunette next to him- by her coughing. A deep hacking, cough that made him wonder suddenly if it was biologically possible to hack up a lung. He turned towards her to see that she was sweating, the bed sheet soaked through on her side, sweat beading on her forehead- and as he placed his hand on her forehead it was scorching, he had to pull back.

“Ace- hey, what’s going on? You’re burning up!” She just continued to cough, her eyes seemingly glazed in front of him. She wasn’t really answering him, he wasn't even sure if she realized he was there as she lay there, just coughing and shivering, despite her burning fever. Without thinking, at all, he jumped out of the bed, tossing on his boxer briefs and  t-shirt while fumbling for his cell phone, hurriedly dialing 911.

“Hello, I need an ambulance, my girlfriend, she’s coughing and she’s not talking, and I know that may not sound too scary at 4 in the morning, but trust me, for her it’s practically apocalyptic, it's not good. And she’s sweating and her forehead is scorching hot, I don’t have a thermometer, I’m at a hotel, so I don’t have a way to take her temperature, but I can tell you that it’s high, she’s just… she just isn’t right, please I need help!”

“Sir, I need you to please calm down, where are you?” He started filling in details as he scrambled for jeans to put on and then realized that she was naked- she hadn’t put anything on after they had finished- what was it, round five? He tore threw his luggage, finding a pair of sweats that he quickly put on her and a Yale t-shirt that was much too big on her- when had she lost so much weight? They had always joked about her absurd metabolism and how it should be studied, but she had always been healthy- just enough curves and skin on her bones, but now, as he looked at her- she was all bones- how had he missed it the night before- he could see her ribs poking through, her hip bones jutting out. What the fuck was the going on?

Within five minutes there were EMTs crowding inside the room, taking her pulse, asking him questions- is she allergic to anything? Has she been sick lately?

“I don’t know- ummm, I don’t know about medications, but i know that she had mono, in January, I think? She’s been complaining about a cough for a while, she, uh, she had an upper respiratory infection and something like an inflamed sternum I think? But they gave her antibiotics and that was awhile ago, she’s supposed to be fine by now.”

“And you are…”

“Oh, I’m Logan Huntzberger, I’m her… I’m her boyfriend… um, her parents just got married and they’re on their way to Italy right now… well, France, and then Italy I guess.”

“Ok, well, we’re going to take her to the hospital with us, it looks like she may be having some kind of complications to the infection- her fever is 105 degrees, so you did the right thing calling us- we’re going to work on getting that fever down, stabilizing her breathing, don’t worry about it- now that we have her she’s going to be just fine, ok? Would you like to ride with us?” At this point, she was on a stretcher and they were moving to the elevator and he was grabbing her purse and his phone and wallet.

“What? Yes, of course I’m coming with her- Hartford Memorial? I need to call her parents and her grandparents, I want to know where to send them.

They just nodded as they lifted her into the ambulance and Logan jumped in behind them, holding her hand and whispering to her as they got to work and the ambulance was on its way.


	4. Waiting Room

“You’ve reached Lorelai and I’m currently on my way to my honeymoon- a honeymoon that is pretty much 39 years in the making, so feel free to leave a message, but I ain’t checking this until I have thoroughly defiled my new husband for at least a week.” “Lorelai, you can’t seriously leave that as your message!” “Relax Chris, that was a joke one, I’m going to erase this and replace it…” Her voicemail cut off her speaking with a beep.

“Hey, Lorelai, it’s Logan. I need to talk to you- it's Rory, she's really sick- coughing, a crazy fever, she’s just super out of it and… I don’t know, the doctors won’t tell me anything, I’m not allowed to see her yet. She’s at Hartford Memorial- I wanted to call your flight, but I have no idea what it is or even if you’re flying commercial. I already tried Chris’ phone, so hopefully you guys get this. I’ll call and keep you guys posted.”

He had already called Finn and Colin, they were on the way (having only left the clubs two hours earlier, of course, but boy, the mention of Reporter Girl being in the hospital had instantly sobered them up)- he looked at his phone and saw it was now almost 5:30- time to make the call he had not really been wanting to make.

“Gilmore residence.” A very tired and annoyed voice greeted Logan. 

“Ah, Richard, yes, apologies for calling so early in the morning, but I’m afraid that I’m with Rory, at Hartford Memorial.” He could practically hear the change in Richard Gilmore’s demeanor- Logan could pretty much see him sit up straight and fumble for his glasses and his watch.

“Rory, what is wrong with Rory?” Oh what a good question, if only someone would fucking tell Logan!

“I have no idea- she started to cough, badly, and her fever was so high that she wasn’t really conscious- I can’t really explain. I called an ambulance a few hours ago and they’ve been working on her since then- but since I’m not family they aren’t telling me anything. I’ve tried to call Chris and Lorelai but haven’t had any luck getting a hold of them yet- I suppose they won’t be off the plane for a few more hours and I didn’t have their flight information.”

“Richard, Richard who on earth is calling at this hour?”

“Thank you, Logan, for the call, we will try to contact them and we’ll be there at the hospital as soon as we can. Is there anything we can bring?”

“No, just…” and whether from the lack of sleep or the events happening or what, he was now fighting tears. “No, just get here and try to get a hold of Christopher and Lorelai.”

“Ok, Son, we’ll do what we can. Hang in there. And Logan? Don’t worry- she’s a Gilmore- she’s strong.” And with that he hung up.

“That was Logan? What on earth is going on Richard? Richard, where are you going at 5:30 in the morning?” Richard was already up and moving about the room to get dressed.

“Apparently Rory is sick- she is at Hartford Memorial, was taken there by ambulance a few hours ago and he has no idea what is going on. He tried to call Christopher and Lorelai on their cell phones with no luck; I assume you have their flight information, Emily so we can contact the airline?” At hearing Rory was sick and in the hospital Emily was up and moving about, putting in her contacts and hurrying to get dressed- there was no question that they would be heading to the hospital immediately. Then Emily stopped at a thought. 

“What on earth was Logan doing over there at…?”

“Emily, please, they’re adults and I’d rather not think about that, not on top of everything else that’s going on right now.”

“I’m just saying, they haven’t seen each other in a year, since she rejected his proposal and…”

“Emily, I think that of all the things I’m concerned about at the moment, whether she and Logan were up all night going at it like rabbits doesn't really even make the list- not when I just found out that my only granddaughter was taken by ambulance, only semi-conscious, to the hospital and we know absolutely nothing as to why. So if we could please just finish dressing and hurry over, I would be eternally grateful.” And with that he went to brush his teeth, leaving Emily behind- men would never understand a woman’s ability to multitask worrying _and_ getting ready.

* * *

* * *

 

 “Ms. Gilmore’s family?” A doctor came out around 7:30 to the small group huddled outside in the waiting room- Richard, Emily, Logan, Colin and Finn (Emily couldn’t fathom what those monkeys could possibly be doing there, but they seemed almost as upset as Logan, which was saying quite a bit, so she kept quiet, keeping her disapproving looks to a bare minimum).

Logan and Richard each stood up at the question and moved closer to the doctor. “Is she awake, can I see her?”

“She was awake a few minutes ago, but she's extremely tired and has fallen back asleep- she did, howeveer, authorize her grandparents, her parents, Logan and according to her, “the other two stooges” to be able to visit her while she’s sleeping- I’m assuming you all know who she meant by that?” Colin and Finn sat up- not sure if they should make a joke right now, but given the glare from Emily decided to stay quiet. In the meantime Richard asked what everyone really wanted to know.

“Can you tell us anything about what happened? About her condition?”

“For right now we’re still running tests and waiting for some information. She was apparently hospitalized for a similar condition a few months back while traveling and we have requested her records from that visit, as well as records from various doctors she has seen over the last few months. We gave her medicine to help with the cough and the fever, as well as IV fluids to help her hydrate so she’s resting relatively comfortably now. I don’t suppose either of her parents are here, are they? They’re listed as her next of kin and I’d like to be able to speak with them…”

“They were actually flying to France last night, but we have contacted the airline and they’re getting word to them… I suppose they’ll be on their way back anytime, I would imagine they’re here by late afternoon.” Richard spoke.

“Can we go see her? Even if she’s asleep, I’d just really like to see her, if I can.” That was Logan, a tired, disheveled and hideously worried Logan, begging the doctor to let him back to her room. “I promise I won’t do anything to wake her up.”

“You have each been authorized by Ms. Gilmore, for the moment I see no problem letting you back there so long as you stay quiet- we could allow one or two of you at a time so long as you behave.” For some reason he directed that comment at Colin and Finn- without even knowing them. Logan just smiled about that one- they did have a certain air about them that said they were likely to cause trouble.

Logan went into her room first- seeing her hooked up to all kinds of machines and tubes and he honestly had no idea what any of them did- why was there a clothespin attached to her finger, blinking red? While he had spent his share of time in hospitals, especially after that infamous Costa Rica trip- he had been the lucky one to be fairly well gone on all sorts of medications and postoperative anesthesia highs that he had no idea what was going on, what was attached to him and what the various beeps and blinking lights meant. And then he wondered if this was what it was like for her to see him all banged and bruised with machines beeping and hissing around him, not able to find out from the doctors what the Hell was going on.

He moved in and sat down in the chair next to her, quickly brushing some hair off her forehead, noticing it was still warm, but thankfully somewhat cooler than when he had called 911 this morning. For the first time he really took in how much weight she had lost on the campaign trail and the deep, heavy bags under her eyes- she looked like she hadn’t eaten or slept decently in at least a month, but from her emails, it seemed like all she did was sleep. Perhaps the mono was back? He knew it wasn’t supposed to be able to hit twice, much like Chickenpox, but maybe there were exceptions to that rule? Taking her hand he just sat there, looking at her, reliving the night before- willing her to wake up so that they could talk, he needed to know what they were, how they stood, where were they going from here- but most of all he needed her to say she was going to be fine. As he sat there, holding her hand, he slowly let the exhaustion overcome him and leaned down, resting his head at her side, falling asleep, so grateful to be with his Ace again.

Two hours later he woke to her trying to scratch the hand he was so desperately holding on to.

“Hey, Ace, you gotta relax on the scratching, you look like you’re about to scrape your skin right off.”

“I can’t help it, Logan, it’s really bad and I don’t have my bag with the lotion or the allergy meds for it. Something about spending 18 hours a day on a terribly ventilated bus leads to nasty dry skin.” Her hand was really red and there were slight scratches showing just a little bit of blood when he grabbed at it.

“Well, luckily for you, this happens to be a hospital, I’m going to guess if I try my hardest, I just might be able to charm some lovely nurse into helping obtain both allergy meds _and_ some kind of lotion- why don’t I go work on that, hmm?” He smiled at her, reassuringly and she smiled back.

“That would be amazing, Logan. I haven’t seen a doctor in a while, they came in to get more blood and you know exactly how much I love that.” She grimaced, Logan did know- once she had accidentally cut herself trying to chop tomatoes for a salad and he thought she was going to pass out at the sight while he cleaned and bandaged it. Just as he was about to leave in search of a nurse the doctor came in.

“Well, Ms. Gilmore, it’s nice to see you awake, how are you feeling?” Just as she was about to answer she was coughing again, although it seemed lighter than it had been last night, for which Logan was grateful. “Ah, the cough is still bothering you I see? Well, I wanted to let you know that although I'm still waiting to see your records from that other hospital you visited a while back, based on your symptoms, I’m leaning towards a diagnosis of pneumonia- if that’s the case, it’s fairly severe and I’ll probably keep you here a few days so we can hook you up to some heavy IV antibiotics to kick this thing once and for all. That being said, I’m still running a few tests and I… I’m sorry, is there something wrong with your hand?” He stopped speaking as soon as he noticed that she was about to scratch her skin right off.

“Yes, actually I was just about to go on the hunt for an antihistamine and maybe some lotion for her? Apparently her travel schedule and the buses and hotels and airplanes have really done a number on her skin over the last six months.” The doctor, while still seeming casual had clearly paused to think- his dark eyes narrowing as he looked her over again, checking out her hand in the process- noticing that there was no rash that would indicate dermatitis or some kind of contact-based problem.

“About how long would you say you’ve been experiencing the itchy skin?” He asked Rory.

“Uh… I don’t know, I guess… right around the time I joined the trail- so end of last May- no, probably a few months in... It’s weird because it’s mostly just my hand and my feet- the bottom of my feet are the worst and it doesn’t even seem to matter if I soak them at night in this amazing oatmeal bath thingy I got in California… I tried changing my detergent and even my socks for a bit, but mostly I’ve just been living on benadryl.” The doctor was writing a few things down and looking through her charts.

"Have you ever had an actual rash, or just the itch?"

"Umm, I don't think there has been much of a rash- I mean, it's just dry skin."

“I’m just going to check something, if you don’t mind- I’m going to feel a few of your lymph nodes, press on them gently- let me know if they’re at all tender, ok?” She nodded, looking quizzically at Logan who was just as puzzled as her. The doctor put on gloves and moved into massage the glands at her neck, near her tonsils, and then raised her arms and massaged under them, looking at her.

“Any tenderness or pain at all as I do that?”

Rory just looked at him, shrugging. “Nope, nothing. Why?”

“Most likely, it’s nothing- they’re definitely swollen, which is a pretty good sign that they're fighting an infection- I’m just looking at your white blood cell count and it’s a bit low for someone fighting an infection like pneumonia… I’m going to go ahead and run one more test, it should help us really get to the root of this- all we’re going to do is go into this lymph node under your arm with a needle and pull out some of the tissue for us to analyze- we’ll use a local anesthetic, you won’t feel a thing and we should know a lot more in a few hours, how does that sound to you?” Rory looked at Logan, a little bit concerned- she did not do well with needles of any size.

“Is it ok if Logan stays while you do that? I really,  _really_ don't like needles.” Her big doe eyes were on max power as she looked at the doctor who smiled at Logan.

“Wow, if she uses those eyes very often you must let her have her way an awful lot.” Logan just smiled at the doctor, it was just so accurate- no one could resist when she really brought out the big guns.

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Well, sure, if your boyfriend wants to stay in here for an incredibly boring and routine procedure, who am I to say no? I’m just going to go get a nurse and the equipment and we’ll be right back, ok?”

“And maybe an antihistamine for the itch?” Logan called out to him as he was leaving the room, to which the doctor nodded.

* * *

“Rory Gilmore, I’m looking for my daughter Rory Gilmore!” Lorelai was barreling down the hallway of Hartford Memorial Hospital, Chris trying to keep up behind her- frantically looking for a familiar face.

Hearing her not so quiet voice Logan stuck his head out of Rory’s door.

“Lorelai, Chris, we’re in here.” The couple entered a private hospital room- Lorelai briefly trying to figure out if that was the doing of the Huntzberger or the Gilmore name being thrown around. “Dr. Sanchez and Dr. Carter, this is Lorelai Gilmore and Christopher Hayden, Rory’s parents.” The doctors moved forward to shake hands.

“I hear congratulations are in order, so sorry to cut your honeymoon short.” Said the taller, darker Dr. Sanchez.

“Hey, if my kid is in the hospital, that’s where I am, Italy will still be there in a few weeks once she’s up and better.” Chris smiled at the doctor. “And clearly she’s going to be up and about soon- I mean, they wouldn’t put two doctors in here unless…” That was when he finally took in the general mood of the room, that was looking a bit strained and he could see real fear in both Rory’s and Logan’s faces. Dr. Carter stepped in.

“Mr. Hayden, I was actually just introducing Dr. Sanchez to your daughter and her boyfriend- I’m the one that has been handling her case since she arrived at approximately 4:30 this morning. Originally I suspected severe pneumonia given the presentation of a high fever and severe cough, some difficulty breathing and what seemed to be fluid in the lungs. However, given your daughter’s history over the last 8 months or so with various respiratory issues I was exploring other possibilities. It was only when your daughter mentioned that she had been dealing with a persistent and very strong itch over that same period that I asked for Dr. Sanchez to consult. You see, Dr. Sanchez is this hospital’s head of Oncology.” That sunk in around the room- everyone’s face drained of all color, tears forming in Lorelai’s eyes and Logan refusing to look up from the floor. Dr. Sanchez stepped in and spoke at that point, trying to explain his presence.

“Based on the symptoms and Ms. Gilmore’s blood work, which indicated lymphopenia- or low white blood cell counts, as well as anemia- a lack of red blood cells, I began to be concerned because white blood cell count usually increases as your body’s natural way to fight infections. Once she mentioned the persistent itching Dr. Carter had the foresight to perform a biopsy of her lymph node under her arm. Unfortunately we just received the results back from the Pathologist- and he asked a colleague to confirm. They both were agreed that they found Reed-Sternberg cells present in the biopsy. All of these symptoms and then the results of the biopsy are consistent with a diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma.”


	5. Fall Out

Logan never really understood the term “deafening silence.” In his house, you either yelled and screamed or kept a chilly silence while Rolexes continued to both tick and tock, precious silver scraped against priceless china and maids hurried about, trying to remove themselves from the tense atmosphere as quickly as possible.

But then, “this is all consistent with a diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.” Well, the room- with Chris, Lorelai, Rory, himself, two doctors and a nurse, was deafeningly silent. Tears instantly came to everyone’s eyes, Lorelai turned into Chris's body and he held her close to him- the look in his eyes was one of incomprehension. Rory simply stared straight ahead, unblinking- her mind usually whirring at a thousand miles a minute seemed to have completely stopped. And for once, Logan was right there, picking up the slack.

Cancer? That couldn’t possibly be right. She was young- she was 23, she was brilliant- God, she had graduated _Magna Cum Laude_ from Yale University, she was a Gilmore _and_ a Hayden- she couldn’t possibly have cancer. She was too young and on the brink of real greatness, she had an entire life ahead of her- _they_ finally had a whole life ahead of _them;_ what kind of deep, sick and twisted cosmic joke was this? Because it had to be a joke, there was absolutely no way that this could be real, right?

But he looked at the doctors and they were looking back, serious but sympathetic as they retreated into the background, wanting to be unobtrusive in this emotional family scene. He wondered how long it took for them to learn and perfect that demeanor after giving such life shattering news to complete strangers. How does someone come into a room like this and deliver this kind of information to people- shattering worlds so entirely while just standing there, calmly?

Finally it was Rory who spoke- she had gone from staring at the wall across the room to her hands in her lap. But, ever the intrepid reporter, she had questions, she needed to get to the bottom of the story. This was the woman who had asked Barack Obama, point blank, if he thought he was being treated differently by Fox News more for his race or his politics- right there in the press pool, sitting next to the reporter from Fox- she was fearless when she wanted answers.

“Well, ok then- I have cancer." That word sounded so weird coming from her lips. "So, what do we do now? I mean… is it surgery or chemo or what? Or…” She got very quiet, her voice trembling and she looked down at her hands again, “Or… am I going to die?” Wow, she didn’t pull any punches did she? Dr. Sanchez stepped in to answer her questions with a reassuring smile that, honestly, made Logan want to punch him- he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like his world was falling apart and the doctor was acting like everything was fine.

“Well, here’s the good thing- this is honestly one of the most treatable cancers out there- for someone your age, even the more advanced stages have a 5-year survival rate between 90-95%- we can absolutely beat this. This is scary, I’m not going to deny that, and we still have some tests to do to really determine exactly the type and stage, how advanced it is- but I have absolutely no reason to believe that you won’t be in that majority.” Rory took that in, not looking at anyone else in the room- Logan was desperate to meet her gaze and knew her parents probably were as well, but she needed to process and he needed to give her the space to do so.

“So, do I need to have surgery or something? What’s going to happen next?”

“We rarely do surgery on a lymphoma- things like radiation and chemotherapy are honestly much more effective forms of treatment. But we need to do more tests to assess where we are in the staging of the disease- we’re going to do a functional imaging scan- we’ll inject a form of barely radioactive sugar to the bloodstream, it will rush to any cancer cells so that we can see the exact location and the size of the mass. We’ll also run a few more blood tests for some more markers and try to determine where you stand and how aggressive a treatment regimen we need. I’m sorry I can’t tell you all of that right now- but I have you on the waiting list for the PET Scan this afternoon and that will give us a lot more information.” Finally, Christopher could do something.

“Doctor, could I maybe see you outside?” Both doctors looked at each other and shrugged, following Christopher out into the hall. Logan could only assume that he was about to throw around his name (this was where the Hayden Radiology Laboratory was, after all- since his father’s death), not to mention his money- if Logan had to guess, he would assume Chris was pretty much offering to buy an entire PET Scanner if necessary to rush Rory through the process- fuck, Logan would honestly call his father and offer to go back to HPG if the money would help this situation. As humbly as Rory lived, it was often difficult for him to remember that she came from the money and influence commanded by both the Gilmores _and_ the Haydens.

Lorelai tried to speak, she moved towards her daughter- her best friend, tears obvious in her eyes. Logan thought Rory seemed disconcertingly stoic, but perhaps she was really just trying to wrap her head around it? He was trying to think what she might be thinking and feeling, but Lorelai had a different approach- moving towards her daughter, taking her hand and sitting next to her on the bed, pulling her towards her, needing to touch her and try to physically comfort her. Logan didn’t want to intrude on this moment- but walking away from it, from her, was impossible- so he settled on just trying to busy himself in the corner, looking at a particularly graphic poster about the dangers of smoking while he listened to the mother speak.  

“Hey, it’s going to be fine, you know that right? I mean, I’m sure that as we speak your dad is arranging for all the best doctors in the entire country to come here and give second opinions- I mean, seriously, I would bet you $1000 that within 24 hours Sanjay Gupta himself is here- who knows, Dr. House or maybe one of his hotter staff members will be here tomorrow- maybe the sexy Aussie.” It was obvious that Lorelai’s rambling was more for her than for Rory who leaned into her mother, squeezing her hand, but still refused to cry. 

“Mom, you understand that I have like a 95% of chance of making it through this, right? That hardly makes me a candidate for the Make A Wish foundation… Hey, in the cancer lottery, seems like I’m actually a winner! I mean, it’s more likely that I would die in a car accident or being struck by lightening… hell, almost 3,000 people are killed by hippos every year! I’m in good shape- this isn’t something to panic about. It’s scary sure, but I'll be ok.”

Lorelai had to smile at that- and were Logan facing them, and not fiercely trying to hide tears in his eyes, the women would have seen him smile, almost laughing. 

“Ok, Kid, how can you _possibly_  know that? I mean, car accident, lightening I’ll give you those… but hippos? How can that factoid possibly be at the tip of your tongue?”

“Come on, you know how much I’ve always wanted to go on a safari, but I’m also terrified by the danger posed by the Big 5- but there are fewer than 3,000 people killed each year by hippopotamus, and they’re supposed to be one of the most dangerous of the Big 5, so I think I’ll be ok in Namibia too.”

“You know, your dad and I have been talking about what we can do after the baby comes, and after you’re done with the election, we want to do a family trip- maybe even invite your grandparents.” That made Rory raise her eyebrows. “I know, but I gotta say, they’ve grown on me the last decade or so- and with Dad’s heart attack and this little espresso bean…”

“Mom, you can’t call my new sibling the little espresso bean! Dad was hoping they could make it to 12 before being hooked on coffee!” Wow, this was definitely new information to Logan- how had she not have told him Lorelai was pregnant? Beyond that, how had he not noticed? Between Honor and some other friends of his that had been really busy repopulating the species, he thought he could spot a pregnant woman from a mile away- then again, it also was possible he had been so distracted by Rory the last two days that nothing else had registered.

“I’m just saying, if I’m supposed to think of the smallest thing that I love for a nickname, and espresso bean sounds much cuter than espresso ground- so it seems to work for an in utero sobriquet.”

“Excellent use of sobriquet.”

“Thank you. Plus, I can shorten it to bean- which also makes me think of jelly beans- which, by the way, if you’ve ever seen a sonogram, it’s exactly what this little thing should look like right now, so it’s cute on so many levels.” 

“And this has to do with a trip how?”

“Oh, right, the trip- our holiday, if you will. Well, what if, once you’re all done with treatment or the campaign or whatever, we do a safari? Think about it, you get to check it off your bucket list-” Logan winced at the use of that term, his Ace had all the time in the world to check things off her “bucket list”, didn’t she? “We’ll see the Big 5, plus I’ve always wanted to see monkeys, we can do that in South Africa right? BUT, even better than that, look at all that wine and coffee that comes from the area? Hell, we can even invite my secret lover from Down Under and go surfing and shark diving and all kinds of things- right, Logan?” She turned towards him, motioning for him to join the conversation- she had a forced smile on her face, anxious to have him join her in trying to distract them from what was going on right now- and he was grateful to be invited.

“Actually, we just went this last Christmas and it was absolutely amazing, I could see you really liking it. We didn’t do a safari, but Capetown and the coast were amazing- we surfed, we SCUBA’d, we went to a few vineyards… I’d love to take you ladies to a coffee plantation. Although, you know, we could also hit Hawaii, Costa Rica or Blue Mountain in Jamaica if coffee is the big aim- maybe we do a world tour of coffee over a month or two?” All of a sudden Lorelai was looking at him in a whole new light. 

“Wow, Ror- did you hear that? I mean, I asked your dad for his perfect honeymoon and he wanted sun and sand and nude beaches…”

“MOTHER!” 

“I’m just saying, the idea of coffee plantations around the world? Not on the list- you should lock this down- imagine the things you could do on all those airplanes...” She winked and Logan had no idea what to do- he could handle some innuendo between the mother and daughter, along the lines of “that’s what she said” and “dirty”... but this was really pushing it.  

“MOM! Am I not sick enough? Am I supposed to start rooting for death so I don’t have to think about this inappropriate conversation anymore?” Logan’s eyes went wide, was this funny or much too soon? Or are the Gilmore Girls just as expert at morbid humor as they are at sexual innuendo and obscure pop culture references?

 “Well, sorry hon, I just thought I would point out what a great guy that you have here.” And that’s when, very suddenly and somewhat inexplicably, Rory burst into tears- sobbing inconsolably. Christopher re-entered the room but didn’t know what to do and Lorelai looked back at him, shaking her head and shooing him back out- honestly, she wasn’t even sure if this was a mother-daughter moment or a daughter-recently reunited boyfriend, possible/probable future husband moment… but she needed to figure it out, quickly.

But then Rory reached out for Logan and Lorelai had her answer. These two needed to talk… to think… and it threw her for a loop- wow, was this happening? Her baby girl wasn’t turning to her first. Here she was in the biggest crisis of her young life and she wanted Logan… God, Limo Boy had better come through or there would be some serious hell to pay. Trying to gracefully give Rory what she needed she just kissed her on the forehead and tried shooting the blonde guy in the corner a weak smile before shaking her head and leaving the room- in search of her husband, because she too needed someone to comfort her and suspected Chris could probably use the same.

The second Lorelai was out of the room Logan moved to Rory, sitting on the bed beside her, pulling her to his side as she cried, as she sobbed into his chest.  

“Shhhh, Ace, it’s ok. Seriously, like you said- you’re going to beat this. The doctors don’t even really know you and they’re saying that you’re going to be ok- they don’t even know that you’re a Gilmore! You are easily the strongest and most amazing woman that I’ve ever met- and that means you’re stronger than Lorelai and Emily- you are a bad ass! Not to mention, I’m a Huntzberger- I’m a stubborn, selfish jackass- I’m not letting anything happen to you- I just got you back and there is no way I’m letting you go, nothing will happen to you- I don’t care what that takes, but I will not be cheated from a lifetime with you - I just… I refuse to let that happen.” His hands were cupping either side of her face, their foreheads touching and she was smiling through her tears as he ranted at her, his heart racing. Because he knew months ago- the second she responded to his email to Reporter Girl, that she was end game… no matter what happened, as long as she was out there, walking on this earth (and god help him, perhaps even beyond) he would never be happy without her.


	6. The S.S. Finnow

_It looks like we’re dealing with an aggressive form of Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Stage 2B. I know that sounds really scary, but it’s actually one of the most common subtypes of Hodgkin’s Disease. Essentially, it means we found cancer in a few of your lymph nodes, and due to your weight loss and other symptoms, we’re classifying it as a more advanced and aggressive form. Now, I don’t want you to panic, as you know, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma has about a 95% survival rate 5 years out- that’s very, very good- and it’s highest for women under the age of 40. Your staging is a bit more advanced than I had hoped, but with a combination of chemotherapy and radiation I have every confidence we can beat this and have you in remission within the year._

The words of the second opinion doctor at Sloan Kettering, Dr. Weiss, had sounded comforting but felt a bit hollow at the same time. Lorelai had met up with Rory and Logan in Manhattan that morning, ten days after getting the diagnosis at Hartford Memorial. Gilmore and Hayden connections got various tests and administrative work pushed through at light speed- making Lorelai and Rory contemplate what it must be like for someone less fortunate than her to be in this situation.

After the diagnosis the three of them had gone to lunch, but neither Gilmore had actually eaten much- Rory didn’t even order a second cup of coffee and neither Lorelai or Logan knew what to do. When Lorelai went to the bathroom, cursing her pregnancy and it’s effects on her bladder, Logan took Rory’s hand, lacing her fingers with his. 

“Ace, you have to know that we’re going to get you through this, right? You have me, your parents, your grandparents… I can have Colin, Finn, Honor, Stephanie- everyone on standby to give you whatever you need. I just need you to tell me… what are you thinking? What are you feeling? I think you need to talk- to me or your mom, someone- anyone!” His chocolate eyes begging her to open up. She had barely said a thing since they left Midtown and the clinic.

Their eyes met and he had trouble reading them- not something he was used to with her- she had the worst poker face of anyone he had ever met- no ability to mask her thoughts or feelings, it was actually one of the things he had always loved- she blushed at innuendo, she teared up at Hallmark commercials and was the first to scream and bury her face at even the sight of a needle or surgery in a medical drama- blood and guts made her practically vomit- they tried watching the SAW movies once and she was sick for hours. But now, sitting across the table from her, grasping her hand, pale as ever, she was quiet and her expression blank- her eyes lifeless, her expression distant… until an idea flashed through them and she looked at him to say:

“Let’s go somewhere!” 

“What? Where do you want to go?” The spontaneity was so unlike her that Logan was confused. 

“I don’t care, anywhere, let’s just get in a car and go! Oh, I know, the beach! I want to feel the sand between my toes, have the waves crashing around me! Ooooh, we could call Colin, Finn, Rosemary and Steph! Get everyone together for a big bonfire and eat lobsters! I love lobster- have I ever told you how much I love lobster?” She looked at him with her big, beautiful blue eyes and a dreamy expression and who was he to deny her anything? He’d never been able to say no to her, why try and start now? And yes, he knew they needed to talk, they needed to figure things out- but he also knew that of all his skills, this was something he was particularly capable of doing for her, and as useless as he had felt recently, he was desperate to feel useful/helpful… at the same time…

“Really? Right now? Don’t you want to go back to Stars Hollow and spend time with your mom and dad? Read through these brochures and make some plans and all that? Get back to the Trail for a few weeks?” Shouldn’t she be doing those things right now instead of gallivanting off to the beach with him and his LBD friends? This was his Ace, the Queen of Pro/Con lists, of internet research and cross-referencing, of days spent in the library hunched over every book available on a given topic… and she wanted push it all aside and head to the beach? That was more Logan's style. 

And then he looked up at her, straight into her eyes and there were tears- not exactly close to overflowing, not pools of them- well, maybe small ones, tiny tad pools of tears.

“Ace, what is it?” She bit her lip and tried looking away, not entirely sure how to make him understand.

“Logan- I just, I can’t go home right now, not yet.” He waited patiently for another moment as she looked out the window- they were on the 12th story and the skyline of Manhattan and just took it all in before she spoke again. “It’s just, once I go there- once I cross the border into Stars Hollow, once I step across the threshold of the house, see both of my parents’ faces… once I’m home… I have to deal with it. Then it’s real and there will be questions I don’t have answers to, there will be sympathy and pity and I’m not ready for that. I’m just… I know that I have to deal with it all, and soon, but I just can’t- not yet. I need… I need a day or two, to just run away and pretend like everything's normal and ok and I’ll be fine. I haven’t had an honest-to-god vacation in probably two years- two very long years and I had plans to take some time between the primaries and the general election- to drink fruity rum and tequila cocktails, read with the sound of waves crashing near me… I’m not trying to run away, I’m not trying to ignore- I just need to avoid reality for a few days- does that make any sense?”  

Just like always with her, it did make sense. God knows that Logan had run away from much simpler, less dramatic, far less traumatic things in his life than this- if anyone could understand needing to delay the inevitable, the unavoidable, it was him. And yet, it didn’t entirely sit right with him- perhaps it felt so vintage Huntzberger- running away instead of confronting head on? But she pulled out the doe eyes as she said-

“Logan, I need to take to the sea.” And he was powerless. She needed him right now and who was he to disappoint?

“Why don’t you let me make a few calls and I’ll see what I can do, alright?” She bit her bottom lip- not sure if she should smile or grimace at the idea of letting him run with the idea- Lord knew what he could do if he really put his mind to it, but she saw her mom returning to the table and made her decision. 

“Ok, yes- please, go, figure something out- just promise me one thing?” He already had his phone out, poised to dial when he looked up to ask, “Anything, Ace.”

“No blindfolds, ok?” He smirked back at her as he responded, “I’ll see what I can do.” And with that he got up and left just as Lorelai sat.

“What was that about? Blindfolds? Or don't I want to know?” She tried leering in and winking at that one, knowing that would make Rory shout,

"God, Mom- what is wrong with you?" But she was still smiling, mostly. She knew her mom wasn't going to love what she was about to say, but she knew what she needed. “Nothing, he just- well, we’re going to get away for a couple of days- he’s putting the band back together it would seem.” It was clear that Lorelai was surprised by that news, but she wasn’t going to get upset about it- why should she get upset that her one and only daughter was in a major life crisis and her first instinct was to turn to the man who broke her heart not even a year ago? No, she was a cooler mom than that, she loved Rory, she knew Rory loved Logan, she could support Rory finding support wherever she could… no matter how much it may sting. And this wasn’t about Lorelai, it was about Rory and she needed to do whatever would help her right now. So, she put on the happy face, smiling a bit too brightly to really fool Rory, but she knew her mom was trying when she asked,

“Really? That sounds great! Where are you going?”  

“Mom, it’s ok, I know you’re not thrilled about this. I know you’re not thrilled about Logan being back in my life- or any of the Limo Boys of Yale.” 

“Ooh, Limo Boys of Yale would be a great calendar- big seller- does he still hang out with the hot Aussie? I could make him the centerfold easy…” She was trying to make light, partially because Rory wasn’t wrong, she wasn’t _thrilled_ to see the man who broke her daughter’s heart back in the picture in such a major way as he had been the last 11 days- but also because she didn’t want to lose a single second with Rory. Objectively she _knew,_ she did, that Rory would be fine, her prognosis wasn’t _the most_ ideal, but it was excellent. Rory was sick, but she would be fine, she would make a full recovery and live a very long and fulfilling life… but there was that niggling, barely-there prospect, that 5-10% who didn’t make it that was almost impossible for a mom, and/or a best friend, to let go of.  

God, they were _finally_ a family- she had only _just_ married Rory’s father a year ago, they were having another kid- life was as perfect as it could possibly get, it was exactly everything she had dreamed about for 23 years- Rory couldn’t possibly miss it- she _had_ to be there, be a part of it- without Rory, would there even be a Gilmore-Hayden family today?

“So, where are you headed?” Keep it light, Lorelai- she knows you’re sensitive to the Logan issue, no matter how much she may or may not sort of like him now.

“I don’t know, I talked to him about getting away for a few days, you know, just so I could think things over, do some mulling, come to terms…”

“Well, I think that’s going to be good for you- both of you, actually. It seems like you two are good, right? You’re doing well?” Rory sighed, she wanted to talk to her mom about this, but when it came to Logan it was never easy.

“We’ve only been in the same time zone for a little over a week Mom. I mean, we’ve been talking for about 8 months now, after almost three years [together before that- in so many ways it’s like we were never apart. But… we _were_ apart. And we’ll be apart again. I mean, he’s in California, I’ve got the Campaign…” they still hadn’t talked about what she would do about her job during all of this. “But Mom, we were so miserable apart, it was absolutely horrible- we both hated it! And now, now that we’ve seen each other again, kissed again… it’s just- what we have is major, it’s important, and I don’t think we’re letting go.” At least she wasn’t- but obviously things were different now, weren’t they? GOD! It was all way too confusing and she was much too tired to wrap her head around it all.  

She looked up to see Logan returning, shoving his phone in his pocket and smirking at Rory.  

“Alright Ace, it sounds like we have a plan, but we’re going to need to leave soon. I know you brought enough to NYC for a day or two, do you think you’ll be ok for a long weekend or do we need to do a bit of shopping?” While normally the idea of shopping with a woman anywhere but at Victoria’s Secret or La Perla was close to Chinese Water Torture, his Ace had always shied away from taking him up on his generosity, she was determined and decisive in her selection process and generally ready to leave a store even before he was- he’d never minded a little shopping with her.

“Umm, unless we’re going some place fancy, I should be ok- you told me we had a pool at the hotel so I even remembered at the last minute to pack a bathing suit.”  

“Anything a little fancier than a sundress?”

“Yeah, I threw in something in case we decided to go to dinner tonight, so I should be ok.” She looked at her mom, hoping she wouldn’t be upset by the fact that Rory was blowing her off for a day or two.  

“You know what, your dad was really excited to talk to architects/contractors this weekend about building out the house- we’d love to stay there, but with the baby on the way and Gigi with us at least half the year, we think we’re going to need more space. We’ll see what Tom can do, we could end up having to move- luckily your dad is sold on Stars Hollow, for the most part. I think it’s more that Gigi is doing so well at Ms. Patty’s and Lane is such a killer babysitter while we work or want to go out than it his love for Town Meetings or living in a town with tiny and very secret bar- but why question, you know?” She looked at both of them, knowing she needed to excuse herself, let them get on their way and, hopefully, talk about things. “So, uh, I think that I’m going to head back and spend the weekend with your dad, try to figure some stuff out- maybe do some shopping for the nursery. Just, call me when you get wherever you’re going, ok?”

Rory nodded and hugged her mom, whispering “Thank you” in her ear as Lorelai squeezed back extra strong.

_______________________________________________

Rory and Logan drove down to the water- some marina on the border of NYC and New Jersey where they were greeted by a tan and smiling Finn, standing on the deck of a huge yacht, the _S.S. Finnow_. 

“Ahoy Mates!” He was waving a sailor hat at them as they walked up the gangplank and Logan called back:

“Permission to come aboard?” A long silence, one in which Rory could practically see and hear Colin and Finn conspiring.  

“Permission GRANTED- but the Captain and 1st Mate reserve the right to impose restrictions and/or get into shenanigans at any point over the next 72 hours with absolute impunity! Also, all ladies should remove their tops upon boarding!”

“Finn!” Logan shouted a warning to his friends over that one.

“Fine, just the first stipulation then.” Rory laughed, she had missed this in her life over the last year.

They climbed aboard the large luxury yacht that Logan told her had 10 rooms and a hot tub on the top deck. Their bags were quickly loaded on board and Colin was by the hot tub grilling vegetables, shrimp, steaks and veggies as Steph, Rosemary and Juliet sat by the pool wearing skimpy bikinis and drinking what looked like margaritas.

Rory was excited to see her friends, and not only just because they didn’t know what was going on with her yet- she could be totally normal and healthy around them, no awkward questions or looks of pity. That was probably why she had been so anxious to spend this weekend with them.

As soon as Finn had given word that they could leave the marina he ran to her, pulling her into the tightest hug, lifting her off her feet and whirling her around in circles.  

“Love, you’re back! We missed you much- nothing was any fun without you here- especially this one here.” He pointed to Logan. “He was a miserable old sod, wouldn’t do anything besides work and run- not sure which was worse- he actually tricked me into training to run a marathon, Kitten, can you imagine? Me, in the sun, running?” He pulled the most dramatic face, making Rory laugh before putting on her “shocked” face.

“But Finn, you were made an Honorary Gilmore Girl last Christmas- Gilmore Girls don’t exercise!”

“I know Love, I still have my rulebook, but apparently when you’re best mate’s heart is broken and you help him drown his sorrows for a weekend in Mexico, 1) you can’t invoke the name that is Gilmore, 2) neither can you remember signing an agreement to train with him… it was bloody murder I tell you.”

“Finn, it was a half marathon and you hooked up with the red headed EMT- you took her to Baja for a week!”

“Well, I call that lemonade out of lemons, Huntz.” And with that he turned back to Rory, draping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her over to everyone else, handing her a margarita- “Fresh squeezed darling, and maybe a hit of champagne- it’s a new recipe of mine, I think you’ll be very happy with it.” She took a sip of it and her eyes lit up,

“Finn, I do believe you have outdone yourself this time- this is maybe the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth!” She happily went back to it while Logan’s face went bright red and Finn started laughing.

“Well then, I guess I understand why you’re back, Reporter Girl, it wasn’t missing the loving of a good man like Logan, it was to find a "beverage" that could truly satisfy you.” Colin teasingly leered at her as he walked up, grinning, motioning for her to put down her drink and the second she did he pulled her to him in a tight embrace, kissing her on the cheek and whispering, “We missed you Rory, please never leave him again.” She pulled back, her eyes smiling for her, shining as she teared up a bit.

“Never again Colin.” And she kissed him on the cheek. Stephanie, Juliet, Rosemary all came up, thrilled to see her- they hugged and the girls pulled her over to the lounge area by the hot tub where there was a pitcher of margaritas and some chips, salsa and guac to snack on while they caught up after a year apart from each other- so many men had been made to fall for their charms, so many outfits had been bought, so many antics those idiots had gotten up to (well, mostly Finn- Colin had actually been studying hard in law school and Logan had been in California- apparently failing to have any fun whatsoever).

Over dinner they sat around the table, everyone fairly happily toasted, Rory was relaxed and smiling and laughing just as much as everyone else, tingling every time Logan touched her- she had missed that so much, even the casual, accidental touching was supercharged for her- it felt so great to be here, with these people, to feel whole again.

“So, Reporter Girl, I’ve been following your blog- how’s life following the most historic presidential candidate in history?”

“You read my stuff, Colin?”

“Of course I did, I’m rooting for it to go seriously big time- you owe me royalties for the name!”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Umm, I believe I’m the one who gave you the name Reporter Girl, now you’re getting famous off it, so I’d say that qualifies me for at least 10% of all money made off the identity.”

“Oh, Colin… it’s so good to see that some things never change.” She smiled back at him, meaning it. “And to answer your question, it’s been amazing- he’s just so full of energy and so brilliant- I swear, I’ve never met anyone so smart in my entire life- and he can talk about the Constitution and the Founding Fathers and Adam Smith and then within a minute switch to his thoughts on the Harry Potter books versus movies or _American Idol_.” 

“Did you really meet Oprah?”

“My blog doesn’t lie Stephanie- and no, Finn, I did not propose to her on your behalf or give her your phone number, I was a bit busy trying to actually, you know, do my job. But… I got you something else- I don’t have it with me, but I can show you a picture if you like.” She pulled out her phone and scrolled through for the picture of the gift she had gotten her beloved Aussie, she had intended to mail it to him, not knowing if she’d ever see him again, but his love for the woman was so obsessive she hadn’t been able to resist. Finally she got to the picture she had been looking for and handed it over to show him.

When he saw it, his jaw dropped, his face went red and he looked like he was genuinely about to cry. He looked up at her, tears in his eyes making their green color with flecks of gold even shinier and more stunning. 

“Love… no!” She just nodded back at him before he swooped in and picked her up, hugging her as he jumped up and down, laughing and crying at the same time- trying to dance with her.

“What in the hell is so great that Finn would actually cry?” Stephanie picked up the phone, looked at the picture and started to laugh… everyone was looking at her so she passed the phone around the table so everyone could see the image that affected Finn so greatly. Once it made it to Colin, he finally got it. There was a program from some speech/event that Oprah had introduced the Senator at with a bright fuschia kiss mark and the message, “You, Finn, are one of my favorite things. Oprah.”

“Wow, Reporter Girl, it’s great to have you back.”

* * *

They were on the boat for almost 5 hours just drinking, relaxing, eating and playing games until they arrived in Nantucket, at one of Colin’s family’s vacation homes. They got there about two hours after sunset and stumbled just a bit to make their way up to the house from the dock- there being more sand than grass to climb as the ascended and not a single one of them overly sober. They made it inside and collapsed in a large comfortable room with plenty of couches and arm chairs as Finn went to suss out the bar situation. He came back in with vodka and tequila bottles and a tray of shot glasses, causing everyone to groan, as they grabbed for the glasses and settled in.

“Ok, well, I believe that in honor of the return of our beloved Rory Gilmore, a return that coincides with the return of a smiling Logan Huntzberger, it is time we truly catch up on the last year in our lives- Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe this calls for a game of the classic, _Never Have I Ever!_

“Ooh, can I suggest a slight tweak I learned on the trail?” 

“It’s your night, Kitten, you can do anything you like- especially if it involves you and I getting naked in the hot tub out back.” She giggled at him and shook her head.

“Sorry, Finn, not tonight- I don’t think there is enough alcohol in Nantucket to get me drunk enough for that. No- we created a new version of this on the bus for the press pool- it’s kind of _Never Have I Ever_ mixed with 20 questions- whoever has the never is allowed to ask anyone who drinks follow up questions- but only TEN follow up questions can be asked for each never, no matter the number of people who drink- so if all of you drink, I have to be very judicious as to who I ask for more information from. ALSO, whenever you name the Never, you pour your current shot in a larger glass- if you mess up and ask more than ten follow up questions, you have to drink everything in _that_ glass before you can move on. AND, if you don’t want to answer the follow up question, you have to drink everything in the asker’s big glass. Got it?”

“Love, that sounds like it could kill a person.”

“Not intrepid but weathered newshounds like us on the bus… you should see the guys from MSNBC drink- I don’t know if even you could keep up!” His eyes went big as he thought about the terrifying prospect and then decided it was his turn to start.  

“Alright then, let’s start off with something simple enough… never have I ever worked a 40 hour week in my life.” Rory, Colin, Logan, Stephanie and Rosemary all took shots, Juliet just shrugged and said,  

“Umm, hello, trust fund and a pretty face- I’m perfectly happy with my lot in life.” That made everyone laugh and Finn didn’t feel a need for a follow up question, so it went to Rosemary.

“Ok, never have I ever been arrested.” Every single other person in the room took a shot and she decided to pass on any follow ups- after all, she’d provided bail and/or picked them up in jail for the majority of those infractions, so Stephanie was next.

“Alright, how about… never have I ever hooked up with someone who didn’t speak English.” Colin turned bright red as he drank, Finn proudly toasted to it, Juliet somewhat ashamedly took hers. “Ok then, this could be interesting. Colin, have there been others than the milkmaid?”

“I went to school in freakin’ Switzerland and we sailed around the world for a year, of course there were others.”

“If you had to guess, how many?”

“Ummm, 4? Maybe 5?”

“And what exactly was your best pick up, if they didn’t speak English?”

“I think the best was just drunkenly pointing at her and then my crotch… and she nodded her head.” 

“You’re kidding! That’s disgusting!” That was Rory- a bit shocked that anyone of her gender could be that drunk- but Colin just shrugged his shoulders so Stephanie moved on.

“Finn, what language did she speak?”

“I’m not entirely sure, Love- I’d like to guess Spanish… but honestly, it could have been ancient Aramaic and I still would have taken her to my hotel- she wasn’t just a redhead, she was an underwear model! Lingerie, love- what else matters?” 

“Ugh, you’re disgusting, you know that right?”

“Is that another of your ten questions, love?”

“Ugh… Ok, fine, Juliet- when was this?”

“Semester abroad, Costa Rica- I met a guy from Russia- he was tall and gorgeous and… let’s just say, we connected on a level where no words were necessary.” That made everyone laugh as they continued around for a few more rounds- Finn being first to break the ten question rule after never have I ever worn a teddy- grilling the ladies on their various lingerie choices far beyond ten questions. Then there were the more targeted nevers like never have I ever met Oprah or never have I ever lived in California- the ones made specifically to try and get others to “keep up” with the drunkest of them. Everything was going swimmingly until Stephanie’s,

“Never have I ever had a pregnancy scare.” Once again, every single person in the room drank and Stephanie started going around the circle, asking each person what year- when it got to Rory she just downed her big glass and stood, tears in her eyes, whispering, “I’m sorry guys,” before she ran out of the room- fleeing to the beach and the crashing of the waves where at least the sound of her sobs would be drowned out.


	7. Choices and Chances

They all looked around the room, Logan’s face frozen and completely drained of color- there were only two reasons she would have reacted like that, right? Either she had the pregnancy scare while they were together and he didn’t know anything about it… or it had happened since then, meaning it was someone else’s… and he couldn’t actually figure out which of those two would bother him less.

Stephanie had tears in her eyes ash she took in what had just happened- the look on Rory’s face before she ran out of the house; the look on Logan’s face as he tried to piece it all together… WHY had she asked that question? Logan had said she was going through something and needed to be cheered up, was it possible that it had anything to do with her reaction just now? She had only asked so that Rosemary would have to drink and talk- she had one just two months ago and hadn’t given the Queen of Gossip any dirt- all Steph wanted was the chance to ask Rose questions she hadn’t gotten answers to before, she hadn’t meant to upset Rory.

As Stephanie started to quietly cry, bringing Colin over to comfort her, everyone else in the room were just sitting around feeling incredibly awkward by the entire situation. After it was silent for at least two minutes Logan just stood up downed a shot before leaving the room to go after Rory.

“I guess I better, I should probably go check on her. We uh… I don’t know, this may take a while, don’t wait up for us, ok?” He ran his hand through his hair and grabbed a blanket off the couch- it was cold out there and he didn’t want her getting sick- even if she wouldn’t talk to him, he knew she’d be out there until she processed whatever she was thinking about right now, he’d do what he could to help, even if it was just helping her ward of hypothermia- it had been a somewhat chilly May so far.

He didn’t have to go too far to find her, she was sitting on the sand about 100 yards from the house, her body hunched over her knees, crying- he couldn’t hear it, but he could tell by the way her shoulders were shaking- not to mention how he just knew her so damn well. He walked towards her quietly but deliberately and when he reached her he didn’t say anything, merely draped the blanket around her shoulders before sitting down next to her and pulling her to him so she could cry on his shoulder.

“Hey, Ace, it’s ok- you’re ok.” He kissed her on the top of her head and held her while she cried herself out for the next while- he was dying to ask her, dying to know the story that had led to that reaction from her, but he would let her tell him when she was ready. After what felt like hours, but was probably only 5-10 minutes, she finally had her breathing back to normal and the tears seemed to have stopped falling. She sniffled a few times as she pulled back from him to wipe the tears from her face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Please say yes… he was pretty sure he was going to go insane if he didn’t have answers pretty soon.

“I don’t think you want to hear most of it.” She said so quietly and so timidly that his heart broke a little. There were subjects they had very carefully not brought up since their reunion- their love lives over the last year having been the major one.

“Hey, Ace, you can tell me anything- you should know that by now. Even if… even things neither of us really want to think about or hear. I mean, we probably should have had this talk already, but… hey, none of it is going to change how I feel about you- we were as broken up as possible- if you met someone- hell, even 100 someones, while we were apart, you did nothing wrong.” He really didn’t want to hear about her having met anyone- definitely not 100 guys, but he tried to focus on the fact that she was here, now, in _his_ arms- no one else’s.

“Did you? I mean, we were apart for a while, did you meet someone else? Or a few someones?” He sighed, silently castigating himself for setting that up too perfectly. _Man up, Logan, you brought it up, not her._ He sighed and took a deep breath before responding in as even a tone as he could.

“If you want to know if I dated, then the answer is yes. Not much- it’s true that I _did_ mostly just work and train for a marathon… I did some hiking on weekends too. Those were basically the two activities I could think of that wouldn’t remind me of you.” He smiled just a tiny bit at that, he hadn’t really put that together, not consciously anyways, until this very minute. But, it was true, he had gravitated towards hobbies that were so antithetical to her existence that they felt like genuine escapes.

“I don’t think I had more than two dates with anyone- they were just all so… I don’t know… I would say vapid, but that isn’t right- I really wasn’t interested in the same bimbos I used to go for… I actually tried to have real conversations, to connect. And I met some smart, witty women… but none of them were you, and that wasn’t ok with me. Did I still end up drunkenly taking someone to bed on a very rare occasion? About a month or two after getting to California I tried that, hoping it would help if I went back to my ways… but probably two or three truly empty nights cured me of that delusion- it was no good, I just wasn’t interested in being with anyone who wasn’t you, Ace.” She just sat there, quietly nodding- not particularly thrilled to be having this conversation, but he was right, they couldn’t tiptoe around it forever. So she just nodded and continued to look out at the ocean, but she didn’t take her head from Logan’s shoulders or move away from him at all.

And then, after a few more minutes of quietly staring out at the sea and listening to the waves crashing around them, she finally started to speak, so quietly it was difficult to hear her, but he could deal.

“About six weeks after graduation I was passing through Wall, South Dakota- do you know what’s in Wall?”

“Uh… I’d go for the obvious joke, but you don’t seem in that mood so let’s try the truth, I honestly can’t say that I am familiar with that particular town.”

“It’s the World’s Largest Drug Store… well, it used to be a drug store- now it’s really just a crazy tourist trap right outside of the Badlands- which, by the way, in late June? No thank you, never again. Anyways, my friend on the bus, Alison, she heard about the drug store and was saying ‘thank god, I really need to buy tampons and Midol.’ And, I don’t know, it just… it’s hard to describe but it was like a wall of bricks just hit me right then and there- I was 2 ½ weeks late. And you can imagine me, in the moment, realizing it- I started to panic, like genuine panic attack panic- Alison calmed me down, I told her what was wrong and she was very sweet. So, when we got to the drug store we were less than thrilled to find out that it wasn’t really a drug store anymore and therefore did not sell the items we needed, namely tampons, Midol and a pregnancy test. No, instead we had to take a $15 cab ride to a CVS where we bought like five pregnancy tests; and let me tell you what mister, those things are _not_ cheap.”

“I’ll take your word for it, Ace, can’t say I’ve ever had to buy one.”

“But you said, well, indicated in there, that you’ve had a scare before…” She was slightly confused.

“I didn’t exactly have to buy the test myself- I wasn’t even in the country when I got the call from her telling me she was late.”

“Oh. I take it she wasn’t pregnant?”

“Actually, she was, but it turned out that the dates in no way matched up with when we had… gone out.”

“Wow, that must have been terrifying.”

“Umm, you could say that- I was only 17 at the time and I genuinely believed I would kill myself before I would tell Mitchum I had gotten a girl pregnant. After all, if there was one message he had always drilled into me it was that screwing around is fine, but getting a girl pregnant was how he ended up with my mother- a true cautionary tale.”

“Your dad’s always been a real Danny Tanner, huh?” He just chuckled at that, shaking his head and they were enveloped in silence yet again, him getting more and more tense the longer she waited to continue the story.

“Ok, Ace, I gotta say, you’re kind of killing me with the suspense right now. What the hell happened with the pregnancy tests?”

“What?” She was genuinely surprised before it dawned on her what he wanted to know. “Oh… Logan, of course they were all negative- I would have never kept that kind of thing from you, you should know that much about me! It turned out to be the stress of the trail and graduation and… all of that.” All that… she probably meant the disastrous proposal and devastating breakup.

“Well, then, I’m not sure I understand why all the tears? It all worked out fine… I mean… don’t get me wrong, if you had been that would have worked out too- I hope you know that. I would have been on a plane back to Connecticut the second you told me and I would have been there for you every single step of the way. I love you, all I ever wanted was for us to be together and be a family.” She just nodded, that response honestly just made the next part a bit harder to get out.

“Do you want kids?” A simple question, and one to stop him in his metaphoric tracks. He didn’t want to give her an easy answer, this was another thing they had never really talked about before and they should hash this one out too.

“You know, I always knew I was supposed to have kids someday- heirs for the Huntzberger line, part of the plan- add to the dynasty. But it was also assumed that when I did it would be like how my parents did it, a trophy wife at home who still has the kids raised by nannies, shipping them off to boarding schools and all of that. And I really, really don’t want to bring kids into this world as part of my parents’ bullshit plans for the Huntzberger Legacy, I didn’t want to raise kids the way I was raised- absent and emotionally dead and distant- so I really didn’t plan on it because I just couldn’t give my parents what they want, what they expected just to keep them off my back. But then…” He was nervous now as he once again was reminded what a complete idiot he had been to propose when he did, how he did, without ever having had a conversation about this or anything else. He took her face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together, needing her to understand how sincere he was.

“But then I met a certain ace reporter and I fell so deeply and hopelessly in love. And, yeah, occasionally I would.. I _do,_ see visions of tiny little blue-eyed brunettes running around, persistently asking questions about everything, at least when their noses aren’t pressed into big, heavy books while they drink superhuman amounts of coffee.” He had never told anyone about this but Honor who had just squealed and teared up, talking about her baby brother having babies- he was pretty sure at the news he and Rory were back together she had already picked out baby names and nursery themes. And while he frequently refused to admit it, even to himself, that vision had become so very important to him over the last few years, and maybe even more so in the last few weeks.

And what could she say to that confession? So, instead of saying anything she simply pulled his lips to hers and kissed him with everything she had- she loved this man in front of her so much. Contrary to some opinions, he had been a great man even before they went their separate ways, but in the time they were apart he had somehow become even better and she was wowed by him on a daily basis and she hoped that she could show him through this kiss- even if she couldn’t say it properly.

And then of course, there was the small fact that she had missed this so desperately- him kissing her, the heat of his breath against her skin, the way that he would run his hand up her back, under her shirt with his palm against her as it moved up, but then just one finger lightly tracing her spine on the way back down, it never failed to make her shiver with delight. She moaned into him as he did it this time, causing her to move in and begin to unbutton his shirt so she could nibble on his neck more easily. He pulled her onto his lap and she straddled her legs over his, grinding against his hips, eliciting the most delicious moan in response. He retaliated by deftly undoing her bra under her shirt and moving his lips down to ghost over her breasts, covered only by her thin tank top, her nipples hardening almost instantly. But then, just as she was about to lose all sanity and take him right there on the beach she pulled back, breathless.

“Wait, Logan… Logan…” She tried to focus, they needed to finish the conversation, but as soon as she had pulled back he had easily switched his attentions to her neck, licking and kissing and sucking his way up to that spot behind her ear that… “Wait, Logan. Hold on.” She pushed him away, hating herself for doing so, but knowing they had to finish Confession Time- not that she wanted to, especially not right now, but she knew she needed to get it all out into the open so they could move on.

“Logan, there is more I have to tell you.” He pulled back from her, looking her in the eyes- his eyes so warm but guarded, he was pretty sure that he didn’t want to hear anything she was about to say, but this wasn’t really about his comfort was it? Not to mention, it had to be better for him to know it all, rather than tormenting himself with questions and suppositions. Ultimately he decided it was best to just have this conversation and try to forget about it- and she seemed to need to get it off her chest.

“So about 2 months-ish into the job, I actually got a five minute exclusive with the Senator’s wife, Michelle. Well, that piece was actually pretty big, it got picked up by a few papers and it was passed around a lot online, it’s actually when Hugo started promoting my Reporter Girl blog on the site- I don’t know if you saw the profile but…”

“You mean the piece where you explained how she was part Jackie O, part Eleanor Roosevelt and part Donna Reed?” She nodded as she blushed lightly, she just really couldn’t believe how closely he had followed and memorized everything about her career while they had been apart.

“Well, I was so excited that night that I finally gave in to the others on the bus and started going out at night with them- not every night, but a few times a week. Up to that point I would just check into the hotel, answer emails, read- I swear, I made it all the way through Jane Austen, War & Peace, my Works of Emile Zola, Pillars of the Earth, everything by Edward Rutherfurd and the first two Harry Potter books in French in those first few months- thank God Mom got me that Kindle as a graduation present. I know that’s sacrilegious, but I just don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had it- I couldn’t have packed much of my library for the Campaign… Anyways… so I had been Little Miss Buzzkill for long enough, and I decided to change that. Then one night, about two weeks before you emailed me we were in Dallas and I went out with everyone… to a country dance bar no less. Well, I drank way too much, trying to gather up the courage to line dance, not to mention it takes an awful lot of alcohol to listen to that much country music- so I got terribly, somewhat epically wasted and the next morning I woke up in a frat house… I slept with a frat boy wearing cowboy boots and a 10 gallon hat.” Her head was hung in shame while from next to her she heard him quietly laughing.

“You know, Ace, I gotta say, as much as I hate knowing that you slept with someone else- that visual itself almost makes up for it.” How was he laughing at this?

“I’m serious, Logan, it was rock bottom. I mean, he had a giant turquoise belt buckle in the shape of an eagle _and_ the next morning he FIST BUMPED ME! I mean, what the hell is that about? Who _does_ that?” Logan wasn’t chuckling anymore now so much as he was outright laughing. She couldn’t see his face to know for sure, but she would bet that there were tears streaming down his face.

“I gotta say, Ace, I had no idea you were so interested in animal welfare.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I mean, I think it was very nice of you to save a horse and ride a cowboy.” Her face went all kinds of red and hot as she cringed at that joke. She hit him on the back of the head, not sure if she should be grateful he was taking this so well or upset about it- she wouldn’t be enjoying this story quite so much if roles were reversed… Would she? No, this was a bad experience for her, worthy of an episode of Intervention, she needed to rethink life choices that led her to waking up on a futon to a 6’2” _Aggie_ she was pretty sure yelled yeehaw at the moment of climax (his, not hers, sadly all that trauma and she hadn’t really had her own yeehaw moment that night).  

“Anyways, if you’re done yukking it up, can I get through the rest of this?" Logan stopped laughing and motioned for her to continue. "That was it for on the trail- my single great campaign hookup- Mom wanted me to get tested- my brain, not like for disease or anything.” She cringed as she let that out. What was she saying anymore? “But then… right before I got sick the first time, with mono? Well, I ran into an old friend and at that point I was so lonely and I missed home and I missed Yale and I missed everything and everyone and I was so incredibly confused by our correspondence and how I felt  and… well, one thing led to another and I slept with him.

“And then I got sick and had my second _ever_ pregnancy scare, and it really just… that one freaked me out a lot more- I wasn’t _with_ the guy, I never really had feelings for the guy… the idea that I could possibly be tied to him for the rest of my life? I mean, at least when my mom got knocked up with me it was a guy she loved, it wasn’t just escapism. I really didn’t handle it well- I went into full on crisis mode- lots of denial and avoidance, I tried to take up yoga and running- don’t worry, neither were particularly successful... And, again, it was fine- I wasn’t pregnant, it was just stress and probably a bit that I was sick- I’ve been all kinds of off-kilter in my cycle for the last few months, which, I guess makes sense, now... looking back…” She let her voice trail off as she began to cry again, softly- what was going on?

“Hey, Ace, you want to tell me what’s really bothering you? You know that you sleeping with two guys over the last 9 months, while we were very broken up isn’t going to change how I feel about you, right? I mean, it’s not that I love hearing about it, and I’m going to work pretty hard to try and forget about it because I just hate the idea of you being with anyone else ever- and I know that sounds macho and horrible and I know that I’m hardly one to talk… but it doesn’t actually change how I feel about you- how much I love you… how much I still want to spend my life with you and have kids with you…”

“But don’t you see, Logan? That’s the problem!” And she stood up angrily storming away from him, leaving the blanket in the sand next to a very confused Logan as she moved closer to the water- not bothering to take her shoes off since she was wearing capri pants and flip flops. As swiftly as she had moved towards the water, she suddenly came to a halt, embracing the feel of the salt water breaking over her feet as she cried… because how could this possibly work between them? Everything was different now- now that she was sick. And why couldn’t he see that? Why did he have to be so amazing and perfect and wonderful and supportive and say everything right?

And Logan just sat there on the beach, wondering what he had said that was so wrong- were mood swings a symptom of cancer? He genuinely believed that they were on the same page since they reconnected- this was supposed to be _it_ \- they wanted the same things: marriage, a family, house with white picket fence (or penthouse loft in Tribeca- he really didn’t think either of them were really picket fence type people, he wasn’t even totally sure he knew what a picket fence was)... Could he have been that wrong? _Logan, you are a grown ass man, stand up, go to her and have this talk, no matter how painful it could end up being. Do it right this time._ He sighed as he stood and went to her.

“Hey, Ace… I uh… I can’t help but feel like I did something or said something really wrong; but I gotta admit, I don’t have a clue what it was. Unless… I mean- I know it’s really soon, theoretically, for me to bring up things like us having kids and I know that I don’t really know how you feel about it- but I want you to know that you don’t have to know right now, it’s alright if you aren’t there yet… or maybe… I don’t know, I guess it’s possible that you don’t ever want to have kids, and that’s ok too. I don’t care about the Huntzberger dynastic plan, Honor and Josh are talking like they’re going to have about a thousand, so as far as I’m concerned, let those kids worry about it all… I just want to be with you- that’s what matters to me, being with you, if we’re together then I’m happier than I ever expected to be.” He stepped towards her and grabbed one of her hand, pulling her to face him, needing to see her face. A choice he almost instantly regretted, he just really didn’t handle it well when she cried- especially when he felt like he was the reason behind the tears.

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, taking a second to think about how incredibly gorgeous she was- standing in the moonlight only softened her already beautiful features, the moonlight reflecting off her creamy, porcelain skin while her hair was being somewhat ruffled by the breeze. Sometimes just looking at her broke his heart- how could any other woman ever compare to her?

“Ace, I need you to talk to me- if we’re doing this thing, this relationship, we have to be able to talk about these things, I need to know where you are, what you want…”

She looked into his gorgeous, chocolate eyes, so full of love and concern for her and it shattered her heart.

“Where I am, Logan, is Cancerville, population: me. And maybe it’s not the worst, scariest kind of cancer and there is a very real, even probable chance that I’ll come through it with my life… but did you read any of the brochures they gave me? Or do any googling on my disease or my treatment? I know for a fact that you missed the fun that was the conversation with my doctor in the hospital about my fertility options, depending on my diagnosis.” Wait, what did she say?

She saw the expression of his face and it made her turn away from him and start shifting her weight from side to side as she geared up to pace and rant.

“Yeah, turns out one of the super fun side effects of chemo? Possible infertility. And sure, I have options- I can try to harvest and freeze my eggs, although they say it’s way more likely to work if I freeze actual embryos, but that requires a sperm donor too and that’s way more complicated of a prospect because there is you and me, but we _just_ got back together and we’re so young and it’s so new and… Oh, plus, I’d have to delay the start of chemo to get that done and it could take a month or two and the doctor really doesn’t want me to wait that long. Then there is a treatment they can give me that basically puts me in early menopause, which I’ve heard is just all kinds of fun- and it’s temporary, basically puts my system on pause during the treatments so I can unpause after. I honestly don’t understand all of the science behind it- but then I get all those fun menopause side effects WHILE dealing with the side effects of chemo.

“And no matter what I do, there is still a decent chance none of it works and I will have done all that- shelled out maybe tens of thousands of dollars and the chemo still fucks up my reproductive system. So I’ve got door after door to pick from and every single one of them sucks worse than the other. I just- I can’t believe this! I wasn’t supposed to have to deal with any of this for like a decade! I’m 23, I’ve been out of college for a year! I still haven’t ever signed a real lease or even gotten my own credit card… I’ve never even had a plant that didn’t die within a few weeks, but I’m supposed to be able to figure out whether or not I want kids in the future and if I do, how to try and make that happen WHILE I’m dealing with cancer? Really?

“God, Mom is _so_ wrong, there is no way God is a woman- no woman would set up a system that is this fucked up!” He just let her rant, he knew she needed to get this all out there, hold nothing back- she wasn’t looking for him to fix it, not yet- this was part of her process. Once she was done ranting and raving and pacing she would take his hand, sit him down and ask him what he thought. And after another 5 minutes or so, that’s exactly what she did.

As they settled back into the sand, blanket about her shoulders and his arms around her she finally looked over at him- eyes red from crying, but he could tell she felt strangely more peaceful- nothing was resolved but she had finally said everything she had to say. Well, almost.

“I guess that’s why the pregnancy scare question upset me so much. Because as awful as it was the second time, the first time- when I thought it was possible I was having _our_ baby… I don’t know- it would have been a lot and I would have missed out on this amazing job I’ve had, but it would have brought us back together, I knew that. And yeah, I had always imagined our hypothetical family- blond hair and blue eyed kids running around, getting into all kinds of trouble with their scheming and pranks… being spoiled by my mom and their Uncles Finn and Colin…” She smiled as she talked about it, “I saw us all curled up in bed on Sunday mornings doing the Times Crossword puzzle together while eating chocolate chip pancakes… or having Willy Wonka movie nights and we all start singing the Oompa Loompa song together…” Logan rolled his eyes at that, if he had to sit through that damn movie one more time, he really didn’t know if he could keep his sanity in tact through one more viewing.

“And then, even though that second scare was basically the definition of suck, at least I could have had a kid. I could have made the decision myself whether or not to keep it, I would have had the chance to be pregnant and experience all of those big moments everyone is always talking about… I could have at least had the chance to be a mom. And now? All of those choices and chances feel out of reach and it’s… I guess it’s one thing to not be sure if you want kids, but it’s another thing to have that choice taken away from you. I mean, I’m a woman, it’s basically the _one_ thing I’m supposed to be able to do- idiot 14 year olds around the country are currently knocked up, but if I ever want a family, no matter how smart I am, or how much money I can put towards it, I just may not ever be able to make it happen for me. And I may not ever be able to give that to someone- I may never be able to carry your biological children- because I’m defective.

“It just feels like flashbacks to that horrible dinner at your parents, when your mom was talking about what a terrible choice for a wife I would be… I didn’t care what she said then, I knew it was crap, that you didn’t care about the trophy wife stuff or any of that… but this? This you care about. I know you do. I’m sure you’re thinking you would be fine with whatever, and even if I can’t have kids there is always adoption or surrogacy or something, but I just… I think it’s naive to count on the idea that I’ll be enough, on my own, defective body and all.” She sounded so much sadder than he’d ever heard her- she sounded… defeated. Like it was inevitable that his only response to this information was for him to pick up and walk away. Had she really not heard anything he said earlier? Or had she heard it and just didn’t believe him?

He stood up, brushing the sand off his pants before he pulled her up to her feet, holding her tightly as he swooped in for a long, passionate kiss- it wasn’t warring or fighting for dominance, it was just him trying to pour out everything he felt for this amazing woman and how that would never, could never change. When he broke away finally, needing air, he just cradled her face in his hands- brushing back a wisp of hair behind her ear, meeting her tentative gaze.

“Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, I know I’m young- barely 26, but I think I’ve seen a lot and experienced a lot in my life. Maybe not things like poverty or famine, but I feel pretty confident that I know my own mind and my own heart. I know that the few times in my life I’ve ever been genuinely scared all had to do with the possibility of losing you- when you said we should just go back to being friends, when we broke up for those stupid, horrible, awful months… the Bridesmaid debacle… and then that horrible, no good, idiotic proposal which I, for some reason decided to double down on and turn into an ultimatum, one that left both of us heartbroken and miserable for way too long.

“And when I took you to the hospital a few weeks ago, I don’t know that I have ever been more terrified in my life- until I heard the words cancer. The idea that not only could I lose you, but that the world could lose you? I thought my heart would literally stop beating. I don’t want a world without Rory Gilmore, ace reporter, champion eater, the best debater I've ever known... And I especially don’t want _my_ world to ever again be without you. There are a lot of if’s in our lives right now- a lot of question marks and scary unknowns, and they only make me that much more sure that you are the only person I ever want to go through good times or bad times with- so kids, no kids; adoption vs surrogacy; east coast or west coast; dog or cat? I don’t care- because none of it matters so long as I have you in my life, by my side- you’re my best friend, my favorite partner in crime, the absolute best part of my life.” She was crying again- she really couldn’t understand where all these tears were coming from, shouldn’t she be cried out by now? But then she gasped as he moved again, getting on one knee in front of her.

“I know you think that I’m insane right now, and I promise you that if you tell me you just aren’t ready yet, I will not break up with you- because I mean it, that would be stupid, because I need you in my life- I love you too much to ever let you go again. So, Ace… Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?”


	8. Rings and Revelations

_One Year Ago at Rory's Graduation Party_

_“You amaze me, Rory Gilmore; everyday, everything that you do, everything that you are… This past year I realized that I don’t know a lot more than I thought I knew… if that makes sense, I’m sorry, I’m a little bit nervous, I didn’t think I would be… what I’m trying to say is that I don’t know a lot, but I know that I love you. And I want to be with you, forever; Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?_

_And Rory had been like a deer in the headlights, turning instantly to her mom and dad, her grandparents, trying to ascertain whether this was really happening- like this, right now… she wasn’t dreaming, she wasn’t being punked… Ashton Kutcher was nowhere near the party waiting to jump out at her, right?_

_“Ummm… wow. Oh, wow. I mean… I… wow.”_

_“Is there a yes in between those wows?”_

_“Umm, I’m just so… I’m so surprised, I just… ummm, ummmm, will you come talk to me outside?”_

_“Sure.”_

_“Yeah. Ok.” She grabbed his hand and practically dragged him outside- she was in shock, absolute, paralyzing shock. You could have told her that she was the love child of Madonna and David Bowie and that would have been easier for her to process and accept than the fact that Logan has just proposed to her in front of 200 of her grandparents’ friends and business associates, the night before she graduated college when they had literally never spoken of marriage or a wedding in their entire relationship. The last time she had been that blindsided was probably when Mitchum took her aside and told her that she didn’t have “it”._

_But the hardest thing about Logan’s proposal was that she was genuinely shocked. It had nothing to do with whether or not she wanted to marry him and be his wife- because, whether she had realized it or not, it had been a long time since she imagined a life for herself that didn’t include him. In fact, she knew (or thought she did) when he took a helicopter to the hospital to be with her after her grandfather’s heart attack- ignoring all those emails and texts and calls from work so that he could be there for her- that was when she knew she couldn’t picture a life without them together._

 

May 2008

But marriage was such a major leap for them to make. Or was it? She didn’t really know anymore- everything seemed so crazy and convoluted and sitcom-like to her as she looked back on that first proposal and everything that happened since and where they were now. And right now, she was standing on a beach with the love of her life down on one knee, earnestly looking up at her, begging her with his eyes to say yes this time.

And this time, she knew he wouldn’t run, even if she said no. And, she knew she had decided to marry him a very long time ago- she had done the right thing a year ago- but regretted losing him every day in between. She had missed him, she loved him and he was it for her.

But- she couldn’t ignore the fact that there were other things to think about, other factors.

“Logan, I uh… wow…”

“Oh come on, Ace, a year later, you can’t do the wow thing again, it may literally kill me.” That made her actually smile, reminding him how captivating, how blinding her smile was- this was the woman for him- he’d never be able to move past her brilliance, her wit, her charm… and especially not her smile.

“Logan, we just had a really big conversation with a lot of information to process and we’re both so emotional right now… and we _just_ got back together, like, less than a month ago!”

“Ok, you think of it as impulsive, but I think of it, of the last four years, as making this moment inevitable- it all led up to this point, I love you, Rory Gilmore, this might be spontaneous, it might be sudden, but it’s in no way impulsive." 

“But Logan…” And this was what was so hard for her to say- she had to pause. “Logan, I’m sick. Like, really sick- and it’s not a cold or the flu; I have cancer.  And despite the fact that the odds are pretty good for me, I could, in fact, die. I mean, that’s pretty serious. I don’t want you to be doing this as a knee jerk reaction or anything, I mean, the next year is going to be really fucking hard- I’m going to be sick, I’m going to lose my hair, hell- I may lose my appetite! I’m not going to be the woman you fell in love with.”

“Ace, what is that about in sickness and in health? I know it’s going to be awful, believe me, you’ve done your googling and talking to doctors and so have I- I have no illusions as to what the next year is going to be like. But I do know there is nothing you could possibly say to me that is going to keep me from being right there, by your side, holding your hand through it all. I don’t know what exactly might happen, and it scares the hell out of me, of course. But you and I together can be a pretty formidable team.” That made her smile and she looked like she was about to crack.

“My mom is going to think we’re absolutely fucking nuts, you know that right? And Emily- oh God, Grandma is going to have wedding planners on the phone before we even get the news out.” She shook her head like these were all things to be upset about, but Logan’s head was spinning and his mind was working overtime as he processed it all.

“Wait, does this mean-? Ace, are you saying yes? To marrying me? Really?” He looked at her with such a look of shock and incredulity she couldn’t help but giggle as she nodded her head and pulled him to his feet- needing to kiss him and hold him. 

“Yes, Logan, I understand _exactly_ what I’m saying. I am saying that I think you’re insane, but I love you and you are the only man I want by my side, ever. I want to be your partner and your best friend and I want to be your wife.” And as she said it she beamed up at him and smiled so wide she thought her face just might break- but she had to match the one he was sporting, if that was even possible. They crashed their lips together- unfortunately the smiles meaning they got more teeth than was truly necessary, but who cared? There was a full moon, a pleasant breeze and Logan had finally gotten Rory Gilmore to agree to be his wife- the world was perfect and that was all that mattered.

* * *

The next morning Rory woke up with a slight headache (one she definitely remembered having earned… why had she suggested tequila)? But she also woke up with Logan’s body pressed against hers so closely that she was having trouble moving away from him to get up and go pee and brush her teeth. As she tried to extricate herself from him- their limbs being so intricately intertwined her attempts to move away only caused him to groan and pull her in closer.

“Logan… I love you so much, but it’s,” she looked at the clock on her cell phone, “10:30 and we both know that if we don’t head out there soon, they, and by the they I obviously mean Finn, will be coming in here- and we’re both _very_ naked and you know his rule about no one being more naked than him… and right now I don’t feel like I’m in an emotional place where I can handle seeing his bare ass. I know it would hardly be a first, but everytime it happens it haunts me. The only naked man’s ass I ever want to see again is yours… well, your’s and Hugh Jackman’s- I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that he’s Wolverine. You understand, right?” She smiled at him as he finally released her from his embrace, grumbling something about stupid Aussies ruining his life as he let her leave the bed- fully enjoying the view of her naked body as she walked towards the en suite bathroom, taking in her smooth, porcelain skin and perfect shape.

And then, as she closed the door and he laid back down on the pillow, it hit him. He had proposed. Not only that, he had proposed and she had said yes. She said yes to marrying him! Holy fucking shit- Rory Gilmore had agreed to marry him! She was his fiance. He was engaged. Fuck, it had been spontaneous- he hadn’t had the ring with him- she didn’t have the ring yet. He stood up frantically searching for his boxers (how they had ended up on top of the lampshade on the opposite side of the room was a bit baffling, but fine, not worth derailing him right now). He hurried to  pull them on, along with a t-shirt before he dug around in his suitcase, rummaging through it as quickly as he could, not caring about the mess he was making as he searched for a certain blue velvet box… 

“Yes!” He found it- he couldn’t believe he thought to pack it- in a million years he hadn’t thought he would be proposing, didn’t believe he would need it- but he had and he did and she would know it wasn’t a fluke, it wasn’t rash- it was just… it was right, they were finally going to be together forever and that was all he had ever wanted with her.

But first, he heard her turn on the shower and the idea of her smooth skin, memories from the night before flooded his thoughts and he hurried to remove the clothes he had just put on as he practically ran to the bathroom- it had been a long time since they had showered together and he didn’t feel like squandering the opportunity to reconnect.

Rory shut the door to the bathroom, noticing how sore she was- remembering the night before and the ways that she had moved and flexed to get to this point of tired but well-worn achiness. She smiled as she turned on the hot water of the shower, remembering everything.

_“I know you think that I’m insane right now, and I promise you that if you tell me you just aren’t ready yet, I will not break up with you- because I mean it, that would be stupid, because I need you in my life- I love you too much to ever let you go again. So, Ace… Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?”_

He had proposed. He had given her that whole beautiful speech about spending his life with his best friend, her, and how much he loved her and knew she was the one for him and… she knew- she just did. She had a few concerns, it was true. She didn’t want him proposing just because she was sick, and of course she was concerned about the kids issue and all of that… but she had laid her soul bare last night- she hadn’t even told her mother about one of those hookups- Lorelai’s mocking of her assignations was something that she didn’t think she’d ever be able to get used to, not to mention her concern over her dad hearing about it in one of Lorelai’s (not infrequent) less judicious moments. 

But despite everything, taking everything into account, he still wanted to be with her- wanted to marry her and love her for the rest of their lives. And sure, she said no a year ago- and that had probably been the right call then, If she had said yes she may have never joined the Obama campaign- and that had been the absolute best job she could have hoped for. But she had missed him every damn day, she had been so unhappy for so long… and now? Now that she was faced with a very real and ugly confrontation of her mortality, she didn’t want to worry about pro/con lists; she didn’t want to overthink and panic over every decision, every question- she wanted to be on that 7 story scaffolding one more time with only a 3rd year Engineering student’s harness and a silk umbrella to keep her from plummeting to her death. She wanted to be the intrepid reporter Rory Gilmore, the woman who started an unsanctioned blog called _ReporterGirl- Tales from the Trail_. She wanted to be the woman who gave into happiness and love and devotion and lived life as fully as possible- and she was never more that woman than when she was with him.

She smiled, thinking about Logan and how much she loved who she was when she was with him- she was brave and daring, outgoing, full of _joie de vie_. As she went over it all, so caught up in her thoughts she didn’t notice Logan had opened the door to the shower, not until he stepped under one of the nozzles and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him, caressing her skin down the sides with his palms- from belly to torso before they encircled her and pulled her as close to him as possible- causing her to moan as she felt his desire rise against her lower back.  

“So, Ace… or do I need to retire that nickname?” Her eyes went wide in fear, despite her "complaints" that he didn’t seem to know her actual name, she loved it when he called her Ace- it was their thing and she secretly loved it. She turned around and he could see the look of concern in her face, finding himself unable to keep a totally straight face. “Relax, it isn’t a bad thing- at least, I’m hoping in the light of day it’s not so bad- I was just thinking how excited I am to call you my fiance.” And with that her happy grin went to full on, brighter than sunshine smile mode.

“Oh, that’s right, _fiance_. Seriously, you better not forget that, _fiance of mine_. Cause if you do, I will make your life truly miserable… _future husband_.” His smile was so wide it was starting to hurt his face muscles but he couldn’t make himself care in the least.

“God, I love you so much, you know that right?” She just leaned in and kissed him- instantly pressing her tongue against his lips, needing access to him, needing to feel as much of her body on his as was possible- tongue, lips, teeth- it didn’t matter, she wanted it all.

And he was happy to meet her, pressing her back against the tile wall of the shower, hitching one leg of hers up around his waist as he migrated his lips, teeth and tongue to her neck. “Fuck, Ace, I love you so much, I swear to God, you’re so beautiful sometimes I don’t even know what to do.”

“I’ve got a few ideas... but you seem to be doing an ok job all on your own.” And he was- he had moved his hands down her body, his fingers toying with her as she got wetter and wetter- he teased her, played with her- one hand roaming up and down her body, paying attention to her breasts, teasing her nipples when his teeth and tongue. Every stroke, every touch, every kiss felt like a hot iron against her skin- she wanted- no, scratch that,  _needed_ more.

She moved her hand down his torso to his arousal, one hand encircling his cock and gently began to pump it while the other remembered to cup his balls, making him moan so deliciously against her right breast as he teased her rosy nipple, hard and peaked. Once again she was reminded of how generously he was endowed; she was hardly an expert on the male member, but in her fairly limited experience, he surpassed every other one she’d seen by far. As he inserted his fingers between her folds she returned the moan, “Fuck, Logan, I need you so badly!”

“You know I can’t deny you anything.” He cupped her ass with both hands and pulled her legs up so that they circled his waist, holding her up against the wall as he entered her with one thrust, causing both of them to cry out with pleasure. Her lips and teeth went back to his neck, she really didn’t care if she left any marks, he was hers now after all- she would brand him if she damn well wanted, and by his reactions as she nipped at his neck, she really didn’t think he minded. 

“Fuck, Ace, you are just so tight and so wet- how is that even possible?” He was thrusting deeply inside and she was trying to hold herself up, her hands and arms helping to brace her, the angle that this created meant that he was hitting her right in the exact perfect spot every time… and despite the numerous rounds the night before, this was all starting to happen so fast- he could feel it building it inside of him, she was moaning, he knew she was close but not as close as him. 

“Ace, I’m getting close…”

“Oh, me too baby, just a little fucking more…” but then she did something she had never done before, she reached down between them and began to play with her clit with her own fingers, squeezing it between two fingers, playing with her folds and then pressing it down with her thumb, crying out in sheer pleasure as she came, knowing her orgasm would create an even tighter feeling for him and send him over almost immediately… and she was not disappointed when Logan thrust hard 4 or 5 more times, moaning her name as he came inside her. They stood there, the hot water raining down on them as they both tried to catch their breath- him kissing her softly on the lips and then lightly on her cheek before touching his forehead to hers.

“Do you think it will always be like this, between us? All fire and passion and need?”

“I have a hard time imagining it could be any other way.” She kissed him back and they disentangled to actually shower this time.

As soon as she got out of the shower and had finished towel drying her hair- curling it or straightening it at this point seemed silly, there was a good chance she’d spend some time in or near the water today, meaning she’d have to shower again tonight anyways. She was wrapped in a white towel and Logan was dressed by the time she re-entered the bedroom, wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a zip up hoodie for some sports team she didn't know- but Rory wasn’t focusing, nor did she really care because he was walking towards her, holding up a small blue velvet box.  

“Ace, I know you thought last night I was being really impulsive, but two weeks ago, the day before the vow renewal, I was out walking and I saw this and I just… I had this feeling that this time I would have a chance to put this on your finger. I know that sounds insane and the definition of impulsive, but this is all I’ve thought about for a year.” He opened the box and she gasped as he revealed the ring to her- it was amazing. “Now, I already asked, and you said yes- and if you don’t love this ring then I don’t give a damn, I’ll buy you ten rings if that’s what you want… but-” And with that she just cut him off, kissing him deeply, passionately- her tongue tangling with his and she could tell he was starting to get hard again- God, this engagement stuff was so sexy!  

He was the one who pulled away, “Ace, as much as I would love to continue this, I think we better head out to see everyone. So, what do you say, can I get you to wear this ring?” He had pulled it out of the box and had her left hand in his, without waiting for an ok he slid the ring onto her finger and kissed it- it was in it’s place and he hoped he’d never see her without it again.

She just looked down, mesmerized by it. It wasn’t the same ring he had last year- which had also been beautiful, but this one was just… this was perfect. It was definitely a vintage style, but a new ring- a large but still tasteful asscher cut diamond in the center and then side baguettes with diamonds and filigree on the band. It was simple but ornate, classic but distinctive and it was just the right size for her- she wasn’t comfortable with huge, ostentatious displays like she knew he was frequently tempted to gift her- this was just about right.

“Wow, and to think that five minutes ago you were looking at _me_ like that!” She had almost forgotten he was even in the room- that couldn’t be good, right?

“Logan! I’m sorry!” She blushed deeply, somewhat ashamed at her getting lost in a piece of jewelry. “It’s just… wow, it’s so beautiful!” She looked up at him, happy tears starting to pool in her eyes.

He was looking at her though when he said, “So beautiful.” He pulled her in and kissed her one more time.

“I just… wow, it’s so real Logan. It’s real- you and I, we’re getting married.” She just smiled up at him, he smiled down at her and he was about to contemplate going for one more round when she stopped his lips.  

“Coffee. I need coffee.” He rolled his eyes, actually impressed at how well she’d done so far this morning without a single cup- although he had learned a while ago that the one thing that could work to wake her up in the morning that wasn’t caffeinated sludge was exactly what they had spent a decent portion of their shower time doing.  

As they entered the kitchen they saw everyone there in varying states of hangover- each addressing it in their own, unique ways. Colin was taking antacids and drinking gatorade to rehydrate, Stephanie was helping herself to scrambled eggs and a few pieces of bacon, drinking coffee and orange juice; Juliet and Rosemary were drinking bloody marys with aspirin and Finn was eating biscuits and gravy, drinking coffee and (they knew from experience) would chase that with a bland beer at the end- just enough hair of the dog.

Rory made a beeline for the coffee maker, there was a brand new pot- everyone was very familiar with her coffee needs and habits and made sure there would be a full pot when she woke up- they knew from painful experience that she was not a person they wanted to encounter prior to her second cup. While she poured coffee for her Logan pulled out more eggs to scramble and some bread to toast.

It was silent as everyone watched the couple- they had left last night in major crisis of some kind- and neither Finn nor Stephanie would rest until they found out every last thing that had been said out on the beach. But now they were the most infatuated, engrossed and off in their own world that the friends had ever seen them. They couldn’t keep from touching, brushing hands against each other, fingers grazing against the other's leg or face... their smiles weren’t diminishing even a bit, and then Rory handed Logan his coffee mug and Stephanie shrieked. 

“Holy fucking shitballs- what the fucking fuck is that????” She dropped her orange juice on the table and ran over to Rory. The girls (and Finn) instantly turned to Stephanie and then Rory- somehow they recognized that shriek as meaning something important was going on- the universal gossip girl’s homing beacon that there was major news. Colin just swore as his head was pounding, silently begging her to to be quiet or kill him- either was fine with him. 

Stephanie was grabbing at Rory’s hand, practically pulling her finger off her hand, out of the socket as she looked at it.

“Oh my god, is this what I think it is? This is what I think it is, right? Oh my god, I’m so so so happy for you two! Oh this is just the best thing ever!” By that time they had been joined by Juliet, Finn and Rosemary and Rory was looking at Logan with eyes screaming _help me!!!!_ Stephanie had pulled her hand up to see better while Juliet, Finn and Rosemary pieced together what was going on, what happened, and the three of them were jumping up and down, screaming and waving their hands like the girls on a squad of every single teenager cheerleading movie ever when they got good news. 

“Holy shit, that’s 2 ¼ -2 ½ carats asscher cut, flawless- no inclusions, colorless… oh my God! I can’t believe it! What happened? When did this happen? I mean, I’m just…” She stopped talking as she looked over at Finn who had stopped screaming and was just standing back, hands on his face and tears pooling in his eyes as he smiled. He pushed Stephanie and the girls away and pulled Rory and Logan in for a big hug.

“I’m so happy for you two! I just knew at some point you’d both get your heads out of your respective asses and make me the bestest Best Man who ever had the privilege!”

Rory and Logan were just looking over his shoulders to each other as he held them and cried. Finally Colin stood up and asked,  

“What the hell is going on here?” Clearly he had the most to drink the night before, his hangover had him at total dunce level this morning. Stephanie turned around, a look of sheer annoyance on her face at the fact that she had to explain the most obvious thing ever.

“Rory and Logan are engaged.” Colin stood there, his mouth wide open, his eyes unblinking- he looked frozen and shocked and didn’t move- hell, they weren’t entirely sure he was breathing. Rory just giggled a little as she took a swig of coffee, gave Logan a quick kiss and then turned back to him, finding him in the same state.

“You ok there, Colin? You need a minute? Some water? A time machine?” He finally shook it off and walked up to them- pulling Rory away from both Logan and Finn and hugging her- tightly.

“Thank you, Reporter Girl, I missed my best friend Logan this last year- thank you for bringing him back.”  She smiled, tearing up just a bit, genuinely touched by his sentiment. He then let her go and pulled Logan into him for a hug. “And you, Man… congratulations. And don’t you dare fuck this up again, you hear me?” Everyone laughed at that and Finn ran to the fridge, pulling out champagne- because of course it was just in there, ready to go. He smiled over everyone, thrilled as he poured into mugs/glasses/flutes- whatever was out, needing to toast the newly engaged couple- something everyone was thrilled to do.

* * *

The weekend progressed much the same- plenty to eat and drink, jokes, games, time spent on the water either on the boat, on jet skis or a few attempts at swimming, even though it was still early in the season and relatively cool for May. The last night there they decided to have an old fashioned clambake and bonfire on the beach. While the guys tended the fire- well, Colin and Logan- it had been unanimously decided that Finn was to stay at least 5 feet from the fire at all times that evening, for his safety and the safety of everyone else on the island.

Finn was surprisingly brilliant in the kitchen- he really understood the nuances of various spices and herbs, how to bring out all the right flavors in the clams, mussels, shrimp, scallops and lobster as they steamed with sausage, corn on the cob and potatoes- so the ladies left him to the kitchen while they worked on bruschetta and other snacks, lighting tiki torches and citronella candles to avoid the bugs and setting out blankets on the beach.  

Once the fire was going and the pots of food buried in the coals nearby it, Logan came into the library, searching for Rory. (Of course she'd retreat to the library when she wanted to be alone to deal with something). He found her perusing a stack of brochures, some of them open and notes written in the margin, some with pages/folds dogeared. _Someday Is Today_ from the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society; _Understanding Hodgkin Lymphoma - A Guide For Patients;_ _Side Effect Management for Lymphoma Patients; A Comprehensive Guide to Chemotherapy Treatment for Lymphoma Patients; Preserving Fertility Options for Lymphoma Patients; Chemotherapy and Fertility; Radiation Therapy Symptoms and Side Effects._

He knew she wouldn’t make it an entire weekend without looking at these- he was actually a little surprised that this was the first time he had seen her break down and work through them. She was reading them seriously, making notes on a legal pad she must have found in the desk, her brow furrowed as she concentrated and tried to decipher some of the less scrutable passages about research and drug combos and diagnostic testing... but she wasn’t crying- there were no tears in her eyes, she was reviewing these just like she read anything else when studying at school or doing research for an article- with calm, fortitude and thoroughness.

“Hey there, Ace.” He spoke softly but it still startled her slightly- he couldn’t help but smile at how easily she could just lose herself in the written word and be totally oblivious to everything around her.

“Logan- sorry, were you standing there long?” He just shook his head and chuckled as he moved into kiss her as he sat down next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder.

“Not long at all. So… have you read anything you want to talk about? Any thoughts you want to share?” He was trying to ask casually, but he was anxious to understand what she was thinking and feeling right now.

“Umm, yeah. A few things I think we should talk about, actually..." She picked up a small stack of pamphlets and shuffled through them before diving in."So, we know that we want kids, right?” She looked up at him, her eyes so open and her expression full of vulnerability. He just smiled and nodded.

“I mean, I’m not _quite_ ready yet- I’d like to get a few things more settled first, but yeah, I think in a few years I’d really like to start a family and have as many kids as we can or as you want. And if we can’t have any the good old fashioned way, or even the not so old fashioned kind of way, then I’m ok with that. We can adopt, we can look into surrogacy… or we can just be awesome Aunt Rory and Uncle Logan to all of our friends’ kids.” She tried not to get caught up in the fantasy of what their kids may look like, or be like- obviously brilliant, probably troublemakers, and they'd have their Grandma Lorelai wrapped around their fingers in a second. 

“Ok, well then, that's the next thing- do you think we should postpone treatment long enough to try for freezing embryos?”

“What exactly does that entail? Walk me through it.” 

“Ok, well, from what I understand, I go on some crazy hormones for a few weeks to make sure that I produce plenty of eggs that cycle and they go in and they get as many as they can, pull them out and put them in a petri dish. Then they take sperm- I assume the usual way- and try to fertilize the eggs. Then after a few days, they take the eggs that took to fertilization and freeze them. We then keep them in cryo-storage until we’re ready to use them, they say probably within 10 years? They say about 60% of people get viable embryos- but even with viable embryos it’s still not a perfect science, it’s still a pretty new concept, they say it’s better than freezing eggs, more effective.”

“But you’d have to wait to start chemo?”

“Yeah, I'd have to finish this, if all goes well, probably 4-6 weeks.” 

“Ok, so that's an option... what else do we have- what's the menopause option?” 

"So, it's sort of like early, but only temporary menopause. It’s an injection I get once/month as long as I'm in treatment. The hormones would keep my body from producing eggs. It would, however, have a lot of the same side effects. Of course, they're pretty similar some of the effects of chemo, so there is a chance I wouldn't even notice. But for someone my age, they're telling me it’s pretty damn effective. I mean, it's actually possible, given my age, I may not need to take any precautions, but since the doctors are giving me a pretty aggressive chemo drug cocktail, they think it’s best to be cautious and do something. So, what do you think?”

“Honestly? Look, I want you to do what you need to do- but my vote is for the injection and starting treatment as quickly as we can. I don’t like the idea of this being in your body one second longer than necessary.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Ace, _you_ are the priority. I know you think that I’m going to turn 30 and get upset if we lost the chance to have a family, but without you there is no family, _you_ are the only person that I care about at this moment- I need you to be good and healthy and then we'll figure out the rest.”

She thought about it and nodded at him, biting her lip.

“I think I agree- I just want to get this over with as soon as possible. And if I start in a week, I should be done with chemo by Christmas.”  

“That sounds like an awfully good incentive to me.” He smiled and kissed her. “Now, what do you want to do about telling people?” 

“I think we should tell everyone here tonight. I don’t want to be a downer on the trip, but I want them to be able to ask me questions and talk to me in person- I don’t want to send out some horrible, impersonal email. Then we’ll talk to my grandparents on Friday? No, actually, I don’t like that- if I'm going to start chemo next Tuesday, I want to give them a little more time to process. I swear, I have no idea how mom is keeping them off my back- what they think happened while I was in the hospital... Oh well, I can't worry about that right this second. Then… I think I’ll just let Mom spread the word in Stars Hollow. And of course, last but not least, I’ll call Paris, but she’s the last person I tell- because the second I tell her, my life is completely different. I can’t even guarantee she doesn’t take time off med school to come down here to walk me through every single step, which is incredibly sweet, but…” 

“But also undeniably overwhelming and probably the last thing you need to deal with while going through it?” 

“See, you get her!” She smiled and pulled him in for a kiss. After they broke he looked her in the eye, needing to know they were on the same page.  

“Hey, Ace, this is all your show- you tell me who you’re comfortable knowing, when you’re ready for them to know and we go from there. I’m here for you, I’m on your side, no questions, excuses or apologies, you hear me?”

“Logan, what about your work? You’re in California these days, I can’t pull you away from that!” 

“Well, that’s the beauty of working for a tech startup in the 21st century. I mean, we'll have to figure something out with your parents- whether they’re ok with me crashing in the Hollow when I’m in town, but my thought was that you’ll have treatment every Tuesday to start, then hopefully down to every other. So, you’ll go in Tuesdays and spend four hours at the clinic, then go home and sleep the rest of that day and probably feel like crap until Friday. The first month, I’ll be out here, working remotely unless there is something at the office I just can’t get out of. After two months hopefully you’re down to every other week and that means you get a week off in between each course- I can be here for the treatment weeks, or most of them, and then you’re covered with your parents and grandparents and every single crazy person in that mental asylum you call a town.” 

“Wow, you’ve really thought about this.” 

“I have. I’m also starting to draw up plans to open an office on the East Coast- so, hopefully by the end of the year I can be out here full-time, heading up this office with my partners in California. That way neither of us have to try and explain to Lorelai why you're moving across the country as soon as you finish treatment. I mean, I’m a brave man, I’m an adventurous man… but I’m not a stupid man and that is not a conversation I want to have. Ever.” She smiled back at him, she loved how well he knew her and her mother, and accepted it. Granted, her mom had not always been his greatest supporter, but she had tried, and was trying even harder, and she know he would never stop trying to get her to be Team Logan.  

“I love you so much, you know that right?” He smiled at her as he leaned in and kissed her. 

“Well, that’s a pretty good thing, because I’m pretty sure you agreed to spend the rest of your life with me- it should be much more bearable this way.” She kissed him again and then pulled away, smiling, but looking reluctant to end their fun.

“Don’t get me wrong, I have plans for you tonight. But in the meantime, I believe we have dinner and a bonfire and the last few hours of normalcy I’m going to have for the next year or two. I don’t want to miss a second.” He nodded, wishing he could dispute the statement, but he knew she was probably right and he didn’t want her to miss any of it either.  

They put away the many brochures so that no one would stumble upon them- as unlikely as it seemed that any of these LDBers would wander into the library of a vacation house. Then, hand in hand they headed out to the kitchen, grabbing wine before heading down to the bonfire that was burning nicely as the sun began to set. They all sat and watched, laughing and joking as the oranges and pinks turned to purples, blues and grays… and finally it was the moon and the stars and them on the beach.

They brought out the food and dished up heaping portions for everyone, the wine flowed freely, the conversation even freer. These were close friends who had missed a year together, still catching up, still getting back to “normal”. Rosemary, Stephanie and Juliet (and occasionally Finn) would ask what they were thinking about for the wedding- when, where, what Rory would wear (the girls concerned about the dress, Finn once asking about the lingerie under before Logan punched him quickly in the stomach and it was forgotten). She had artfully dodged their questions for now, her and Logan understanding there was way too much in going on for them to worry about that yet. 

But as the fire began to die down- enough that they could begin to roast marshmallows and were letting Finn come within a few feet of it, conversation came back to more serious questions. 

“So, Reporter Girl, when do you go back to the Obama Campaign? It looks like Clinton is about to withdraw- I’m sure that’s going to be a hell of a night to witness and write about- you must be dying to get back to all the fun!” Rory bit her lip sharply, not minding the metallic tang of the taste of blood from it, it somehow kept the tears that formed in her eyes from falling immediately.

Logan felt her tense second Colin asked the question- he knew that she was trying to deal with a lot of emotions- the fact that her career was now in a very nebulous and questionable place, just as it was starting. This was the thing she had given up so much in her life for, including his proposal a year ago... it was a pretty low blow that she was now being forced to give up the job (sure, she could freelance, but it wasn't the same), move home to Stars Hollow and spend the next 6 months or more there. She was planning to  keep writing, of course, but due to the quarts of poison she'd be getting injected into her body through the end of the year... they were both trying to be realistic about what that would look like. He had her hand in his, their fingers interlaced and he squeezed tightly, looking over at her- silently asking if she was ready. She took a few deep breaths and bit her bottom list, considering him and the situation and then nodded.  

“Actually, there is something we need to tell you guys.” Logan started, still looking at her, his complexion mostly pale and drained, but trying to put on as brave a face as he could muster.

“Oh my god, I’m going to be an Uncle, aren’t I? Uncle Finn? Oh my god, you’re going to bring me a little joey!” Finn was ready to start jumping up and down, dancing in the sand at the idea of it. Everyone else was looking at them, some of them had momentarily considered whether this was the case when they were engaged so quickly after reuniting- but Rory hadn’t slowed her caffeine  _or_ alcohol intake, so the rational ones among them had dismissed it. 

“Finn, do you really think Rory would be drinking yet another glass of wine tonight if she were pregnant?” Logan loved his friend's excitement for being an “uncle”, but didn’t he have a shred of common sense? 

“Oh, sorry about that. I guess I got a bit excited. Don’t worry, I’ll sit and pay attention like a good little boy, I swear.” 

“Actually, what I was going to say-” Logan spoke and Rory touched his arm and looked at him, shaking her head, indicating she thought she should be the one to relay this news.

“It turns out that right around the time Logan and I really reconnected, although I guess we had been exchanging emails, phone calls and texts for quite a while at that point, but... that's not important. Anyways, for a while I wasn’t feeling so well- I had been sick, a lot, and then a few weeks ago I was sick enough that Logan had to take me to the hospital. Well, thank God he panicked the way that he did." She smiled up at him- it was scary, everything that happened after that, but what if they still hadn't figured out what was going on? "I had been sick off and on for almost a year, sometimes in the hospital, sometime back home in Stars Hollow, my Publisher made me take some time off...” The jovial atmosphere that had existed just moments before was now silent- no one was smiling and even Finn seemed serious.

“Well, Logan took me to the hospital and they ran a bunch of tests and we learned that I have cancer." There was a collective gasp in the group and Rory had to barrel on through. "It's a type of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.” Juliet and Rosemary’s eyes seemed to tear up pretty much instantly and Colin swore using some particularly foul words. She looked at Logan and his face was a bit grayer, his smile a bit more determined and less joyous, but he squeezed her hand again and looked at everyone.

“Guys, you should know that Rory has an excellent prognosis. She’s going to start chemotherapy next week, she'll need it for at least six months- this isn’t something they can operate on. But hopefully, by Christmas she’ll be done with treatment and getting back into the newspaper business, back to taking the world by storm. And, of course, hopefully on the verge of marrying my sorry ass.” He smiled and turned to her, kissing her hand that he was holding so tenderly it was almost heartbreaking to those looking at them from the outside- she just smiled back at him, a few tears falling down her cheeks as she reveled in how much she loved this man- and these people surrounding them.


	9. Dinner with the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, telling the parents- this should be, well... exciting!
> 
>  
> 
> Don't forget to Read & Review- don't forget to look at the polling questions and comment with your suggestions! I have the overarching outline of the story set, but there is a lot of room for sub plots and small moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Polling for suggestions:  
> 1) Notice how Rory still hasn't speciifed who the man in her past that she hooked up with was? That's because I haven't decided, thoughts? Dean, Marty, Tristan, Jess? Seth? Robert? Brad from Chilton? Dave Rygalski? Hell, I could even be talked into entertaining the idea of Paris' Jamie. Thoughts?  
> 2) Just about time for Chris and Lorelai's 1st sonogram, then gender reveal in a few months- thoughts? Suggestions?  
> 3) Should Logan try to see his family now that he's back on this coast?

They pulled up the gravel driveway in Logan’s rented BMW, coming to a stop in front of Rory’s childhood home. Rory had been squeezing his hand tightly ever since they passed the exit for Woodbury, 16 miles back. This was maybe the first time ever she was dreading reaching Stars Hollow.  Reaching Stars Hollow meant seeing her mom, after all, and seeing her mom meant spilling the beans about the engagement and spilling the beans about the engagement meant probable judgement, disapproval and disappointment. As Logan pulled into park she groaned, wishing she could do a quick shot or two of tequila before going inside and ruining the happy bubble she'd been in the last few days. She knew her mom was going to have all kinds of things to say about the engagement- it was too soon, it was a gut reaction, she was scared by the diagnosis and had been missing Logan over the last year… And she wouldn't be entirely wrong. If not for everything that had happened recently, Rory may not have had the guts and clarity to say yes and then stand up to her mom and risk her disappointment; but she didn’t doubt, not for even a second, that she was doing exactly what she wanted- what would make her happy.

“Are you sure you’re ready? You really want to do this now?” He turned in his seat to look at her, taking her hand in his and kissing the knuckles, seeing the anxiety in her eyes. He was worried about her. He knew how much her parents reaction to the engagement, especially Lorelai's, was going to matter to her, he just didn’t know how bad it would be. He had always harbored a suspicion that Lorelai’s opinion had played a big part in her refusing him last time and he didn’t know what would happen if Lorelai was still against them being together. He didn't know how to make her understand that he didn't want a DAR-approved trophy wife, he  _wanted_ Rory to pursue her dreams and her career- she was never so alive and wonderful and happy as she was pursuing a lead or furiously clacking away at her keyboard trying to get all the thoughts on paper before the coffee buzz wore off. He loved all of the brilliant, beautiful enigma who was his Ace, and he just didn't know how to make sure her parents understood that.

Knowing they were both nervous, and having a pretty good idea as to what was going through Logan’s mind right now, Rory turned in her seat and looked him in the face, taking both of his hands; she needed him to really listen to, and believe, what she was about to say.

“Logan, I know you’re worried. And trust me, I really wish I could say that I knew they’d be happy for us. I mean, Dad is going to be fine- he may hem and haw a bit about the timing and something about his daughter getting married… but that’s just him trying to be a dad- he actually really likes you and thinks you're good for me. But, Mom's reaction? I swear to god, I have no clue what that's going to be like. I mean, I have an idea, obviously, or I wouldn't be hiding out here in your rental car in the driveway of my own damn house. I have a feeling it’s going to be her fairly standard, stilted, big-eyed, totally thrown off but seemingly sincere, ‘wow, kid, I’m so happy for you'; she’ll hug me and smile and ask me multiple inappropriate questions. And then, two days from now, she’ll pull me aside and try and convince me that I don't mean it, it’s too soon- we should get through treatment, we’re being impulsive and we’re scared and we should live together again first, blah blah blah...but I don’t care. I really don't. I just want to be with you and marry you and have a life together, and not even Lorelai Victoria Gilmore-Hayden can convince me otherwise.” She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, touching foreheads with him, closing her eyes slightly, breathing him in- enjoying his scent of cloves, coffee, musk and orange peel. 

“You're sure? Because it's not too late to take it back and tell me to wait- to stop being such an impulsive idiot.”

“Logan, I'm completely and totally,100% sure that I don't want you to stop being an impulsive idiot." She smiled at him and he chuckled back. "It’s not impulsive for me to want to marry you; I _wanted_ to marry you a year ago, I just wasn't ready. And yes, I’m glad, that I had the chances I got during the Obama campaign- it was such an amazing experience and I honestly don’t know if I would have done it if we had been engaged when the offer came. But, I also know, even more now than I did back then, that you are the man for me and I’m _really_ excited for our lives together. I love you, and I really hope my parents can be happy for me- for us- but if not? That’s too bad, Logan. You are the man who makes me happy, the man who tries every single day to be the best man he can possibly be, the man who stops at nothing to make me feel loved and secure and taken care of… and that’s not something I’m willing to lose- not ever again. You, Logan Elias Huntzberger are good and stuck with me for the rest of your life.” And just in case he didn't understand what she was saying, just in case he wasn't really comprehending how she felt, how sincere she was, she pulled him in by his collar, kissing him hard, fast, passionately and with purpose. 

Instantly the kiss was fierce, her tongue pushed against his lips and he opened them, granting her access, their breath picking up. He began running his hand down her back, causing her to gently but firmly bite his bottom lip, making him moan softly as he began to play with her top lip between his teeth. But just when she was about to move over and actually straddle him right there where anyone could see- her mom, her dad, Babette, Morey, Apricot the Cat or Pierpont the Gnome... they were interrupted by a knock on the passenger's side window. She pulled away, her face instantly turning bright crimson as she looked over to see her dad, walking Paul Anka, looking at them as she adjusted her dress and Logan tried desperately to think about his Great Aunt Mildred naked willing his rather sizable... "display of affection" to go away. Rory rolled down the window as they each tried to remove the smeared lip gloss off their lips, looking appropriately ashamed for being caught necking in her parent's driveway- never mind the fact that they had previously lived together and were both over the age of 21 (not to mention engaged, but there was no way for Chris to know that yet)- somethings would just always be embarrassing.

“Hey, Dad... sorry, we were uh... we were just about to head in.” Thank God she used her right hand to wave at him and check her smeared lips, not her newly bejeweled left- no matter how Lorelai took the news, nothing would be worse than anyone finding out before her; if that happened they had no real alternative but fleeing to Zijuanahuato or joining the French Foreign Legion to escape her wrath. Luckily it was Christopher that caught them, a man with no shortage of moments infinitely worse than this one, a man who actually really liked Logan and, while the idea of his daughter being a sexual creature was the thing nightmares were made of, in situations like this he couldn't help but smirk a tiny bit- knowing this was in all probability his future son-in-law and probably not the last time he'd encounter situations even worse and more painfully awkward than this.

“Yeah, I can see how eager you were to come inside and see us.” Rory and Logan each had the decency to duck their heads in contrition and embarrassment- something Chris perversely enjoyed seeing- it was fun being on this side of the father-daughter-boyfriend equation. “Well, I just wanted to let you two know that Lorelai knows you're here and is probably spending all of the time since you turned off the headlights making up dirty jokes and innuendos- I had to leave the house to escape them, not only were they coming short of actually being clever, but since they were about my sweet, innocent, angelic daughter, I would prefer to walk this freakshow she calls a dog instead of listening to her. You two, however, don't have that excuse and should get inside before she _actually_ figures out dirty words to rhyme with your names. Oh, and don’t forget, Kiddo, she’s seriously hormonal right now with the pregnancy… so no matter how gross or upsetting her jokes are, don’t tear into her, ok? I don't think I can take another night of her sobbing on the living room couch, stress eating canned frosting and quoting lines from _Steel Magnolias_.”

SHIT, how did Rory keep forgetting the fact that her mother was pregnant? What was a hormonal Lorelai like and how would that affect the way she reacted to their news? Then again, she grimly reminded herself, no matter the circumstances, Lorelai was going to be basically awful about the news and it didn’t really matter if her response was hormonally based or no, it was going to, in all likelihood, suck. Rory just sighed and nodded as her dad and Paul Anka walked away from the car with her following their retreat as she mentally prepared herself for a close encounter of the Hormonal Lorelai Gilmore kind.

She exited the car and went to the trunk to help with their luggage, reaching for her shoulder bag when Logan noticed that she had turned the diamond of her ring to the underside, only the band was visible now; clearly not wanting to draw attention to it before she said something. And he got it, he really did- she wanted to tell Chris and Lorelai together and Chris was on a walk with the dog and that was fine with him, he could wait ten minutes. He took her hand in solidarity and they walked to the front door where Lorelai was waiting for them with a mug of something hot- probably coffee, but maybe Chris had at least convinced her to try decaf during the pregnancy? He knew that if it was Rory who was pregnant that would be the biggest fight they'd ever have- him begging her to lay off the substance to avoid children with four heads, her practically needing the substance to live. As they approached the front steps, Logan was caught up in trying to figure out if he could tell Lorelai was pregnant. He did think she looked slightly fuller, rounder and maybe even had that mythical glow- but he was also terrified of saying anything about it to her, just incase she read into what he said and while he thought he said one thing that was really sweet and complimentary, but she thought he was calling her fat or sweaty instead of rounder, glowing, happy, etc. Not exactly a rabbit hole he wanted to go down with his future Mother-in-law

“Hey sweets- how was your vacation?” Lorelai came down the stairs to greet them and hugged Rory tight, before pulling Logan in for a looser, but still relatively warm embrace before putting her arms around each of them, standing in the middle and moving them into the house while Rory talked.

“Ummm, Nantucket was great, you know, lighthouses, sand, waves and lobster... Saw everyone from the old group, they're all great and it was awesome to see them- nice to kick back and talk about Yale and catch up on what's happened since. Ooh! I’m pretty sure that Colin and Stephanie are within five years of  _finally_ admitting their feelings for each other, so that’s progress- I've got 100 bucks on them being married by 2015, Logan has 2018. Rosemary is still appalled by Finn, as she should be, but since he's basically the biggest teddy bear sweetheart who ever lived, I kind of wonder if he's wearing her down... but maybe I'm just turning into a total softie." 

Lorelai smiled at her kid, wishing she knew why she had this tiny voice in the back of her brain saying she would be happier if Rory and Finn were an item, instead of Rory and Logan. She knew Logan had become a pretty good guy over the last few years- especially once he broke away from his father. And she admitted now that seeing him deal with Rory and her diagnosis… he had been everything a mother could and should dream of for their baby girl. But she just couldn’t shake how the very thought of him just rubbed her the wrong way, and he didn't even have a sexy accent to make up for it. How could she ever really let go of Past Logan, he of the brilliant "no strings attached" arrangement, the dangerous and irresponsible Life and Death Brigade stunts, the bridesmaids incident and, of course, Grand Theft Yacht-o? She knew that Rory loved him, she saw how happy Rory was when she was with him... but it just made her a little bit crazy. Oh well, she'd work on it, mentally crossing her fingers it would be a while before she actually had to prove she had gotten over it all. 

“And how about you, Logan? I hope you had a good time- it was a good thing you were able to take Rory out for the weekend, it must have been great for you two to get some quality time together before you have to head back to California, right?” She looked at him meaningfully, expecting him to say something along the lines of “Yeah, just dropping her off on my way to the airport, see you in a few months- Skype me in Palo Alto.”

Instead, he just nodded his head and smiled, staying pleasant but quiet as he went into Rory’s room to put down their bags- Rory had already told her mom that Logan was staying the night (something else Chris had grumbled a bit about- again, more to feel like a dad than actual disapproval). They moved about the first level of the house just chatting about their weekend away and what everyone in the group had been up to since Rory had seen them last. Logan noticed that Rory's room had changed since he’d been there; instead of that trundle situation they’d slept on during the Spring Fling last year there was an actual queen sized bed, but the room was obviously now the domain of a little girl who was heavily into the color pink, Barbies and My Little Pony, judging by the pink walls and bedspread, the giant Barbie playhouse and the posters of ponies everywhere.

They settled in, Rory looking through the new decor of the room she grew up in as Logan did a quick pass through his emails on his PDA until Chris was back with Paul Anka, informing them dinner from Al's was on the way- Pacific Rim/Pan Asian Night. While they waited for the feast of questionable authenticity to arrive, he opened up a bottle of Spanish Albarino for him, Rory and Logan- reminding a sad looking Lorelai she should be happy he was letting her have one cup of “real” coffee a day and there was no way she was getting even a sip of wine while pregnant- no matter what the celebrity doctor from Italy on _The View_ said. The small talk between the four of them continued for a while but once the food arrived and they had each helped themselves to the Pad Thai, Crab Rangoon, Kung Pao Chicken, Satay, Samosas and some kind of shrimp with pineapples and cashews. Logan could tell Rory was getting increasingly more nervous and hardly touching her food, a clear sign something was wrong, and he thought it was probably time to just rip the band-aid off so she could (hopefully) relax and just eat.

So after grabbing another one of those crab wonton things and taking another sip of wine (which was delicious, by the way, he needed to remember it), Logan looked to Rory, indicating with his head that he was going to say something, looking for her to let him know that was ok, but instead she shook her head subtly and held his hand before speaking. 

“Actually, Mom, Dad- there is something we wanted to talk to you about… You see, over the weekend we were talking and... Well, you know that over the last year I've been...” God, why couldn't she get a single sentence out? Her eyes were big and anxious and he could tell she had no idea how to say this. So, Logan stepped in, squeezing her hand to let her know he would take it, get the ball rolling. 

“Chris, Lorelai... As you can imagine, the last year of my life, the time without Rory, well, it sucked; it really, really sucked. Anyone who says it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all… well, it made no sense to me- and I have a feeling others in the room can appreciate why I question that sentiment.” He gave a meaningful look to Chris, hoping the bro code possibly applied here and would garner him some favor with at least one of Rory's parents. Surprisingly, Chris smiled and nodded- he knew exactly what it was like to love and lose a Gilmore girl. Buoyed by that recognition, Logan continued: “I genuinely didn’t understand what people meant when they said that, not before meeting Rory- and God knows I screwed things up plenty of times between us. It turns out that being the right guy for Rory, being even remotely good enough? Well, that has a pretty steep learning curve.” He looked down at her beaming up at him, whispering "You've done just fine" as he leaned in to kiss her, hands clasped, nothing but bliss on their faces; after a short, chaste kiss he continued- still looking at her.

“But I learned a lot, loving this woman... she has taught me so much about being a man, about living  _my_ life and pursuing my passions despite generations of expectations and obligations. I honestly can’t imagine who I would be today if I hadn’t met her, if I hadn't fallen in love with her and, somehow, hadn't convinced her multiple times that I was worth loving in return.” He looked at her, taking in a major breath, the anxiety in her face so obvious he wasn’t sure what to do. This time he looked straight at Lorelai and Chris. 

“One year ago I was an idiot.” Obviously Lorelai said something under her breath because Chris glared at her and Logan continued. “When I asked Rory to marry me last year, it was totally out of the blue for her. Not to mention, it was in front of all those people and she was blindsided, totally thrown. And when she said not yet, I turned that into a never and walked away and that was the absolute dumbest thing I’ve ever done- and believe me, I have no shortage of truly idiotic actions in my past to measure against. But, luckily, 8 months ago we reconnected; we started talking and almost instantly we remembered how much we hadn’t just been in love, but how we had been best friends and partners- and that we missed that. So, a few nights ago, I got caught up in the moment and I just couldn’t help myself- we were on the beach in the moonlight and she was so incredibly beautiful and we had just spent forever talking-  about our pasts and our future and I knew- I just knew." His voice got a little bit husky as he continued on. "So I took a shot in the dark and I asked her to marry me again and this time, thank God, she said yes.” And with that he sat down, smiling so big as he put his arm around Rory, pulling her into him as she looked anxiously at her parents, trying to figure out their reaction.

Chris looked incredibly surprised, but after a moment to take it in, his face broke out into a warm smile- he was genuinely happy about this turn of events. 

“Wow! That’s amazing, congratulations you two!” He stood up and moved to hug Rory and shake hands with Logan before pulling him in for a hug, smiling the whole time. Rory let out a small sigh of relief, at least one parent was happy for them. Then again, everyone in the room knew Chris wasn’t the hard sell- and he was just as worried about Lorelai’s reaction to the news as the couple was. But she just sat there, surprisingly stoic, trying to take it all in and absorb it, process it. After a minute or two of quiet she stood.  

“Uh, Rory, can I see you for a sec? Maybe in your room?” Rory rolled her eyes and sat there, having expected this, but not feeling at all like humoring her.

“You know what, Mom? I think that would be pointless, we may as well hash it out right here, the four of us." That's when she stood up and put her hands on the table in front of her.

"Rory, I really think you and I should sit down and talk about this. I know you've had a lot to deal with lately, there has been a lot going on and you're trying to figure out how to handle it all, but..." She was cut off with a furious Rory.

"What the hell is your problem, Mom? What are you so upset about? The fact that I’m so young? Well, one might argue that you were only 16 when you made a much bigger, FAR more life altering decision and it worked out for you, didn't it? I’m 23, I graduated Valedictorian from Chilton and with Honors from Yale before going out as a political correspondent for one of the most historic presidential elections this country has ever seen, something that has garnered me job offers, television appearances as a pundit _and_ a highly rated blog on a popular news aggregation website. So, it seems to me that being too young is kind of a bullshit response.

“So what else you got? Maybe you think it’s too soon after getting back together? But have you stopped to think that we think our breakup was much too long and never should have happened? We were together for three years- we know each other so well, and we lost almost a year of happy memories together for stupid reasons. But we never stopped loving each other. And weren’t you the one who said to me, about your somewhat impulsive nuptials in France, that while it seemed impulsive it wasn't exactly sudden, it wasn’t- not really, it had been 25 years in the making? Well, maybe I just don’t want to have a stick up my ass for that long and I’m going to jump at 4 years in the making, I have no need to wait 21 more.” She was standing straight, no fear in her eye over her mother's response, giving her a rather forceful look- she wasn’t coming across at all petulant or childish, nor was she pulling any punches and Logan and Christopher were looking at each other, trying to figure out if they should step in before it got any uglier, but Rory held up a hand to keep Logan at bay, she needed to finish what she had to say.

“And if you think this is about the fact that I was just diagnosed with cancer then, yeah, you’re sort of right. Because while I know that I’m going to beat this, I’m going to get better, this won't beat me... Well, let me tell you, just hearing words like “cancer” and “survival rate”? Well, it changes your thought process, instantly.” And now the tears were building up as she tried to get out what she really needed her mom to hear most. “Mom, there are things more important to me than my career- no matter how much I love what I do and I find it so rewarding, it’s nothing compared to being with Logan. And the last few weeks, as I've gone through the worst moments of my life, he’s been there for me every time I needed him. He’s calmed me down, he’s cheered me up, he’s dropped everything on his plate to be with me and take care of me and show me how much I mean to him.” She smiled, looking aside at him, seeing him through the tears and wanting him to know how much it really meant to her that he was here, before she turned back to Lorelai.

“I don’t care if I have one year left or 60; I know, so unshakably and unquestioningly, that I want to spend them all with him. And I’m sorry that you don’t like him- I don’t understand it, but you don't and you've made that as clear as possible. And I’m sorry that you think this is sudden and impulsive and we’re too young and everything else that I know you’re bitching about in your head right now, but this is a done deal and you can either get on board the Rory-Logan train or you can get the hell off, but those are really your only choices. Now I'm going to go and let you think about which it's going to be. I love you- but I just can't deal with you right now.” And with that she got up and left the room, motioning for Logan to follow her exit, which he did- awkwardly, trying to shoot a look at Chris indicating he'd talk to her, but right now, Rory needed him. Chris just nodded as Lorelai sat there, stunned, listening to the door slam.

* * *

“Ace, hey, Ace, slow down- where are you going?” Rory was walking away from the house at a much faster pace than Logan was used to from her, but she was so angry she didn’t even know what to do, how to burn off some of the angry energy filling her body right now. He ran to catch up with her at the bottom of the driveway, grabbing her hand and spinning her around to face him, his heart breaking to see the tears and the look of betrayal and pain she wore.

“No, Logan! I can’t believe she would do that! I mean, of course I can believe she _would_ , she’s Lorelai Victoria Gilmore-Hayden, the Reigning Lorelai- granddaughter of Trix, the daughter of Emily Gilmore, the two Queens of doing things like _that_. My God, all we need is the male version of Pennilyn Lott!” Rory was furiously shouting, almost hoping her mom would hear it (stupidly forgetting who else in town might)- knowing the Emily Gilmore/Pennilyn Lott barb would make her mother wince. “I mean, for God’s sake, I’m getting _married_ , Logan, not joining some kind of insane cult or starting my life as a circus clown! I don't intend to shave my head and start wearing nothing but orange... Even if she couldn’t be genuinely happy for me about the engagement, you’d think that right now, while I’m sick, while I have _fucking cancer_ and only a week before I start chemotherapy, she could at least fucking fake it for one evening! I didn’t even get the fake congratulations, the false smile and insincere hug- I got nothing!” Logan, for his part was holding both her hands, trying to get her to calm down and reason with her- while he had no interest in getting in the middle of mother and daughter (he'd sort of been there before), he wanted to try and make it better, somehow- or barring that, maybe just calm her down a little.

“Look, we knew she was going to react badly to this. But now we’ve told them, and hey, your dad is happy for us, and your mom will come around- she just needs time. I know that you don’t like what just happened- trust me, it wasn't exactly the way I've always dreamed of announcing our engagement, but hey, as long as I’ve got you then what she thinks and feels is entirely her problem, right?” Rory stopped fidgeting and looked up at him, her big, beautiful eyes bright red from the crying and the anger, but she looked nervous.

“I just need you to know that I don’t feel that way, at all. I really meant everything that I said in there- you are the best man I could ever hope to marry and I love you so much.” He smiled down at her, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“Well, good thing, seeing as how you agreed to marry me and there is absolutely no way I’m letting you back out now.” He leaned in and kissed her, softly, sweetly before just pulling her in and holding her, wrapping both of his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head, staying like that for until she felt in control again. “So, what do you want to do now? It’s only 7:30, we have time to kill- I’m assuming you don’t want to go back in yet?” She thought about it for a minute before deciding.

“I think we should go see my grandparents- we can tell them about the engagement and they’ll be so happy it will almost make up for Mom’s reaction.”

“Are you sure about that? If we tell them about the engagement, don’t we also kind of have to tell them about the other thing?” She looked up at him, sighing.

“Logan, you can say cancer to me- I know it’s not a really pleasant word, or thought, but we should probably just accept it- it’s reality, it's happening and it's not Voldemort- it doesn't get stronger by just saying the word. We can't run away from it so let’s just deal, face it head on.” He pulled her to him again, pressing their foreheads together, his arms about her waist and her arms about his neck as they tried to draw comfort from one another- because the truth was that while things with Lorelai were a mess, they did have bigger problems to focus on right now; but they could, and would handle them- together.

“I know, I know... I get that it seems childish, but it’s such a big, ugly, scary word to hear in connection with the love of my life." She took a hand and traced the contours of his face, understanding. 

“I know- imagine how I felt when I got the phone call that you had to be airlifted to a hospital with a Level 1 trauma center from Costa Rica? I thought my heart was literally going to stop beating _while simultaneously_ pounding so hard it would explode from my chest.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right- maybe add in something about forgetting how to breathe and some kind of loud, high-pitched ringing in the ears.” He kissed her forehead and they stayed that way for just another minute longer, drawing comfort and enjoying the quiet of the moment. Finally she sighed and pulled away, kissing him one more time, taking his hand and moving towards his car.

“Ok then, so, Richard and Emily’s?” She nodded her head, grabbing his phone from his back pocket (her’s was in the house) so she could call her grandparents and make sure they were home as they got in the car and backed out of the drive.

 

* * *

It was quiet in the kitchen, quiet enough that with the windows in the living room being open, Chris and Lorelai were able to hear Rory shouting. She’d be happy to know that the comparisons to Trix and Emily Gilmore did make Lorelai visibly wince- it stung- partially because deep down, she knew Rory had a point. She finally got up the courage to look at Chris who was sitting back in his chair, arms folded, looking back at her.

“So, Lore, wanna tell me what that was about?” She shrugged at him, trying to avoid his stare as she stood and started putting away take out containers in the fridge, straightening up the kitchen. 

“You were right here, you have exactly as much information as I do.”

“Oh come on, you know that’s not even remotely true. Look, I know you’re not President of the Logan Huntzberger fan club, and I know that they had a rough and rocky start and a somewhat sordid history- and by the way, I'm happy to be kept in the dark on most of that history.” Chris knew the rough brushstrokes- and even those brushstrokes were more than he ever wanted to know about his angel daughter- a casual relationship, committing a felony, breaking his daughter’s heart- none of those things endeared Logan to him. But, he also was able to understand that the Logan his daughter was going to marry was not _that_ guy anymore- and he was grateful to see his daughter in love and happy, the last year had really been almost impossible for him to handle with her mopiness and tears and just general lack of spark.

“I just don’t think he’s right for her.” 

“Ok… I think I get that; I mean, I disagree, but I get it. But seriously, Lorelai, so what?” She just looked at him, shocked by his question.

“So what? What the hell do you mean ‘so what’?”

“I mean, she’s right. She’s 23, she’s a college graduate, she has a career and is a fully functioning and society contributing adult. I know you guys have always had this amazing relationship with this scary bond, but this isn’t the kind of thing you get to decide for her. Our daughter grew up and she’s making her own choices and even if she came in here and said she wanted to marry Tommy Lee, that would be completely up to her. You did it, Lore! You raised that amazing, brilliant, beautiful woman out there and you taught her to follow her dreams and never to settle for anything less than the best and that when she found what she wanted to go after it with dogged determination. And maybe this isn’t how you pictured that going- I'm sure you meant more things like school and a career, not a man, and I know that I'm partly to blame. You could never count on me or trust me to be there, to be around- for you or for her, so you raised her in a way that she wouldn't think that she ever needed a guy to make her happy, and probably expected she'd be well into middle age by the time she settled down. But I gotta say, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her happier than I saw her with him tonight during dinner- she was laughing, smiling, she was radiant. And if he can bring that out in her, especially with what she’s going through right now, then I have no hesitation giving them my blessing.  

“I know that you look at him and you see me when I was 26, but let me tell you this, 26 year old Chris was a total jackass. He didn’t know anything, he didn’t have a fucking clue about how to be a man, a father, a husband- he was all about rash decisions, instant gratification, eschewing responsibility and having fun. My dad was still bailing me out of bad business deals, bounced checks… even, occasionally, criminal mischief.

“But Logan? He’s broken away from his father. He’s building up a seriously successful tech company- I’m telling you, I’ve heard of his company at work as a potential partner- it’s a big deal, that’s not just a future father-in-law bragging. And way more important than that, he had the excellent taste to fall in love with Rory and to finally swallow his pride and do what he can to win her back after they broke each others' hearts a year ago. Then, right as that happens, he finds out she’s sick and his first instinct isn’t to run- which, by the way, we can all agree 26 year old Chris would have- but he stays and takes care of her and supports her and loves her. I’m sorry, I don’t know why you can’t be happy about this, but as a father, I feel like I got pretty lucky with who my daughter chose.” And with that he finished his glass of wine and stood to leave- pausing to kiss her on the crown of her head, before going to the living room to watch tv while she sat and thought about what he said.


	10. 1996 Taittinger Brut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As requested, I pushed to get out Richard and Emily's reactions to all the news.
> 
> R&R and look at the poll/questions in chapter notes- as I said, I have the macro outline for the story done, but there are tons of plot points and moments within there that are up for grabs, I just need the right inspiration!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fascinated that people are so against (this is cross posted with FF.net) any Brigadiers- even ones like Robert (who Logan said he didn't like) and Seth who was an almost non-entity on the show, not to mention Dave and Jamie since they ever had a relationship with one of the friends- sure, Colin or Finn would be messed up, not sure I agree that Dave or Robert (who she did go on a date with) would be. But I promise, I'm listening to your feedback. In fact, after I posted this poll question I had a delicious thought about someone that I had NOT listed that I thought might be kind of "evil" to use, just because I think it would really subvert expectations- which could also mean I just can't make it make sense.
> 
> IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO THAT MYSTERY CHARACTER IS- private message me with your guess. If you are correct, you win a prize- I'm thinking that prize will be either picking the gender of Chris and Lorelai's baby OR the name- but we'll see. At least one more chapter will be posted before I delve into the mystery man AND the baby gender, so keep voting/commenting/guessing until then.

“Rory, Logan, it’s so nice to see you here, together. Isn’t it wonderful to see them Richard?” Emily had come to the door the second the doorbell rang, thrilled with the world. Not only was she seeing her granddaughter, something that didn’t happen nearly often enough since she graduated last year, but Rory had seemingly reconciled with Logan and Emily had visions of tiny little blonde hair, blue eyed babies running all over the pristine sandy beaches of Cape Cod within five years. 

“It is always wonderful to see my granddaughter, Emily- although I admit I’m not opposed to the company she brings with her, either.” Richard smirked as he pulled Rory in for a hug- noting that she seemed a bit thin and peaked, although obviously not quite as bad as when she had been in the hospital for pneumonia a few weeks ago. He turned to shake Logan’s hand as Emily hugged Rory and allowed Logan to kiss her on the cheek before gesturing for them to follow her into the sitting room. 

“May I offer either of you something drink- a martini perhaps, Rory?”

“Actually, Grandma do you happen to have any wine open?” Emily was a bit surprised at the request, Rory always drank the wine she served with dinner but rarely requested it instead of a dirty gin martini.

“Well of course I have wine- would you like red or white?” Rory was visibly nervous and damn that 6th sense of Emily’s, she could tell something was up and was carefully looking her granddaughter over, as though she could divine the source of the nerves just by staring. _Dammit, Gilmore, why couldn’t you just take the martini?_ The truth was that she had every intention of keeping a clear head tonight- just one glass of wine would be perfect, but one of her grandmother’s particularly dry (re: 98% gin) martinis would make it much tougher to keep her wits about her.

“Actually,” Logan stepped in, wanting to bail Rory out- she was fidgeting a little bit under Emily’s gaze, not something she did often, and he assumed it was more about the second announcement she had to make than the first, maybe he could ease the tension a little bit and give her the reaction to their engagement she was hoping for- maybe helping compensate for the one from Lorelai. He took her hand and squeezed it, giving a her a a look of reassurance. “Emily, I don’t mean to be too forward, this is your house after all, but is there any chance you have a bottle of champagne lying around we could open?” Emily instantly stopped pouring scotch for Richard at the bar cart and looked up, warily. She looked at Logan who seemed very calm, perhaps too calm, before looking to Richard who seemed just as mystified as her, before settling on Rory who was just holding Logan’s hand and not looking at anyone in the room. Richard was the first to speak.

“I believe I have a bottle of something festive somewhere around here- but can we inquire as to whether there is something specific we are meant to be celebrating?” Suddenly Rory looked up at her grandparents, smiling brilliantly as she blurted out: 

“We’re engaged!” Emily and Richard were stunned- they knew that the couple had only recently gotten back together and now they were engaged? They looked at the two, wondering if this was real and Rory just held up her left hand to show them the ring- the diamonds catching the light in the room and sparkling, but not nearly as much as her eyes and her smile. Richard and Emily looked at her and then each other- this wouldn’t be something these two would joke about, would it? Certainly not, Lorelai perhaps- Lord knows that girl had been engaged enough that it hardly mattered anymore when she changed her status- but not Rory and Logan. No, those two were just looking besottedly at each other, smiling like they were the only two people in the world and that was enough for the older couple to break out in huge grins. Richard stood excitedly, clasping his hands together, beaming as he moved over to them.

“Congratulations you two!” Rory stood as he approached, hugging Rory tightly and shaking Logan's hand effusively before dashing off to find his best bottle of champagne- this was a momentous occasion, a true cause for celebration! Emily hurried over to examine the ring, remarking on Logan’s exquisite taste in jewelry- happy tears forming in her eyes as it sank in that her granddaughter was marrying the Huntzberger heir- regardless the falling out Logan and Mitchum had last year, she was confident it would all shake out in the end. She had hoped for this day and worried it was out of the question- hell, she had worried that Rory would never settle down and have a family after she turned down Logan and went off to work for that website, living out of a suitcase, on a filthy bus like a gypsy.

“Oh, Rory, I’m just so happy for you, for both of you- this is such wonderful news!” She hugged her granddaughter again and then, surprisingly, turned and hugged Logan just as Richard returned with glasses and an open bottle of 1996 Taittinger Brut- one of his best bottles. In fact, the last time they had drank this vintage had been the night that Rory announced she would be attending Yale- he had held onto this bottle and a few others of the same for quite some time; secretly he always thought of it is as belonging to special moments with his granddaughter- he had another stowed away for her wedding and a few more he hoped to break out when she had children… or won her first Pulitzer. He had even gone so far as to leave them to her in his will- perhaps just an old sentimental fool’s notion, but one that made him smile.

Handing everyone a glass filled with bubbly he held up his glass to make a toast- reveling in the small touches and happy smiles between the beautiful young couple, he couldn’t help but think of this same moment- so many years ago when it was him and Emily as the besotted, exultant duo- standing on the edge of everything- believing love could conquer all. He turned to Emily, his wife and partner of so long- through financial ups and downs, raising a child and all of the joys and tribulations that had brought with it… they had weathered so much together, hand in hand, as partners, the two of them against the world- and it was hard not to see these two the same way. What could he to say in this moment? How could he best express his hopes and wishes for these two? Then a memory struck, he cleared his throat to ask for attention- smiling as he began recounting a memory he'd almost forgotten.

“I’ll never forget the day, about 4 ½ years ago when I got a call my beautiful granddaughter, Rory here. She was absolutely livid, I believe I even heard her throw about the term “jackass” and “miscreant”; well, I was more accustomed to hearing Latin or Ancient Greek from this demure young woman, so I was instantly clued in that she was more than a bit upset. When I asked what was the matter she told me that she needed my help. After a few more questions I was able to get more of the story and we began to form a plan.

“You see, apparently some overly spirited Elis had played a bit of a practical joke on her in front of her entire philosophy seminar. It seems two young, and I’ll substitute in the word idiots for the terms she used, had burst in on her class, arguing with each other as they each professed their love for her, even coming to blows, all in pursuit of a laugh. Now, Rory knew that she had two choices- she could get mad at them and yell and scream, or she could choose to get even. Of course, being a Gilmore, she obviously decided to go for revenge  and thus was our truly devious, dare I say Machiavellian plot hatched.

“A few days later, I found Logan and his two dopey friends outside of McClellan Hall- she assured me they would most likely be there for the excellent coffee cart, rather than attending any kind of lecture.” Logan had the decency to look sheepish at that and Emily was further charmed by the young, handsome man- almost as handsome as her Richard had been once upon a time. “Well, once the target was identified, I approached- at first chastising him for the impropriety of his public display of affection,  but then assuring him I had spoken with his father, the engagement announcements were being printed as we spoke, the prenups signed and stamped. I patted him on the shoulders and bid him welcome to the family.” Rory and he were laughing at this memory while Emily looked torn between absolute horror and amusement at her husband's and granddaughter's scheme; meanwhile, Logan just grinned, remembering the fear and terror he felt as Richard had walked away. It must have taken at least twenty minutes for the roaring in his ears to stop and his pulse to calm down to anything resembling normal- still another quick text to Honor to ask if their mother had said anything about him recently to figure out the con.

“Well, who could have guessed back then that I would some day be standing here and _sincerely_ bidding Logan welcome to our family, wishing you two that you might have as many years of true love and happiness as I have had with Emily- my life partner and truest love." Just before everyone went to sip he thought of an addendum. "Oh, and Logan- she _is_ a fine girl, and I _still_ only want her to be happy.” He winked, Logan nodded, smiling, putting his arm around Rory’s shoulder, letting Richard know that was all he cared about himself as the two raised their glasses in agreement, Emily and Rory following suit. “To Rory and Logan.”

Rory and Emily were both teary-eyed as her grandparents toasted the happy couple, everyone smiling and laughing as Rory explained to Emily how they had reconnected months ago and had been emailing and having regular (sometimes multiple times a day) phone conversations for the last 8 months. She then gave the reader’s digest version of the impromptu proposal on the beach, how Logan had the ring already- he smirked at Emily’s cooing over how he had bought the ring the day before their “first” date, so sure he would never let her slip through his fingers again.

“What can I say, Emily? I knew one day I’d find a way to get her to wear it- I knew it was just a matter of time, but I definitely wasn’t letting go again.” Richard couldn’t help but beam at this sentiment, understanding it fully. 

“You’re a good man, Huntzberger- with, if I may say, exquisite taste.” Rory ducked her head, blushing at her grandfather's approbation- how had tonight turned into so much of a focus on her? “I have to say, when things went sour with you both last year we were obviously disappointed- but it does appear as though the time apart, however long it lasted, seems to have done the two of you some good; both of you with flourishing careers and a new sense of purpose. I admire that a great deal.” 

Emily and Richard told Logan the story of their engagement- shocking him that it had been in the middle of a fight and how rather than going down on one knee and offering flowery words and promises, the elder Gilmore man merely shoved a closed ring box at her, which she then accepted and said “fine”. It was hardly the polite and proper engagement story Logan had come to expect from couples like them and it made him laugh.

The evening wore on and somewhere around 9:30 Emily asked innocently.

“So, have you given much thought to when the wedding will be? I know that you love the winter, Rory, but it might be a bit tight to try and plan this kind of affair by the end of the year, so I was wondering what you two thought of a summer wedding- maybe at the Cape, or even Nantucket, wouldn’t that be lovely?” She was clearly daydreaming about Rory in a strapless Vera Wang gown, walking down the aisle carrying a bouquet of lilies and roses, a string quartet playing as the ocean served as the perfect backdrop for their “intimate” affair, trying to keep it under 400 guests at the absolute max- Rory did not, after all, enjoy a “fuss”.

“Now, now Emily, they just got engaged for heaven’s sake! And I’m sure that Rory will have plenty on her mind as soon as she’s back on the campaign trail. Why, I would imagine she’ll want to postpone quite a few decisions about a wedding until the campaign begins to wind down. Incidentally, Rory, when will you be returning to work? Not that we don’t love having you so near us, but I have to say that I find most of the people writing about this election to either be drier than Melba toast or somehow still besotted with Senator Clinton, unable to read the writing on the wall of the Democratic primary. I can’t tell you how much I miss your insights and witty bon mots you used in that blog of yours- not to mention the fact that you have at least a dollop of common sense when contemplating the general election in the Fall.”

And just like that, two comments from the elder Gilmores and the delightful cocoon of celebration was ruined. Perhaps they didn’t notice the way that Rory’s shoulders sagged, her deflation wasn’t overt, but Logan could see it- as though all the air had been sucked out of their side of the room as the grandparents looked expectantly at them for answers. That was when Logan squeezed her hand, tightly, understanding her deep anxiety, the moment had come, she couldn’t really delay or deflect any longer.

“Actually, Grandpa, I’m afraid I won’t be going back out on the road. At least not for a while.” Ok, the world was still spinning, they were surprised, but seemed more curious than anything else. “I’ll still be writing for Hugo, mostly about politics of course, and we’re looking into options for me to cover the conventions and the debates, but I’ll be doing everything on a freelance basis for a while- write as I can while I focus on other things.”

“See, Richard- every girl grows up dreaming about her wedding, it’s perfectly normal! Rory, I think it’s very smart for you to be prepared to dedicate yourself to this, it’s a once in a life event and we’re going to want to make sure every detail is absolutely perfect. 

She took another sip of bubbly- a slightly less prestigious bottle had been opened after the ‘96 Taittinger and she was feeling as though she could use the liquid courage.

“Actually, Grandma, we won’t be setting a date for a while, probably. We need the time to deal with… other matters.” She was looking at Logan, trying to steel herself for what she needed to do. He just nodded and smiled at her, clearly she needed to make this announcement herself. After a deep breath she moved forward. 

“You see, over the last several months I’ve been dealing with some health issues- you probably remember that I was home in January with mono and I actually had an upper respiratory infection that had me in the hospital for a few days a couple of months before that. So when I was in the hospital the morning after Mom and Dad’s wedding, the doctor originally believed it to be a fairly nasty case of pneumonia. However, he was also very thorough and good at his job- he looked at my records from the last year which prompted him to perform additional tests and they were able to uncover the underlying problem.” No need to mention that it may have been her itchy hand that saved her life, that would have Richard suing every health facility she had come in contact with over the last year for malpractice. They looked at her concerned and she felt terrible that she was about to say the worst thing to them she ever had- even admitting to having stolen a yacht had been easier- that had a simple solution- throwing money at the problem was a viable option. That wasn’t going to  work here. She squeezed Logan’s hand so tightly her fist when bright white, taking all of the courage from him that she could.

“Grandma, Grandpa, this is so difficult to say so please let me get it out and then I’ll be happy to answer _any_ questions you have. I was diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.” She paused to see that Emily was looking at her in disbelief, as though Rory would ever joke about something like this- she almost rolled her eyes, knowing that was what her grandmother was thinking. Richard, on the other hand, had just frozen still- he wasn’t moving, but his eyes were tearing up and his face had gone pale and a bit gray. Logan looked to Rory who looked on the very edge of a break down- tearing up and a bit frozen herself- instinctively he jumped in to do his best to comfort and reassure them.

“We actually went to get a second opinion last week at Sloan Kettering. We saw an amazing Oncologist who assured us that with Rory’s age and her generally excellent health, as well as the stage of the lymphoma, if we pursue the treatment plan they’ve laid out she should be in full remission by the Holidays. The good news, although that’s a relative term here, is this is actually one of the _most_ curable cancers out there and we caught it in plenty of time to treat it and get her back to 100%. We’re not even entertaining more morbid or terrifying possibilities.” Rory looked up at him and mouthed thank you- so clearly grateful that he bailed her out just there. He leaned in and kissed the side of her forehead, whispering, “Anytime, Ace.”

She turned back to her grandparents- still in shock but trying to recover their wits. “Grandma, Grandpa, I know this is really sudden and more than just a little bit scary and upsetting, believe me, I’ve had a few days to process it all and I’m still kind of a mess. I have an 18 mm lymphoma in my chest, which is why I’ve been having so much trouble with respiratory infections and the like. But they’re putting me on a 4-drug chemo cocktail that’s supposed to shrink it right up and kill it. We had one of the top doctors in the country confirm that after 4-6 months of chemo, which should begin Tuesday, and then MAYBE a few rounds of radiation, I’m going to be perfectly fine- practically better than new, even.” The room was still silent, Emily had tears falling down her face and Richard was just ashen as he tried to take in what he was being told, his eyes staring at some invisible spot in the carpet. They sat in the quiet for a few moments before Richard spoke- coughing just a bit as he tried to find his voice again.

“And you’re, uh… you’re sure this was the best doctor possible? We don’t need to make any calls, contact the Mayo Clinic or anything? Because I hope you know not to be concerned with the cost of anything, you just have any bills directed to me and they’ll be taken care of. We need to make sure you are getting the absolute best of the best- anything less is unacceptable.” Rory smiled a bit at that, knowing that was an entirely unnecessary gesture; while she wasn’t sure of the specifics, she actually thought her dad might be worth considerably more than her grandparents at this point, setting aside Logan’s fairly sizable wealth, (even a cut-off trust fund baby is still a trust fund baby); but she understood this was her grandfather’s way of trying to feel useful.

“Yes, Grandpa, he’s the absolute best doctor they have- and you know the best doctor at Sloan Kettering is pretty much the best doctor in the world.” She smiled softly in thanks at his gesture. “But thank you for the offer. Like Logan said, I’m feeling very positive and optimistic about my prognosis and while I know it won’t be easy going over the next few months, I will get through this.” She was nodding her head resolutely- just as much to convince herself as anyone else in the room. It was quiet for another minute or two before Emily spoke next.

“Rory, how is your mother handling this?” Rory looked just a bit shocked that was her first question.  

“Well, you know Mom. She’s still trying to take it all in stride, but she’s been so busy meeting with realtors and architects and trying to figure out what to do with the house and how to expand the inn…and Gigi will be back from France soon so she’ll have that going on.”

“Please let her know that I’ll call her tomorrow to see how she is.”

“Of course, Grandma. I’m sure she’ll like that.” Emily harrumphed at that one- they both knew that was a lie.

“Logan, I understand that your company in California is doing very well right now- may I ask, is Rory going to be moving to California with you?” Emily asked it with a bit of trepidation in her voice, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do if her granddaughter moved all the way across the country _while_ undergoing treatment for cancer… well, that’s not true, she’d be leasing a house as nearby as possible to help out.

“Actually, I’ve already been speaking with my two business partners and they’re being incredibly generous and flexible so we can make arrangements that work best for her treatment. In the beginning Rory is going to receive chemo treatments weekly, so I’ll work from here for a month or two unless there is a serious need for me to fly back to Palo Alto and be in the office. Then, once she goes to every other week, I’ll be here for the week of treatment and back in Palo Alto if necessary for the off week. And we’ve been considering expanding with an East Coast office for a few months, I believe this is the kick in the rear that we needed to make that happen- so I’ll spend some of my time out here scouting locations and beginning that process so I can relocate here permanently.”

“Well that’s impressive news indeed- barely a year in and you’ve already created a need to expand to a second office? That’s remarkable, Son!” Logan couldn’t help but preen just a bit at Richard’s words- what he would give to hear even a fraction of that pride from his own father, it was nice to feel like he wasn’t the screw-up disappointment that he often felt himself to be after spending any time with his father.

“Thank you, Richard, I wish I could take more of the credit for our success, but honestly it’s all because the product is so good, I worry most days that _I’m_ holding _them_ back.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true, Logan, we all know how talented you are, I am positive any success you have achieved has been well-deserved. But, I have to admit I’m very relieved you won’t be whisking Rory across the country from us, especially in light of… this news.” Rory mentally rolled her eyes- why could no one just call it was it was? She had cancer, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s Disease- it didn’t matter which name you used, it couldn’t be wished away by simply ignoring it and refusing to utter the word.

“Well, thank you, Emily- I have to admit that it’s a relief I can be back here for her and stay with the company- I genuinely enjoy the work, but I couldn’t possibly be anywhere else but at her side as she handles this."

“Isn’t that just so sweet- so romantic? Why, you two are the picture of young love, it’s exhilarating just being around you. Rory, tell us, I’m sure you told your parents- were they just as thrilled as we are with the engagement?” No mention of the Huntzbergers, Emily wasn’t an idiot, she had no illusions that Logan and Rory would patch things up there on this visit- nor did she much care. Since Rory’s graduation she had finally heard the entire tale of Mitchum, Elias and Shira’s behaviors towards her granddaughter and honestly believed she’d be fine never seeing those horrid people ever again. 

“Oh, you know my mom, she has her concerns, but Dad was so excited and happy for us. Mom will come around.” Everyone knew she was saying it to try and convince herself more than anyone else, so Emily let it slide.

“Well, you know your mother, as adventurous as she is, sometimes change can shock her- she just needs some time adjust and adapt. I’m sure she’ll come around in no time and then we can begin to think about shopping for a gown- oh, I should call Miss Celine, make an appointment. After all, the dress sets the tone for the whole event and it can be a waiting list of a year if you want something custom done, even if you aren’t ready to set a date, it can’t hurt to begin looking.” Rory was seized by a sudden flash of brilliance- something that may just help both her and her grandmother stay positive through treatment (and hopefully her mother, if she’d consent to being a part of it).

“Well, I can’t say I’m ready to go and try on gowns or anything, but maybe we could make every other chemo treatment wedding planning days? I apparently just sit there for 4-6 hours at a time with an IV, and the side effects aren't supposed to hit until towards the end or the next day. We could sit and look through magazines, there is wi-fi in the clinic so we can do research online from a laptop while there. What do you think?” She turned and looked at Logan, would he be ok with that? In true Logan form, he just smiled in response to her- there was no need for her to bite her lip in concern that he’d disagree; hell, they could get married at a drive through in Vegas or in front of 1000 people at Versailles and he wouldn’t care, if at the end of the day she was his wife, it would all be perfect. 

“I think that’s a great idea, Ace. We both know that we’re going to need serious help, especially if Shira decides suddenly she wants to be involved, and Emily, you’re taste is exquisite. I’m sure that between you, Rory and Lorelai it will be the perfect wedding. Definitely better than trying to binge watch seasons of _Project Runway_.” She smiled at him, knowing he was saying yes more to help her than the fact that he actually wanted Emily Gilmore all that involved in planning their wedding, and that made her even that much more sure that her mother was so wrong and this was so incredibly right.


	11. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To ease some tension (or possibly create more) she did NOT sleep with Jess or Dean. I think you may find out who it was in two chapters.

_“Hey, Paris, I know you and I have our standing phone date on Thursday morning and that you won’t pick up any other time because you’re so busy with classes and your internship and all that… but I really need to talk to you and tell you something… well, actually two things, I guess, and I’m worried you’re going to hear from someone else before me and I don’t want that, so I’m going to tell you now, in this voicemail so you don’t get upset with me if you hear them from someone else first. First, I think you should know that Logan and I are engaged- and I don’t want to hear a lecture about how it’s too soon after reuniting, I’m happy and we love each other and if you could please refrain from calling him the Blonde Bimbo Boy or the Walking Ken Doll or 2% Milk Thief or anything else like that when you do call me and leave me an angry message about my leaving you this message, I'd really appreciate it. The second piece of news, unfortunately, is much less happy (yes, I’m very happy about the engagement so stop rolling your eyes). It turns out those infections I’ve been having? Well, we determined the underlying cause and it’s Hodgkins Lymphoma. Nodular Sclerosis to be precise, stage 2B. I’m sure you want to grill me on the doctors and the diagnosis and the treatment plan and that’s fine, just give me a call and I’ll fill you in. Sorry to do all of this over voicemail, but I know you won’t call me back before Thursday morning otherwise. I hope you and Doyle are great, that Boston’s great. I miss you. Bye.”_

“Blonde Bimbo Boy?” Logan asked her, eyebrow arched in question.

“It was actually B3 for a while- B cubed, you know?” Rory just shrugged it off, more important things on her mind. They were in the car heading back home from her grandparents and Rory was emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. She had spent the last 24 hours breaking hearts- the hearts of people she loved very much and who she knew didn’t want to see her suffer, but there was nothing else to be done about it, was there? She leaned her head against the window, trying not to think about how she was going to break the news to the town. They were all going to wonder what she was doing home and it wouldn’t take long until she was really sick and it was very noticeable… according to the brochures and her online research she could expect nausea, extreme fatigue, and “chemo brain” to set in pretty quickly after her first treatment… not to mention the portal she was having implanted into her chest on Friday for the IV treatments- it was summer, it would be highly visible in a tank top or a sundress. And then she only had a month or two before she started losing her hair, something she was trying pretty desperately to not think about.

No, it had to be done, she had to tell the town… she supposed she could just try to have her mom quietly spread the word- a quick message to Babette or Miss Patty and it would be well-spread by the end of the day tomorrow.

Then again, she’d have to be speaking to her mom in order to ask. She just closed her eyes, not wanting to think anymore right now- she was way too tired.

Logan looked over halfway through the drive, meaning to ask her a question, but she had fallen asleep and he couldn’t quite bring himself to wake her, understanding how draining today must have been- he was exhausted and he wasn’t the one who was sick or who had a major, blowup fight with their mom/best friend. He just turned the radio down so it wouldn’t wake her- she was going to need a lot of strength over the next few weeks, for now she should rest.

* * *

When he got back to her house he still didn’t want to wake her- he quietly got out of the car and went to the front door of the house, making sure it was unlocked and open, ignoring the light that was on in the kitchen before turning around, going back to the car and picking up Rory, carrying her bridal style into the house. She didn’t wake up- that’s how tired she had been- she just put her arms around him and snuggled against his neck, sighing softly. When he got to the front door Chris and Lorelai were standing there, clearly curious about where they had been and why their daughter was being carried inside, asleep, but they just moved aside and let Logan take her into the bedroom and set her down. He carefully removed her shoes and socks- knowing she’d wake up too hot if he left them on, debating whether he should change her into pajamas, but decided it would be better to just let her sleep. He tenderly pulled the blanket up over here and leaned down to kiss her forehead before backing out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

“She was just so tired from everything, the last day or two, I didn’t want to wake her up… it’s been… it’s been a lot to handle.” He walked past them to help himself to some coffee, waiting to see if the parental figures were going to sit down and join him or if they’d leave him to his thoughts. They just stood next to the door, not saying anything, but not leaving either. “We told the Gilmores.” That got Lorelai’s attention- she poured herself some water and sat down.

“How’d they take it?”

“Which piece of news?” He shot back, he had tried to be supportive earlier, not wanting to get in the middle of mother and daughter, but he clearly had some issues with not only what she had said, but the entire way she had handled the situation.

Not to be cowed by him, Lorelai sat up straighter.

“Oh please, you made Richard and Emily the happiest grandparents who ever lived with news of your impending nuptials.” She said it with such snark and derision that for the first time in his life, Logan felt an almost overwhelming desire to hit a woman. But he pushed it down, he needed to move past it- someone was going to have to be the much bigger person here- he had promised to do anything to make Rory happy and he was pretty sure starting a fist fight with her mother in the kitchen was not going to be a means to that end.

“Lorelai, I’m sorry that you don’t like me, I really am. To be honest, I really thought that you and I would get along better this time. I mean, look at you and me, we were both raised in the trappings of wealth and society by oppressive and mostly distant parents who cared more about their image than the happiness of their kids. We both struggled against their expectations and we both found ways to break free from them- cutting ties pretty severely in the process. I know I only just did it last year, and I still had a lot more cushion to my fall than you did- but that didn’t mean it was easy for me. In fact, without having met you, or without Rory’s support over the previous few years, I don't think I would have been able to do even that- so I'm grateful to you for showing me that I could. I admire what you did- you have an amazing life here that you built from the ground up.

“And Rory is an absolutely amazing woman. Believe me when I tell you that I know exactly how special she is, and that I have regretted walking away from her almost every second since I did. I don’t have an excuse for being such an idiot or a jackass. But maybe it actually worked out for the best- I focused on getting some of my shit together, she went out into the news world and kicked ass; I don’t know if we’d be where we are today if we hadn’t been apart for that time. So, honestly? As much as we missed each other and hated every second we were apart, we’re better for it and I’m not going to apologize anymore to you or anyone else for what is settled between her and I. So, here we are: cards on the table. I’m not leaving, Lorelai. _You_ aren’t going to be able to get rid of me. I trust Rory with all of my heart and I believe her when she says that this is what she wants. And I don’t really care if you hate me- if you still see me as that self-entitled, over-privileged pseudo-frat boy that I was when we first met… that’s your prerogative I guess.

“But I am asking you to please remember what she’s going through right now. She’s handling it so well, but it’s about to get so much harder and she’s going to need everyone to be Team Rory, especially her best friend. She’s not showing it, but she’s scared- she’s scared about treatment, she’s scared it’s not going to work, she’s scared about what this means for her job and her future and whether or not we’ll be able to have kids and what’s going to happen when the town finds out… hell, she’s scared that she’s not going to be able to enjoy the taste of coffee anymore or that when her hair falls out and then grows back it’s going grow back a different color.”

“What?” Lorelai was caught off guard by those last two items. Logan sighed, of course those two things got a response from the woman who, otherwise, had one of the best poker faces he’d ever seen- he’d love to watch her take Finn, Collin and Robert for everything they had at a poker night. “Apparently chemo can permanently alter your taste buds so some things you loved before you now hate… Don’t get me wrong, I kind of hope it makes her suddenly love fruits and vegetables more than chocolate and fried chicken…” Chris snorted at that one, Logan had totally forgotten he was even in the room. “Also, it turns out that when your hair falls out from the treatment, it can grow back totally different- curly when it used to be straight, blonde when it used to be brown… she had a nightmare the other day that it would grow in green.” He smiled just a little remembering how panicked she had been until he’d googled for about ½ hour to prove _that_ couldn’t happen. He looked up at Lorelai and saw her right as she broke down. Her shoulders were shaking as she sobbed- almost silently, sitting across the table from him, Chris moving up to stand behind her and rub her back- understanding she needed to go through this, to realize what she was really doing- how she was alienating her daughter at the exact moment she needed more than she ever had in her life.

“I’m not trying to upset you, Lorelai, I don’t want to do that- I just want to take care of that woman in there who I love, quite frankly much more than myself or your opinion of me or anything else I can think of. I hope that we can figure out a way to be in Rory’s life in a peaceable manner, but even if you hate me with every fiber of your being, I’m begging you to please put it aside for now and be the mom and the best friend that I’m always hearing about because _that’s_ the woman she needs if she’s going to get through this.” And with that, he stood up and left, going into the bedroom to get ready for bed and try to get some sleep himself.

* * *

* * *

Lorelai had trouble sleeping that night, dozing off periodically but never for longer than an hour or two, so when she woke up, yet again, at 6:45 in the morning she stopped fighting it and got up and dressed. She had a lot she needed to get done today and almost none of it was going to be even remotely pleasant, she should just lean in and get going.

She let out Paul Anka and fed him his morning broccoli as she tried to psych herself up for something she knew was going to be truly unpleasant,. She needed to make amends with Rory- and Logan, and after last night, that meant pulling out the big guns. Moving quietly so she wouldn’t wake anyone she grabbed her purse, keys and cell- leaving Chris a note, just in case he woke up while she was gone, and headed out.

When she got to Sookie’s she didn’t bother to knock, just let herself in with the key they’d given her for emergencies, knowing at least Sookie and Jackson would be up, but not wanting to wake any of the kids by ringing the doorbell.

“Hey, Sook?” She called quietly as she entered, relieved to see her best friend standing in the kitchen drinking coffee.

“Lorelai? What are you doing here? It’s… wow, it’s barely 7 and your day off. What’s going on?”

“I’m a bitch and a terrible mom and I need you to help me make it up to her.” And Lorelai started crying again as she filled Sookie in on everything that had happened. When she finished Sookie was crying and hugging her best friend.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but she begged us not to tell anyone until she knew what was going on and she was ready.”

“No, of course not, I’m not mad about that- I mean, I feel horrible that she’s sick and this is happening, but I get it. And… well, we’ll talk about the Logan thing later- right now, you want help, so, tell me what you need.” They got down to business and made a plan, one that started with a killer breakfast this morning. Sookie started rattling off her ideas as she moved around the kitchen, pulling together ingredients and utensils, barely even paying attention to Lorelai as her chef brain took over…

“Ok, so I’m thinking we could do like a s’mores french toast- I’ll stuff the french toast with marshmallows and then batter in graham crackers with a chocolate sauce and some creme anglaise, she’ll like that. Oh, and we’ll do cheese danish, she loves cheese danish! Tons of bacon, of course- maybe I have the ingredients to make a hash of some kind? I’m thinking a nice hearty hash…” Now she was rummaging in her fridge, looking to see what inspired her. “Oh, wow, I have linguica and smoked duck, I can do something with that…” as she dove back into the fridge. Lorelai was already standing up, knowing Sookie was in her own world now, one Lorleai couldn’t really commune with, so it was time to do one of the hardest thing she had done in months.

“Well, I can see that you’ve got this covered, I’ll see you at my place in an hour?”

“Where are you going, hon?” Sookie noticed her picking up her keys and purse to leave.

“Ah, to perform the truest form of self-flagellation, mixed with a bribe for her to talk to me. It’s time to get the coffee.” And with that she walked out the door, mentally trying to prep herself for this stop on the Pity Tour.

As she pulled up outside of the diner there was a small crowd out front made up of Kirk, Taylor, Miss Patty, Babette, Gypsy and Andrew- there was no way this was good news, she didn’t feel like going through the gauntlet of gossips right now, didn’t these people have a life? She shook her head, realizing there was no way to avoid it as she pulled into park and got out of the car, surprised to see all eyes trained on her.

“Oh, Lorelai, honey, we’re just so devastated by the news, how is Rory doing?” Unsurprisingly, it was Patty who spoke first, walking towards the darker haired woman and pulling her into a hug. Lorelai was stunned- almost as much by the overly generous application of some kind of lavender perfume the dance instructor had used that morning as the sentiment behind it. Did they know her and Rory had fought?

“Ummm, what are you talking about?”

“Hey, is Rory just marrying that rich guy because he’s going to have her cryogenically frozen until the day that they come up with a cure for her cancer?” Lorelai turned to see Kirk getting smacked by Babette for that question.

“Kirk, what the hell are you talking about?” Then all of a sudden it hit her- the fight, Rory yelling last night, the windows open and Babette had taken up doing tai chi in the garden after dinner during the summer. She closed her eyes, this was _so_ not going to help her situation with Rory.

“Babette heard them talking last night, about how they’re getting married but you don’t approve because she has cancer-” he was cut off at that point by Taylor.

“It doesn’t matter how we know, Lorelai, the point is that we do. And I have to say, I’m not at all surprised. I mean, the way that she walks about the town, always talking on a phone or texting or getting on the world wide web- those machines emit waves that get into your brain and cause cancerous cells to form- I saw a whole documentary about it on TV last year. I swear, kids today don’t understand the importance of…”

“What the hell is going on out here? Is it the daily meeting of the Stars Hollow Busy Body Brigade? Well not on my stoop- you’re all loitering and if you don’t either come inside and order or clear out in the next ten seconds I’m going to take a fire extinguisher to the whole group.” Ah, saved by the ranting man in flannel. They dispersed quickly today, Luke had that tone indicating he was in no way willing to tolerate this nonsense. Lorelai stood frozen to her spot- her interactions with him having been practically non-existent since he’d thanked her for the reference for custody- she hadn’t so much as set foot in the diner since then- usually sending Sookie or Michel for the coffee or simply going to Weston’s instead.

But when she finally got the nerve to follow him inside he was already back behind the counter, smiling (even if just weakly and somewhat awkwardly).

“Sorry about the Cavalcade of Crazy out there.” He said.

“I was going with Gauntlet of Gossip, but I like yours too.” They stood there for a minute, avoiding looking at each other.

“So, can I get you anything? Coffee?”

“Coffee, yes. That’s what I came for. Umm, I’ll take six cups, to go. I’ve got Rory and Logan back at the house. I’m sure I’ll have finished my first one before I even get there and Rory had a long day yesterday…” At the mention of Rory Luke softened his expression entirely, his eyes finally meeting hers- nothing in them but kind concern.

“Yeah, Rory. So she’s… she’s uh, back for a while? From the campaign?”

“Yeah, she’s going to be spending the summer here… probably the fall too, you know- she’s got some stuff to take care of… and umm, I don’t know, I guess she'll write from home for a while? I'm not entirely clear on her plans there." Crap- she really hadn't been thinking about that, asking about that- she sucked as a mom. "Logan too, apparently, because they’re back together.”

“Yeah? And how are you doing with that?”

“Uh… it’s great. They’re great. They’re really happy together and it’s uh… it’s just..”

“Great?” he supplied. She smiled, this was so weird, would this ever not be weird between them? He was pouring the coffee and getting her a tray to go as she dug in her purse for some cash. She tried to hand it to him but he waved it off.

“Nah, it’s on the house. We’ll call it her engagement gift, ok?” He gave her a look saying that he understood what the gossip on the stoop had really been about. Shit. If he knew Rory was engaged, he knew the other thing. She looked up at him, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Luke...you should know... I mean, she really didn't mean for you- or really, anyone, to find out this way... I can't say what her plan was, but I know that she just wasn’t quite ready for people, for anyone, to know yet.” He nodded, handing her six coffees to go.

“Just go, maybe she can lay low for a day or two while I try to deal with circus sideshow that is this town, ok?” Lorelai didn’t know if she’d ever been more grateful to him than she was in this moment. And she knew he wasn’t doing it for her, not really- well, probably a little but- the kind of feelings and friendship they’d had over the years didn’t just die, but she knew he’d always be in Rory’s corner, 150%... God, she needed to be more like that herself. She just offered Luke a small smile and nodded.

“Thanks, Luke. I’m sorry neither of us told you. I know she planned on it, it just got out of hand last night and… we’re all still kind of reeling from everything.”

“It’s fine, Lorelai, really, just take the coffee to her, warn her, and tell her that if she needs anything, I’m right here. Ok?” She just smiled and nodded as she picked up the coffee and left; she had some serious groveling to do and it couldn’t be postponed any longer. As she got into the jeep and started to drive home she noticed Kirk, in the square, trying to hang a banner. It was left over from her graduation party and instead of “Bon Voyage, Rory”, he had crossed out Rory and painted “cancer”. She rolled her eyes, knowing she’d send Chris (or maybe Logan) to deal with that while she talked to Rory... unless Luke had already kicked his ass. 

* * *

Rory woke to the sounds of pots and pans clattering in the kitchen and the voice of her mother’s best friend shouting, “I got it! It’s ok, it’s just a cut, I’ll start clotting any second, you know me, I'm a great clotter... don't worry, we’re ok in here!” Logan had bolted right up in bed at the sound and jumped high enough he almost missed the bed coming back down- which was maybe the funniest thing Rory had ever seen. It set her off in a fit of laughter so strong she was having trouble catching her breath- which of course set off another coughing fit that she was having trouble stopping. This had been a relatively common occurrence in the last two weeks so Logan was up and about, throwing on a t-shirt with his sweatpants and hurrying to the kitchen to get water, a lozenge for her throat and to ask someone to start tea for her.

He was greeted by the site of Sookie holding her left hand in the air, a kitchen towel wrapped around it as she greeted him,

“Morning Logan, sorry about that- I was just chopping and then I I needed to whisk, but I couldn’t find the whisk, so I was moving and then whisking with the knife in my other hand and then before I knew it….” she just gestured to the mess around her as though that explained everything- which, to be fair, in her mind, it probably did.

“It’s fine, I’m just going to get her some water and a lozenge.” He could still hear the coughing from behind him and hurried back with the supplies, rubbing her back to help calm her down before returning to the kitchen to make tea. Lorelai was sitting at the table, 5 cups of Luke’s coffee in front of her, she looked at Logan nervously.

“I’m uh… I’m just going to make her some tea- the hot water helps soothe her cough.” He said, explaining to her.

“Does this happen a lot?” Rory hadn’t really been around all that much the last two weeks, and Lorelai had been working a lot of hours trying to distract herself, she hadn’t experienced one of these ten minute long coughing sessions since Rory had gotten out of the hospital- and god dammit, this was her mom, clearly upset, trying not to cry and since they were practically the same person sometimes- they had the same eyes, meaning that when she gave him the doe eyes it was almost exactly like Rory giving him the doe eyes and he had, at no time in history ever been able to stay mad at those eyes. He sighed and smiled just a little bit as he shook his head.

“It’s not so bad- she says it was worse but they gave her some good meds in the hospital- a steroid of some kind and a good cough suppressant so it usually only happens if she doesn’t take them regularly- and you know her, she hates medicine, so the last few days it’s been more often.”

He was moving around the kitchen, filling the tea kettle on the stove and rummaging through the cupboards for the variety of teas he and Rory had bought in Nantucket.

“Do you think hot coffee would work instead? I went to Luke’s this morning, I thought I’d take her a cup.” Logan looked at her, he in no way wanted to start a fight, another fight, with her but he wasn’t going to let her go in there, guns a blazin’ and upset Rory into another coughing fit this morning. But there were no guns, just concern and hopefully remorse.

“Yeah, I think she’d like that. Why don’t you take that in and I’ll uh… I’ll just help Sookie out here with breakfast?” She nodded and picked up two cups of coffee, one for Rory- and the other she handed to Logan.

“Logan… we’ll talk later, I need to talk to Rory first, but uh… just for right now I want to say thanks for being here for her… for taking care of her.”

“No thanks necessary, Lorelai. Seriously- no thanks will ever be necessary for that.” She met his gaze, seeing how sincerely he meant it and she nodded.

“Well, ok then.” And she went into her daughter’s room, shutting the door.

* * *

“Hey Kiddo, that’s one gnarly cough. You feeling any better?” Rory looked up at her mom, warily, not responding. Ok, Rory wasn’t going to make this easy- that was probably no less than Lorelai deserved. “I brought you coffee, I went to Luke’s to get it. He’s dying to see ya, I told him we’d probably lay low the next few days, but we’d stop in soon.” Rory raised an eyebrow at that one, “we”? She knew her mom hadn’t been back inside Luke’s since she and Chris had decided to fight for their marriage. Lorelai handed her the coffee cup, Rory accepted it (of course, it's Luke's coffee), but still wary.

Her mother, for her part, felt genuine contrition for how she had acted the night before, she just needed to figure out how to say what she needed to say- how to make Rory understand? She tentatively sat on the edge of the bed, wishing she had helped herself to one more cup of coffee before Chris caught her- this wasn’t going to be an easy day.

“Rory, I was totally out of line last night and basically acted like a bitch and I’m really sorry.” Rory sat up a little straighter at that, tilting her head in questioning, wanting to hear how this progressed. Lorelai was a bit relieved to be allowed to continue, although she kind of wished Rory had protested a bit. “Look, I know that you’re going through a lot right now, and honestly, you’re doing a lot better coping- at least externally, than I am. I just… I’m really kind of freaking out over here- I feel completely useless. You’re going through something so big and so scary and instead of running to me, you’re turning to Logan and I just feel like I’m losing you.” Her voice was a bit high pitched as she tried to keep herself from actually crying.

“Mom, you’re only going to lose me if you make it so that it’s you or him. It's not coming from him.”

“I know, I know… but Rory, I _am_ losing you, a little bit. I mean, I guess I sort of did when you started at Yale, you were an adult and you didn’t need me the same way as you used to, but I was so stressed out and busy with trying to get the inn up and running and then the drama that was Jason and my parents… I just don’t think I really noticed how it had started to shift and by the time I did notice, it _had_ shifted and that only freaked me out more. I mean, you and me, we used to be the Gilmore Girls, united against the world, we liked the same movies and tv shows and food and you were my mini me. But then, you went off to college and because you’re my beautiful, brainy and charming daughter, you explored the world and what it had to offer and you liked it- you found out there was more out there for you than Stars Hollow and while life here with my friends and my inn and my crazy ass dog is totally enough for me, it’s not for you. And I’ve known for a while, you do well moving in all kinds of circles- circles like the Life  & Death Brigade,  the DAR, elite collegiate newspaper editor soiree thingies where I don’t understand more than ⅓ of what is being said… I should have realized that when I pushed you to follow your dreams- Chilton, Ivy League college, foreign correspondent for internationally renowned newspaper… those dreams probably weren’t going to lead you back here.” At this point Rory was looking very forgiving, although she hadn’t said anything; but it was enough to get Lorelai to move in next to her, pulling Rory to her side.

“Not to mention, the idea of my daughter getting love right at the age of 21, when I still struggle and make such a mess of it at almost 40? I mean, yes, you are smarter than me, you are way better educated than I am. I mean, I always wanted you to be _more_ than me… but somehow I never thought that would translate to emotional maturity and everything else that makes you and Logan actually work. And as hard on him as I may be, I can see that you two _do_ work. Trust me, if he was another Dean or Jess I wouldn’t have ever been so tough. I think that maybe I've been jealous of how easy it seems for you two. You two did long distance and barely batted an eye- you’ve lived together, more or less successfully, you know how to communicate and trust each other and talk… Obviously you’ve had some pretty big snafus, don’t get me wrong- but if I’m grading on a curve? Wow, if I'd had ½ of your guys’ relationship capabilities now, when I was 30 I would have had a very different story.” Rory smiled at that and Lorelai pushed some hair behind her ear and kissed the top of her head and they sat there for a bit, just thinking.

“Logan talked to me last night.” Rory tensed up at that, only imagining what Logan may have said to her mother, she knew what he could be like when being defensive of her. Lorelai sensed the change and smiled. “Relax hon, he said exactly what I needed to hear and nothing more.”

“What did he say.”

“Well, I think it’s fair to say that neither you nor your father should worry about us running off together.” That made Rory snort a bit in amusement.

“Oh good, we were in quite a panic over that one.”

“Oh come on, you both know that if I was leaving your dad from anyone from Yale it would be my saucy Aussie- man can that guy pull off an accent and he always has the best drinking games!” Rory laughed, that was probably be the best way to describe the mystery that was Finn.

“So, Logan talked to you last night?” Rory prompted, guiding the conversation back.

“He did. And let me tell you kid, that boy out there looooooves you. Like… wow.” And Rory just smiled dreamily, looking at her ring.

“I know he does, Mom. I can’t tell you… look, I know I said some harsh things last night- and some even harsher things after I left, but I need you to know that I love you and I’ll always need you in my life, but I need you in such a different way than I need him. And I do need him… not in some horrible, sad, pathetic I’d die if he was gone way, but in an “I just feel lighter and better and more complete when I’m with him” kind of way. You will always be the Thelma to my Louise… but he’s the thing that makes me feel tethered to the earth- like no matter where I go or what happens to me, I belong somewhere. And I know you’re trying really hard to not mock how cheesy that sounds, but it’s true- it’s how I feel and I’m not going to apologize.” She said that last part only about ½ jokingly. “He doesn’t make what you and I have any less special or important to me. I will always know that I only have what I have today because of everything you did for me, and how you raised me, but you did raise me- and now it’s time for you to focus less on me and more on my little sibling- Rory, Jr.” And with that she smiled and patted her mom’s belly- which had just recently turned the tiniest bit convex. And with that Lorelai smiled, biting her lip, deciding it was time to tell her what she had intended to tell her last night before all went to hell.

“Actually, Rory, about that… your dad and I had our first sonogram yesterday and… tell me, how would you feel about _two_ little siblings?”


	12. A Week's Reprieve

Rory and Logan began to sort of settle into life in Stars Hollow. After the bombshell announcement that Chris and Lorelai were having twins, (an announcement that had made Rory squeal with delight, clapping her hands- she had always wanted siblings growing up, and sure she had Gigi, and that was great, but this would going to be different- way cooler). This was her mom and her dad, having two more kids together and they’d all get to be a family and see them grow up all together with Lorelai’s insanity and Chris’ overprotectiveness… and Rory (with Logan) there to spoil the hell out of them, get them into trouble, help them break the rules… it was going to be amazing.

And her mom seemed so happy. A bit overwhelmed at the idea of being 40 and having two babies, but she was happy.

“I tell ya' Sweets, if I had known that once you hit 35 the body basically turns into a going out of business sale and your chances of twins or even triplets almost doubles… yeah, not so sure I could have been talked into this. I mean, one, yeah, I was on board for that… but two? That is like literally double what I was expecting!” Rory just rolled her eyes, it was so obvious from the twinkle in her mom's eyes and the way she tried to hide her smile how excited Lorelai really was. She had always, secretly, suspected her mom would have liked a few kids- she definitely had never wanted Rory to be an only child like her- it had been lonely and maybe life would have been different for her if there had been someone else in the house to commiserate with.

“So seriously, don’t wait _too_ long to give me beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed grandbabies ok? I mean, I think it would be good for your little siblings to be at least a few years older than their nieces or nephews, and I’m obviously way too young and beautiful to be called Grandma…But don’t wait too long for that one and end up like me.”

“Oh, yeah, obviously.” It was a testament to Lorelai’s happiness and focus on her pregnancy that her normally hawk-like sensitivity to Rory’s moods; that her change in demeanor at the detour in conversation went completely unnoticed; but it was fine; actually it was probably a great thing. After the events of the last 24 hours, she wasn’t really ready to confide in her mom about her fears surrounding a future family, it was going to be a little while before she really felt like talking about it. Her mother had promised she would give him a real try and Rory was so sure that when she did she’d understand their relationship better and she’d be more welcoming and happy for the couple. After all, Lorelai Gilmore had pinky-promised, and she would never break a pinky-promise.

* * *

Late last night, after the blow up, Logan's words had convinced Lorelai to do some research on the side effects of chemo- a topic she had desperately tried to avoid thinking about. But, Rory and Logan had been so brave about confronting this whole subject and Lorelai had forced herself to "Gilmore up” and do the same. All that Googling had really opened her eyes as to what was happening and about to happen. She had learned so much and, with that new understanding, especially about how this would affect Rory and her relationship with food (mouth sores, changing taste buds, acid reflux, nausea), Lorelai had decided, with Sookie's help, to get festive! For the next week they were completely inundated by Sookie’s cooking as they picked different theme nights. The chef would cook all day to provide that evening’s feast and the family would sit and revel around the table (or the TV) with drinks, incredible food, jokes and conversation. Tuesday night, after that giant apology breakfast, they had mini-pizzas, pasta alfredo, fried calamari, garlic bread, meatballs, veal marsala… complete with chianti in the cheesy straw-wrapped bottles.

Wednesday was tapas night- short ribs, roasted duck and a million other favorites, including flan and again, a few brilliant Spanish wine pairings and plenty of cava. Logan was telling them all about his semester abroad in Spain- joking about how he he worried that all of his friends at that school had speech impediments because of their lisps- until one day he finally offered to pay for speech therapy and they all broke into laughter and teased him horribly, once they explained the idea of the King’s Lisp. It was a fun evening, but just as Lorelai was setting up for a game of Celebrity, the Darth Vader March played throughout the room. Logan looked to Rory,

“Is that?” He asked.

“Yeah, she must have finally checked her messages in advance of our talk tomorrow. I better just...” Knowing that there was no way to avoid a Paris Gellar meltdown at this point, Rory walked to her room and shut the door, taking in a few breaths before hitting the “answer” button.

“Hey, Paris- how are you?”

“Oh, I’m just peachy, you know how it is. I’m here in Cambridge, working my ass off 18 hours a day in a lab trying to earn enough money to pay for this ridiculously overpriced school and trying to find some time in my life to see my boyfriend, work out and occasionally sleep. And then, after a long day at the end of a very long week I’m looking forward to my drive back to the apartment and decide to check my voicemail, see if there is any new gossip I should pay attention to. Imagine my delight to hear a message from my best friend in the entire world…calling just to check in and say hi? Oh no, not the famous Rory Gilmore! No, for her that would be too easy and drama free… what I get instead is a delightful _voicemail_ informing me that all those times she was sick- all those times that she made me think she had a fucking head cold- and seriously, come on, I don’t have time to deal with you having a head cold, it's _not_ my fault I ignored those conversations!   

“But then, after hiding how serious it was for a year, you couldn’t ignore it anymore, no it turns out you have fucking cancer! And oh, you don’t call me as soon as the doctors say that word, it’s not like I’ve spent my entire life studying to be a doctor who specializes in cancer fucking research! It’s not like I actually know what a lymphocyte is or why we may want to look into IMRT rather than a broader spectrum form of radiation or the various plusses and minuses of a 4 drug chemo cocktail over a 6 drug one. So for all I know, you’ve seen doctors so dumb they may the people from that idiot TV show in that terrible Seattle hospital seem like competent doctors rather than the undereducated, oversexed, far too beautiful to have ever even passed a med school or looked at real blood morons. I mean, did you even check to see if the people are _real_ doctors or whether they just got a fancy printer program and made up their own degree from the University of Who-Gives-A-Shit?

“And that’s not even getting into the whole engagement to the Walking Ken Doll you call Logan Huntzberger- suddenly _he’s_  there by your side, taking care of everything, never mind the fact that you _just_ reconciled like four minutes ago and he lives on the other side of the goddamned country, but yeah, I’m sure he’s the image of perfect stability to see you through all of this. I mean, seriously, what the hell Gilmore?”

Rory had known she had to tell Paris and that by telling Pairs, she was obviously opening the door to this _exact_ conversation… well, conversation implied that she’d be allowed to speak at some point, so maybe that wasn't technically the right word... But that was neither here or now, instead she let Paris breathe for a minute before respondng.

“Paris, I’m sorry- I _really_ didn’t think that I was sick enough to bother or worry anyone. I seriously thought it was the terrible hotels and the lousy bus I spent all my time on. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but you were dealing with finals and then starting your internship this summer and I didn’t want to distract you… nor did I want to to act like it could be anything more than a head cold. I had the job of a lifetime! I didn’t want to think for a second that could be coming to an end- even if it was the hardest and worst job ever, it was amazing and I weirdly loved it. So please, don’t shut me out, you’re one of my best friends and I need you more than ever right now.” There was silence on the other hand and she could practically see Paris tapping one foot, her arms crossed in front of her, seemingly permanent scowl on her face.

“Fine. Now, I need you to fax or email your file and I better get it within 24 hours or I’m on a train and I will not only use my skills to make your doctors and you so uncomfortable…”

“Ok, I understand. But you know, Paris, my first doctor used to head up research at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and my second opinion was at Sloan Kettering with their top Lymphoma specialist. My Pathologist was top of his class at Hopkins and did two fellowships at the Mayo Clinic- I trust what he’s saying and what the doctors are recommending. It’s the four drug cocktail they’re going with for now and if that works then I should be in remission by Christmas, and we hope any necessary radiation could be finished by the end of the year. I _will_ have my records sent to you, that isn’t a problem, but they’re all very optimistic and I need you to put your energy into your studies and your work in the lab, because _I’m_ going to be fine, but I want you to come up with a way to keep others from going through any of this. You are so brilliant, you’re going to save the world, I believe that. But you need to focus on school to be able to do that.” Rory wasn’t lying, she honestly believed that Paris could even, maybe, scare cancer away… there was seriously no one else she would ever, honestly, have this much faith in their abilities- if anyone could find the cure for cancer, it was Paris Gellar.

After a few minutes of quiet, minutes Rory knew had her thinking and processing, Paris sighed.

“Fine. Look, you know that what you have comes with a really great prognosis, right? I mean, I know I kind of freaked out on you and went off, but seriously, I can’t imagine a world in which you aren’t perfectly fine in five years. So, now is the time to call off the wedding to Huntzberger- if you marry him, you aren’t going to just die in a few months or even years, you’re stuck- either with him for a very long time, or divorce. This isn’t one of those super romantic movies you like where you’ll die a sudden and short, relatively painless death while in the height of your passion for each other. You could both live to be almost 100 before that happens. Are you sure?”

Rory stopped to think, because she knew that Paris wasn’t actually trying to screw with her, hell- she didn’t even hate Logan, not really. She just had a lot of skepticism as to whether any man would ever be even remotely good enough to marry her best friend. Seriously, Neil Degrasse Tyson could show up and profess his undying love for Rory and she’d tell Rory to pass.  

“Thanks for the perspective, Paris, but I’m actually hoping for 80 years with Logan, so I think if that was meant to scare me, you should look for new ideas. And that isn’t any kind of newly found philosophical understanding of God and my place in the universe- it’s just based on the fact that in the last year I haven’t actually felt whole or complete or really happy, not since we broke up. You know we’ve been talking about our issues and really working through things and life with him… well, it’s everything I ever hoped for. I really need you to be happy for me, for us, Paris- I love him and I’m tired of fighting that. Can you please at least try?” Another moment passed before she spoke.

“Look, Gilmore. You’re going through a lot right now, and chances are it’s screwing with your hormones and your brain and your emotions. But I do know what you two were like together- especially the non- felonious, non-life endangering times, and I’ll admit, you were good- great even. I know that you regret turning him down and you were incredibly unhappy over the last year and I’m glad that you finally sound normal and alive again- despite what’s happening. I just want you to be happy, you know that, right?”

The way she asked that question reminded Rory of that Thanksgiving when Paris was trying so desperately to get to serve at a Soup Kitchen over the holiday and came off looking pretty bad. “You know I ultimately do all these things for the good of humanity, right?” And just like Rory had known that was true back then, she knew that Paris was being honest now. So she nodded and wished she could hug her through the phone.

“I do know that, Paris. And I’m excited to hear from you when you look at my files, let me know if there is anything I’m missing or need to ask about. And, before you ask, you have permission on file to call and ask the doctors any questions you have- I’m not sure that will actually be enough, since you aren’t an MD yet, but I figured I’d give it a try and see where it goes from there.” Paris had plenty of time until she was a doctor, but she was a brilliant and surprisingly grounded kind of crazy, so Rory trusted her with the information, knowing she couldn’t actually change treatment without an actual physician’s say so.  

“You know that I’m going to come down in a few weeks to see you, right? And I’m going to want a weekly report from the doctor, there is no getting around that, you know that- right?” 

“Paris, that is one of the things in this world I would never question.”

* * *

Thursday they went to the Inn where Sookie had made an Indian feast (at the Inn so that the house wouldn’t smell like it for the next week, of course). It was also a perfect day for time with Lane and the boys- once she started chemo her immune system would so shot she couldn’t see the boys, couldn’t risk their preschool germs- getting ice cream and fries as a special treat- Steve worried what Grandma Kim would say.

On Friday Rory had her port put in- a way for them to inject the chemo over the next six months or so. It was an outpatient procedure, a local anesthetic and she felt fine and had originally hoped for something fun and exotic that night- Thai or Moroccan maybe, but Emily had promised Rory’s favorite- roast beef, mashed potatoes…  not to mention ice cream sundaes _and_ chocolate pudding for dessert. 

Unfortunately, the night was terrible. It started with Lorelai covering for her not drinking by making a bad joke about needing to be sober enough to pull a heist after dinner and Grandma behaving as though she hadn’t heard, murmuring something about “yes, yes, of course- I forgot.” Richard kept trying to start conversations, but was for some reason mortified if the topic veered anywhere close to discussing politics- perhaps he was trying to not point out that Rory had left the campaign trail due to her illness and must be in mourning over it? Logan and Chris were trying to keep conversation going, but Logan had been up and working until about 3 in the morning, then Rory had a bad night of coughing once he finally did get to bed and was operating on only a few hours of sleep. Chris was mostly just worried about accidentally bringing up the pregnancy, Rory’s upcoming treatments, or the engagement (he knew Lorelai just needed a little more time with that one).

As they sat around the dinner table the conversation was stiflingly polite and, to be honest, incredibly boring. Rory had tried to bring up the new Malcolm Gladwell book she had been reading but wasn’t getting much traction there. Her and her mom bantered just a little bit about movies coming out that summer- Lorelai being particularly excited to get more Christian Bale in Batman and another movie that had both Clooney _and_ Brad Pitt in it.. But the conversations were  brief, tapering off awkwardly as no one else seemed inclined to jump in. Finally, about ½ way through an absurdly inane back and forth about whether or not men’s slacks should have pleats in them, Rory threw her fork down- the loud clattering of metal against china shocking everyone at the table.

“That’s it! Seriously, everyone, this is _not_ my Last Meal, I am not Dead Girl Walking! Yes, I start chemo on Tuesday, and yes, it’s going to be a bitch of a year-”  

“Rory!” Emily cried, after all, regardless the circumstances, one did not say “bitch” at the dinner table. Rory and Lorelai each rolled their eyes, causing Lorelai to smile, it was nice lately to get a reminder of how that was still, in many ways, her mini me.

“Grandma, I’m sorry I said bitch at the dinner table, but come on- this is the saddest, most awkward dinner I think I’ve ever sat through, and I have a pretty long list to compare to. Yes, I have cancer, yes, I start chemo in a few days and it’s going to suck and I’m nervous and a little bit scared; but we are all here, _together_! That fact alone should be enough for us to celebrate but come on, I’m engaged, Grandpa is teaching at Yale again, Mom and Dad are having twins…” Shit! They didn’t even know she was pregnant- could she claim pre-chemo brain? 

“Rory!” Lorelai cried as Richard and Emily’s heads both snapped up, looking straight at Lorelai and Chris. 

“What? Lorelai, is that true? You’re pregnant?” Her eyes teared up as she smiled in hope. 

“Well, we were going to wait until the end of the first trimester, just to be safe…” She glared a bit pointedly at Rory, who just shrugged back in response- not much she could do anyways, and if it made Grandma and Grandpa happy, she wasn’t going to be too sorry for spilling the beans. “But yes, we actually just found out this week that we’re having twins. We’re due right before Christmas.”

Emily stood up and went to Lorelai to hug her tightly, so thrilled about this turn of events- not just one but two new grandbabies to adore and spoil, and this time they’d get to see it all, they wouldn’t miss everything they missed with Rory,

“Oh this is just such wonderful news! I’m so thrilled for you!” Richard smiled and patted Chris on the back,  

“Good man, that’s excellent work.” Rory and Lorelai giggled at the look on Chris’ face- it wasn’t exactly as though he had made any special effort, but apparently it was a guy thing. Richard hurried off to find champagne, of all things this certainly deserved a toast- and with that, the evening turned into a festive celebration, exactly what Rory needed that night.  

Saturday, Logan surprised her with a trip to New York- they did a little shopping before he took her to an amazing dinner at _Le Bernardin_. Rory had been obsessed with Eric Ripert ever since he was on _Top Chef_ as a judge and she couldn’t believe he’d managed a reservation there-  one that included a brief meeting with the chef who was absolutely as charming as he seemed on TV. He greeted the couple by name, asked how they enjoyed their meal and even sent over a complimentary bottle of champagne. Logan then surprised her with tickets to _In The Heights_ , a musical Logan thought he may actually have a chance of enjoying. But even if he hadn’t (which he had- it was different, relatable and smart), Rory absolutely loved it and was one of the first on her feet for the standing ovation- smiling, clapping and cat calling Chris Jackson and Lin Manuel Miranda as they came out for their bows. She was so beautiful, standing there clapping and smiling so wide her cheek muscles were hurting and he just wanted to live in that moment forever.

They ended the night in the The Plaza’s Champagne Bar, drinking, dancing to the jazz trio and talking in a dark booth in the back corner. Rory had had just enough to drink at that point where she was feeling sexy and flirty; she began to rub Logan’s thigh, lightly, running the back of her fingers up his his leg before raking her fingernail back down, just hard enough to make Logan hiss.  

“Ace, be very careful there.” He practically growled it at her. She looked up at him, through her eyelashes, eyes positively burning with lust as she whispered back, 

“Why?” He leaned in as though to kiss her, but stopped short and pulled her ear down to his lips, whispering as he began rubbing his hand up her thigh, softly caressing her pale skin.

“Because turnabout is fair play.” He leaned in further and began nibbling at her neck, sucking and kissing as he inched his hand up her leg and under her dress, slowly teasing as he got closer and closer to the line of her thong- hearing the way her breath picked up, feeling how her body tensed as she tried to stay in control.

“Logan.” She moaned as softly and quietly as she could, all the while tilting her neck to let him get a better angle, shifting her body weight ever so slightly in the booth so that he now had full access to her- the warm wet center of her was practically begging him to be inside of.  

“Shit, Ace, you’re so wet! How are you so wet already?” He was still growling in her ear, they were both a bit breathless as his fingers entered her, hitting her in exactly the right place and she couldn’t help but thrust her hips forward slightly, wanting more, wanting him… but unwilling to let go of the way she was feeling right at that moment.

She lightly ran her hands along the bulge in his pants- not enough to be anything but a tease, causing him to bite down just a little bit harder on the earlobe he had been nibbling on. The pain was a little sharp, but not at all unpleasant and she felt herself getting closer to her climax.  

"You like that, Ace? That feels good?”

“God, yes, Logan- it feels amazing.” She closed her eyes, beginning to feel herself hit the brink as he reached deeper inside and put her clit in between two fingers, rubbing in a circular motion, his thumb pressing down- sending her over the edge as he pressed his lips firmly on hers- tongues battling as he swallowed her cries of pleasure- not an easy feat- had they been in their room at that point there was no way she would have been able to keep from screaming as she met his fingers thrust for thrust and he worked her through her bliss, slowly letting her come down. She just sat there, eyes closed, trying to catch her breath.

“Logan, that was… wow. It was just… wow.” He grinned back at her as he signalled for the check from the waitress.

“What do you say we head upstairs and I try to make that happen again?” She just smiled back as he dropped cash on the table and hurried her out of the bar.

* * *

Sunday was movie marathon day- each of them picked their favorite movie to watch with all the fixings: pizza, Chinese, mallomars, brownie sundaes, red vines, milk duds and, since Chris picked _The Big Lebowski_ , White Russians. Next up was Logan’s film, _Ocean’s 11_ \- he just couldn’t resist a good heist movie and Lorelai and Rory spent the first half of the movie debating who was hotter, Clooney, Damon or Pitt while all non-gestating participants enjoyed dirty martinis and Chris and Logan debated the legitimacy of the technology being used on screen.

Rory’s pick was a classic movie night standby, _Robin Hood: Men In Tights_ \- so much so that she silently (mostly) mouthed just about every line of the movie, including singing along the “Men in Tights” song as Lorelai erroneously quoted lines from The Princess Bride everytime Cary Elwes was on screen. Lorelai had originally thought she’d go with Willy Wonka, but _someone_ \- likely Chris, hid the dvd when she announced the movie night- a dangerous move that would cost him dearly for a while; so instead, Lorelai surprised everyone by picking _Grease-_ including her stellar reenactment of _Look at Me I’m Sandra Dee_ , singing into the hairbrush and everything.

Monday morning Rory told everyone that she needed some time to herself- she hadn’t had much alone time since they got back from Nantucket and she had a few errands to run by herself, not to mention how a bit of peace and quiet would do her some good, help center her. By noon she had checked off almost everything on her to-do list for the day: she got an oil change, went to the bank, got a mani pedi, all before ending up at Colin's dad’s firm, where he worked on breaks from law school. When the receptionist let Colin know Rory Gilmore had arrived he hurried out front and pulled her into a big hug.

He had a smile on his face but she could hear the genuine concern in his voice; he loved this girl like a little sister and although he had this persona of having a giant stick up his ass, he was actually a sentimental sweetheart deep down. He was walking her back to a conference room, remembering to stop and get her some coffee on the way, fixing it exactly the way she liked. 

“Hey Reporter Girl, how are you doing?”

“Oh, you know, I’m kind of dreading tomorrow, but I think I’ll feel better once I get a solid few treatments done- emotionally that is. I think that not really knowing what to expect from it is probably the worst part most days.” They entered the conference room and two men in suits stood up, moving to shake her hand.

“Ah, Miss Gilmore, it’s a pleasure to meet you- I understand you’re a close friend of my son’s, yes?” Rory smiled and moved towards the older man, a man who looked so much like Colin she would have been able to guess that was his dad even if she just passed by him in a crowded shopping mall. 

“I am, Mr. McCrae- he and the other two stooges seem to have adopted me into their merry band, and I have to say that thus far it seems to have worked out in my favor.” She smiled at Colin, knowing he and his dad had a complicated relationship, perhaps she could ease it the tiniest bit through her charm.

“Well, I’m glad to know that they have someone to take care of them- I’m sure you have helped keep them from getting in too much trouble- I’ve had to bail them out of jail far fewer times in the last few years than before- I hear that's to your credit.”

“Oh, now I’m not sure I’m the one who can take credit for that, he seems to get quite a bit of satisfaction out of law school and this internship- we all know he’s going to be a brilliant lawyer someday.” Andrew McCrae just harrumphed and muttered something under his breath as Colin stepped in to save himself any further humiliation.  

“Rory, this is my father’s associate, Grant Hewitt.” The slightly younger man stepped forward to shake her hand and say hello before McCrae the Elder motioned for them all to sit.

“Now, Miss Gilmore, I understand that you need some help with a legal matter, what exactly can we do for you?” Rory took in a deep breath, looking to Colin- the only person who knew she was here.

“Well, Mr. McCrae, I don’t know if Colin told you, but I was recently diagnosed with a form of Hodgkin's Lymphoma.” All three men nodded, not looking surprised at the news, clearly Colin had briefed them in advance. “Well, I’ve been doing a bit of reading and it’s suggested that although my prognosis is excellent, it’s always better to be prepared for the worst- after all, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.” She smiled at her little joke but while Colin gave a half hearted grin, neither of the older men seemed to get the reference. Oh well, no accounting for taste so she soldiered on. “Well, I’d like to go ahead and, just in case it’s needed, be the conscientious planner I’m known for and create my will.”

* * *

That had been probably one of the most emotional 90 minute spans of her life, working with the lawyers to first try and understand the extent of her estate (Trix left her _how much_ in a trust she could access in a year?) and then all the decisions she had to make- Power of Attorney, Advanced Directive, arrangements for a memorial service (something Rory had oddly strong feelings about), Living Will, etc.

Around 1:00, Rory got out of her car, trying to shake it off; she had accomplished everything she set out to accomplish- a major win, especially given her fatigue and the cough that wouldn’t let her get a decent night sleep.

She had parked about a block down from her destination- it was the first time in the last week that she’d really ventured out on the town, so she was getting some prying and pitying looks. Her mom had said the word was out, people knew and she had actively tried to avoid having to deal with it. She loved her town, it would always be a major part of her; but it was also a place that viewed her as their Princess and somehow, no matter how crazy it seemed, she felt like she was coming home as a disappointment. But today, right now, Rory was on a mission, she had put it off for a week and she wasn’t going to anymore. Taking a deep breath she threw back her shoulders, stood up straight and steadfastly marched inside the place in Stars Hollow she maybe knew as well as her house, smiling as she enjoyed the familiar, and now nostalgic, sound of a jingling bell. 

She stopped and took stock of the all too familiar setting, one that she  hadn’t admitted to missing until just now. It was just difficult for her to think of home in Stars Hollow without picturing herself playing 1-2-3 at the window or taking over the countertop for Bagel Hockey, being yelled at by Luke for annoying the other customers and getting lectures over her diet when she ordered anything off the menu that wasn’t a salad or oatmeal. And there he was, standing behind the counter, staring at his notepad he seemingly took orders on, but only really used when genuinely insane people came in asking for overly complicated orders or when he was making little sketches depicting him hanging himself before dealing with any more of the general public. She smiled, seeing Kirk at the end of the counter, reading the funny pages in the newspaper and laughing, Caesar behind the stove complaining about Luke stifling his creative genius, again; and of course, Luke not even bothering to look up as he spoke.

“Sit anywhere you like, but if I were you I’d put at least three seats between myself and the doofus at the end of the counter.”

“Well, I’m going to need at least five spaces if I plan to play Bagel Hockey.” Rory wasn’t sure where that response had come from, but it made Luke look up- but he quickly changed his frown into a huge smile.

“Rory! Welcome back! It’s so good to have you in here! What can I get for you- coffee? Burger? Chili fries? Anything you want, it’s on the house!” She smiled back at him, enjoying the moment of familiarity. Thank God for Luke, he might sometimes be weird and awkward and a million other things, but he’d always treat her the same way- no matter what was going on in her life.

She walked up to the counter as she ordered.  

“Ummm, cheeseburger, fries, coffee and maybe pie?”

“Which pie do you want a slice of? I’ve got strawberry-rhubarb, boysenberry and apple.”  

“How about ½ of each one, to go? And a slice of the strawberry-rhubarb with ice cream for here.” She smiled up at him as he had already begun pouring her coffee before she finished her original order. She sat down right in front of him, bringing the mug of coffee up to her nose, just wanting to savor the smell and the taste. In the back of her head she was terrified that chemo would ruin coffee for her and she just wanted her first and greatest love to be enjoyed and savored the way it deserved before their affair was ended.

“So, is it weird to be home?” She looked around, the diner was surprisingly quiet for it being barely the tale end of lunch, it looked like she was going to be having an actual conversation with Luke. 

“Umm, it’s kind of nice to not be living out of a suitcase, spending all of my time on a bus, in a terrible motel/hotel situation or standard issue hotel ballroom with awful food, watered down coffee and the inevitable smell of stale booze and bar mitzvahs.”

“Yeah, I always kind of wondered what the attraction was for you. I know you like to travel and you like to write, but after knowing your mom so well, the substandard accommodations sounded almost as bad as camping.” He smirked, trying to imagine a Gilmore camping.

“Yeah, it was a rough thing to get used to, but I have to say that following the Senator was amazing! He is absolutely, hands down, the smartest man I’ve ever talked to, and very charismatic. I know that as a reporter I’m supposed to remain unbiased, but it’s tough around him- and once you meet his wife? Forget about it, that’s everything people talk about with FDR and Eleanor or George and Martha. I’m in awe of them.” Her eyes lit up as she spoke about them, she clearly believed in them, she had loved her time on the road and Luke was so proud of her. But then, her eyes dulled just a tiny bit, her smile dropped slightly… And of course Logan noticed the change, and was able to instantly guess the reason.

“Hey, you’re going to be just fine, you know that, right?” He reached out and in an incredibly uncharacteristic move, put his hand over her’s- she’d always be so close in his heart. She looked up at him, fighting tears- why did that seem like a daily occurrence these days? She just squeezed his hand back, wishing she could give him better reassurance before she nodded.

“Yeah, I dod. I know. It’s not going to be easy, and a lot of it is going to straight up suck. But I think I’m as ready as possible.” She gave him a watery smile, she loved her parents, and her dad had seriously stepped up in the last few years- despite a few missteps- but Luke would always be there, in her heart, maybe more as an Uncle than anything else, but she was grateful for as much support and love as she could get. She ate her burger and fries, drank way too much coffee- for the first time ever without commentary on how it was going to kill her, she assumed he believed that would be in poor taste and cringed, ever so slightly on the inside, but dismissed it- she’d probably feel weird if he did say something like that- it was a fairly awkward topic these days. 

She stood up and left two 20 dollar bills to cover her lunch and the pies while he was in the back, knowing he’d never let her pay under the circumstances. Just as she was leaving the diner she heard his voice calling her name. Her feet hit the pavement at the bottom of the stairs and she turned, seeing him right in front of her.

“Luke!” What else was she to say, suddenly confronted by 6 feet of flannel and jeans?

“I just wanted to say that I’m so proud of you- you’ve done amazing things this last year and I know you’re going to kick cancer's ass. Also, don’t let your mom be too hard on Limo Boy. He has his flaws, he’s made his mistakes, but I’m happy for you- and you deserve to be happy.” And with that he gave her a brief, slightly uncomfortable hug and turned around, going back inside, leaving her on the sidewalk a bit dazed and confused.

* * *

Monday afternoon, Rory had just returned home a few minutes ago when the doorbell rang. Rory looked around the table- who could possibly be coming over?

She went to the door and saw the most insane tableaux ever- Stephanie in a bright pink, tulle and sequined covered ballgown with a fairy wand, Colin in jeans and a t-shirt and Finn wearing tights, a pink tutu and white t-shirt with sparkly fairy wings, a glittery crown and a long, sparkling wand. Rory couldn’t help but bust out laughing at the sight in front of her; she was smiling so wide that it took Logan a second to realize she was starting to wheeze. Shit 

“Hey Ace, it’s ok, I’m going to get you some water, just try to breathe ok?” She nodded but as soon as stepped away she started to cough and Logan shook his head, he’d need to tell Finn to try and tone things down just a tad for future bits- it was pointless to hope that he’d cut out any currently planned ones, but hopefully could be persuaded to not send Rory into a two hour coughing fit.

He returned to the room with some lozenges and water and Rory was already beginning to calm down, but she _was_ looking at the group, clearly expecting an explanation.

“Guys, maybe you want to let her in on what you’re doing here.” Logan prompted. 

“But I thought it was obvious, Love, we’re your Chemo Fairies!” Finn was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, he was so excited by the name he had chosen once they began discussing ways to help Rory through this.  

“I’m sorry, I’m not particularly  well-read in my cancer lore, I was unaware that I would be visited by such legendary, and obviously very beautiful creatures.” Finn just preened a bit as she remarked on his obvious, beauty. Stephanie was grinning, but then again, she always enjoyed an excuse to dress up- especially in pink, and Colin was just sitting on the couch feeling fairly silly and awkward, reminding himself he’d done much stupider things, looked much sillier, for far less worthy reasons. 

“So you are not aware of the mythology surrounding the Cancer Fairies?” Finn asked. 

“I’m afraid I’m not, but I’m an excellent student if you would like to educate me.” 

“Well, Love, it’s quite simple. You see, when the evil dragons of yore created the evil blight known as Cancer-” 

“Finn, didn’t we say no dragons?” Colin interjected in exasperation.

“You said no dragons because it should be wizards, but I like my wizards good- and dragons more suitably fit my narrative while allowing me the wiggle room to dress up as a wizard in future weeks, so fuck off, Colin.” And with that he returned his attention to dramatically spinning his tale for the lovely Reporter Girl. “As I was saying, the evil dragons created the physical manifestation of evil, calling it cancer. They found  ways to implant their horrible disease in the bodies of the loveliest of mortals, like an invasion of a tiny but particularly dangerous army sent to destroy even the most beautiful and kindest of souls from within. However, as every faction of evil has an opposite faction of good- the kind and very wise Fae created a new race of fairies, specifically to serve the needs of the victims of the evil dragons and their terrible cancer. It is their job to attend to the every need and desire of sufferers while helping in her battle against the malady the dragons cursed the poor creatures with. And thus-” Finn, still standing in front of Rory gave a particular flourish as he stood, one hand in the air as though to wave, “endeth the Tale of the Cancer Fairy. The end.” He clicked his heels together in salute and took one of the most eloquent but far over-exaggerated bows that Rory had seen outside of Monty Python sketch- causing Rory to applaud enthusiastically, although a look of confusion was still on her face. 

Colin just rolled his eyes- why had they let Finn do the explanation? It was unlikely to actually explain anything and Rory was as mystified as before. 

“We have all been talking- us, Logan, Lane, your mom and dad, and we’re taking turns each week to help you get through chemo. It started with just trying to figure out who would be accompanying you for what we have been guaranteed will be the most boring six hours each week you will ever sit through. Then Finn and Lorelai decided to… well, “improve” on the plan.” Rory grinned at Colin’s explanation, imagining exactly what that conversation had looked like. She was moved beyond words that so many people were dropping so many things to help her through this and she felt tears pricking the back of her eyes, she was about to say something when she realized-  

“But wait- it’s Monday, my treatment isn’t until tomorrow.”  

“Yes, well, we thought you might like a little pre-treatment pampering to help keep your mind off things.” Stephanie interjected before Finn could start in on some kind of over-the-top speech. “So, I think we just need to get into the car outside and be on our way to the first stop!” Rory looked at Logan who just smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he handed Rory her purse and phone, helped her to her feet and escorted her to the awaiting limo.

“Well Love, we- and by we I mean Colin, he is the brains of this operation after all.” Stephanie snorted at that one. “What, it’s true! Logan is the bank, Colin is the brains, you are the beauty and I’m the charm.” 

“What about me, Finn?” Rory put out a pouty lip, turned on her Bambi eyes. 

“Why, isn’t it obvious? You, dear Love, are the heart!” That was unexpected, she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, wasn’t he just the best? “Well, thank you for that, I now know the bliss of being kissed by a Gilmore, I shall die a happy man. But, not today. As I was saying, for today's schedule, we did research on what you shouldn’t do or may find difficult to do during your treatments and we are going to celebrate quite a few of them, a real send off! Now, I believe we should all help ourselves to a generous pour of champagne.” He pulled out two bottles that had been sitting on ice, Stephanie reached for glasses and Rory just turned to Logan and smiled, kissing him lightly. 

“You know you are all completely bonkers, right?” 

“Ah, yes, but all the best people are!” Colin jumped right in, paraphrasing one of his favorite books, _Alice in Wonderland._ By that time she was being handed a flute almost overflowing with bubbly. Finn clearly had plans for a toast, but Logan stopped him- he should get at least one moment of eloquence this afternoon.

“Ace, you are the picture of grace under fire and we are all in awe of your ability to handle all that has been dealt you in the last year. Everything you have accomplished has been on your own merits, due to your incredible talents; and everything else that has occurred in that time has only served to show us that you truly are the best of any of us. You are an inspiration to us all- perhaps _my_ hero most of all. I love you-” Finn cried out offended at that one. “ _We_ love you and we are here for you- no matter what you need, when you need it, we are there. After all, this is one hell of an adventure we’re all embarking on. In omnia paratus!”  

“In omnia paratus!” They all toasted in response, clinking glasses and drinking the toasted, dry bubbly, finishing it as they pulled up to the door of the Red Door Spa in Hartford. First on the agenda was hot stone massages- due to the chemo, she wasn’t supposed to get massage- it recirculated all the chemo toxins and because of low white and red blood cell counts it could lead to bruising and compromised immune system. First they did an amazing espresso wrap to suck out the toxins currently in her system, as well as moisturizing her skin- it was about to take quite the beating, followed by a 90 minute hot stone massage and even more champagne.  

Once the massage was over a be-robed Rory was sat in a chair for a quick blow out and some light, natural makeup. Stephanie came out with a garment bag and a shoe box- a bag that contained a stunning little black dress, a classic off the shoulder black cocktail dress with a pencil skirt to the knee, lace overlay and a wide satin cummerbund. Rory looked at herself wearing the dress, that fit like a damn glove, before she noticed the box of shoes and almost lost her mind.

“Are those… are those Manolos?” She said the word so softly, it was reverential, almost like praying- and her wide eyes made Stephanie want to giggle- it was so adorable the way that Rory still wasn’t used to this kind of largesse even after all this time. She just smiled in response and helped Rory into the bright red silk peep toe shoes with a crystal ankle wrap and matching crystal brooch across the pleated front- they were perfection and so, so fun with the dress. Stephanie just clapped her friends and smiled before she hurried to go and change to meet the guys for the next stop on the crazy trip.

They pulled up to a cheese shop and now Rory, a lover of all cheeses, was intrigued. They were met at the front of the shop by the owner of the beautifully rustic space with dark hardwood floors, display cases throughout showcasing massive wheels of cheese, cut wedges of cheese, blocks of cheese… Not to mention bottles of wine, chocolate, some smoked meats and crackers throughout the space, as well as one long communal table set with a variety of cheeses and wines at each place setting.

Colin walked up to escort her in. 

“You look stunning, Reporter Girl. Logan is the luckiest bastard I ever met.” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Of all the people she was with tonight, he was the only one who knew what she had spent her morning doing- the one who saw her shock at finding out how much she was actually worth thanks to her two trust funds (a number that made even Colin raise an eyebrow- it was a pretty hefty amount, and before whatever she’d inherit upon the deaths of Richard and Emily Gilmore) fighting a total breakdown as she handed him letters she had written to her mother, her father, her grandparents, Lane and Logan- ‘just in case’ she had said. He leaned in, noticing she was happy and relaxed, but tired- and more than a little confused as to what they were doing here.

As though he could read her mind he spoke. 

“Ah, you see, it turns out that you have to be very careful of many things you eat in the next few months, including alcohol;” She knew that part, she needed to limit her alcohol intake, especially the days following treatment. "You are going to be weak and tired and want to avoid anything that could make you sick- not to mention the dehydration effects, so hooch is a no-go... But, also on the list of “be careful” items? Most cheeses. So we’ve arranged for a special wine and cheese tasting tonight- including some really weird items!” She couldn’t help but give him her biggest, most dazzling smile at that one.  

“That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me- and let me tell you, you guys have truly spoiled me in the past with nothing but nice things!”  

“Oh, well, if only you were worth all of this effort.” He smiled back and winked at her as he pulled out her chair allowing her to sit. They all chatted and enjoyed the company as the cheesemonger- one of Rory’s favorite words and occupations of all time- explained the basics of cheeses and how to pair with wines. She walked them through some of the basics of how cheese is made and what to look for when pairing with wines. She also had them take a bite of each cheese on their plate with each wine in front of them- having them talk about how some were really wonderful together- how the bold, tannic Portuguese del Toro wine brought out the flavors of a bright, gamey blue cheese; how the smoky, creamy sharp cheddar and Cabernet Sauvignon were perfection together; but they also noticed that the merlot and goat cheese almost made a few of them gag and the sauvignon blanc made the camembert almost impossible to taste- leaving only a grassy quality. It was absolutely fascinating and Rory made a note to bring her mom and Sookie sometime- she would lose her mind at this class! 

After the class and Rory eating cheeses until she never wanted to see fermented milk again (well, not unless it was topping chili and fries), the next stop was an amazing little hole in the wall sushi place, but they weren’t just eating there- they were getting a lesson in sushi making from a guy who apprenticed under Morimoto! The restaurant had been bought out and there was plenty of champagne to go around.  

Rory was excited over the lesson, but had to ask. “So, I’m guessing that sushi is another thing I’m not supposed to eat during chemo?” She looked at Logan, his grimace telling her she already knew the answer. “I’m really starting to think that Luke is finally going to get his wish- I won’t want to or be able to eat anything but oatmeal, rice, kale and mashed potatoes for almost a year… I mean, I have to limit coffee, alcohol, raw meat, eggs, spicy food, soy products, unpasteurized… it’s a long list.” He pulled her into him, his shoulder wrapped around hers.

“It’s going to suck, I honestly don’t know what else to say, other than I love you- and we will get through this, it’s going to be ok- you are going to be ok.” His eyes were tearing up, he hated thinking about how rough this was going to be to watch her go through. She gave him a smile back- not as big or brilliant as she was capable of, but it was something.

“Yeah, it’s going to suck, but we’re going to get through it- and things like this, like today? They make it all seem so much less scary, knowing that I’m not alone through this- I’m going to be just fine, and you all will be with me whenever I need you.”

“It’s almost like you haven’t figured it out yet, Ace.”

“What? What don’t I know?; 

“We all love you- obviously more than you’ll ever know.” He pulled her in for an impressively fierce, although way too short, kiss. “No one in that room more than me, but even if they didn’t love you for yourself- and they do, they’d love you just for the way that you make me so much happier and better and they love you for that alone.”

After sushi making, and consumption of said sushi, washed down with considerable amounts of champagne, the group went salsa dancing. Rory hesitated for just a moment, but she had been told she’d be best off if she slept through her treatment the next day, so she didn’t mind working hard to tire herself out now. And while Rory was a fairly poor excuse for a dancer, especially as something as sexy as salsa, but the guys were very well educated in the subject and the drinks flowed and it was so much fun- almost impossible not to smile and laugh and enjoy being young and in love and celebrating life. Essentially, it was perfect.


	13. She's All About the Chi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ReporterGirl comes out and Rory has her first treatment- her and Lorelai do some serious air clearing. 
> 
> Two more suspects are eliminated from the great mystery that is Rory's campaign hookup.

_May 18, 2008_

_Wow, it’s been a long time, and for that I apologize to my dedicated readers. I know I posted weeks ago that I had to head home for a bit of an emergency and hopefully I’d be back with the campaign before you realized there were other, better bloggers out there to read instead of my humble tomes. Unfortunately, due to what has been going on in the last few weeks, this blog is going to be going through some changes._

_Yes, I’m still the ever-dedicated ReporterGirl, just as hungry for answers and the next big scoop as ever, and yes, I will still be covering a range of topics with my signature wit, my sometimes difficult to follow tangents and my need to try and make everything seem logical, no matter how hopeless a fight that may be at times. And while I will still speak about the election and politics frequently, there will be necessary a shift in my focus._

_Interestingly enough, one of the main issues the Democratic party seems to be pushing on their platform for this election cycle is the topic of healthcare and health insurance. It makes sense, after all almost 46 million people in this country currently do not have any at all- if they get sick, they either rely on using free clinics when available or going into debt to pay out of pocket. Recently I had to stay in a hospital for a four days and while, thankfully I have health insurance, I saw the final itemized bill for my stay- it came out to approximately $32,000. On that bill, I swear to you, I was charged $11 every time they gave me an aspirin. I couldn’t help but imagine what I would do in that situation if I had no insurance- how could I, a 23 year old reporter who is fresh out of college ever hope to pay a hospital bill of that amount- that’s very near my annual salary! And I’m lucky that in this economy I even have a job and minimal debt incurred during college- I have so many friends still struggling to find a job, to pay their loans- imagine beginning your career with $100k+ in student loans_ and _a catastrophic hospital debt!_

_What does that have to do with my blog’s new focus? Well, I’m going to be spending the next 4-8 months getting very personal on this blog. Yes, I will still be covering many topics that are major parts of the election, interviewing politicos, voters, lobbyists, strategists and trying to break down what they mean to people like me. But, you see,  in the last few weeks, ‘people like me’ became a whole new definition, a whole new affinity group. 3 ½ weeks ago I was diagnosed with Nodular Sclerosis Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Stage 2B and I will be spending the next 6 months or so receiving treatment for the disease._

_So, while I still plan to write about the election- and I'm excited to cover the conventions and the debates and various policy speeches and proposals, that hasn't changed. But, strictly as a matter of happenstance, a random mutation of a few of my genes, I've joined a group of people who have received quite the wake-up call as to how personal the stakes in this election can be. They say the greats don’t stand on the sidelines, they jump into the ring, they go biking with the Hell’s Angels, they join the protesters, their writing is informed by these experiences and how they humanize seemingly abstract and distant ideas-bringing them into your home, your heart and your mind (figuratively speaking, of course). Well, I certainly didn’t make a conscious decision to make this leap and explore these issues on a personal level, I'm certainly no Hunter Thompson, but I’ll be damned if I let this opportunity pass me by._

_And that’s why, in addition to more general coverage of the race, there will be some changes. Some days I’ll be writing about what it’s like to be a 23 year old who hears they have cancer, or what it’s like sitting through weekly chemotherapy treatments, questions to ask doctors when you’re young and have always been obnoxiously healthy… even ideas for handling your parents’ understandable but sometimes over-the-top post-college helicoptering. And then, some days I’ll talk about various government agencies and NGOs who are working to find cures and other therapies for various kinds of cancer and other illnesses, or how they’re working to make treatments affordable- what do kids aging out of the foster system do in my situation? Or those in juvenile detention facilities? Essentially, I’m going to talk about what it’s like to be young, sick and/or (relatively) broke in America in 2008._

_Don’t worry too much about me- I can tell you that I have an excellent prognosis and a support system like you wouldn’t believe- seriously, one of my friends came to me just yesterday, his 6’4” self dressed entirely as my personal Chemo Fairy, tights and glittery wings included- with the gripping tale of his origin explained to me in great, if fantastical, detail (Once I finish my necessary physical and mental healthy therapy, I may explore the idea of a children's book in that one)._

_But, today I begin chemotherapy- a four drug cocktail that I have to take via IV once each week for the next few months as we try to kill any cancer cells throughout my lymphatic system. I’m not totally sure what to expect- will I be sick? Am I going to be zapped of all energy? What does it feel to have that kind of poison pulsing through my veins in an almost ironic effort to save my life? Will I even notice it at the time or does it all kick in later? Well, I guess we find out in just about an hour. On the plus side, I won’t have to wear a suit or heels for the next little while, my new uniform seems to be yoga pants and hoodies, makeup is completely optional-possibly discouraged depending on how my skin is damaged by the meds. I’ll keep you all posted how it goes, but in the meantime, are there any survivors out there reading this who have any tips for me? Post in the comments or write me at_ _ReporterGirl@ClioNewsOnline_ _… I’m also trying to figure out this Twitter thing, so feel free to hit me up @ReporterGirl there._

 

“Rory, are you ready to head out?” Lorelai was antsy with only one cup of coffee in her stomach (pregnancy was the worst when everyone around you knew you were pregnant- with Rory she had managed to hide it for 3 ½ months and was able to drink as much coffee as she wanted).

“Just submitting my post, coming!” A minute later Rory came out of her room with a purse to see her mom, dad and Logan waiting for her. Her mom was looking weird as she hid something behind her back- most likely some kind of gift. Rory looked at her cautiously, her mom’s gifts could be very weird (pink hammers covered in feather boas kind of weird). 

“Mom, want to share what’s behind your back?”

“What? What’s behind my… oh, my would you look at this? It seems the Chemo Fairies left something behind last night for you for your first day!” Rory rolled her eyes at the continuation of the pretense, but smiled as Lorelai presented her with a giant pink bag that had her name spelled out in glitter and outlined by feathers- on the bottom it said “fuck the fucking cancer.”

“You know it’s my first day of chemo, not my first day of school, right?” Lorelai deadpanned right back. 

“Oh, shit, seriously? Well, I guess you don’t get the bag then…” She moved to take it away and Rory lunged forward. 

“No, I want the bag!” Rory pouted, she was still a girl, she loved purses. That was when Chris felt the need to interject with some needed reality.

“Hey, everyone, as fun as this is, we really need to head out- we have the drive to Hartford and they want her there at least 15 minutes early, remember?”

The group hurried out of the house and into the car, Logan finding it a little bit strange to be sitting in the backseat of someone else's car since apparently they all had to drive together for this excursion. Rory was mostly just grateful that for her first treatment she had managed to prune back the guest list to _just_ her parents and Logan- she didn’t really know what to expect, how she was going to feel or anything and honestly hadn’t really wanted _anyone_ with her, but at least these three people would probably keep her entertained for her 6+ hour session. Everyone she knew had asked if they could come along, she had fought the urge to tell them all that she was going to chemo, NOT attending an award show or amusement park. 

In the car she began to look through her brightly colored, be-feathered "chemo kit"- it was packed perfectly so she could just bring it with her every session. There was the softest blue cashmere blanket she had ever touched and matching cashmere socks, a set of fancy lotions and lip balms- created for skin dealing with chemotherapy according to the packaging. Then there were books of crossword puzzles, the _Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_ series that Rory had been saying for months she wanted to read- when she had time for “fun”. She continued to find her laptop had been packed in there along with a $50 gift card for iTunes to buy movies/tv shows on it, then a pretty serious looking pair of what she assumed were state of the art headphones with noise canceling abilities. There was a giant water bottle in Tiffany blue with her name spelled out in rhinestones and, finally, at the very bottom was a beautiful leather bound journal and set of pens- some were the high end kind her grandfather always used but some were crazy with feathers and creatures at the ends of them- making her smile. The journal itself had been tooled to say “My Journey” on the outside and it made here tear up just a bit. Finally there were some "essentials", ginger Altoids, anti-nausea lollipops (looked like they were meant for pregnant women?), gum, lip balm, herbal teas, an oral rinse (mouth sores? Really? Disgusting.), hand sanitizer, a blinged out face mask like surgeons wore (had to be Lorelai, right?), naked man playing cards (well, "tastefully" covered, almost naked men) and a tiny craps table. 

“Guys, this is amazing- wow, seriously. It’s everything I could possibly need... and then some! You’re the best!”

“Everyone contributed something- the blanket and socks were your mom, Honor did the lotions and lip balm- they’re specifically for people going through chemo; the puzzles and books were from Lane, iTunes was from Paris and Doyle along with the anti-nausea stuff, the hand sanitizer and general health stuff … uh, the headphones were Colin, your mom did the water bottle- you’re supposed to drink at least 12 of those a day to flush your system of the meds, by the way. And then, the journal and the _nice_ pens are from me, Finn contributed the uh… more colorful pens and other... interesting items.” Rory just smiled as she looked at Logan, knowing how much he wanted to make sure she understood just how big her support system was.

“Oh, and Sookie sent us with all kinds of snacks for the day- seriously, it’s the craziest assortment of cookies and brownies, I think I saw truffles... and of course sandwiches and who knows what else... it took up a whole giant picnic basket- it’s in the back of the car.” Lorelai piped in. They drove the half hour to the clinic where Rory would get her treatments in relative quiet, but it wasn’t overly awkward, for which Rory was grateful.

After she was settled in her private suite- a pretty nice room actually- still sterile with tiled floors and boring with ugly, impersonal art on the worn blue walls, but it was a good size and the furniture wasn’t so bad. It had a hospital bed and a nice leather recliner for her, a couch and arm chairs for guests. There was a big screen tv with DVD player and cable as well as wifi and her own bathroom- on the campaign she had stayed at worse hotels. She filled out her paperwork, handing over her pathetic insurance card, pretending she didn't notice as her dad laid down a credit card to cover the extra expense of the room she could never afford with her crappy HMO- and after only 15 or 20 minutes a doctor came in to run her through the plan.

“Alright Ms. Gilmore, welcome to the Morrison Clinic- you are in for what we hope will be, should all go well, an incredibly boring day.” That made Rory laugh a little- she liked a direct, somewhat morbid sense of humor. “So, here’s how it’s going to go down: first, we’re going to take a little blood- this is going to happen every week so we can measure your white and red blood cells and make sure you’re not too immunocompromised for treatment. I expect today and probably even next week it’s really just a formality, but we have to be careful. Then, once we have the all clear on that front, we’ll bring in the first bag of meds- it’s a mixture of anxiety and allergy medications, as well as steroids that should help reduce symptoms and pain, as well as hopefully minimize any nausea. IF at any time today you start to feel nauseous or itchy, I need you to let us know so we can track how these meds affect you, make sure you don’t have any seriously adverse reactions.

“It’s going to take about ½ hour to go through that bag, but so long as you’re doing ok, we’ll bring in the actual chemo cocktail bags. You’re going to go through a few. We're using a 4 drug mix to start, it's a little  aggressive, you're going to have to hang out for about 6 hours. The IV is on wheels so you can get up, move, go to the bathroom, whatever you need. The chair in here reclines pretty far, but if you want to nap, don’t hesitate to jump into the bed, it’s surprisingly comfortable, I’ve crashed in it a few times myself. The anxiety and allergy meds may make you drowsy, the steroids may make you more awake, it just depends on the person.” Rory was sitting there, just trying to take it all in, remember everything that he was saying, focus on that information and education, rather than what t was happening, but the doctor just continued.

“Now, most people are perfectly fine during the actual treatment- especially the first few weeks. In fact, most don’t even notice anything is happening after the initial few minutes. _Some_ complain that an hour or so in they can taste something metallic in their mouth, if that’s the case you may want to suck on lozenges or even pickles- I’ve been told that really counteracts the flavor. Other than that, I really need you to focus on water intake, ok? I know it’s crazy that we’re pumping you so full of all of these chemicals and we want you to flush them out as quickly as possible, but it’s the truth- these chemicals are very quickly metabolized and then we want them out of your body- ASAP. Some say the faster they're expelled, the lesser the side effects- I can’t say whether that’s true, but I figure I may as well pass it along, it won’t hurt anything to drink a lot… of _water,_ that is.” He winked at her, trying to lighten the mood.

Ok, so, I understand you have a port in your shoulder. That makes it easier, we’ll make sure to flush it with saline before and after using it. Also, I see you had your Lupron shot last week?” Lorelai and Chris looked confused but Rory and Logan just nodded- Rory still hadn't gotten to the point where she was ready to discuss the potential fertility implications of the treatments with her mom... and couldn't imagine ever wanting to talk about that stuff with her dad.

“Alright, and are you noticing any side effects yet? Hot flashes, pain in or around your breasts? Spotting?” Rory blushed- this wasn’t exactly a group of people around whom she wanted to answer any of these questions.

“No, nothing.” The doctor simply nodded while Chris looked down at the floor in front of him and Lorelai was shooting a quizzical look at Rory. Logan simply held her hand and squeezed.

“Ok, just keep an eye on it and let us know if that changes- it usually takes about two weeks after the first injection- you’re most likely going to experience hot flashes, but I can't say it's from Lupron or the chemo, let's just see how it goes. If you want, you can either continue going to your normal doctor for your monthly dose or we can do it here, I just need to know. And of course, it’s not covered by your insurance, but we only charge for the cost of the drug here.”

“That’s not a problem, thank you, we’ve got the cost covered.” Logan just kissed Rory on her temple, now Lorelai was just dying to know what the hell was going on- why was Logan paying for _any_ of Rory’s treatments- that was the job of her insurance and her parents! _Relax, Lore, they’re engaged, it’s good that they’re turning to each other, taking care of each other, that’s how it’s supposed to be._ Maybe if she said it enough to herself she’d finally believe it. She wanted to be better than this- she _had_ to be better than this!

At that point a nurse joined them in the room, a pretty, young woman with red hair (Finn was not going to be invited to visit if she was a regular- she was petite with an amazing figure and bright green eyes, he’d be impossible to wrangle). Together the doctor and nurse deftly took her blood, checked her blood pressure- a bit high, but easily excused as anxiety; they took her temperature, perfectly normal. The doctor and nurse left to run her blood and order the medications she was going to need, leaving Team Rory to sit in the room and wait. It was quiet, everyone looking around, not sure what to say- Chris was up and pacing the room a bit- not frenetically, just not sure what else to do with himself.

After a few minutes Lorelai finally gave into her curiosity.

“So, what was that injection he was talking about?”

“Oh, it's something they suggested I do, just a quick shot last week to prep myself for the chemo.” Rory equivocated- it wasn't really a lie, but she really didn't want to get into it.

“Like a vitamin or something?” She’d been doing a lot of reading lately and didn’t remember seeing any kind of vitamin regimen that Rory should be on, beyond the normal, and definitely nothing that was injected. Rory gave her mom a look that was meant to convey that she should just drop it, but Lorelai soldiered ahead.

“And so far as the cost goes, you know you don’t have to worry about that stuff, your dad and I are more than willing to cover anything your insurance doesn’t… do you even still have insurance? I’m not sure.”

“Yes, I still have insurance, I’m going to have to pay a full 50% of the premium now that I’m only part-time for Hugo, but I get to keep it. It's basically going to be the bulk of my paychecks from him pay for it, but it’s better than no insurance at all- or so I’m told.” She tried to make that a bit lighter, everyone was being far too serious right now- she knew it was a heavy subject and everyone was scared, but she was so tired of being around the gloom and doom- no matter how valid or well-meaning it was. “But at least Hugo's going to let me shop around anything he passes on, and Logan and I have been exploring options for revenue generation on my ReporterGirl blog- I can join a display ad network or even start running pay-per-click search ads, maybe even some sponsored content, if it makes sense, that can help me with costs. Hugo said we can keep that at a 70-30 split, in my favor- he really just points to it from his site, he doesn’t do any editing or anything.”

“Still Rory, you know that we’re here to help with any financial needs; I mean it- you shouldn’t be worried about depleting your savings accounts or anything while you’re going through this you really should let us pay for your insurance premiums and any co-pays.”

“I know Mom, and thanks, I appreciate it... I'm just, I'm trying to get a handle on this independent adult thing, but I promise- if I'm TRULY in over my head, you'll be among the first to know.”

“And you’re sure these injections you’re getting are legit, right? They aren’t some kind of crazy Gwyneth Paltrow homeopathic/holistic remedy for something? It doesn’t have anything to do with your chi does it? I swear, that woman is all about the chi lately and Sanjay Gupta is really vocal about how insane that is.”

“For the love of God, Mom, it’s for fucking Lupron! That's a medication I have to take every month to put me in temporary menopause in an effort to _try_ and preserve my fertility for later on if Logan and I decide to have kids.” Chris stopped pacing at that revelation- it had never even occurred to him that could be an issue. And, given the look on Lorelai’s face, she hadn’t really thought about it either. Lorelai looked surprised and instantly guilty for pushing Rory like that- wow, she was really just sucking at this supportive mom gig. 

“Oh, Hon, I’m sorry- I just… wow, I guess all of my research didn’t really say anything about that and I just… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.” Rory looked at her mom, seeing the sincerity of her apology and tried to just wave it off- grateful she seemed truly contrite and more than a little embarrassed to have pushed.

“It’s fine, Mom. I just… look, we had a few options available and this was the only one that wouldn’t make us delay treatment, and we decided that we didn’t want to risk doing that- regardless the outcome on any possible future family. This is a very effective treatment option and at this point, there isn’t much else we can do other than try it and see how it goes.” Logan was squeezing her hands as she tried to keep herself from tearing up, he knew that this was harder on her than she was willing to let on, and now was really not the place for her to think about something so far out of her control.

In the meantime Chris was looking at Lorelai as they both tried to absorb that news. While they weren’t quite ready to be grandparents, they had been talking about how fun it was going to be, eventually. Especially if their twins ended up being only 5 years or so older than their nieces and nephews... They could all be relatively close and that could be awesome! And yeah, it had been scary to hear Rory’s diagnosis, but the more research they did, the more reassured they were that although this would be a grueling six months or so, she was going to be fine at the end of it- it was a blip and she’d go right back to her life as it was before. The idea that it could impact whether she ever had children…wow, it wasn’t like everything would go back to normal at the end of the ordeal- it wasn’t _just_ a pause-reset situation. This would always be a part of who Rory is. 

Logan’s PDA beeped and he looked down at it.

“Oh, shoot, this is actually a work thing I need to deal with. It shouldn’t take long, how about I go and get some coffee for all of us while I handle it?” He looked down at Rory and she nodded.

“Coffee, coffee, coffee please!” He shook his head and smiled at her addiction. He looked over at Chris, sensing that the two probably needed a few minutes to themselves.

“You know, I should probably return that call from Sherry while we’re waiting for something to happen around here, why don’t I do that now?” He leaned down and kissed Lorelai on the forehead before he left. As the door shut behind him Lorelai snorted a bit.

“Wow, subtle, huh?” Rory shook her head, smiling. She loved those guys, but they weren’t smooth.

“So… do you want to talk about it?”

“Honestly, Mom, I don’t think there’s a lot to talk about right now. I mean, before we went to Sloan Kettering I spoke with a fertility specialist, they mentioned in the hospital it was something I might want to do, just to understand the implications and my options. I didn’t tell you, or even, at the time, Logan- thinking it was best to try and figure out some things on my own first.

“I mean, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to have kids, ever. And I know now that even if I do want to at some point, it’s still a ways off. Right now, I want to focus on my career and be with Logan and travel and do about a million other things. And if I wasn’t with Logan, I don’t know if I’d even have kids as a maybe in my life plan- you know me, I’ve never exactly been the biggest kid person. But... sometimes, when I think about it, I like the idea of little Gilmore-Huntzberger kids, the idea of us being a family; I don’t know if I’d feel this way with anyone else. And before you ask or insinuate anything, I came to this conclusion _before_ we went to Nantucket. _Before_ the idea of marriage or anything like it was even back on the table. In fact…” She trailed off there, unsure she was ready to tell her mother this part… but her mom _had_ been trying, really hard lately.

“So, I never told you this, but when I first went on the campaign, about 5 or 6 weeks in, I had a pregnancy scare- I actually hadn’t gotten my period since before graduation. I was… pretty freaked out. Don't worry, I took like a million tests, all negative, so I just chalked it up to stress. Then, when I finally started trying to date again there was the guy in Texas.”

“Ah yes, your Rhinestone Cowboy with the post-coital fist bumping- classy choice.” Lorelai winked at her, teasing, but Rory just turned bright red.

“I was drugged up on Industrial Strength Nyquil when I told you that, no fair!”

“I’m sorry Sweets, there is just so much of that night I’ve tried to picture- I mean, not the gross, Mommy doesn’t want to think about it parts, but, well, for one- you went country line dancing? Like, I would honestly pay upwards of $100,000 from your dad's bank accounts to see that.”

“Good to know, when I’m feeling better, maybe I’ll take you up on it. Pay off some of my medical bills...”

“Anyways, Reba, you were saying…”

“I was saying that I went on a few dates, most of them ending as coffee or just drinks- I mean, my options were basically other reporters, which I knew would just get super awkward if something happened and then I was stuck on the bus with them after it not working out; or, someone in one of the cities I was passing through... I’d be leaving all the time anyways and it just seemed insane to try and get something going with anyone- no matter how lonely I felt. But then, ultimately, I ran into someone I used to sort of know- not well, but I knew him and we went out a few times…”

“Oh, let me guess, you two enjoyed a reunion of the horizontal kind? There was some bowm-chikka-bowwow? He reminded you of some of the comforts of home?” Her mother was enjoying this conversation way too much- Rory hadn’t stopped blushing since they started talking, but Lorelai was being particularly merciless. “So... come on, don’t hold out on me now- tell me who it was? Do I know him? Oooh! Was it the Saucy Aussie? Cause I could totally imagine that he has a very particular set of skills, if you know what I mean. Oh, or what about Naked Guy? I mean, you’ve always been very non-talky on that subject, so I have to assume that he’s got the goods and you’re too embarrassed to mention…”

“MOM! No! It wasn’t Finn or Marty! No one I knew all that well, they were just… someone who kind of reminded me of home and we had a few dates and… stuff…" She would never be able to tell anyone that this conversation was happening. Ever. "Anyways, I had the second pregnancy scare of my entire life and that one _really_ had me in a panic. I mean, when I thought I might be pregnant with Logan’s baby, I was scared and nervous and all, but I also knew that it would be ok- somehow it would work out. Logan would _never_ just walk away from his kid and maybe it would even give us another chance and… I could see it you know? I saw our kids- sometimes they were blondes with my eyes, but I also liked the dreams where they had his warm, cocoa eyes and my hair… and I just saw us, as a family, and as scary as the whole situation was, I knew it would be ok.

“But with this guy… wow, the idea of being tied to him for the rest of my life because of a few nights of amazing sex…”

“So the sex was amazing?”

“Really, Mother? That’s what you’re going to focus on right now?”

“I’m just curious, if you had to rank, where does he fall?”

“I’m not about to rank the men I’ve slept with for you, Mom!”

“Oooh, that means you’ve ranked them with someone else? Who was it? Paris? Lane?”

“If you don’t stop this immediately I’m inviting Grandma to come meet us here, right now.”

“Wow, you are so not fun anymore- going nuclear so fast. It’s like you don’t even care that I’m an old married, pregnant woman- I need to live vicariously through you.”

“I’ll get you a subscription to Penthouse for your next birthday. Anyways, histrionics aside, what I was going to say was that I was a mess; I didn’t want to be a single mom and the idea of raising a kid with a guy I barely knew was way too much to think about, and while he’s a perfectly decent person, I just… at this stage of my life? I don’t know…” She started to look down at her feet, refusing to make eye contact with her mom. “I just wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go through with it.” She had tears in her eyes, she felt so ashamed, telling her mother- the woman who gave up _everything_ to have her much younger than 23. She finally looked up at her mom, trying not to cry, she was a terrible person for even thinking about _that_. “I really… I know you must be disgusted to hear me say it, but I was checking out our next few cities, just in case I needed to find a clinic of some kind. I'm not proud of it... and I know that you raised me better than that... but it would have been such a bad idea to..."

“Oh, Rory.” Lorelai was genuinely shocked and unprepared for this. What was she supposed to say? This whole conversation was surprisingly surreal. Sure, she’d had a few nightmares about Rory getting pregnant like she had- way too young and terrified, going through what she had...  But ultimately, she knew that if it happened (and Rory was way too fastidious about things, it seemed so unlikely) but no matter what, she’d always have her mom and dad behind her. Lorelai hadn't really ever considered that Rory might make a different choice than she had. As she thought about it, she realized she'd been quiet for too long and Rory was really upset, but what was a mom supposed to do or say? _Just be there, Lorelai, you got this._ She stood and moved to the chair her daughter was in, a wide recliner, allowing her to motion for Rory to scoot to the side so she could hold her daughter.

“Oh, Ror, none of that, all of this crying? Over something that didn't even happen?" It didn't seem to help. "Hey, when I found out about you, I’d be lying if I said the idea didn’t at least cross my mind- I mean, come on, I was 16! But, I made a decision- and I’d be the last person to tell you that just because I did it, you should too. Parenting, at any age, it's not for the faint of heart or the people who aren’t ready to be 1000% committed to their child. And, let’s be honest, I mean, I’m not saying I _tried_ to get pregnant, but you were exactly what I needed at the time- no matter how tough it was, how hard we struggled, it was all the right decision _for me_. I would never _ever_ be disappointed in you for making a different choice, hon. I know sometimes you feel like I expect you to still be my mini me… and I know there have been times I have pushed you into something a bit too hard- the epic Harvard v Yale Thanksgiving Blowout comes to mind. But something like this? If you sat down and ran your pros and your cons and really felt like that was the right choice for you, Hell- give me a call and I’ll drive you and hold your hand the whole time, ok? You got that? I love you, and I’m proud of you and will always be proud of you- like, embarrassingly so…you got that?” Rory just looked up at her and smiled through her tears, nodding her head and snuggling into the side of her mom- it felt good to get that off her chest and have this moment of bonding.

“So, this story was really about telling me that you realized you want to have kids with Logan, someday? I mean, not that i don't love gossiping about boys, but this seems like it had more of a point. I'm guessing you guys talked about this last weekend and you’re on the same page?”

“I kind of broke down on him, confessing pretty much everything... which was all kinds of awkward and bad, but ultimately I got to the point and told him that I had thought about it and I knew I want to have kids with him and that sort of turned into this whole confessional, both ways- we really hashed out everything that happened since we’d been apart.”

“And by everything, do you mean everyone?”

“Yes, mother, thanks for not picking up on the implication and letting it go, but for voicing it specifically.”

“Hey, just call me Exposition Girl.”

“Well, Exposition Girl, that led us to talking about the future and… in the middle of Logan trying to reassure me during a particularly epic and intense freak out I had, I told him he should break up with me. I was screaming about how it's not only going to be a really hard year, but he wants kids and I may not be able to and so maybe this wasn’t a great idea… Well he just started telling me all of these things about how I am his family, and he’d like it to be bigger, sure, but it’s the two of us that matter most and we have other options if I can’t have kids. Then he was saying all that matters is my getting better and there being a world with Rory Gilmore in it and… he just got really quiet, like something hit him right then, totally out of the blue- a light bulb, An actual Eureka! kind of moment and, I didn’t even know what was happening, but he’s on one knee and proposing. It was… it was private and it was spontaneous and simple and perfect because while he has these dreams and there is so much he wants, especially a family, that family just isn't the same without me... and I believe him, Mom, I really do.”

Lorelai took a good look at her daughter- she was thinner than normal, she was clearly exhausted, her eyes were red from crying, but she was glowing.

“You’re really happy, you and Logan, aren’t you?” Rory just nodded her head, afraid to speak and Lorelai continued. “You know, I was thinking the other day about when Dad was in the hospital and Logan dropped everything to take a helicopter to be there for you- he just jumped right into crisis mode and he was pretty incredible. And then, he’s been awfully on point this whole time- I don’t think I can actually fault a thing he has done since showing back up- and yes, I ashamedly admit that I’ve tried.”

“You know, I asked him what he wanted to do about the fertility thing- we had the option of taking a few extra weeks before treatment to harvest my eggs, and the doctor didn’t think it would be a problem to push chemo off a month. But Logan instantly said he didn’t want me to wait- it was way more important to do whatever we could, as soon as we could, to get me totally better- everything else would sort out; he wants kids, but he _needs_ me to be ok and nothing is worth risking that.” Lorelai thought about that before saying, hesitantly,

“I'm starting to think you might have found a good one, hon. I can't lie, it’s still going to take some getting used to it all. I mean, I’m used to you being a million times smarter than me, but us both being old married broads? That’s going to be super weird. Seriously kid, what kind of Lorelai Gilmore figures out love in her 20’s? That’s just… wow, insane.”

“In all fairness, Mom, had Dad gotten his shit together as early as Logan did, you may have ended up like this.”

“Huh, that’s a thought... Well, not the point. The point is that I’m happy for you- both of you. You found your lobster, and that’s amazing. So, what do you say, next week we have Grandma join us and we watch stupid wedding movies and look at every wedding magazine we can find? If we’re going to spend 6 hours here, may as well start putting together Rory’s Dream Wedding Board- I'm kinda thinking there should be swans.” And they smiled at each other, Rory felt like her and her mom were going to be really and truly ok.

* * *

* * *

Rory was tired from the allergy and anxiety meds they had given her, but not too bad. She napped for a little bit once they started the drip but they just popped in some DVDs to watch- nothing like a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon. Around noon Chris went out for pizza and Rory easily ate a few slices, feeling pretty good- although occasionally if she thought about it she swore she could feel the fluids going through her veins and that was super creepy.

At 4:00 a different doctor came in to ask how she was doing and as she was speaking with Rory she caught a look at Lorelai who was rubbing her now _barely_ visible bump (apparently having twins made it harder to hide for very long).

“I’m sorry to be rude, ma’am, but may I ask if you’re pregnant?”

“Oh, wow, I’m never wearing this shirt again… ummm, yeah, almost 12 weeks.”

“And your daughter, is she currently living with you?”

“Yes, of course is. Where else would she be?” She was looking at Chris wondering what the hell was going on.

“Look, I don’t want to alarm anyone...”

“Ok, but you understand that you basically just uttered the phrase that’s got a 99.99% chance of alarming everyone, right? It’s like a magical alarming incantation.”

“It’s just… there are some studies that suggest that maybe patients in the days immediately surrounding their treatment should not spend time around pregnant women or the elderly. You see, the toxins in the chemotherapy are _very_ strong and she’s going to be vomiting and excreting them in multiple ways over the next few days, even just sweat can be dangerous to you. Of course it’s a fairly small chance of any kind of contact or resulting complication, but as you’re obviously a woman of a more advanced age and geriatric pregnancies…”

“Excuse me!?” Lorelai looked like she was going to punch the poor, kind of bumbling old woman who apparently did not know how to read a room.

“Well, obviously you’re quite a bit older and your pregnancy is of a higher risk, so perhaps…” Before Lorelai really got a chance to go off on the doctor she was paged and Christopher interrupted.

“Thank you for your concern, Doctor- why don’t you go and return that? We appreciate your advice.” He was practically holding Lorelai on his lap at that point as she struggled against him, wanting to just punch the doctor as she left the room, having no idea the apple cart she had just upset.

“What the hell was that?” She went into a nasal mimic voice. “Clearly you’re of an advanced age… _Geriatric?_  I hope she trips over a…”

“Lore, come on, she was trying to be helpful. Granted, she could have worded things differently, but she was clearly concerned. And I have to admit that now I am a little bit too… I never thought about it- but maybe it’s better if Rory doesn’t stay with us during treatment- not that we won’t see her and help take care of her, but maybe at least the days she comes in she could stay with Logan or friends? Not to mention, we’re going to be either starting construction or moving soon… That’s not going to be a great environment for Rory to rest in.” 

The idea that her mom or baby siblings could possibly be in danger hit Rory like a ton of brooks. Not to mention, she didn't feel even remotely capable of dealing with packing up her Stars Hollow home, aside from the shed and then Logan's place in New Haven, she'd only had that place- and it had been gorgeous and magical and amazing and the thought of that changing was just so much to try and deal with- how could her mom live further than a 5 minute walk from Doose's, or Miss Patty's... how could anyone other than Babette, Maury and the gnomes be her little siblings' next door neighbors?

“Look, they unhooked me from all those machines and... how about we get out of here, go home for tonight and kick around some ideas and in the meantime, we’ll be careful. I mean, it’s not exactly as though Mom does my laundry or cleans the bathrooms anyways- so if I get sick, she doesn’t clean it up- in fact, we all wear gloves if that happens. If I wake up with night sweats I’ll do the laundry and everything should be fine until we have another plan. I wasn’t going to crash with you guys for the next six months anyways. I mean, come on, this is me, I’ve been thinking about options!” Both parents started to protest but she cut them off- “No, Mom, Dad- you guys have two little ones on the way and Gigi will be back in a month, I knew there wasn’t really room for me before today- but I was trying to come up with a solution first. I’ve got a few ideas, I’m an adult now- let me do this, ok?”

The next 48 hours were relatively awful, but not quite as bad as Rory had expected- whether that was due to the nausea meds they had given her or something else, she was ok so long as she slept frequently and had a bucket near the bed. And by the time Thursday evening came around she was feeling weak, but fine- it was like she was just getting over the flu. _Maybe I can get through this after all._

By Friday morning she actually felt pretty good. Logan was going to head into New York for the day and meet with an investor who was in town. Chris and Lorelai were meeting with a realtor- they still weren't sure if they would move or try to expand again- well, Chris knew he’d prefer to move, but obviously Lorelai was so attached to this place it was a constant argument between them. And even if Rory wasn’t feeling exactly like a ball of energy, she was more than ready to get out of the house and be on her own for a few hours.

She stepped outside and was almost blinded by the sun, her eyes instantly watering, burning. _Shit!_ The doctors had warned her about this- increased sensitivity to the sun- they weren't kidding about any of this shit. She went back inside and searched for sun screen- finally finding some kind of expensive skin lotion that was SPF 30, slathering it all over- using up the entire $40 tube, she’d have to remember to replace it for her mom and then buy a few bottles on her own. She also looked through her mom’s stuff, hoping she could find a hat but they must all have been put in the garage when her dad moved in. She did find some kind of baseball cap in her dad’s stuff- and that along with some dark sunglasses her mom had from a Breakfast at Tiffany’s costume got her out the door and into her car much more comfortably.

Forty minutes later, around 10:00, she was at her grandparent’s house, ringing the bell.

“Rory! What a lovely surprise to see you, were we expecting you?” Richard had opened the door- he had a class later today and a meeting with a colleague before that, but there was always time for his granddaughter.

“Umm, nope, unless you’ve suddenly developed psychic powers you shouldn’t have been expecting me.” She hugged him just as Emily entered the foyer.

“Rory! How wonderful it is to see you! How are you feeling? Can I get you anything? Some coffee or tea? I had the maid stock up on mint and ginger teas, they're supposed to be particularly soothing if you're experiencing any nausea or discomfort.” She put an arm around Rory and began to guide her into the sitting room as Rory took off her cap and sunglasses, deliberately choosing to sit in the chair that faced away from the bright outdoors.

“Actually, just some water, please- I’m supposed to drink something like 3 liters of water every day and I have to say that’s proving to be pretty big change for me- coffee? Sure… water… not as simple; so I’m trying to not let myself drink more than two cups of coffee until I’ve had at least ½ of my water for the day.”

“Well, you're looking particularly well- I take it your treatment wasn’t so terrible this week?” Emily asked as they settled in, Richard gone to bring them drinks.

“No, mostly it was just boring- I got to the clinic around 9:30 and was there until a little after 4:00. I was a bit sick that night and yesterday, but I’m feeling much better today… a bit tired I suppose, but it’s nice to be out of the house.”

“And where is Logan?”

“Oh, he’s meeting with an investor for his company in Manhattan. It actually seems to be working out well for them, having someone on the East Coast; on Monday he needs to shoot up to Boston for a day to meet with a new technology partner of theirs and take a look at their new facilities, so I think his partners in California are really seeing the importance of an East Coast office- even if it’s a small one at first.”

“Well that’s just wonderful that it seems to be working out so well for you both. We saw your blog post on Tuesday, well written as always.” Richard had rejoined them in the sitting room, handing Rory her water and carrying a large pitcher for refills as needed- anything that would help her feel better would be done. “Will we be seeing any political pieces in the near future, do you think you’re up to it and will have the time?”

“I believe so, the Senator has really been focusing on the economy quite a bit lately and I have some ideas there for a different take on it- I want to really discuss the manufacturing industry and it’s past and future in America- are we simply clinging to an outdated way of life? I’ve also been told that he’s about to make a push on Cuban relations- he’s scheduled to speak with some organizations in that realm over the next few weeks, so I have some thoughts for an article there. Then of course the ubiquitous question of when Senator Clinton is going to finally drop out- is she vying for VP, or does that make sense as a strategy for the Democrats, and if not her who will get the number two slot? I don’t know, I need to find a fresh way to approach those questions, but I don’t have one yet.”

“Well, I’m sure that whatever angle you find it will be thought provoking and thoroughly explored. And of course, if you need any help in working through any of the economic theory or my thoughts on the Cuba situation, you know that I am always at your disposal.”

“Thank you Grandpa, I do know that, and I have a feeling I will be taking you up on the offer, especially about economics. But, for right now that’s not the favor I have come to ask you for.” She morphed into full business mode and it caught both grandparents off guard.

“Certainly, Rory, what is it that you need? Is it money? Something to do with your treatments?” The Gilmores knew that Christopher was more than capable of covering Rory's medical expenses, but also heard from Lorelai that she was trying to cover her personal expenses, with a micro-sized income-  and while they admired that ethic and independent spirit, sometimes, your family was exactly who you should turn to.

“Sort of. Let me back up just a bit. As you know, Mom and Dad are expecting the twins, and Gigi is in Paris right now with her mother but is coming back in about month. The house in Stars Hollow really just isn’t big enough for everyone to be there. Now, Logan is still unsure where his East Coast office location will be- it could be Manhattan, Hartford, Boston… there is even a chance it will be down closer to DC, apparently there's a huge IT scene down that way… so I’m loathe for us to to invest in property at the moment when we don’t know where we will be in six months time- especially as he may have to be there sooner than I’m done with treatments, meaning we would have the headache of two residences.

“And while Mom and Dad are either going to do another expansion of the house or move, it’s going to be chaotic there- and mom’s pregnancy means that she needs plenty of rest- not me getting underfoot all the time. Not to mention, we did some research and spoke with a doctor and she should really have more limited exposure to me for the 48-72 hours after my treatments, they’re just so toxic even a bit of my sweat could be bad for her. So, I was wondering if, for the next few months at least, Logan and I might stay in the pool house? I know your feelings about living together before marriage, and I understand them, but you have to understand that not only have we lived together before, _but_ we’re now engaged. Not to mention, I really do need the help sometimes of having someone constantly there, so I’m hoping that given the circumstances, you’d be willing to make an exception to your rules.” She took a large sip of water after getting that out- nervous, totally unsure what the answer would be.

Emily and Richard sat there, considering the situation. It was true, they were not the greatest fans of living together outside of marriage, but they had come to see that it seemed to be the way with this generation- it rarely made waves at the club anymore. And with an engagement ring on Rory’s finger, that was essentially all the cover they needed to not look as though they condoned hedonistic abandon and carnal sin unconditionally. And of course, if there was even the slightest threat to Lorelai or the babies by having Rory around them those few days a week, it was obvious that Rory should move out of Stars Hollow as quickly as possible.

Then of course, there were the more selfish reasons, this could be the last time that Emily and Richard had so much time with their granddaughter- once she and Logan married who knew where they would live and then they would start a family and their careers would take off- they’d be so busy and distracted… They looked at each other, using looks to communicate in that way that only people married close to 50 years seemed to be able to do.

“You know what? I think that’s a marvelous idea, Rory. The poolhouse is still decorated from when you lived there before… although I don’t suppose it’s really to Logan’s tastes, perhaps we should invite him to make a few changes…”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary, Grandma, but thank you very much- it’s very generous of you as it is but we’ll only be here through the end of the year at the most, we would hate to have you go to any trouble on our behalf…not to mention, it’s just bright and airy and classic as is.

“Well, either way, the offer stands- perhaps a more masculine living room set- something in a nice tobacco shade of leather? And the bedroom is rather feminine, we could always-” Rory cut her off, not really wanting to talk about decor.

“I will be sure to mention it to Logan, but we would be loathe to put you out in any way- you’re already being so generous. And by letting me stay here, it will make him feel so much better on the weeks when he has to be in California, knowing I’ll have you here to help if I have any problems, so really, you two are just being…” Rory’s voice started to break just a little bit as she looked at these two, she loved them so much and was so grateful for the fact that they had pushed their way back into her life almost 10 years ago. She just couldn’t imagine a world in which she didn’t have their love and support. “Thank you. It’s not going to be easy on Mom when I tell her what I’m doing, she’s devastated already that I’m sick and my not living there where she can keep an eye on me is going to hurt. But I keep trying to remind her that she needs to keep my little siblings as safe as possible; that needs to be her top job right now.”

“Well of course it should be, and we’ll all just have to keep reminding her of that. Besides, at least here you’re still being cared for by family. Now, when would you like move in? I’d like to have the service go through it first, give it a decent scrubbing down, but I could probably accomplish that in the next day or so.”

“I was thinking if I could move in before my next treatment that would be perfect. Although, Logan is going to be in Boston on Monday, so he won’t be able to help me move my things… not that I have that much to move…”

“Oh, that’s not problem, we’ll see to hiring some movers, how about we target Sunday, that way you two can get some unpacking done before he leaves for Boston, and you’ll have all day Monday to settle in?”

“That sounds… honestly, that sounds just perfect, thank you so much. You two are just so good to me, I love you.” She stood up and she hugged each of them, relieved to have checked this item off her to-do list. “Actually, Grandma, that reminds me- so Mom is fine to be with me during my treatments, as long as she doesn’t try to fiddle with any of my machines…” She rolled her eyes at that one, as did Emily, both of them knowing that was conceptually simple, but Lorelai was a toucher. “Well, we thought maybe Tuesday could be a girls’ day- we have a big TV in the room and a comfy couch, we could watch movies and look at bridal magazines? I’m not saying Logan and I are ready to set a date or anything, but we could start to get some ideas… if you’re free, that is.”

Now it was time for Emily to tear up- Rory had mentioned doing something like this when she had first announced the engagement, but she almost couldn’t believe that she was really going to include her so much in the planning.

“You know what? I'll make myselffree and I think that would be the perfect day.”

“That’s so great! We can watch _Father of the Bride_ and _Gigi_ and anything else we want, we’ll look at magazines… oh, and if we get tired of talking about the wedding, maybe we can start thinking about the nursery for mom! I’m voting for either a classic _Winnie the Pooh_ or an _Alice in Wonderland_ theme!” Both Rory’s and Emily’s eyes were sparkling as they got caught up in their ideas and Richard just sat back, sipping his coffee, thinking how wonderful it was to have a life surrounded by Gilmore girls.  


	14. Hair Today

_Wow, three treatments down, only 13 to go- lucky, lucky Reporter Girl, right? I have to say, it’s pretty weird to sit there and know that they’re pumping all those crazy toxins in my body and basically not notice- like I don’t feel anything as I sit there watching movies and that seems so counterintuitive to me- shouldn’t I have some kind of sense for what’s going on in my body? In the movies, the evil scientist gives the victim the serum and there is like an immediate reaction, a very real and noticeable result of it- but chemo apparently just ain’t like that, all I can do is hope and trust that it’s working, huh?_

_Oh, shout out to everyone who suggested the seasickness wristbands- they do really seem to help a bit- I was spending so much time getting sick that Mac was joking about getting me knee pads I could keep next to the porcelain throne, but it seems to be getting a little better and I’m choosing to believe it’s the wristbands. Anyone know if there are any designer-y versions of them? Can’t you just imagine what Michael Kors or maybe Kate Spade could do with the idea?_

_Anyways, back to the fun topic at hand, this was my big third treatment and I have been warned to be on hair watch. I’m actually going to go get my hair cut super short (think Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina or Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby), a lot of things I’ve read have suggested that it’s going to be less traumatic when it starts falling out if it’s not the giant clumps of my long, brown tresses- of which I know that I’m far too vain. To be honest, this is turning out to be one of the hardest things to come to terms with- I’ve made a few hair faux pas in the past: my Freshman year of college bob was not my best look… and the self-perm I did in 9th grade that made me look like Marsha Clark was about as big of a mistake as you can imagine. But since then I have managed to learn how to keep long, shiny, healthy looking hair, how to curl it just right… I’ve even learned that I can rock a little color- I’m telling you that magenta or even green are actually pretty hot when streaked through randomly. And while I think I have a pretty cute face (with skin like a baby’s ass as my mother has commented far too frequently for my liking), I’m just not sure I can pull off the pixie look- I mean, seriously, Audrey and Mia have set a bit of a high standard._

_And then there is wig shopping to think of… wow, I went online and had no idea how much there is to know! You’ve got synthetic hair wigs and human hair wigs; you can do a full wig cap that’s supposed to be fairly comfortable, but it’s going to be hot, a lace wig wherein the hair is all attached by machine to a lacy cap, there is a wefted base which I still can’t figure out the meaning of (but do enjoy the word wefted)... oh, and then of course there is the delight I had in finding out my insurance will actually cover the cost of one wig, up to $600, I just file it under cranial prosthesis. $600 to spend on a wig? Wow, I thought the world was my oyster…_ wrong! _I was shopping online for a good quality human hair wig and found one that looked almost exactly like my existing style and color… on sale for only $1360! It really makes me furious that poor, beautiful Fantine only made 10 francs for her hair (that’s about one week’s wage for a factory worker at the time- and yes, I did the research and the math on that one)._

_So I have to admit I am now doing extensive research on synthetic wigs as well as hats… I found some great YouTube tutorials for how to tie scarves around my head- I could probably buy an entire hat shop for the cost of one or two good human hair wigs, even after my insurance chips in. Again, I can’t help but think that I’m lucky- I know if I ask my parents or grandparents for help, or if I really wanted to dip into my savings, I could easily buy any wig that I want, I’m lucky in that respect, but I also know that I’m unusual in that respect. I spoke with a woman as I was checking in for my treatment and this was her third time coming out of remission and needing chemo in ten years- she has four children and wigs just aren’t where she chooses to spend her money. Instead, and I really loved this, she shaves her head and once a week her kids get to use finger paint all over her bald scalp- drawing anything they want. She is also learning to make wigs herself now, hoping to start a charity that will donate one wig to underprivileged women and children going through chemo for every wig that she sells- check out a link to her website on the left nav, Gettin’ Wiggy with Kit- I’m so awed by her tenacity and strength under what must be relentless pressure._

“Come on, Rory! Aren’t you ready to go yet?” Honor was this week’s Chemo Fairy, she had volunteered to take Rory to get her hair cut and honestly, Lorelai had seemed somewhat relieved to be let off the hook on that task- she just didn’t know if she was really going to be able to sit there and hold her gorgeous daughter’s hand as they sheared off her long, beautiful locks… baby hormones were a real bitch and there were days she couldn’t even watch tv because of the commercials- she had been trying to learn when she could spare herself some of the stress and grief of worrying about Rory.

Honor and Rory buckled into Honor’s car- a mini- how perfectly Honor was that, Rory thought, and they drove from Grandma and Grandpa’s to a salon Rory had never heard of but the blonde had been gushing about for two weeks- “Just wait until you meet Andre, he’s a genius, seriously.” They were on the outskirts of the downtown area of Hartford when they pulled up to a small, unassuming salon- not at all the kind of place anyone would have ever expected a Huntzberger to get their hair done- they should be at Elizabeth Arden or somewhere in Manhattan, shouldn’t they? But Honor had great taste and great hair, so what could Rory do but trust the woman as she grabbed her hand, pulling her inside the salon forcefully enough that Rory almost bumped right into a tall, good looking man with an olive complexion, a thick pink streak in his dark hair and sparkling green eyes.

“Andre, this is my soon-to-be sister-in-law Rory, the one I was telling you about?” The man didn’t say anything, just pursed his lips and looked her over, like she was cattle he was thinking of buying for his farm. He pulled back and gave her a once over of her front before walking around, taking in her whole body, assessing and calculating in his mind. She felt very exposed and self-conscious, should she have worn something nicer than jeans and a pink top? She assumed this was just a haircut, not an audition for _America’s Next Top Model_.

“You were right Honor- flawless. I mean, the skin, the figure, the hair… she is totally wasted writing in a dingy little hovel all day- she should be on screen or on billboards or something.” Ok, Rory certainly didn’t ascribe to the stereotype that all hairdressers were flamingly gay, but this guy was like Tim Gunn meets Rupert Everett meets RuPaul.

“I know, Andre, this is what I was saying on the phone. And let’s face it, this is not an ideal situation, but that’s why we’re here- if anyone can pull off this makeover, it’s you.” He just nodded his head, accepting the praise as though it were just scientific fact.

“Well, I think the thing to do is embrace the pixie but try to keep the bangs big- we can even do a partial piece for the bangs for a while if we need to… how many treatments have you had?” He had taken control of the situation- and by situation, Rory. He was pushing her down into a salon chair in front of a huge mirror with stunning gold gilding- very art deco and over the top, but looked great in the relatively bare industrial space. She wasn’t really paying attention as Honor filled him in on her chemo schedule, the drugs she was on, he just nodded and was playing with her hair, checking the roots, muttering to himself about this being such a shame.

“Alright, so you’ve probably noticed some of your body hair has been falling out, no?”

“What?” Rory blushed- this was a stranger asking her about body hair?

“You know, your legs, your pits, your cooch?” Now Rory was bright red, she didn’t know if she had ever blushed like this.

“Oh, don’t be so shy Rory, we’ve gotten waxed together.”

“Yes, but I thought it was just our legs- Hilde really surprised me there when she kept going.” Rory couldn’t believe she was having to relive the pre-wedding waxing she had somehow been talked into with Honor and the shocking results of her first (and last) Brazilian… although Logan’s reaction to it had been… enthusiastic to say the least.

“Oh come on, we’re all girls here, just tell me when you noticed the hair falling out?”

“Umm, I guess it just started in the last week.” To be honest, that part was the one good thing about chemo so far- not having to shave her legs or arms had been a godsend for someone with dark, sometimes coarse hair that had to be seriously monitored. Then again, she usually felt so tired and/or crappy it wasn’t like anyone (Logan) was benefiting from her clean shaven state. Andre was bustling about, gathering supplies as he did some calculations.

“So, you’re hair is really going to start falling out in earnest in the next two weeks- I can’t say if you’re going to be one of the women who goes bald as a baby’s ass cheek or more GI Jane.” Rory couldn't help but think how much Lorelai would love this guy. “So I think we should try to find a look that’s short and you feel comfortable enough in that if you don’t lose it all, you can avoid wigs in more casual settings- they get hot, sometimes itchy and there are going to be times you just seriously don’t want to bother, but you don’t want looks from nosy busy bodies either. We’ll also take a look at some simple false bangs and maybe even a loose, messy bun you can attach under a hat or scarf or something for a super quick fix before going out. I mean, let’s face it, while wigs aren’t really more difficult to take care of, the certainly aren’t much less difficult, so the less you have to do to look and feel fabulous most days, the better.”

“I’m sorry, I just… how do you know all of this? You’re like the Cancer Hair Whisperer!” That made Andre bark a loud laugh with the slightest wheeze behind it- slapping his hip as he laughed.

“You know, I may just take that for my business card- the Hair Whisperer… I like it, Doll.” At this point he was starting to clip hair and arrange it for a cut- deciding dry was better so he could really tell what he was working with as he went. As he got to work he started explaining.

“Unfortunately my mom had cancer- breast cancer when I was in high school- she did the treatments, full mastectomy, went into remission. But ten years later she got cervical cancer and that was it. So then, when I went to beauty school and it was time for me to get my practical hours, I worked out a deal with the school that I could do them at local clinics and long-term care facilities. I’ve been doing this, what? 14 years I guess, Doll, I feel like I’ve seen them all- I know all the drug cocktails, what they’re going to do to your hair… I just try to help women feel slightly less awful going through a shitty fucking time.” Ever the reporter I had to explain to him about my blog and ask if he’d be willing to be interviewed at some point, “Only if I get a picture and my business gets a shoutout Dollface- Andre needs to get his, you know?” Not a problem, she assured him, she was building up a great little group of resources to recommend to people going through a similar journey.

"Now, we have one more decision to make- your hair is pretty damn long, and as you know, it's essentially a Euripides-level tragedy that I have to cut this hair- in any other situation I'd refuse and make you get on your knees and pray to the hair gods in gratitude for such gorgeous curls... but alas, life isn't fair- if it was, believe me, Taye Diggs would be my husband. But, we can make lemonade out of these sour ass lemons, I can cut most of it off into a bundle and send to a charity to use it for wigs for children." That actually made Rory, fighting tears over the loss of her hair- trying to remind herself how lucky she was, comparatively, suddenly lit up in a smile. 

"Really? You can do that?" Andre smiled back.

"Girl, you are going to make some little girl feel like she won the hair lottery!"  Rory just nodded, excited to find she could help someone despite how much this sucked. 

Once the cut was done she turned to the mirror and looked. It was short, that was for damn sure. It wasn’t quite as pointy or fairy-like as Audrey, and he left the bangs long for her to play with, including showing her how to use hair chalk to leave streaks of bright colors in them for some funk. Rory hugged Andre, 

"Seriously, I was pretty sure that that this was going to be one of the worst parts of this whole fucking nightmare, but wow- it wasn't. I'm barely even sad over the whole thing, thank you so much!" She grabbed her purse, surprised that she actually had a smile on her face. Andre looked at Honor, confused.

“I’m sorry, does she not know she isn’t leaving yet?” Honor looked like she was about to burst, she was so excited about something- she just shook her head and motioned for Rory to sit back down, which she did, with more than a little trepidation- _God save me from Huntzbergers and their love of surprises._

“Now, Rory, Andre doesn’t just do hair better than anyone else on the East Coast.” He sniffed at that and murmured something about, that bitch Shane in LA.

“He doesn’t?” She shook her head as Andre moved to a long door- it looked like a reclaimed barn door, on a track right beneath the ceiling that went the entire length of his studio.

“Nope, he’s actually a wig consultant, so we’re here today to get you completely set up with absolutely anything you need to put on top of your head for the next year!” And the door slid away to reveal a showroom set up with wigs, designer hats, gorgeous silk scarves- and almost all of Rory's chemo fairies, holding mimosas and smiling. Lorelai, Lane, Finn (looking like a kid in a candy store), Grandma (looking at Finn like he needed to be hospitalized), Gigi (looking at Finn like she was in love with him), Logan, Steph and even Sookie.

Tears sprang to her eyes instantly as she thought for about the 10,000th just how luck she was to have these amazing people in her life. Everyone came up to her, hugging her, exclaiming over her hair cut, loving the streak of magenta in the bangs up front and how cute it really looked- and just in time for the heat of the summer. Honor finally handed her a mimosa ( _don't worry, very light on the champagne, trust me_ ), and called for some quiet so she could explain what was going on.

“Alright Rory, each person here was allowed to pick out up to 5 things for you to try on, once they see them on you, _they_ pick one and it’s yours. It can be wig, hat, scarf… hell, it can be a tiara, it doesn’t matter- this way you’ll have nothing but variety and hopefully a look that makes you feel beautiful every single day.” Rory just smiled and hugged Honor, seriously, this was one of the best Chemo Fairy days ever. 

About three hours and too many mimosas (not nearly as light on champagne as Honor had promised) Rory was walking into the pool house at her grandparents- the solution to her needing to not be living with her parents but no one wanted her too far away from them in case she got really sick). Logan helped her to unpack all of her new goodies. There were four new wigs in different styles- one that was exactly like her long, dark tresses before, one that only went to her shoulders with a bit more messy curl and blonde highlights and, of course, a long, curly red one (courtesy of Finn). Oh, and Lane had encouraged her to embrace her inner Gwen Stefani _(girl power-wise, not mediocre musical talent)_ , a magenta bob. Then there were hats- Emily had insisted on two big, floppy brimmed hats to protect me from the sun- one in black with a white ring at the brim, the other a gorgeous cream; Logan had picked a fedora for his Ace, Finn had somehow snuck in a pirate that cracked everyone up, Gigi picked a pink cloche and Lorelai threw in a cowboy hat with a wink and a “Don’t forget your Texan adventure” that had Rory pinker than the Gwen wig. Sookie and Honor picked a selection of beautiful silk scarves and then Andre spent half an hour teaching her how to tie them in different, beautiful ways. Finally, as they were leaving the store Rory had to laugh when Finn came running out with an extra bag- apparently playing by the rules (which he hadn’t, he’d actually picked a wig AND a hat) was just too tough and he wanted to make sure that she had a black silk top hat, some insane blue Derby hat that Princess Kate would look amazing in, and matching tiaras for Gigi and me.

_So, Readers, all in all? Not a bad send off to my prized locks, one more hurdle I thought was going to break me? I came out the other side smiling and with quite the jaunty set of headdress. In fact, my new greatest worry is whether or not Finn was kidding about the Native American ceremonial headdress he ordered for me... anyone want to take bets?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew- I toyed with doing the super emotional hair loss scene, but I really wanted to try and take that feeling back. When my sister went through this she buzzed her head, letting each of her kids take a turn to try and make it feel less scary to them, and then I sent her a giant box of hats (yep, including a cowboy hat, a GORGEOUS pirate hat and a nice selection of vintage pieces, if I do say so myself). I know that for a lot of women, my sister included, losing her hair was one of the things she feared the most- she always had the most beautiful hair, and it was like finally, shit, the world is going to know I have cancer- no more hiding. But once she decided not to let that fear control her, she embraced it with an actually fairly cute hair cut and a gorgeous wig that she did not want to get rid of when the cancer was gone- kept the hair super short for a year and kept wearing the wig!
> 
> Anyways, needed to get that chapter out so I can focus on Rory confronting a blast from her past while on the campaign trail... and now back in CT... tee hee hee! :)


	15. Catching Up With Old Friends

_Ok, six treatments in, I’ve got (hopefully) ten more to go. I’m also, as of this week, pretty much on house arrest. Apparently this year’s flu is a bitch and a half and my white cell counts are, as Flo Rida would say, low low low. (Yeah, I know I can’t pull that off, but come on, cut me some slack- I have cancer). (Oh, also, when was the last time you went longer than 18 hours without hearing that song? Seriously? As a girl with an apple bottom who loves my boots with the fur, the song fucking sucks). So, again, I know this sounds like the ultimate first world problem, but I’m basically restricted to my grandparents’ pool house (I guess I’d say it’s about 950 sq feet) and my grandparents’ house- which lucky for me has a library Thomas Jefferson would envy._

_I know, poor little rich white girl, sometimes I feel like I have no business writing a blog about being young, broke and sick in America when I have a rich family- I can’t hide that. Unlike a lot of people in my situation, “going home” for me- being forced to walk away from my first real job still means I get to live in a pool house and not the basement of my childhood home to sleep on an air mattress or a futon. I’ve gotten a few comments- some private, some very not so, about my disconnect from the reality of most young, recent college grads who get sick. So, I’m going to be more open about my past than I ever expected to be- at least publicly, and hopefully it helps some people take me serious as someone who isn’t just an Ivy League educated, White Tower persona that lives on an estate in a pool house. You should probably know that for the first 8 years of my life, I grew up in a potting shed, the bathroom was a toilet and old-fashioned claw foot bathtub surrounded by a curtain my mom sewed by hand._

_Through the sweat of her brow, working as a maid at a hotel- despite the fact that she had never had to make her own bed in her life- my mother kept a roof over my head my entire life. I was 8 before we moved into an actual house. So while I may have been born to a family of wealth and privilege, and I may sometimes enjoy those privileges today, please don’t sit there at your computer and judge me as a bluenose snob who grew up on caviar and champagne- I know what it’s like to live on Ramen noodles to pay your bills. Hell, as much as Mom tried to keep me from it, I lived with bills going unpaid and collectors hounding us every once in awhile. I remember my mom crying herself to sleep around my 4th birthday because she had just bought our first car (a very used, rusting out American something) and it needed new brakes, so she couldn’t afford birthday presents for me except a few things from the dollar store. I remember her offering to clean the local dance studio in exchange for my dance lessons (which we will never speak of again). And I look back and see the pictures of my onesies and dresses made out of old t-shirts/clothes of my mom’s, things she stitched together by hand or on a friend’s sewing machine._

_I’m lucky, my life doesn’t look like that anymore. But does that mean I can’t have empathy or understand what people who haven’t been lucky enough to break out of that yet?_

Rory hovered over her keyboard, desperately wanting to delete the entire post even though she hadn’t written yet this week. Fuck, this was really fucking hard. In total frustration she slammed her laptop shut, rubbing her eyes as she thought about how tired and achy she was- why was she freaking out about this damn blog project? It’s not like it paid enough to really be worth it. Who cared if some people sent her messages and comments about what a rich bitch she was- they didn’t know her, didn’t need to know how independent she tried to be. It’s not like they knew how sick she got from seeing the dollar amount on someone’s chemo bill at the clinic, or how she was paying out the bulk of her paychecks to make her insurance premiums, she wouldn’t let her grandparents or Logan bankroll her entirely. Aside from the free place to live, that is.

But at the same time, sometimes she _did_ feel like she was cheapening the experience of people who were _truly_ struggling to pay for their treatments and medicines- forget about things like decent wigs and a place to live. Sometimes trying to personalize and humanize something- her original plan for this blog while she was sick, made her feel like an out of touch- a Marie Antoinette, “let them eat cake” kind of monster and she didn’t know what to do about it. Was she actually helping anyone with her blog, maybe she should just shut up.

With tears of anger and frustration she put her laptop in it’s bag and stormed out of her Grandfather's study towards the pool house, before being stopped by a familiar voice.

“Rory Gilmore?” Turning back towards the study, she saw a tall, incredibly handsome man with dark rimmed glasses.

“Tucker?” Oh wow, here’s someone she hadn’t seen in a long time! He started walking towards her and she moved to hug him and give him a light kiss on the cheek, smiling. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, I was in town to see my sister and her new baby so I figured I would stop in to see your grandfather- he was such a mentor for me over the last two years and I just had to show him my final thesis.” She pulled back from the hug and they were both smiling, it was nice to see someone she knew from the campaign. Although it had been the best job she could have hoped for, it had often been a frustrating and lonely life and the few times she got to hang out with Tucker had been fun and easy, a very much needed respite from the insanity that was the job.

“Oh, I forgot that your sister just had a baby- how are they doing? What’s her name?”

“Eliza Jean, everyone is fine and healthy and she’s absolutely gorgeous, of course.” Tucker was very close with his siblings and whenever they had talked about family he just bragged about them. “But hey, I know what I’m doing here- but what the hell are you doing here in Connecticut? Shouldn’t you be somewhere in the midwest right now? They’re saying Senator Clinton is dropping out…” Rory bit her bottom lip, not sure how she wanted to answer- did he actually not remember she wrote a blog? He didn’t follow it?

“Oh, you know, I uh… I needed to take some time off from the campaign, handle some family stuff. Oh my God, you don’t know- my mom is pregnant… with twins!” He gave her a look that she was becoming very familiar with at this point- the “but how can you possibly have parents young enough to still procreate” look.

“Well, congratulations to your parents. Wow, how are you feeling about that? I mean, you’re going to have two siblings who are more than 21 years younger than you, that’s gotta be a little weird.”

“Umm, I don’t know, they’re so excited and I feel like I’ve spent the last few weeks so distracted I haven’t had much time to think about it. But yeah, I always wanted siblings- I wasn’t really there much to get to know my half-sister Gigi and I feel bad about that, but these two kids I’m going to try and be around for. Although, I’m kind of nervous about if she has a boy- I don’t know anything about boys.” She laughed, so easily, so freely, she felt somewhat rejuvenated- who knew that she just needed a friendly face to come by and chat with? Someone who didn’t know that she was sick, it was wonderful she had so many people trying to help her, but it was nice to feel normal.

“Well, if it helps, my mom swears my brother and I were ten times easier to raise than my one sister. Then again, I guess we were pretty far from normal boys- Jasper was always a piano prodigy and I was far more interested in reading than any kind of sport… until I discovered tennis that is.”

“I didn’t know you play tennis!”

“Yeah, it’s actually how I ended up at Yale for my undergrad- I was on a partial scholarship for it.”

“Really? I’ve kinda always wanted to learn to play.” He smiled at her and Rory remembered how easy it was to spend time with him. "Despite the fact that the Gilmore girls don’t exercise, it looks fun. Mom and I tried racquetball one time and it was basically a disaster- I googled the rules right before we left because neither of us had a clue what we were doing and I ended up almost giving her a black eye. But then I discovered Wii tennis and I know it’s not the same, but it’s fun! And I feel like I need to do something kind of active now that I can’t get in three miles a day just walking around campus while carrying 50 pounds of books!”

“Well, I’d be happy to give you a few pointers sometime, your grandparents club has some great courts."

"We should definitely set something up sometime- I'm pretty booked right now, but next time you're in town?" He was just so easy to be with- he reminded her of Marty her Freshman year in so many ways, or Colin or Finn- sometimes a girl just needed a guy friend.

Their conversation continued for a while, they had walked towards the pool house and were now sitting outside on pool chairs, talking about favorite books they had read recently. Tucker was just explaining how much he had been enjoying a new translation of _Don Quixote_ , by Edith Grossman- according to him it was the most he’d ever enjoyed reading the book- and he’d read it once in it’s original Spanish, when they were joined by Logan.

“Hey, Ace, sorry I got caught up on that conference call.” Logan came around from the pool house where he had been working all morning- the reason why Rory had been working in her grandfather’s study in the first place. “Hey, this a friend of your’s?” He couldn’t help but think that they looked awfully cozy together. She looked up at him, smiling, not even a little ashamed or embarrassed, something that should have reassured him (not that he needed reassuring), but he was in a bad mood from his call and he wasn't really digging how much she was smiling and laughing with this guy he didn't know but she apparently knew pretty well. 

“Oh, Logan, this is Tucker Culbertson, Tucker this is Logan. Tucker was the TA who took over when Grandpa had his heart attack last year and then we met up again on the campaign, he was an advisor on some of the international trade and foreign policy issues. Not to mention, he seriously saved my ass when I had to write that series on micro-financing in developing countries. I was trying to write about this professor who has been experimenting with various online micro-lending platforms and he was able to really walk me through the cultural and financial ramifications of the programs. I don’t know what I would have done without him.” Tucker just smiled back at her, a little too big for Logan’s liking.

“Oh please, you shouldn’t sell yourself short- if I had a brain that picked up new ideas as quickly as yours I would have finished my doctorate in 3 years instead of 4!” That made Logan pause, didn’t PhDs usually take like five or six years to get? It was time for Logan to step in.

“Yeah, tell me about it- I swear, if I could get her to give up her life as a roving reporter and come work for my company, I bet we’d hit $1 billion in the next two years- instead of our current three year plan. My partners would love her- brains _and_ she could easily schmooze all the investors.” He sat down on the lounge chair next to her and put an arm around her, pulling her into him protectively and kissing her on the crown of her head- all acts he’d done before, many times, but Rory couldn’t help but notice the way he had emphasized “my company” and “$1 billion” and “my partners”... and his arm around her seemed a bit forced, it was weird.

“So, Tucker, what are you doing in town, shouldn’t you still be with the Senator?” Logan needed to know the man’s plans.

“Actually, I’m just home to visit my sister and her new baby, maybe spend a few days with the family- my dad is an Ambassador and about to return to his post in Switzerland, so I wanted to get in as much time with them as possible while they’re stateside.”

“Oh, you know, Logan went to boarding school in Switzerland for a bit!” Rory volunteered- hopefully that would ease the seemingly random tension in the air. But instead Tucker just asked,

“Really?” To which Logan half-heartedly confirmed and before she knew it Tucker was excusing himself, promising to contact Rory in a few weeks about tennis and all that. Just as he was leaving he turned around.

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Ror, I finally did it- I read _Eva Luna_ in the original Spanish and it was… wow, it was transcendent, I can’t even tell you the difference reading her prose in the original. You were absolutely right, it’s her best work.”

“Oh my god, I forgot you were going to do that! I’m so jealous! Damn! I _wish_ I could do that, I mean, sure I tried a few novels in French just to try to keep up in my head, but to be able to read Allende’s words in their original… wow. Why did I study English in college- I already speak it!” He just smiled at her attempt at a joke, nodded and left as Logan sat there, feeling a bit gobsmacked- something she hardly noticed as she began chattering away about how lucky he was that he spoke four languages, wasn’t that amazing? She pulled him to his feet and began walking back towards the pool house as she went on and on about  how it was so good to see him again, he’d really helped her out on the campaign, but the whole time Logan was remembering a very weird conversation with her about 18 months ago in which she had felt guilty for recommending _Eva Luna_ to a guy she thought was cute.

“Wow, it was so great to see him! Hey, I wonder if he could help me with my blog- I want to analyze the candidates’ health care proposals and their impact on various sectors of the economy… I was also thinking maybe a piece on how other countries handle young people who are sick- his dissertation was all about the intersection of culture, politics and microeconomics in developing nations.”

By that time they were in the pool house and Logan surprised her by slamming the door shut and pushing her up against it- not in anger, she noticed quickly, but apparently a very urgent lust. She didn’t even realize what was happening as his lips descended on hers, his tongue licking them before they parted for him, meeting his tongue with hers until he quickly moved down the side of her neck, nipping and kissing and sucking while his hands were pushing her tank top up so he could get at her breasts- desperate to free them from the bra, from her top- he threw the top and the bra to the side of the floor as his hands cupped her gorgeous, perfectly shaped breasts and his thumbs flicked her nipples, her breath hitched and she moaned his name- the sound shooting straight to his cock- if he hadn’t been hard before, he was now.

“Oh, fuck, Ace, you’re amazing.” He moved his body down her’s, worshipping her skin, her curves, kissing and licking and suckling as he bent at his knees, tugging at the waistband of her denim skirt before he moved his hands underneath, up her thighs to cover her ass… that ass of hers... he had been with many women in his relatively short life and none of them had ever had a body like hers, an ass like that. His hands roamed around it, cupping and stroking her amazingly round cheeks- plump, he loved nothing more than sinking his teeth into them…well, almost nothing.

He slipped his hands under the band of her underwear, not bothering to rid her of her skirt, merely pushing it up so it was banding closer to her waist as he lifted one leg of hers and centered her over his mouth, his lips his tongue. Without hesitation or warning he plunged his tongue inside of her, causing her to cry out his name, her breath fast and shallow as he worked her through- licking and softly nibbling on the tiny nub that was in her very center, the very core of her, causing her to buck against him.

“Oh, my god, Logan- fuck, that’s amazing.” She was losing it, he wanted to send her over the edge like he never had before. As she was picking up her breath even more, her moans getting louder and her swearing dirtier, he knew she was close and took a chance, doing something he’d never done with her before. He quickly moved one finger up along the crack of her ass and right into her tiny, tight hole- causing her to fall over the edge screaming his name, to the point that Logan was a bit worried, momentarily, that Richard and Emily would have heard her in the house. His finger and his tongue worked her through her delicious orgasm, she was fighting to catch her breath.

She practically crumpled to the floor with her back against the door, breathless and happy, the smile on her face bigger than he had seen in forever. Logan smiled at her and moved to sit next to her, both of their backs to the door, they hadn’t moved further in the last five minutes it had taken to complete that act. He leaned in to her and kissed her as she was still trying to catch her breath.

“Wow, Logan, that was… just… wow.” She leaned in and kissed him lightly, she’d always enjoyed the taste of her on his lips and tongue, a reminder of his generosity and her pleasure. But _that_ hadn’t happened in a while- they weren’t supposed to do _that_ within 72 hours of her chemo appointments, the drugs were secreted through _all_ her bodily fluids (yet another delightful side effect of the treatments she hadn’t known beforehand), that was the first time since she’d started treatment six weeks ago. She deepened the kiss, pulling him to her with his shirt as she moved to straddle him, her knees hitting the cold tile floor, her arms moving around the back of his neck.

“That was truly amazing, Logan. But, I can’t help noticing it was a tiny bit one-sided.” She nipped at his bottom lip before moving in closer to nibble on his earlobe, a spot that never failed to make him moan and she could feel the way his cock was twitching against her.

“Oh Ace, believe me, I definitely enjoy making you scream like that, the pleasure is all mine.” He captured her lips against his yet again, wanting to be inside her.

“Did you remember to buy more condoms?” Shit, had he? He still wasn’t used to that aspect of their relationship- they hadn’t used them in all the time they lived together and her time in the hospital right when they got back together had included particularly comprehensive STD testing- they were both clean and she had an IUD. Unfortunately, chemo meant she couldn’t risk any tearing get infected, (not to mention for the first time in either of their sex lives was lube actually necessary). Fuck, had he remembered condoms?

“Yes!” Oh thank God, he had been out at the gas station and saw the box of three and decided to revert back to his old college habit of keeping two in his wallet and one in the car at all times. He moved as quickly as possible to access his back pocket and fumble for his wallet. He took out the gold foil wrapper and tore it open as she focused on pulling at his belt, his zipper, pulling his jeans and boxers down in one fell swoop. He kissed her, his hand tangled in her hair as he maneuvered her down, back on the floor with him above. She pulled at his polo shirt, tearing it off, wanting to feel his chiseled abs, his sculpted chest while he put on the condom and thrust into her in one fell, quick movement.  

“Oh, God, Ace!” He had totally intended to take it slow, give her time, but he just needed her- he needed to possess her, he couldn’t think or try to do anything except just have her. He set a pace that could have been described as grueling, but she was meeting him, thrust for thrust, she was clawing at his back, digging her nails into his tight, muscular and particularly fine his ass, sucking on his tongue, biting his bottom lip, but not too much. They hadn’t fucked like this, with this kind of abandon and raw passion and need since they had gotten back together. The pool house was filled with the sounds of skin on skin, moans and the occasional curse word.

Logan felt the beginnings of his orgasm approaching, and while Rory was moaning as though she was close, and he felt some tell-tale clenching, he desperately wanted her to finish again. He moved his fingers to her clit and began to work it, at the same time he adjusted her, tilting her pelvis up about 40 degrees so that he was even more certain to hit her g-spot with every thrust. He continued it as she became more and more winded and finally she called out his name as he felt her spasm around him, clenching him deliciously, finally pushing him over the precipice in the most amazing wave of pleasure- both of them continuing to thrust as they prolonged the experience.

Almost alarmingly belated, Logan remembered that with condoms he had to pull out so he could tie it off, causing a groan from Rory. He just leaned in and kissed her quickly, but thoroughly as he stumbled, weak legged, off to the bathroom to flush it and wash off quickly. He came back out to see her, just lying there with her underwear and top thrown off to the side, her skirt up around her legs, her hand against her forehead and a giant smile on her face. He grabbed at his boxers, pulling them on and then crouched down to pick her up and carry her, bridal style, to the bed in the next room. Once he did he pulled her skirt off her and laid down beside her, curled around her, pulling her into him and kissing the back of her neck.

“I love you, Ace. You know that, right?” She turned her body to face him, an amused look on her face as she ran her fingers through his hair, pushing a curl away from his forehead, smiling.

“Well, I should hope so, otherwise us getting married is an awfully big mistake, don’t you think?” He reached over and grabbed her hand, entwining her fingers with his, but there was something missing. He pulled it up to look at it, frowning.

“Where is your ring?” Why did that sound so accusatory she wondered? She looked at him like he was crazy.

“Uh, at the jeweler, remember? There was a loose stone? You told me to take it in like two days ago?” She really had no idea what was going on.

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry. I guess I forgot.” Yeah, that didn’t sound all that sorry right there. “I just really hate you not wearing it.” She wasn’t really sure what to say to that.

“I can’t say I’m a huge fan myself, my hand feels way too light.” He just grunted and she mentally tried to shrug off the feeling that there was something going on she didn’t understand. She closed her eyes, snuggling up to him, ready for a nap- it had been a frustrating day of trying to work and she was exhausted, totally unsure how to frame the post she wanted to write without sounding like Little Rich Suzy Q. But for now, life was pretty much perfect: she was happy, she was exhausted for the best of reasons, she had three more days until her next treatment. And if, when she fell asleep for a nap, she felt like he was holding her considerably tighter than usual, what did that matter?


	16. An Affair to Remember

Two days later Logan woke up to the sounds of Rory crying, obviously trying to be quiet, but not exactly succeeding in her emotional state. Logan found her, in the bathroom, still wearing her pajamas- she was standing over the sink, looking at herself in the mirror, sobbing, clutching at something dark and feathery in her hand. He looked closer- was that? Then he looked around her, around the sink and he saw- dark, curly hairs scattered everywhere over the white marble of the sink and counter top and his heart sank. _Shit- the time had finally come._

He moved into the bathroom as quickly as he could, pulling her to him, holding her as tightly as he could. She turned into him and buried her face in his chest, sobbing. After at least five minutes she began to calm down and began to pull away from him. She was shaking her head and trying to brush away tears with the back of hand as they both sat, there on the floor, right in front of the bath tub, next to each other with her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m not entirely sure why this is bothering me so much- it’s not like I knew that it wasn’t coming. I mean, I guess I was hoping that six weeks in, if I hadn’t lost it all yet, maybe I’d be one of the people who only experience thinning- maybe the short haircut had been enough. And come on, it’s just hair, right? I’ve got wigs, I’ve got hats. Not to mention, I’m _going_ to survive all of this and my hair will grow back… but when I was in the bathroom, I just ran my hand through my hair and…” She just broke into sobs all over again and he was pulling her onto his lap, letting her cry herself out- letting her fall fall asleep in there- before waiting ten minutes more to bring himself to risk waking her up and carrying her back to bed.

He was startled by how light she was- he had carried her quite a few times before but she seemed so much smaller right now than he was used to- it gave his heart pangs to think of how much weight she had lost so far. He settled her into their bed, pulling the covers back while marveling at her beauty, her strength and her grace, but he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. But then, just as he was settling himself in next to her, he couldn't help but notice a patch towards the back of her head, an almost totally bald spot. It was a jarring wake-up call. It was always hard to forget that she was ill, he wouldn’t ever really be able to- with her pale skin, her recent weight loss, the nausea and such after her treatments… but something about the loss of her hair- one of the greatest aspects of her brilliant beauty… it was impossible to ignore, to push to the side.  

He settled in next to her, lying down and pulled her to him, spooning her as tightly as possible- fighting the tears in his eyes. He loved her so much; but what if things did not go their way? What if, somehow, she was one of the very few who did not make it through the treatments? What if she became so immunocompromised and encountered someone with a flu and that was enough to…? _Stop it, man, you know you can’t think that way._

But what if it did? What if instead of planning a wedding and buying their first home together, then having and raising children- he wanted at least three, he knew that much… what if instead of that beautiful future with summers at the Cape, her belly swollen with another child who would share her eyes, her hair, her sense of humor… what if he was spending his time watching her wither away; what if he had to plan a funeral instead of a wedding? What if he had just,  _finally_ , found the love of his life and was happier than he could ever have imagined being and it was all ripped away from him again? What would he do if that happened?

* * *

The next morning they shaved her head down to a buzz cut. She did not want to be sitting around, working on her blog or out at the store and find another clump had fallen out and was everywhere around her. It was emotional as Logan took his electric razor to her head, but she smiled back at him bravely, trying to reassure him that this was what she wanted. Internally he was shaking his head, wondering if he could ever in a million years be as brave as her. Once they were done she decided to try and work on her blog while he checked in with the office- they had been so cool about his circumstances and his working remotely, but he knew he was going to have to start making trips out west soon- leaving her in the capable care of others for a week or so at a time- just another part of this whole process he was dreading.

He made her breakfast and went to shower, as he came out he was surprised to see her with only a scarf wrapped around her head while at home, but she seemed comfortable on the couch, smiling at her phone, sipping on coffee.

“What’s with the big smile this morning? Did Lorelai finally get Paul Anka to dress up in a tux and top hat for that Tony Danza retrospective? I’m still really worried about whether Kirk is going to be able to handle the competition for weirdest musical act in town.” He walked up behind her to rub her shoulders as he looked forward to a good Stars Hollow story.

‘What?” She looked up at him, distracted a bit. “Oh, no, Tucker just sent me a photo of his new niece, Eliza Jean, she's wearing an Obama Hope and Change onesie, it’s just so damn cute!” She showed the pic to Logan who smiled, of course it was a cute picture- a newborn infant with gorgeous blue eyes and a toothless smile, but Logan’s jaw was definitely a bit clenched.

“Ah, very cute.” He absently kissed her forehead and moved to pour himself some coffee as he finished toweling off his hair and she continued to text, he could only assume with Tucker… a name he had come to well and truly loathe. But he wasn’t going to give in. Sure, he had been torturing himself constantly replaying in his head a conversation from two years ago- she had been nervous and fidgety and made him sit to talk to him, like it was this huge, relationship altering thing. And then what did she say? She started babbling about self-sabotage, about getting in the way of her happiness, and then rambled about thinking her TA was cute, and how she gave him an awkward recommendation of _Eva Luna_ \- he had moved over and tried to comfort her, telling her it was fine, that he sometimes got crushes too- but they- Rory and Logan, were in a good place… How was he supposed to know that they would break up soon after AND she’d meet the guy again- a guy who obviously had been attracted to her as well? (Of course he was, a Yale PhD candidate for God’s sake, he was smart enough to see her for who she was).

And now, they had reconnected one more time, and it seemed to comfort her, she enjoyed his company and his conversation. And while he felt jealous, he didn’t feel like there was anything romantic on her part, not even a little bit, so what was he supposed to do do or say? Nothing. He trusted her- he had no reason to think this was anything other than a friendly relationship with a colleague. He _knew_ , in his heart and in his head that she loved _him_ , she was fully committed to their relationship, their engagement. So this was really all on him. His discomfort was his own jealousy. But, he wasn’t an idiot- while _she_ was definitely in friend mode, he had seen how Tucker looked at her; if you asked Logan, things seemed to be pretty different on Tucker's end.

“So, you and Tucker, you really got to know each other on the campaign, huh?” Well, that attempt at sounding totally casual seemed to have failed pretty epically to his ears. Thank God she was concentrating on the text conversation. Wait, was that good? Ugh, jealousy was the worst, she barely looked up as she continued typing.

“What? Yeah, like I said- it was definitely nice to know someone out there- especially someone who could bail my ass out on that piece about the Nobel Prize nominee- I like the concept of micro-financing in third world countries, but I have to admit that the actual mechanics and technical aspects were somewhat baffling- I mean, how did it take so long to figure it all out? How did so many academics overlook the concept until now? Was it really just the internet that made it possible or what? And then, of course, the political and sociological implications as women and the lowest income are able to open businesses and make their own money, how is that going to change the culture and politics of some of these countries- he had so many anecdotes of his work and travels through Peru, Afghanistan, Pakistan… It’s so much to consider and so many moving pieces at play.”

“Oh, I remember the pieces- they were great, just like everything _you_ write." He drank a little more coffee before his super awkward segue. "Hey, I also remember that you wanted to try and cover health care from a more macroeconomic point of view- I thought maybe that maybe, since I’m your devoted servant _and_ a graduate of Yale University with a degree in Economics, perhaps I could give you a hand with your story? I have been doing some reading that might be really useful to you.” Would she bite? Take him up on his offer?

“Wow, that is so sweet of you, Logan, god, you are just the best! But you know, I think I’ve got just about everything I need for right now… I mean, Tucker is going to help me compare Cuba to America to Finland in the next few days… he even has a friend he's introducing me to who is with Doctors Without Borders in Bangladesh and I think that should practically write an entire piece for me. I mean, there are third world countries that have better health care, where they value efficacy of the treatment and doctors look to protect patients and treat their issues the best way they can, not rack up tests, diagnostic procedures and bilk patients and insurance companies out of every last dime they have. Places where one hospital can’t charge more for an appendectomy than another.

“You know, my last insurance statement just came, and I realized they're charging the chemo center $10,000/treatment, but my insurance has a negotiated rate to only pay $1200 of it- but anyone without my insurance pays the full $10k! How can we learn from good elements of other countries and improve our system? Also, what can we do to help them where we can- help Cuba get better diagnostic equipment and improve access to prescription drugs in places like Bangladesh? When Tucker volunteered with AIDs victims in South Africa a few years ago he was saying that they were charging people what amounted to about one month’s salary for a week’s dose of the life-saving drug regimen, how is that possible?”

“Wow, he certainly is the humanitarian genius, that Tucker, isn’t he?” Ambassador’s son, volunteering with AIDs victims in impoverished villages, working and traveling through Peru and Afghanistan… speaking how many languages?" Ok, he had been trying to keep the bite out of his voice, but it wasn't working so well. 

“Yeah, apparently his his whole family used to do mission trips over the summers and his grandfather helped to build clinics for women and children all around the world, his grandmother was a nurse and he was the doctor, fighting for reproductive rights and healthcare for children in the most remote quarters of the world. I guess when you grow up like that it just sticks with you.” She still wasn’t really looking up for her typing.

“Oh, so is there a foundation I can donate to? Perhaps a shrine to his family that we can worship at?” His tone finally had enough bite to it, she looked up from her phone, he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“I’m sorry, what was _that_?” Suddenly he saw annoyance in her eyes.

“No, _I’m_ sorry, I’m just a little tired of hearing about Saint Tucker and his life of altruism and beneficence. Would that we could all be like the great and mighty genius humanitarian.” He was standing in the kitchen, opening the door looking for a bottle of water before he began to pace. One quick look to Rory told him that she was going from somewhat confused and annoyed to outright anger- and while it certainly “worked” for her- this was the last possible thing he should be thinking about.

“Is there a problem here Logan?” Her eyes were on fire.

“He’s the guy, isn’t he?”

“I’m sorry, what guy?” Her eyes were narrowing at she looked at him.

“The guy you slept with on the campaign. It was Tucker, right?” Her face blushed just a bit as she stood up from the couch to move over towards him, but the fire was not gone from her gaze.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not really sure that it’s any of your business.”

“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business who you had a one night stand with?”

“First of all, we talked about this in Nantucket and we _both_ agreed we didn’t want gory details on each others’ ‘activities’ while we were broken up. Second of all, you know me, you  _know_ that I’m clean so there is no real need for you to know a damn thing about anything in my past- not like you were telling me about the Malibu Barbies you were with while we were apart. Not that you really need to- I’m pretty sure I can draw plenty of conclusions based on your rather  _active_ history back in school- tall, leggy, predominantly blonde supermodel types who will do just about anything to get in bed with THE Logan Huntzberger, and then do just about anything with him once they are in his bed… or car, or coat closet at some kind of charity function. And finally, I guess this is what, third of all? Third of all, it  _wasn’t_ a one night stand- and who the hell ever said that it was?”

“What, Rory, what did you want? To hear about the vapid meaningless women that I went to bed with while we were apart? Do you want me to tell you about how I had to be ridiculously drunk, or even stoned _and_ drunk in order to just bring myself to have sex with them? Do you understand how broken I was when we broke up?”

“When _you_ broke up with me! You dumped me! I wanted to try long distance… fuck that, I _wanted_ us to factor each other in, something I thought that we had agreed on. So you blaming me for your broken heart seems awfully fucked up to me. And you being stoned or drunk to take a woman back to your room? You know a possible solution for that? You don’t have sex with them! Believe it or not, it’s physically possible for a person to be celibate for periods of time longer than, what was it? Six weeks? Six months? I know that may shock you, but I’ve actually read in medical journals it's possible to go years without sex. Not to mention, last I checked, you have two perfectly healthy hands, why not do what the majority of us do when we’re not in a relationship and handle things yourself?” Somewhere in the back of his head Logan was filing that away to revisit, but even he knew that now was not the time to question further.

“Yeah, and you're all kinds of honesty? I thought you said that the guy you slept with the, the pregnancy scare guy, meant nothing to you.”

“He didn’t… I mean, sure, we went out a few times- there were times on the trail when our schedules overlapped and we would go out… but I figured out pretty quickly that it was simply companionship- nothing else- I didn’t have feelings for him, I just wanted to be friends with him- and that’s what we’re doing, we’re good as friends!”

“For god’s sake, Rory, I know you’re not as naive and stupid to believe that- have you seen the way that he looks at you? Or the number of texts he sends you in a given day?” He moved over to her phone and picked it up, not even caring that he was violating all kinds of unspoken relationship rules of trust right now. He turned it on and started looking through the history.

_RG: I’m sorry, you think that Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls was better than Temple of Doom? Look, I can accept a lot of things about a person, but Crystal Skulls is an Indiana Jones that everyone should be in denial of its existence, no matter how many plot holes Temple of Doom had! I just don’t know how I can be friends with someone who lives in a world where that is in the holy cannon! I mean, Indiana Jones is the closest thing to a superhero academics will ever get!_

_TC: You just don’t like Shia LaBeouf and Cate Blanchett._

_RG: Hey, I thought Shia was maybe THE shining moment of the movie. I even liked the Cold War setting, vs WW2, but come on- Cate’s accent was something that Boris and Natasha would have mocked._

_TC: How about how Temple of Doom opened more like a James Bond film with the club in Shanghai that was not only racist on many levels, but I also legitimately started to worry that I was in for a musical at that point?_

“Exactly, is there anything even remotely flirtatious or romantic about anything that we just said? I could have had the exact same conversation with Finn! Tucker is someone I think of as a friend and absolutely nothing more.”

“Yeah, but you never slept with Finn!”

“You are unfucking believable Huntzberger! What, do you want me to tell you all about it? You want to hear all the ways that I let him fuck me, how I fucked him? Do you want me to tell you about the night that he brought me to orgasm SEVEN times? Or about the way that he used to do this thing with his tongue that-”

“Oh wow, speaks 5 languages, has a PhD, your grandfather apparently likes him, he’s the next St Francis and Ghandi rolled into one person, oh, _and_ apparently he’s pretty much the ultimate Sex Guru, so why the fuck would you ever choose to be with me?” He knew he was being absurd- it was like he was floating up above his body and could see how horrible he sounded and what a giant dick he was being and that nothing he said was helping his situation, or even remotely fair, but he somehow just couldn’t stop himself from letting the words come out.

“Are we seriously having this conversation Logan? Do you really think that I don’t want to be with you? That I would say I would marry you if I was even the tiniest bit unsure about how I felt about you? I told you, I did not then and do not now have any feelings of a romantic nature for Tucker. Yes, I admire his mind, I think he’s particularly brilliant at explaining complex concepts to people who don’t understand them, which is one of the reasons why I have found him to be so important in my research and my writing. And as for the rest of it all, Logan Elias Huntzberger, you can pretty much just go and fuck yourself.” She picked up her phone and was looking around for her purse and keys, she was moving about like a woman on a mission and all he did was stand there.

She stopped in front of a mirror and straightened her scarf as she looked back at him.

“I’m going out. I need to clear my head. I just… I need to think.”

He moved towards her, quickly, like it was a reflex.

“Ace, you shouldn’t go out- look, it’s raining cats and dogs. And you know the doctors said your white cells are extremely low this week, you shouldn’t be out around people.”

“I’m going to Stars Hollow.” Before he could protest and say anything. “Oh come on, I’m no danger to my mom or the twins, I just really don’t have any desire to see your fucking face or hear your voice at all right now.” She didn’t even look behind her as she stormed out and slammed the door to the pool house behind her.

Logan just sat at the breakfast bar, no idea what to do. Yes, it had been an emotional morning- he woke up with her crying as she pulled chunks of her own gorgeous, dark but previously shiny hair out from her skull. She was going bald- the one thing they had somehow believed they could beat. Not to mention the way that using his razor, something he had spent years using to just trim his face... it had been used to strip her of one of her crowning glories- making her practically bald- the last chance he had to deny that she was well and truly sick, it was gone- gone with her hair.

And he had been trying not to think about it- he didn’t want to think about it- he wanted to be there for her. But this whole thing with Tucker had just… wow, it was really messing with him. And maybe it wasn’t fair, maybe he didn’t know why he felt so particularly insane about this- he knew that it all happened well before he and Rory got back together, and she was right, their texts had been harmless and not particularly flirtatious- there was nothing to be upset at her for… he just…

Somehow it all felt so tenuous. Maybe it was that they had just gotten back together, or the fact that she was so sick and that terrified him, or how the very thought of losing her broke him to his very core, but he just- it was difficult to feel safe right now- it was hard for him to really feel like he could rely on tomorrow and the day after- he was confusing not taking anything for granted and possession of Rory. And as soon as she drove around, saw Lorelai and her dad and got some quality Stars Hollow time, she’d feel better and then he can grovel. She had been right, he had a lot to apologize for, he wasn’t going to act like that wasn’t the case.

* * *

_“Gilmore? Uh- I’m sorry, Rory Gilmore, is that you?” Rory had been reviewing her notes and trying to google something the auto industry jobs in the US as opposed to other places worldwide after the Senator’s speech in Michigan so she didn’t hear her name called immediately, not until someone touched her shoulder. She whipped around and her eyes went big._

_“Professor Culbertson?”_

_“Oh please, I wasn’t really even a professor even when I was taking over your grandfather’s class, Ms. Gilmore, call me Tucker.”_

_“Well, if you’re not Professor Culbertson, I’m most definitely not Ms. Gilmore- you should call me Rory.” He was smiling at her- a particularly handsome and bright smile that just lit up his incredibly blue eyes that were framed so well by his glasses. For the first time in a long time Rory felt genuine butterflies in her stomach- she couldn’t help but smile back at him, and suddenly she was back in the campus bookstore in New Haven, stammering, attempting to tell her ridiculously handsome TA how much she loved Eva Luna._

_He reached towards her and pulled at the press pass she was wearing on a lanyard around her neck._

_“You know, your grandfather mentioned you were working as a reporter for the campaign. He has a wall of your articles posted in his study, he’s so proud of you.”_

_“Wow, my own wall- promise me it doesn’t look like a serial killer’s wall of death, does it?”_

_“No, just weird enough to force people to listen to his odes to your brilliance and prowess- not creepy. Of course, I’m sure he wishes you were working on McCain’s side, an upstart social organizing law professor from Harvard hardly seems presidential to the Gilmores.” Rory laughed at that one as she nodded, readjusting her bag on her shoulder.”_

_“Oh, the shame that I must be bringing upon all of Hartford- not to mention the town of New Haven, for one of my own to support a Crimson man. What are you doing here, in Michigan?”_

_“I’m just here to give some advice to the Senator on his economic policies. He’s got all of these meetings and everything to bounce ideas off of. Nothing particularly glamorous or sexy, just trying to actually put all that education to some kind of use.”_

_“Wow, that’s still pretty impressive, advising a possible future president. Even if he did graduate from Cambridge.” He smiled back at her._

_“You know, I was just on my way to get some coffee, right down the street, would you like to join me? Maybe you can fill me in on the more salacious aspects of following a Presidential campaign?”_

_“Oh, I don’t know if I should; we’re going into this two day economics policy summit and roundtable discussion with his staff and advisors and I feel woefully unprepared to understand a damn word he says when he gets caught up in the IS-LM Curve and finding equilibrium in the income-expenditure model. Seriously, why did I have to get my start on a campaign for a president who is a freakin’ genius- why couldn’t it have been the last president? I’m sure I understood just as much, if not more than that guy did!”_

_“Well, you know, it just so happens that I have two Masters degrees and a PhD, which, strangely enough, is in Economics, and not from a stupid slacker school like Harvard. Why don’t you let me buy you a cup of coffee and you can grill me on anything you don’t understand. I did get pretty decent ratings on my teacher evaluation forms, after all.” He was smiling at her and it had the butterflies going all over again- she bit the bottom of her lip as she gave a smile and nodded- why the hell not?_

_Coffee had turned into drinks, which had turned into dinner, they just talked and laughed, and surprisingly little of the conversation was about economics. It turned out that Tucker had an older brother and a younger sister, they were all pretty close, probably due to the fact that his father was an Ambassador and they had lived all over the world- making friends was never easy for any of them when they moved every 12-30 months. Rory told him all about her parents crazy love story, the way that they had tried and missed so many times, how she thought that the last failure was the final nail in the coffin, but they ended up going to therapy and working through it all and seemed happier than she’d ever seen either of them._

_“Were you particularly close with either of them growing up?” Rory stopped mid bite to think about that one._

_“Mom and I were always so close, in a lot of ways I sometimes think too close. I mean, until I was eight we lived in a small, one room potting shed behind the Inn where she worked.” He looked at her strangely causing her to hurry and clarify. “She and my grandparents did not see eye-to-eye when she had me and didn’t marry my dad at 16, I barely knew the Gilmores until I was 16. She ran away with me to Stars Hollow when I was about a year old and we lived in this small but cozy, warm shed with rosebud wall paper on the wall. Anyways, we were pretty much always best friends._

_“As for my dad… it just took him longer to grow up than it did her. While he didn’t really love the strictures of growing up in society and with his parents, he also liked the comfort of the money and the lack of responsibility. He tried a few colleges, I think he gave Princeton a shot for a while before he moved to California and went from startup to startup. Whenever he came back he tried really hard to be a good dad- God, I loved it when he was around. The bigger problem was him saying he’d be there, and not making it.” She was getting a bit nostalgic as she talked about this, surprised to find herself smiling at some of these memories, she understood that while her mom had been unbelievably mature in stepping up to the plate, maybe it wasn’t fair to judge her father for growing up at a more normal pace._

_“But then, he moved back to the area- to Boston. He was suddenly there for me- he was at my Debutante ball, he struggled to be cool with my first boyfriend and not pound him, he was there when I broke my wrist in a car accident when I was 17… it took him longer than Mom, but I always knew how much he loved me. And I’ve seen how he’s been with Gigi, my half sister- he’s been there every minute, every day, even when her mom left her.” He reached out to her and took her hand on the table in his, squeezing a bit- she wasn’t at all used to getting this personal, but he made her feel comfortable._

_“Was that hard for you? To watch him be there for her when he wasn’t always there for you?”_

_“Honestly, I barely even thought about it because I really wasn’t around for him or for her. But then when his dad died a few years ago, we really tried to hash out some issues, really change our relationship. It’s been a bit rocky, there was some drama with him and my mom while she was still dating someone else… but I’m happy they finally got their shit together. It’s kind of nice that after all of this time, my parents are finally together.”_

_Around 11:00 the waiters were circling, indicating that it was time to close up without actually saying anything. They fought over the check, but given that she had a per diem of $75/day and his was $125, she let him take the hit. He walked her back to the hotel where both of them were staying, his hand taking hers, intertwining their fingers along the way. They got to the front and he pulled her about to face him._

_“You know, I had an absolutely amazing time tonight. I mean, I always thought you were brilliant in my class, you asked the best questions and were better prepared than anyone else- including more than a few people majoring in Economics. But… if I’m being totally honest, I remember constantly having to remind myself that you were a student and I could not under any circumstances have a relationship with the beautiful, charming and brilliant student who sat in the third row of my afternoon class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” She just looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise but she was blushing ever so slightly at his compliments._

_“You remember where I sat?”_

_“Rory, do you really think you are that easy to forget?” She smiled at that and he took it as a sign to lean forward, cupping her face in both hands to tilt it up towards her, before bringing her lips to his in a tender, but firm kiss. A kiss that neither of them were prepared for, since the moment their lips touched, they became electric._

_And then, neither of them were thinking- it wasn’t sweet or tender, it was passion and need and lust. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck as he moved his hands to her hips to pull her in as close to him as possible while she took the initiative to open her mouth, inviting his tongue inside, allowing them to tangle, causing her to moan in response._

_It had been too long since she had been touched like this, since she had felt a spark like this. While the guy in Texas had been, at least in kissing, perfectly competent, that had been much more about the tequila shots and how he looked in tight jeans and a cowboy hat than real physical desire or any kind of connection. But this… this was hot. They had each had cocktails at the bar and split a bottle of wine at dinner, but she was far from drunk, and yet she found herself wanting to climb this man and mount him like a goddamn tree._

_She rose one leg to wrap it around his upper thigh, pressing them closer together, while he moved his hands to the small of her back to pull her to him, meeting her thrust for thrust. Slowly one hand moved around to the front of her waist and up and under her shirt, lightly running his palm over her breast, squeezing and kneading with just enough pressure, causing her to moan and grind against him, neither wanting to break the contact between their bodies or lips, but ultimately the need for air was too great._

_“Rory, I don’t want to presume or anything-” But she cut him off with a deep, hot kiss before she spoke next._

_“Tucker, want to join me in my room?” He just nodded, not sure he could speak. She took his hand and pulled him inside the hotel, to the elevator, not letting herself kiss him yet- unsure she’d be able to stop and she’d really prefer to be in the room before she stripped him naked and licked her way up and down his entire body- something she was practically salivating to do._

_As soon as they got the fourth floor she was practically running to her room, she had to swipe the keycard three times she was so excited and more than a bit nervous. The moment the door shut behind them she was kissing him, her hands already moving to rid him of his shirt, while he returned the favor. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been this forward, taking control like this, but somehow she felt comfortable enough to just demand what she wanted._

_They stumbled towards her bed, thank God she had taken the time earlier to pack everything back in her suitcase to leave in the morning, nothing embarrassing was on the bed or hanging in the shower. They were both topless (also thank the lord that her only clean bra today had been red and lacy) and she pushed him down on the bed, straddling him and kissing him up his firm, broad chest, swirling her tongue over his nipples- noting how he was thrusting up at her looking for friction. She smiled, feeling powerful- feeling like a goddess. She spent some time working her way up to his neck, biting at him and then soothing the bite with her tongue, gently sucking and pulling at his skin._

_She felt his hands fumbling at her bra clasp and she sat up, first pulling down one strap, then the other, his eyes completely blown with lust as she slowly moved to unclasp her bra and with a flourish tossed it to the side of the room. He just lay there, staring up at her, she was gorgeous. She began rocking her hips against his, pressing into his obviously… inflamed desire._

_“Oh, God, Rory. You’re gonna have to stop that or I’m going to cum in my pants like a damned teenager.” Rory just smirked at him, grabbing at his pants and his belt, pulling them down and following closely with her lips and her mouth- tracing the pronounced line of his hip bone, licking at him, occasionally biting it, causing him to thrust up at her as she moved, slowly, painfully slowly towards his cock- a well-above averagely sized one. She found the vein on the underside, tracing her tongue all along it, up and down until he was starting to beg._

_“Fuck, Rory, I need more…”_

_“What, what do you need? You need my lips? My mouth? You need me to suck on it?” She had never talked like this in her life, she had no idea what was happening to herself, but she loved it._

_“Fuck, yes, I want that, I want all of that.”_

_“Well, as long as you asked nicely.” And with that she winked at him and moved to take him in her mouth, she slid him in and he groaned her name, his fingers threading through her hair, fighting to keep himself from thrusting into her, as she hollowed her cheeks, sucking on him, swallowing him, even nibbling ever so lightly  to the point that he genuinely thought he was going to lose his mind as she began to tweak his nipples with her fingers, running her hands up and down his body and even moved off his cock to put his balls in her mouth while stroking him with her fingers- something she’d never thought to do before. He was panting, he was gripping at her hair, wanting desperately to go deeper, to go further._

_“Oh Rory, I’m gonna…” While she usually found swallowing to be something easier than dealing with a mess, this time she was almost eager to do so, she wanted to taste him, she wanted to suck him dry, to experience the fullness of her power over this man. She pushed him down as he tried to move, she was stroking him, excited. He came, filling her mouth, letting her swallow him back, licking him to make sure she got every tiny bit of him that there was. She finally pulled her mouth off him, smiling at him, enjoying the power she felt as he was blissed out, physically unable to meet her gaze._

_Finally he opened his eyes, smiling up at her as she stretched out next to him, playing with his curls. He looked over at her, caressing her face._

_“That was… wow. That was absolutely- I don’t know, I guess this is why I was an economics major, not an English major, because I just don’t have a word for how incredible that really was.” He kissed her, not caring at all that he just spent himself in her, he just pushed her mouth open with his tongue, his hand beginning to move towards her waistband._

_“Wow, I can’t believe I have this stunning woman right here, in front of me and she is easily the sexiest woman I have ever had the pleasure… how have I allowed you to stay dressed quite this long- and more importantly, what can I do to return the favor?” Grinning at her he kissed her so thoroughly that she didn’t notice until he had flipped her on her back and he was expertly removing her pants, worshiping her breasts with his mouth before he continued down her abdomen with his lips and his tongue, causing her to moan, every nerve ending in her body was tingling and she felt like she was on fire. When he spent a moment swirling his tongue in her navel she knew that tonight she was going to be very satisfied with how things went tonight._

_He tore down her thong, excited about the scent of arousal emanating, thrilled to taste her, to plunge his tongue in her, desperate to suck on that pleasure pearl of hers, and he couldn’t believe how reactive she was, the way she bucked her hips at him and moaned, sending a jolt of electricity right to his dick, an organ he genuinely believed to be out of commission until about 30 seconds ago when she made that sound and suddenly he had to silently ask himself if he had taken performance enhancing drugs of some kind- she really was something else._

_As he licked and sucked on her and she writhed beneath him, she had no issue asking for more, telling him exactly where it felt good, what felt good, begging for him to nibble at her clit or plunge his tongue inside of her, wiggling it around in a way that she’d never felt before. And then, just as she thought maybe she couldn’t take any more, he moved his finger around, behind her and pushed one finger in a place she’d never experienced and it blew her mind, causing her to feel such joy, such pleasure, such excitement that she’d never felt- there was an entirety, a fullness… it was amazing, the best she’d felt in forever._

As Rory drove towards her mom, towards Stars Hollow, she thought of that first night with Tucker- the first of what, six or seven? They hadn’t been able to meet up often, but whenever she was in the same city as him, the more than a few times their campaign schedules overlapped, they met up and they had scintillating conversation, out of this world sex… but she just didn’t have feelings for him. She wanted to, she practically prayed to God to have feelings for him. And then, when she was hunched over her stomach, sobbing, a pregnancy test in one hand as she panicked, remembering being in this exact position months ago.

A few months ago, she had been puking her guts out and then standing there at the largest drugstore in the country, coming to terms with the fact that she hadn’t had a period in far too long. She would never forget that day that she bought a pregnancy test and peed on the stick, it was the first time in her life she had ever been through that. She remembered how her thoughts had been more conflicted than she’d ever experienced- while her and Logan weren’t together, the idea of  having a tiny little blonde hair, blue eyed baby that was both of them, together... It had been overwhelming. The fear, the terror of being pregnant was quickly eroding to joy and excitement at the thought of her and the love of her life creating life, becoming parents… to the point that when she saw the negative test, she cried for a good fifteen minutes. Ultimately she had come to her senses and realized how complicated and rough and flat out bad that would have been, but she did have a need to mourn what never was first.

But then, in a hotel bathroom in Las Vegas, one of the nicer ones she had stayed at in a few months- the hotels in Vegas being less expensive than in many of the bigger cities they had been traveling through. She was sitting on the marble tile floor, wearing a fluffy white bathrobe, crying, begging, praying for the test to be negative. She had liked Tucker just fine, and the sex had been… well, remarkable if she was being honest. Logan had always been about “getting the job done”- and he had done so more than competently for close to three years. But with Tucker there had been a spirit of adventure and fun and… it was amazing. But, it wasn’t love. In fact, given all the time they had spent together, she liked him fine- but there was absolutely no spark, their only chemistry was sexual. They got along, they had quite a bit in common, enjoyed talking to each other, but it wasn’t going anywhere- and for the first time ever she understood how her mom was distracted by Max and Alex and Jason… she cringed at the thought, but understood.

In fact, once she cried tears of joy at the negative pregnancy test… and made it through four more states and exchanged emails with Logan like 8 more times… eventually she called her mom.

_“Mom, can I ask you something?”_

_“Huh, that’s an interesting tone, I’m not really sure what to make of it. You sound upset, but not upset… it’s weird.”_

_“No, Mom, I’m good… I’m just… I’m thinking, you know, about things with Logan and that guy in TX.” Lorelai had no idea about Tucker, like, at all._

_“I’m just… I don’t know, I’m trying to figure out how I feel about some things. I mean, Logan and me… that guy in Texas… Mom, do you ever wish that you had another kid? I mean, between Max, Jason, Alex… even Luke… I mean, you cared about all of them or you wouldn’t have slept with them, right?”_

_“Umm, Ror, please tell me this isn’t a weird way to tell me I’m going to be a Grandma?”_

_“What? Mom, no, of course not. Why would you even think that?”_

_“Uh, I think you’re a gorgeous girl that any guy with a little bit of a brain and half a testicle is probably going to want to bang; a young woman I know all too well, given the sounds coming from her bedroom over the last Spring Fling, enjoys a fairly healthy, albeit loud, sex life… so the thought that you calling me up about having a baby with any of the guys I could have possibly had a baby with at some point in my life, it doesn’t seem totally insane to ask.” Rory thought for a moment before she spoke._

_“I’m just… I don’t know, Mom. I like this guy. I just… I can’t explain it, but no matter how good we are together-”_

_“You mean sex?”_

_“Ugh, yes, a little bit sex, but also just that we have fun together, we like the same shows, we read the same books, he’s brilliant, he’s wonderful… I just, I know I’m not going to fall in love with him. Ever. And I don’t think he’s going to fall for me, we’re just… we’re really good buddies.”_

_“Who have really great sex?”_

_“Yes, Mom, if you must know, the sex is amazing.” Maybe that would shut Lorelai up._

_“Ok, well, how amazing are we talking? LIke better than Logan? Better than your Toby Keith wannabe?”_

_“See, this is why most girls don’t tell their mothers this kind of stuff, you understand that right?”_

_“Of course I do, I just don’t honestly care. So come on, rank ‘em.”_

_“Mom!”_

_“Any minute now your father is going to be back from collecting Thai food from Al’s, so you have until then to answer my question before I really embarrass you by getting your overprotective father involved, meaning he'll be alternating between wanting to kick his ass and wanting to lecture you on safe sex.” Rory blanched at that one, knowing it wasn’t an idle threat- since Lorelai and Chris had decided to make their marriage work, her mom really did seem to be living somewhat vicariously through what she believed should be Rory’s Roaring Twenties._

_“Ugh, ok,_ IF I MUST _, and you understand this is basically the weirdest thing you’ve ever asked me to do… best to worst? This guy, Logan, Jess, Toby Keith, Dean.”_

_“WHOA! Whoa, whoa whoa! Jess? I thought you guys never…”_

_“Mom, we didn’t, you know… have sex… but that doesn’t mean that there was no…”_

_“Wait, what? You mean that all of Luke’s box items- checking on you guys every nine minutes… what about you promising that you’d talk to me-” Lorelai’s mind was spinning out at the what-ifs._

_“Mom! I promised to talk to you before I had sex. I never had sex with Jess, it got close a few times, but for the record, he and I only did one thing that Dean and I hadn’t.”_

_“Wait, so you mean you and Dean were-”_

_“Mom, it’s really creepy that you’re being so inquisitive about this. I mean, I never did anything with anyone I didn’t want to do, none of it had any possibility of pregnancy or disease, not to mention, oh yeah- it was all at least five years ago! What’s your damage?” And that was a question Lorelai had never been able to answer- but this was the weird juxtaposition that was mom and daughter being best friends too._

_“So, are you going to actually answer my question or just wait for me to change the subject?”_

_“Umm, ok, so what if I had gotten pregnant from someone other than your dad?”_

_“Yeah, I just… I’m sorry, I can’t explain it, Mom, but I’m curious.” If she was going to move on from Logan and have sex with men who didn’t mean 1/100 of what Logan did… how did women do that? Even for seriously amazing sex?_

_“Umm, well… first of all, I’d make sure I’m doing every single thing possible to keep that from having.” Practically hearing Rory’s eyes rolling from the safe sex lecture she’d heard to some degree since she was 12, she continued. “I can’t imagine not having my kid- I mean, if I was so determined to have you at 16, I can only imagine what I would feel like in a more stable environment- you know, where I’m sure I can handle a child- I know what I’m doing, I can afford it… and even if I didn’t really look at the man as the love of my life or my ultimate partner… I cared about him enough to sleep with him, and we’re mature adults who can hopefully manage having a child together.”_

_Rory just sat there, counting off the black tiles in between the white ones on the bathroom floor as she tried to process what her mom was saying._

_“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, hon? Not that I don’t trust you or believe what you told me, but it does seem a little strange you would call me up out of nowhere to talk to me about my past lovers.”_

_“God, Mom, do you have to use that word? You know it creeps me out!”_

_“What word, lovers?” Rory could practically see her mom do the weird, overdramatic thing with her mouth as she said the word lovers._

_“God, Mom- really?”_

_“I don’t know hon, what do you want from me, I am who I am!” They talked for a while longer, laughing, joking, making plans for Rory’s upcoming visit home before she hit end on the cell phone, smiling from that connection from home, and from the knowledge that she wasn’t actually hiding anything from her mother- she had so many years before she wanted a kid. She had some truly, ridiculously great sex- reminded her of some romance novels she had read at one point or another in her life, but that was all- the guy was great, it was fine- definitely better than being along- but because it WAS fun, and most importantly- she wasn’t pregnant…_

Rory drove, trying to see through the slashing rain that was pouring down, her car was one of the safest on the market- she had just had her oil changed and brakes checked less than two months ago. But she was crying. And was angry. And the rain was just seriously heavy, relentless actually. And the oncoming car didn’t have both headlights working, which probably explained why she didn’t see it crossing the yellow line until it just about hit her.


	17. Another Waiting Room

Logan’s major way to de-stress, when Rory wasn’t available, was generally to invite over Colin and Finn. Unfortunately, the weather was so miserable, and Colin was in Peoria for some reason, some kind of deposition for his dad’s firm, so his only option was video games and Metallica’s S&M album at full volume. That’s exactly how he missed seven calls from Lorelai and Chris.

About three hours after Rory had left, he finally checked his phone, expecting some kind of text or voicemail from her- it really wasn’t like her to take off and not at least let him know she was ok. It was a system they had put in place when she was diagnosed, understanding that he would worry about her, she had agreed if she was angry, if she stormed out, or if he was away for a few hours at a time, she would let him know periodically that she was ok. It was only because he was playing his new version of that idiotic Grand Theft Auto, otherwise he would have never been distracted enough to forget- but it was brand new, just came out and he was caught up.

He didn’t even get the chance to listen to the many messages from her parents- if he had he would have heard the increasing frustration and anger in their voices, all he saw was the text from Chris:

_Rory in accident, @Woodbury ER, meet us there._

The last few months had taught Logan quite a bit about emergency phone calls, ER visits and hospital waiting areas, but nothing had ever made him run around and get out of his house as quickly as seeing that text message. In fact, he was almost all the way to his car before he noticed he wasn’t wearing pants- just his boxers- and he only had one flip flop on- a situation he quickly remedied, but was glad no one was around to notice.

Once he got to the hospital it wasn’t tough to find her parents, Lorelai was crying in the waiting room and Chris was yelling at doctors.

“I don’t give a damn how backed up your pathology lab is! Goddamn it, I’ll buy you a whole new lab if you need-I just want my daughter’s tests run as quickly as possible, why is that so hard to understand? Did you catch my name? I don’t actually like to throw it around, but I _am_ a Hayden, you know, like Hayden Arboretum and Hayden Pediatric Wing at St Joseph’s… you guys want a chance to have a Hayden something here? Run my daughter’s labs and I’ll write you a fucking check!” Logan ran up to the, understandably frazzled man.

“Chris, I’m so sorry, I _just_ saw your messages, I was… I was caught up with work and listening to music so I didn’t hear my phone. What the hell happened? How is Rory?” So long as Rory turned out to be ok, even her dad would understand and forgive that white lie at some point.

“Logan, oh thank God you’re here. I wish I had better news to give you… Hell, I wish I had _any_ news to give you, but apparently this hospital doesn’t actually run tests or, you know, treat people for anything- we’ve been here a few hours and I haven’t talked to one fucking doctor!” He was yelling at the central desk, what the hell else could he do? His eyes were bloodshot, Lorelai was silently crying in a corner, staring out, almost catatonic, not focusing on anything specific. Logan sat near her as Chris paced until Richard and Emily showed up about 20 minutes later in their clothes from the golf course, and they still had no answers about Rory. They all sat down in the waiting room, feeling totally useless.

At one point, Chris brought Lorelai a coffee. She looked up at him, smiling just a little.

“Really? Is this the real stuff?” She held it like it was the Holy Grail.

“Just this one cup- and I loaded it down with milk, at least you’ll get some calcium.” And Logan couldn’t believe it, but it seemed to do the trick, Lorelai quickly drank down her cup and it was like it centered her, calmed her and she was able to get up and go in search of answers. She wandered down the hall and found a group of people who looked a bit too young to be actual doctors, she took a chance that her flirting and charm would get her some answers. Two hair flips and a couple of arm touches (Logan knew that hair flip and it’s power all too well from Rory) and she was back- no more bounce in her step, her face practically gray and the tears back in her eyes as she struggled to fill them in.

“Ok, here is what I know. So, umm- it looks like she was hit by a tired truck driver who crossed the double line. She swerved, so he didn’t hit her head on- thank God. She has two broken ribs, but the biggest concern was that by the time they arrived on site she was still conscious, but not lucid- she was babbling nonsense about her shoes and then something about solving some sort of chicken puzzle… They tried to ask her questions like her name but she was just babbling. And apparently, not the cute kind of babbling like she and I can do about a purse or a movie or what we did last weekend, no, in this case the babbling was bad- bad babbling, it didn’t make any sense- which I know isn’t unusual when one of us gets going, who can really follow along without one of those ear fish things like they use to translate in that movie- you know, the one with the cute nerd girl and Mos Def? What am I thinking of?” She turned to Chris, “You know, we saw it in the theater together, it had the nerdy girl and that cool British actor that I like… and the guy who looked like Chris Rock.” She was just looking at Chris and he seemed to understand because he came over and pulled her into a big hug, making soothing sounds as she lost it and sobbed into his shoulder, while he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

Meanwhile Emily and Richard were just sitting there, fighting tears, looking shell shocked. It was bad enough that their only granddaughter was fighting for her life against cancer, but then something like this happens and it just really starts to make a person wonder how God could have it so out for their beautiful and brilliant girl.

“Did they say _where_ Rory is?” Everyone looked over at Logan, because no, Lorelai hadn’t said. Lorelai looked out from Chris’ shoulder, a bit dazed at the question and then realized she hadn’t finished sharing what she knew.

“One of her broken ribs punctured a lung, so they’re trying to repair that… they said it’s pretty common with car accidents. Then they have to get some more scans, make sure there was no major trauma to the head. She’s going to be moved to the ICU soon and then we’ll be able to see her, but they’re going to keep her pretty drugged up for a while, try to give her lungs time to heal without her moving or talking a lot… she uh-” Lorelai sniffed and tried to wipe away the tears so she could continue. “They have to drain the lung and hope it re-inflates on it’s own, but that means she can’t breathe on her own right now.”  

It felt like days as they all sat there, quietly- no one was talking or looking at each other, everyone was just sitting and staring into space, waiting for word. After what Logan would always be convinced had been a week of them sitting there, a doctor _finally_ came out with a folder and an exhausted expression. In a very nasal, deadpan voice that gave no indication the man had ever laughed or even smiled in his life, he asked,

“The family of Lorelai Gilmore?” Everyone looked up at the man like he was a God.

“Yes, that’s uh… that’s us.” Chris stood up and moved in to shake hands with the doctor. “Hi, I’m her dad, Christopher Hayden. How’s Rory? Is she going to be ok? Is she uh… I don’t know if they told you, but she has cancer- she’s going through chemo right now… it’s uh Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Stage IIB, in her chest. I don’t know if you know that, if you need to know that, I just thought I’d tell you.” He ran his hand through his short hair, knowing he was babbling.

“Yes, Mr. Hayden, the EMTs noticed the chemo port and had us check her records. Which is good, since in her condition we would normally have placed a tube in between her 5th and 6th intercostal ribs- but that’s terribly susceptible to infections, and given her immunocompromised state, we want to try and avoid that. So instead we placed a small pig catheter to help drain the fluids that are building in her lung and hopefully create the space she needs for the lung to re-inflate itself. In the meantime, we have her on a ventilator to help her breathe.

“Now, when she arrived she presented as a 7 on the GCS- basically how we determine the possibility of neurological trauma. That prompted us to run a few scans and we believe there is a moderately higher than normal rate of intracranial pressure- not uncommon with head injuries. We are hoping we can treat this with medication and are observing her carefully. If pressure does continue to build we may have to drain some of the blood through manual means.

“Whoa, whoa- I’m sorry, she’s got a collapsed lung, fluid in her lung and may need brain surgery?” Chris couldn’t believe that this was happening right now. He was so out of it, lost in his thoughts and didn’t notice Logan moved and stood up next to him.

“How is she doing right now? Can we see her?” He looked so hopeful, he had to see her, to touch her.

“A nurse will come down and escort you in the next 15 minutes or so- they’re getting her all situated in the ICU.” He just nodded and walked away, leaving the family to absorb all that information. Logan was having trouble fighting the tears, his eyes bloodshot as he sat down, Chris followed and sat next to him.

“Fuck. This is all my fault.”

“Whoa, son, you can’t possibly think you’re responsible for a truck driver hitting her car.”

“Horrible- I hope the police took down the information for the company that he was driving for. Probably all hyped up on speedballs and caffeine.” Emily sniffed her opinion out.

“Mom, do you even know what speedballs are?” Lorelai couldn’t help it, it was so ingrained in her to taunt her mother.

“Really Lorelai, I do read the news, regularly. I believe they’re some kind of drug that includes cocaine. Why, do _you_ know what they are?” She asked pointedly.

“Uh, yeah, hello, _Trainspotting_ is one of the greatest movies ever- I mean, young Ewan McGregor trying to kick his heroin addiction? Johnny Lee Miller planning the perfect drug deal? It’s Danny Boyle’s finest work.”

“Honestly, Lorelai, I hope that isn’t the kind of film you and Rory used to watch on your famous, or should I say infamous, movie nights.”

“Oh, of course not mom, we usually stuck to Disney movies and hardcorde BDSM porn.”

“Do you really have to do this every time Lorelai? No matter where we are or what the situation is, you just have to say whatever you possibly can to provoke me, don’t you?”

“Stop!” Logan stood up, furiously rubbing his face as he did so. “Not that I don’t usually love a good Emily vs. Lorelai smackdown, but right now, Rory- your daughter-” He turned and pointed at Lorelai, “and your granddaughter-” he was pointing at a very surprised Emily right now, “is lying in a hospital bed from a particularly traumatic car accident that has led her to need all kinds of procedures on her lungs, they’re worried about her brain and her heart, not to mention all the ways that an infection could set in and kill her even with just a fucking cold. So I’m sorry if right now I don’t give a damn about whatever it is that is happening between the two of you- but I’m going to go see if there is something I can do to help because I can’t stand to sit here and listen to this right now.” And with that he stood and walked away, not at all sure where he was going or what he was going to do, but he knew that he couldn’t just sit there and wait any longer.

An hour later and he still hadn’t been able to see Rory. He was sitting by a vending machine down the hall from where the Gilmores were, too upset, and maybe a little bit embarrassed about the outburst at his future in-laws. He sat there, fiddling with his phone, freaking out about everything that was happening, he didn’t even notice that tears had started the tears that were starting to fall. It wasn’t until someone handed him a handkerchief that he noticed he wasn’t alone- he looked up to the gray and always stoic Richard Gilmore.

Before he knew it, Richard was sitting next to him as Logan tried to clean off his face. Fuck, what could be more embarrassing than being caught bawling by your future wife’s grandfather? A man who was basically the textbook definition of old school masculinity and cool. But he looked at the man as he was handing him back his handkerchief (blech, what a gross tradition, carrying around dirty snot rags all day), and noticed the man’s eyes had faint red rims himself- he was not entirely unaffected by his granddaughter’s condition.

“She wasn’t supposed to be driving. She knew that she’s immunocompromised and wasn’t supposed to go out- but we had a fight and it was… it wasn’t particularly pretty. And it was so stupid but I just kept baiting her. She did nothing wrong but I just- I couldn’t help it, I was so jealous and I got petty and this is all my fault.” Logan didn’t know what he should have expected but Richard Gilmore chuckling was not on the list.

“I’m sorry, son, it’s just- I see so much of myself in you and more than a little bit of Emily in my granddaughter. Jealousy is such an ugly business… not to mention the way that the Gilmore women really can get under your skin- they just have a knack for knowing the best thing to say to start the biggest fight. These women are… very passionate. It’s one of the reasons we love them so much- everything they do, they do with acuity and vigor- and that includes fighting.

“You know, I remember one time, when Lorelai was about 3 or 4, and she got the Chicken Pox… well, you understand that my daughter? Not one to suffer in silence, never has been. She had screamed and cried non-stop for three days, Emily hadn’t slept in that time, the Nanny had never had Chicken Pox so couldn’t work… one night I came home and was angry- Emily was supposed to be ready to go to an event and she wasn’t. We fought- for the life of me, I don’t remember what the hell the event was for or why I was so angry- but I swear it’s the worst fight we ever had.

“That night Emily practically shoved a spotted and miserable Lorelai at me and said she was going for a walk. For two hours I tried to care for Lorelai, I was at my wit’s end when magically, out of nowhere, the girl stopped crying and fell asleep. And just as I was about to fix myself a drink, the phone rang- there had been an accident, my wife was in the hospital.

“Well, as you can imagine, I panicked. And even though I had only been able to enjoy maybe 5 minutes of peace and quiet and I didn’t hesitate to grab Lorelai and run to the car- I didn’t even have my shoes on I realized later when I got to the hospital. I ran inside to the Emergency Room and was told she was having a procedure done, I had to wait for what seemed like forever, and again Lorelai was screaming again. Thank God a nurse took pity on me and found some meds for her, they knocked her out pretty quickly, took the edge of her fever.

“I paced, I wore out that carpet, I’m sure. Finally a doctor came out and explained what happened. Emily had walked to a nearby coffee shop when she went pale and collapsed, they called 911… Emily had a miscarriage, we didn’t know she was pregnant.”

“Wow, Richard I’m so sorry.”

“For years I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault, I shouldn’t have fought with her and stressed her out; i should have helped more with Lorelai being sick so that Emily could get some sleep; I should have never let her storm out of the house… I just knew it was my fault that we lost the baby and it was almost five years before I finally began to let that guilt go.” He wasn’t crying, but his voice was definitely thick with emotion.

“I’m so sorry, Richard. I know exactly how you feel.”

“Well, Son, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You see, Emily had a condition- unfortunately, we suffered two more miscarriages before we learned that she just wasn’t able to carry a child to term again. It wouldn’t have mattered whether or not we got into a fight, she could have been home or at that stupid event with me, and it would have happened. It was not my fault and I needed to get the hell over myself- thinking that I was able to control anything like that. You can feel terrible you fought, and it’s horrible she is in here after that fight and I’m sure you are going crazy not being able to beg her forgiveness. But, Logan, you need to realize that you don’t control that much in life- things happen, sometimes there is no rhyme or reason. And my granddaughter being in that hospital bed right now is not your fault; not to mention, she is a Gilmore, she will be just fine. If for no other reason than to give you hell over that fight for the next five years.” And with that Richard stood up and clapped one hand on Logan’s shoulder before walking away.

Soon after that a doctor came up to Logan.

“Logan? Miss Gilmore is asking to see you.”


	18. Good News, Bad News

Would Logan ever get used to seeing her in a hospital room with so many machines connected to her? He was even starting to learn what some of the machines did- there was a weird clip that they put on her finger with a red light that apparently was able to measure her heartbeat- that was weird. She had the tubes up against her nose again, so apparently breathing wasn’t as easy for her as it should be- although she didn’t have the full on face mask, so that was good. He saw that her heart rate looked good on the monitors, he was starting to learn what that looked like… honestly, he’d take anything that proved to him that the pale, fragile person lying in that bed in front of him was alive.

He came to sit next to her so she wouldn’t have to move much to be able to see him- she was awake, but definitely still out of it- but she still managed to smile at him as he sat. 

“Hey, Ace… you really gotta stop coming here- as much as I love having you in bed, it’s really mostly exclusive to  _ my _ bed and you’re dressed very differently.” He leaned in and took her hand as she tried to smile, but that made her want to cough a bit, and that had her wincing in pain. 

“How bad is it?” She asked breathily.

“Well, you know how you do things, Ace, you never half ass, no matter how much some of us wish you would. It looks like you broke a few ribs, which punctured a lung, they had to take care of that, so you’ve had two operations.”

“Ok, that all sounds bad, I get it, but why do you look more worried than that?”

“Really? That doesn’t sound bad enough to you?” He tried to shake her off, but damn her and her investigative reporter tendencies. “They’re worried, you may have noticed that you have a bit of a fever- and it’s actually gone down a little from when you first got here. They’re giving you some pretty intense antibiotics right now, they’re worried about infection- you really weren’t supposed to be out and about today.” He wanted to keep it light, but he had just been more worried than ever before in his life and he was too young to feel like he was developing a heart condition from the stress. 

And now she was crying. 

“I know, I’m so sorry, Logan, I was so stupid. I mean, I was so angry with you, and for what? About something that wasn’t anything… and maybe I should have told you about Tucker- I mean, it didn’t really feel like I did anything wrong, but I don’t really know what I’m doing here- I’m not a girl who has such a long list of exes that I know what the protocol is… I’m so sorry that I made you feel…”

“Hey, no, none of that. Ace, come on, that was on me. I was such an idiot- I was jealous and let my neanderthal/caveman instincts come out and that wasn’t at all fair to you or the situation. You told me exactly everything you had to tell me, and I told you I didn’t want to know more, so we can just leave it at that. Come on, I love you, and nothing else matters, right?” 

She smiled at him and he pushed her hair back, smiling in return and nodding, just as there was a knock at the door- Lorelai and Christopher were in the doorway, waiting to come in. Logan still felt a bit awkward around Lorelai after having yelled at her in the waiting area, he decided maybe now was a good time to go on a coffee run and fill in Colin and Finn on what was going on. Oh sweet Jesus, someone was going to have to contact Paris about this one too… maybe if he snuck Lorelai some decent coffee with full caffeine, he could beg her to take that bullet?

“I’m in need of some coffee, can I get anything else for you two?” Chris and Lorelai both asked for coffee and Lorelai looked pained when Chris reminded him it needed to be decaf.

Logan took his time finding the Starbucks kiosk on the third floor by radiology, called Colin and Honor to fill them in- Colin promising he’d let Finn know what was going on. He responded to some business emails and enjoyed a little bit of space and some exercise- the emergency situation had been handled, was resolved, he could breathe again. On a whim he stopped by the gift shop to buy her some flowers and even a few bridal magazines- he had no idea if she had already looked at these, but maybe they could start talking about a few of the bigger elements- like when and where they might want to have their wedding. 

Almost an hour later he was walking back into Rory’s room, flipping through one of the magazines as he moved, surprised to see she wasn’t in the room. He walked back out to check the room number and then was hurrying down the hall to see Chris trying to comfort a distraught Lorelai. 

“What happened?” Chris looked up at him, his arm still around his wife, tears in his eyes. 

“It looks like the antibiotics they had her on weren’t really strong enough, not with her immune system being where it is… we were talking and all of a sudden, she wasn't making sense... she was going on about Ed Sullivan and I think water polo? I don't know... it just didn't make sense, apparently she spiked a bad fever all of a sudden and they’re concerned she’s gone into septic shock. They’ve moved her into the ICU and are working on her... Uh, I heard them say something about steroids, some kind of vaso-something or whatever antibiotic… I didn’t really understand what it was… but her fever was high, her heart just started to race- it was like watching one of those TV medical dramas with all kinds of alarms beeping and people shouting and… yeah, so they said they’re going to try and stabilize her. Then if we want to see her, we’re going to put on masks and gloves…" Chris was slowly spinning out but trying to keep in control as Loreleai just fell apart in the corner of the room where her daughter had been lying and resting, not exactly merrily but coherently just an hour before... 

This day just couldn’t be happening.

Sooner than later Chris took Lorelai home, she needed to rest and eat. Richard and Emily also had to leave, he needed his heart medication and some rest himself, but Logan assured them he wasn’t going anywhere and would keep them posted with her condition and progress. And then, Logan was there. Alone. Sitting and waiting with wifi on his blackberry- not a great thing, because now he could research exactly how serious septic shock was- 50% of people who went into septic shock died? 

* * *

Honor was pacing around her house, wanting to go to her brother, but her car was currently in the shop and she was waiting for Josh to get home from New York- hence the call of desperation to Colin to ask him for a ride. The second she heard the car pull up into the driveway she had her purse and keys and was out the door, practically running to the car for the 15 minute drive to the hospital.

A very quiet drive as it turned out. Honor wasn’t really used to such a lack of inane chatter from any of the stooges, and while Colin was generally the most taciturn, he had barely said more than hi to her. 

“Colin, I know we’re all worried about Rory… but, I gotta ask, you’re really quiet- is there anything else bothering you?” She may think her brother’s two best friends were nitwits, but they were lovable nitwits who had burrowed their way into her big sister heart a long time ago. He avoided her gaze and sighed, turning off the highway for the exit to the hospital.

“I’m just really not looking forward to the more official part of my trip.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look, when Rory got sick she came into my father’s firm to discuss all of her wishes, in case anything bad happened or this all went south.”

Honor’s eyes got big as she took in what he was saying. 

“Yeah, and so when I told dear old dad what was happening, he mentioned that someone should brief Logan, just in case she hadn’t- she has a bunch of requests about what should and shouldn’t happen if she gets really sick.” They were pulling into the hospital parking lot now and Honor was sitting there in silent shock as she tried to process everything that Colin was saying- she almost didn’t even notice that his eyes were rimmed with red as he tried to fight tears. “Yep, because my dad was too busy playing golf this afternoon I get to walk into that hospital and let my best friend in the whole world know that the love of his life has provisions in her Advance Directive to say she doesn’t want to be kept alive by any extraordinary measures…” He looked up at Honor, the closest thing to a sister he’d ever have.

“Honor, I don’t know a lot about what’s going on- I don’t understand exactly how sick she is- but when dad heard septic shock he made sure I head over to deal with this… fuck, I’m not even a lawyer yet- but apparently that doesn’t matter, I have paralegal status, that’s sufficient to breaking your best friend’s heart. I mean- even if everything turns out fine and Rory is ok and makes it through this… I still get to be the guy who shattered his world today.” He slammed his hands against the steering wheel in anger and then stormed out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him.

Honor got out to follow him but before they reached the hospital doors she stopped him and pulled him into her embrace. After a moment she pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes as she spoke, playing up her role of big sister a little heavily, but she really thought he could use it today. 

“Colin, this sucks- there is nothing about this situation that doesn’t suck- and today, you have a really sucktastic part of it. But think about it this way- think about how much worse some of this would be coming from your dad? He wouldn’t give a rats ass how Logan took it all, he wouldn’t have any empathy or tact about the entire situation. And hey, maybe it’s not so bad- maybe these two crazy kids have discussed that and he’s well aware of her wishes.” They both knew the chances of that was minimal, they seemed to try to avoid the conversation these days and Honor was pretty sure she would have heard from Logan if they had discussed the matter- he certainly wouldn’t be particularly on board with “no extreme measures” to keep Rory alive. 

“But the most important thing is we need to go in there and be there for him, and for her. We need to hold his hand while he waits for news, we need to hug him if he is crying… well, I will, you can sit there in the corner and look awkwardly…” that actually made him smile a bit and she was feeling pretty good about herself. “And if we have to talk him about anything else, I’m right there next to you- you don’t have to do it alone, I promise.” He hugged her again for a moment as he tried to rein in his tears and collect himself, taking a few deep breaths to return himself to the unfeeling jackass that was Colin most days- he took comfort in that persona, that guy never cried in the middle of a hospital parking lot, that was for damn sure.

They found Logan outside the ICU in the waiting area, he was just sitting in a chair by the corner, candy bar wrappers and empty soda cans surrounding him- there were some magazines he had bought and tried to read to kill time, but it hadn’t really been the distraction he had been looking for. When he saw his sister walk in he breathed a sigh of relief, she always made him feel better. She came over and hugged him instantly, holding high tightly and rubbing his back, he melted into her, relaxing against the familiar warmth and comfort. He then turned to Colin and they did their bro handshake into a hug.

“How’s our girl doing?” Logan shook his head.

“It was the craziest thing. I talked to her, I saw her- she was in pain and kind of out of it, but she was fine. Then I went to walk, get some coffee, check my email and by the time I’m back, maybe an hour later… she had stopped breathing on her own- they had to intubate her, I found out… her heart was having some trouble and she spiked a fever of almost 105… like, in an hour! She… she was more immunocompromised than we thought and they weren’t as aggressive with the antibiotics as they probably should have been- which, by the way, man, I’m going to want to talk to your dad about at some point- if Rory will let me.”

Colin just nodded as Honor took down notes- she had amazingly offered to take the bullet and liaise with Paris over the next few days and she knew better than to go to that scary woman without all of the information available. 

“Where is she now?” Colin needed to know the situation before he waded into things with Logan.

“Uh, she’s still being treated, they’re monitoring her and trying to determine the next course of action. They thought they had her breathing back in control but were monitoring her heart and kidney function pretty closely. They’re pumping her full of all kinds of medications right now and limiting her interaction with others until she stabilizes more. And by limiting, I mean making me insane while I can’t see her or talk to her or anything… it’s not like in tv shows where the rooms have giant observation windows or anything, this place is a fucking dump.”

“Well, next time she’s admitted to an emergency department, we’ll make sure to check Zagat, ok?” Colin was trying to make a joke but it fell totally flat. Honor finished taking her notes and excused herself to go call Paris, looking at Colin to make sure he was ok, he nodded- if she was going to take on the Gorgon, he could handle some real conversation with Logan. 

Or not, they could just sit there in anxious silence instead. Colin tried a few times to fill the void.

“You know she’s going to be ok, right, man?” Logan just nodded, barely paying attention to the platitudes at this point- it was getting annoying to just hear people trying to reassure him when no one who actually had a medical degree was trying to do the same- cautiously optimistic was the last, most positive thing he had heard. A few more minutes elapsed and Colin’s phone buzzed- he sighed as he checked it, shaking his head- God, his dad didn’t give a shit what anyone was going through, only that he was going to be able to bill the girl a few hundred dollars for this emotional hell. 

“Everything ok man?” Logan was almost hoping for a real, honest-to-god problem that could distract him from his situation. 

“Oh, you know, my old man nagging me about some billable hours. I swear to god, next summer I’m going to seriously piss him off and intern for a non-profit or something.” Logan chuckled at that idea- the idea of Colin rebelling against his dad by working for some hippy liberal group wearing Birkenstocks was eminently amusing and something to think about another day. 

“What’s so urgent he can’t give you a rest, come on, it’s Sunday.”

“Hey, nothing is more sacred or holy than billable hours, thus saith Voldemort.” Logan just nodded, it wasn’t as though life had been any different with his father at HPG. 

“Actually, man, there is something I need to talk to you about… he’s actually nagging me on behalf of our client… Rory.”

“Rory? What do you mean she’s a client?” Was it possible for today to get any more topsy-turvy?

“You see, when she was diagnosed, right before she started treatment, she actually came to see me and my dad to lay out some of her legal… her wishes… you know, in case anything happened.”

“You mean…?” That hit Logan right in the gut, he paled pretty much instantly, all the blood draining from his face, he pretty much just crumpled in front of him and Colin was just about ready to call a doctor over to help him out when Logan just waved him off, trying to process…

Of course Ace had done that- she was the most logical and practical person he knew, she’d have sat down and thought about every possible outcome and made plans for them. But… she went to Colin and laid everything out, but never talked to him? That was the part that was baffling him. Sure, he hadn’t really been one for entertaining any kind of negative vibes around this- he wouldn’t really talk to her about any of it, or anyone else… but she should have at least told him that she had, what? Written a will? Left instructions for her treatment? Fuck, they were in their mid-20’s, he wasn’t really even sure what the various things she’d have to do would be. He turned and looked at Colin. 

“Uh, when you say that she laid out her legal… well, her wishes… I’m sorry, man, I don’t really know if I know what that means- what did she have done?”

“Uh, well, pretty much everything- she wrote out her will, an advanced directive, power of attorney, healthcare proxy, a will, designating a health care proxy, setting up trusts for extended care if necessary…” Logan’s head was spinning, he wasn’t even sure he knew what half that stuff meant.

“Whoa, Colin, man, you’re going to have to slow down and walk me through all that- not all of us were pre-law.”

“Who are you kidding, Huntzberger? You were an Econ major who graduated after only taking, what, four Econ classes?”

“Hey, that’s not true- if you look at my transcript I took all the necessary courses to get my degree.”

“Oh, yeah, and how many days do you think you spent in an actual class?” It felt nice to be ribbing each other like this, almost like his entire world wasn’t and future happiness wasn’t 100 feet away, hanging by a thread and he was powerless to do a damn thing… then out here in the hall he was being hit with yet another harsh dose of reality… but he had one of his best friends here, laughing with him and trying to cheer him up.

They joked for a few minutes, Logan got up and bought them each a soda from the nearby vending machine (his recent time becoming an expert in hotel hospitality had taught him that a cold caffeinated soda of any kind was far better than any lukewarm coffee-like substance he’d find on premise). 

Finally Logan felt steady enough to continue the earlier conversation. He took a deep breath and let it go, looking at Colin. 

“Ok man, what do I need to know?” He was surprised, and more than a little impressed with the way that his friend instantly sat up a bit straighter, adopting a different, more professional demeanor before answering.

“Well, I think the best thing to do in this case is to give you the most basic overview- I’m sure that your lovely bride to be intended to walk you through everything in detail, she just didn’t have the opportunity.” Logan waved that off, he didn’t really think he had the capacity at the moment to walk down that rabbit hole- wow, they really needed to work on their communication, huh? He wondered briefly if she had gone through any of this with Lorelai and Christopher, or had she just hidden it from everyone?

“Look, Colin, you’re here right now in the moment for business, not to be try and keep my relationship all rosy and perfect. So, for now, just walk me through what I absolutely need to know- I can have Rory call you back to guide us through everything together another time.”

“Ok, fair enough. Uh… I guess I’ll just let you know that she was very thorough- so she took the time to spell out her will, trusts, a letter of instruction for her remains and any services… all of it is covered, but hopefully, completely unnecessary at this time. What you probably need to know is where she stands in terms of medical decisions. So, she was very detailed in what kinds of treatments she’ll approve, in what situations and for how long. However, in a case of any kind of treatment or decision being necessary that she has not previously accounted for, and she is not able to make the decision herself, you have been named her medical proxy- you  would be the one with the authority- the only one with the authority, to make the decision on her behalf.”

Logan gulped at that rather heavy piece of news, he would have imagined that would go to Chris and Lorelai- the parents. Then again, they were engaged- this was what committed, engaged/married adult couples did, isn’t it? Wow, suddenly he was feeling much older than 26. Colin continued as Logan was trying to wrap his head around all of this. 

“So, I have the list of things she’s approved- basically, she’s ok with any kind of temporary intervention or resuscitation- her main requests are really around quality of life. She has no desire of being in a persistent vegetative state- if at any point she suffers a severe loss of brain function or is only being kept alive by machines, with no hope of going off them, then she would prefer…” and this was where Colin broke a little- unable to continue down that road- she was his friend too, and the idea of her being gone from the world was a bit intense for even his curmudgeonly self to deal with. 

Logan just looked up at him, once again tears in his eyes (a sensation he was becoming far too used to). 

“And this- this is legally binding? Like, I have to do whatever is in this document?” He was trying to come to terms with the concept that he could be the person that actually gave the ok to a doctor to end her life? 

“Look, Man, I know this has to be the worst thing anyone has ever told you. And I’m more than sure that this is the last thing you want to think about, and I’d really like to just be your best friend right now and tell you not to worry about it, just focus on your girl… and God knows I’m hoping just as much as you are that this briefing is completely unnecessary, but I want you to just… to be prepared, ok? I’ve got a copy of the Advanced Directive right now, I’m going to give it to you- I have another copy I want to make sure is on file with the hospital. Plus, I think I should go in search of your sister, she was doing us all a favor by agreeing to take on Gellar, but even your sister’s goodwill has its limits and I want to try and find her before it’s been reached. You going to be ok for a few minutes?” Logan just nodded as he took the papers being handed to him- his hands shaking ever so slightly as he tried to keep himself together.  


	19. The Vastness of Space and Immensity of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letter from Rory to Logan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SINCEREST APOLOGIES for my rather extended absence. Everytime I tried to write in the last months... it just didn't flow. I can't really say what changed, but lately I feel fuller of words and stories that I just have to get out, so fingers crossed my temperamental muse has returned.

Logan briefly glanced at the more official looking papers that Colin handed him- her signature naming him her Medical Proxy, laying out exactly what procedures and treatments she would consent to- he breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that she was consenting to just about everything- dialysis, CPR, breathing machine… as long as there was a reasonable expectation of her coming out of it alive and getting better, she was good with it. He saw some paperwork about a will but pretty much bypassed it- he didn’t want or need any money if something were to happen to her, he’d probably just give it to Lorelai or donate it or something anyways.

Finally he came to an envelope- thick with a few pages folded inside it, her elegant but somewhat hurried scrawl addressing the letter inside to him. His name was on the outside, he wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but he was developing a bit of a hunch. And if it was what he thought it was, did he want to read it? Was he in a place where he could handle whatever it said?

“Fucking man up Logan. It’s time to nut up and read what she wrote you.” He took a few minutes to just stare at the letter, knowing that once he opened it and tried to read what was inside, there was a part of him that understood once he read this letter, a small part of his world was going to shatter.

 

_Dear Logan,_

_Wow, it’s been a bit of a crazy whirlwind of a ride, hasn’t it? I mean, I always knew that life with you would never be boring, but I gotta say, that might actually be kind of nice right about now._

_So, I guess that since you’re reading this, it means that Colin just told you about my will and advanced directives and all that legal stuff… don’t be mad at him for not telling you, he’s legally not allowed to. And yes, he did try to convince me to talk to you about all of this, and I kept meaning to- but you’ve been so optimistic and positive throughout this entire experience, never for a second letting anyone even entertain the thought that I won’t come out of this whole thing perfectly fine… if I even broached this kind of conversation you would get so upset and I just… well, let’s face it, I write better than I speak anyways._

_So basically, Colin should have told you that I’ve given you Power of Attorney- so you’re the one who makes the calls if I can’t. I’m sure Mom is going to have a lot to say about that, as will Dad, but I need them to focus on them, and on my little sibling, they have enough on their plates (I mean, it’s been 22 years since they did this growing another human being thing, I’d imagine that’s daunting enough). But also, I trust you- I know you will respect what I want, which is this:_

 

  * _I am committed to a life with you, and it’s going to be amazing. So, to that end, keep me alive, help me keep fighting. Any necessary measures that the doctors believe will help me come out on the other side, marrying you, that’s what I want._


  * _But, just in case it’s looking ugly- if it’s not looking like I’m going to come out of it, please, leave me with some dignity. I don’t want to be kept going by nothing but machines with no hope of improvement- I’ve had nightmares about that before, being stuck somewhere between life and death and it isn’t what I want- I don’t want it for me and I definitely don’t want it for everyone that I love, making you all hang on, unable to say goodbye. So, if it comes down to it, and Mom is never going to be ready to do this, I need you to- and I hate doing that to you. I can’t imagine if the roles were reversed that I would have the strength to do it, but I need you to, please._


  * _If that should happen (and again, I really hope and pray that it won’t), but if it does I want to make sure I’m as useful as possible. It seems that it’s questionable whether I can donate any of my organs or tissues, but if I can, I’d like to- save as many lives as possible, give others the chances at a long life that I didn’t have. Everything else, in terms of my wishes and all that are included in my will- it’s simple, I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread in Stars Hollow, over where the Independence Inn’s garden shed was- it’s a gorgeous spot, along a creek. Mom and I used to sit out there at night (we were way too poor to have a TV or anything) and we would dream up plans for our lives… I’m sure it wouldn’t make sense to you, entirely, but some of the best evenings of my life were spent there._



_Ok, enough of that morbid business, I’m exhausted by facing my mortality- it sucks. I mean, Logan, I’m not even 25 and I have an Advanced Directive and a Will- that is now how this was supposed to be! You and I only just reconnected, and God, did I miss you! You just, you have always made my life fuller- it’s richer, it’s more fun (and it’s definitely sexier). You came crashing into it, that day outside of my dorm- quite literally, actually, and turned everything upside down._

_You taught me that sometimes I needed to not be so safe, to walk off the path a little more… and you even supported me when those were terrible decisions (e.g., stealing a yacht, in retrospect, not my finest hour- but you went along with it, not just because of the lark, but because you knew that for some reason I needed the solace of the ocean- that’s amazing!) You gave me confidence to stop settling for guys who didn’t challenge me intellectually, you showed me how good for a relationship a brilliant debate over books or economic policy or a New Yorker article could be (and once again, how sexy that could be). You also helped me learn to balance my academic side with my adventurous side- to put down the big books sometimes and go off on a crazy weekend escapade and experience the world a bit more. You made me a better writer, a smarter debater, a stronger individual and a bigger dreamer than I ever was before I met you. You helped me find my footing after the fallout with my Mom, then the one with my grandparents. You encouraged me when I had the Yale Daily News Editorship thrust upon me (not to mention gave me a place to live)... you have been the best thing to ever happen to me (and I met Christiane Amanpour once!) and I will always be so grateful to have had whatever time I had with you._

_I may never actually get the chance to win my Pulitzer, I may not make it to Fez, I may never get married or have children… I may never be able to figure out why the hell people go to Coachella or get the chance to see the Butter Cow at the WI State Fair. So… I’m going to impose on you one more request, Logan- I need you to do those things for me (I mean, Coachella might be a lost cause, like, really? It just sounds hot and uncomfortable and fairly smelly- like Finn's apartment Senior year when the maid quit.) but I need you to make sure that if my life is cut short, if I miss those chances, you’ll do them. You’ll continue to write, you’re a brilliant writer and I know you’re happy doing what you’re doing, but I never want you to stop writing. Never stop traveling, make sure you’ve seen the world, every little bit of it you can. Continue to experience everything, anything, it’s your sense of adventure that I love the most about you and I don’t want you to ever lose that._

_I know you. If something happens to me, you’re going to bury yourself in your work, you’re going to move away from everyone you know and who loves you and you’re going to avoid life. You’re going to stop calling Finn and Colin back, you’re going to stop going out and meeting people… you’re going to fight falling in love ever again. I don’t want that for you, Logan, none of that. All that I want is for you to be happy, and if I can’t be around to be the reason you’re happy, if I can’t be the person who pushes you and challenges you and makes you crazy but loves you more than anyone has ever loved anyone, then I want you to find that- I don’t want you to be alone or lonely._

_I’m sure this is all very Hallmark-movie-of-the-week or whatever, fair warning, don’t share this with my mom, she’ll never stop mocking you (or me, for that matter). So I figure I can have one more moment of total cheese and crib from Carl Sagan as he wrote to his wife- “In the vastness of space and the immensity of time, it has been my privilege to share a planet and an epoch with you.” Logan, I love you, I love you more than I even knew I was capable of loving anyone and I can only hope that we are at only the beginning of our story together._

 

_Love,_

_Your Ace_

 

Logan stood there, tears falling freely down his face, trying to process everything that was in the letter- he thought he was going to be sick, it all felt like such a whirlwind, everything that had happened today, all of the information he was trying to process... and it was exactly at that moment when he thought he was going to collapse, that he felt his sister pulling him in for a hug. She didn't speak, she didn't have to, she just held him while he broke down, letting her be the strong one for a while. 

And then, just as he was beginning to pull himself together, the doctors came out, 

"Logan Huntzberger?"

 


	20. Bleary-Eyed Apologies and No Recriminations

Logan was seriously coming to hate the sound of his name- the way doctors said it lately just sounded like they were going to tell him his puppy had been mauled by a tiger. He looked up to let the doctor know he was there and they could talk. He did not have his good news face on. 

“Unfortunately we haven’t been as successful as we would like with the antibiotics- we aren’t seeing her condition worsen, but it’s not improving either. We have isolated the specific bacterium that caused the sepsis, so we’re going to move her from a broad-spectrum antibiotic to a more targeted one and that should prove very effective. We are concerned that her blood pressure is very low- her blood is pumping fast enough to circulate the fluids and medications and we’re having a hard time getting a good read on her kidney function. 

“We would like your permission to start on vasoconstrictors, they’ll help her blood pressure pick back up to where it should be, which should help the medications and fluids circulate more effectively. Then, we’d like to get her on periodic hemodialysis, as a precaution. We want to make sure that her body is able to filter out toxins properly- we believe this is a prophylactic measure, but we want to be very cautious with Ms.Gilmore. She’s unconscious and unable to consent, we’re going to need you to sign off.”

Logan sat there, looking at Honor, at Colin, at Lorelai and Chris, knowing it was up to him to make the decision but feeling so incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety and fear- what if he chose wrong and it was his fault that something bad happened? Unfortunately, neither Chris or Lorelai looked as though they were processing the information any better than Logan- thank God Honor stepped in! Before he understood what was happening, Honor was pressing the doctor for information on side effects, alternative treatment plans, contingencies for said side effects… Colin stepped in to ask for hard data and numbers- what were the chances of recovery with or without the treatment, what if there were complications, etc. Finally they looked to Logan, nodding- he should sign off.

“Yes, fine, do whatever you need to do- I consent, everything. Now, can I go see her?” His eyes were bloodshot, his skin pale and the bags under his eyes puffy and dark. Luckily, probably for the hospital and everyone Logan was dealing with, the doctor said yes, but to further protect Rory’s immune system he had to put on a gown, a hair net and a mask, but who the hell cared how stupid he looked, he needed to see her. 

He entered her room, struck by how small and ill she looked- there was no gloss to her hair, no glow to her porcelain skin, huge bags under her eyes and she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He practically tiptoed over to a chair by her bed, completely unsure why he was so worried about making noise, it wasn’t as though his footsteps were going to wake her up- she wasn’t just sleeping. He pulled the chair as close to her bed as he could. If he hadn’t been such a complete ass, picking such a stupid fucking fight over a guy that he knew she didn’t have feelings for... God, how could his own stupid insecurities have gotten them here?  He sat, clasping at her hand with both of his, kissing her’s, clasping it with all his might, his guilt at almost palpable levels.

“Ace, I am so so so sorry. I was such an ass. I know I was- I never should have said any of those things I said- I love you so much and it’s all my fault that you’re in here, like this… I just… Ace, you gotta get better- you just have to, I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you. Before I met you I was  _ such  _ an idiot! I was so afraid of growing up and becoming Mitchum… so rather than becoming an adult, I just partied and drank and slept around and tried to convince the world that I’d never be ready for that kind of responsibility; but then I met you- the first person since my 4th grade teacher, Mrs.Ellison, to ever put me in my place. You made me want to be something, to be  _ someone  _ you could be proud of and it’s made all the difference in the world. I love you so much! I am an infinitely better person when I’m with you, I need you. I know that you don’t need me. I know you could have a million different men out there, men who are so much better than me- they’re smarter and funnier and possibly, even more charming than me… although none of those men need you- but I do. I love you and I need you and you have to wake up and be ok, ok? I need you to get better.” He was all out crying, he was struggling to breathe as he spoke… and while it was  _ probably  _ his imagination, for just a second, just before he really broke down, he could have sworn he felt her squeeze his hands. 

_________________________________________

“Logan?” Bleary-eyed he woke up, realizing his neck and shoulders were killing him. He blinked, trying to figure out where he was, feeling disoriented… he was in a hospital room, but he wasn’t the patient… no, he was sitting next to a bed… he sat up, looking around, and saw a pair of very familiar, very welcome blue eyes. He smiled, he couldn’t help himself, it had been two days since he’d seen those eyes and they were his favorite sight in the entire world. 

“Hey, there’s my girl.” His voice was soft, velvety… he didn’t want to jar her as she came to. He slowly pulled back and moved to push her hair back off her face, tucking it behind the ear, speaking softly, afraid to make her uncomfortable. 

“Logan?” She croaked, her throat dry from the naso-oxygen mask and the dehydration. 

“Ace, wow… you really gave  some of us a scare. I’m sorry, I know you like to be waited on and all, but I’d really prefer you stick to the Ritz if you want some time away- Hartford Memorial’s ICU is lovely and all, but, honestly, their room service is subpar and the thread count of their sheets is practically 3rd world.” She tried to crack a smile at that but it led to her coughing and wincing from the pain in her head as tears sprang to her eyes.

“Hey, don’t do that- let me get you some water, ok?” She just nodded as she coughed a bit- nothing like she had been 8 weeks ago, but still, she looked and sounded kind of pathetic. He got her a cup of water with straw, helping her to drink before he cupped her face in his hand, looking at her. 

"Ace, I gotta say, you had me so scared, you seriously please- promise me you’ll never scare me like that again. One minute I’m just being a dick, and then I’m angry and trying to work that out by playing video games… then I’m reading all about your will and Advanced Directive and I gotta tell you, I’ve been trying pretty hard to lay off the drugs lately so it’s been an awful lot to process.” He was trying to keep it as light as possible, but his voice was heavy with emotions- which matched her eyes.

“Logan, I am  _ so _ sorry… I was so mean and so awful and so angry…” He was shaking his head, willing her to stop talking.

“No, Logan, I’m sorry, I was so mad at you and I yelled so much and of course I should have told you about Tucker, but I didn’t because he just really never mattered to me like you did-

“Ace, you know what? I know that we need to have this conversation, but I’m not sure we should be doing that right now, shouldn’t you be resting? Just lie back and close your eyes, I can read to you or talk to you or…” She squeezed his hand hard, silently agreeing. “Oh, thank God, I love you so much but right now, I can’t handle how terrible I was the other day, I was so angry, so insanely jealous but that was totally on me. I know that you don’t love him, I know I don’t have anything to worry about with Tucker, but I also know that you love me- I just went crazy because… I guess… I don’t know, I’m still terrified that this is actually all just a dream.” His voice was soft and quiet as he spoke to her, their foreheads together. She put her hands up over his, they were both cupping her face as she closed her eyes. 

“I just need to know that you know how much I love you. I mean it, you know? I have never felt for anyone the way that I feel about you. I think that’s why I was so angry, because I love you so much and when I thought I lost you, I was absolutely devastated. And yes, I was with Tucker, but I was just trying to move on- to see if that was even possible! It was my Hail Mary! But also, I  _ hate  _ that we lost so much time… and I hate that we have to wait to get married because of this fucking cancer! I mean, it’s going to take forever for me to be done with chemo and put weight back on for my dress and for us to start planning our family and trying for kids and… I just hate everything right now, what if I never get the things I want so badly?”

“I’m so sorry, Ace, I hate that you’re going through this and-”

“Logan, you know what? I think you’re right, we should table this until I’m out of here… and I’m not just saying that because I’m upset or because I’m angry or anything else. Honestly, I know I’ve only been awake about five minutes, but I’m exhausted and I’m tired of my missteps- I want to work through this, but…” Her lids were heavy, she was clearly fighting sleep and, considering the medications she was on, that wasn’t totally surprising.

“Of course, Ace. You should get some sleep, I’m just so happy to see you awake, to see those eyes of yours… I love you so much and I just… well, that’s all I’ve got, I love you- and don’t worry Ace, I adore you and I’m just as impatient as you are to get married. So I need you to focus on resting and getting better and being ready to marry my sorry the second you finish treatment, ok?” And with tears in her eyes but a smile on her face, she just smiled and nodded, because that sounded absolutely perfect.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, this year's flu really sucks. 
> 
> That being said, hopefully this is a good juicy chapter to enjoy to help make up for the time since I last posted!
> 
> Oh, also, reviews really do help me figure out where to go next, so bring them on!

Logan had been sitting by her bed for the last 8 hours- if Rory didn’t wake up soon it was going to be Lorelai’s shift and she hadn’t spoken beyond “hello” and “whoa, I think I understand how people get addicted to heroin…” Not exactly the words a guy wants to hear his fiance say, but at this point, he’d take what he could get. 

Then again, maybe it was better, the more sleep she got, the faster she would recover? He just really missed her eyes and her smile… and the way she would say “Logan, you don’t have to do that, even if I did  _ need _ my pillow fluffed, I’m sure that the nurses could fluff them for me.” She would sound so exasperated, but loving at the same time- he missed that tone in her voice. 

“Logan?” It was a bit raspy, but it was definitely hers and he’d happily take what he could get. He moved to the edge of his seat, almost flush with her her bed, holding her hand as she turned her face to look at him, stroking her cheek softly with his other hand.

“Hey, Ace, it’s me. How are you feeling?” He instantly offered up a cup of cold water with a bendy straw (she even took a second to crack a smile at the fact that it was a super loopy bendy straw Lorelai had clearly brought in for her amusement). He really hated to see the cracked lips, her pale skin, the bags under her eyes… Would this ever not break his heart? She sipped at some of the water, not even moving to hold the cup herself, her hand was shaking a bit as she moved to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. 

“Logan.”

“Yeah?”

“I um… I - well, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“Ace, we’ve been through this- you don’t ever have to thank me for this. There is absoluetly nowhere else I’d be, it’s you and me, til the wheels fall off.” But something about what he just said had tears really streaming now, Rory was crying- why was she crying? 

She felt like it was a few years ago, they had almost this same conversation. She remembered she was on the second step of her grandparents’ house, her grandfather lying in the hospital from a massive heart attack, and Logan was there- holding her, reassuring her, making her feel safe and protected and loved. It just had her crying more, although she was trying (and failing) to do so quietly. 

He leaned into her, wanting to give her comfort, holding both her hands in his, touching his forehead to her’s. “Hey,remember my birthday when you brought me cinnamon rolls in a tube in bed and we talked about how I never had a yellow cake before you?” She was crying, tears just flowing freely down her face as he tried to remind her of all the great times they’ve had together. “You worked so hard to make that one of the best birthdays I’d ever had, yellow birthday cake included. I mean, sure, unfortunately The Evil One and some poor business decisions rained on that parade, but do you know it’s still the best birthday I’ve ever had. And I was just thinking last night that I can’t wait until we have kids and we can do these insane, elaborate birthday weeks like you and Lorelai did- trips to the circus, big blowout parties that get the cops called on us...” But now Rory was sobbing so loud Logan wasn’t sure what to do or what to say next.

“Stop, Logan just stop!” She practically screeched it at him, he was totally taken aback by the anger and hysteria in her voice. He physically pulled back from her, it had been a long time since he’d heard that kind of… loud, “you stupid fucking idiot” voice, and never with the level of panic before. He wasn’t sure what to do next- should he say something? Should he do something? What had he done? He moved as though he was going to hold her and she just pushed him away, sitting up, very pointedly not looking at him. 

“You know I cheated on you once?” 

“What?” The look on his face was… not even disbelief, just… an inability to process. 

“I did. I’m absolutely the worst person ever.”

“Ok… do you want to tell me when?” He was still scrambling to make sense of the words coming out of her mouth, was it possible that the fever had made her hallucinate something insane like she cheated on him?

“With Jess… remember Jess? We had that big fight over him and you thought we broke up and you banged all those bridesmaids over Thanksgiving.” Ok, that made him wince, and not only because it was so not like her to use the term “banged.” He tried to speak then but so she just cut him off. “Yeah, well, then you went to Costa Rica, when I  _ made  _ you go to Costa Rica, when I was being a cold, unfeeling and heinous bitch…” Again, he tried to stop her, the fever must be back, she was talking like a crazy person. She just waved him off, she needed to get this all out. 

“Well you were gone and I got this invite in the mail for a thing at his work and I went down to Philly to see Jess and I thought...I thought I could do it, I thought I could get back at you by cheating with him. I kissed him… I  _ went  _ there to cheat on you. I kissed him and I planned to… I don’t know, I don’t even know what I planned to do, but no matter what it was, I never told you about it and I should have… you should have known how terrible I was… You deserve so much better than this, than me. I just… I don’t want… Look at me, I’ve been nothing but selfish and I just… I’m sorry Logan, I’m so sorry. I just don’t think… I think that maybe you should leave.” 

“Ace, what are you talking about? You aren’t making any sense at all, what are you saying? Is your fever back? Do you want me to get a doctor?” She gave out an angry and exasperated sigh. 

“No, Logan, you aren’t listening to me! I’m trying to tell you something important!”

“What, that a million years ago you kissed an ex-boyfriend?” And that had to be the world’s worst timing for Lorelai to come into the room. 

“Whoa, you kissed Jess? Or Dean? Or is this more about how Rory did Dallas?” Lorelai walked in on a very strange conversation, and the air was tense- like create a diamond out of coal level tension, so why not go for a joke, break that tension with a mediocre joke? 

“Logan, I told you, I think you should go.”

“Ace, I’m not-” But Rory was giving her mom a look of pleading, it was her 911 Mom look, Lorelai hadn’t seen it in a very long time and couldn’t imagine why it was being used now… to get rid of Logan. None of this made sense really, but she would always be on Rory’s side. 

“Hey, Logan, you know- the doctor was just saying that there was a form, ummm, a number with a dash and some acronym I think, was missing a signature from you, something about some procedure or medication or… I don’t know, but you may want to go check on it, I can sit with Rory for a few minutes…” She was giving her “let Mama handle it” look, so subtle… 

“Oh, sure, I’ll… I guess I’ll just go check on that form…” He leaned down to give her a quick kiss, but she turned her head and he was stuck kissing her cheek. He paused and looked at Lorelai, clearly upset and confused- he had no information to give her, but she just gave a small smile, meant to be reassuring, she’d do what she could to figure out what was happening. He left the room, pausing to look back at her, she was still crying and he was completely baffled, but hopeful that Lorelai could figure out what was going on. 

For her part Lorelai just went to sit in the chair that Logan had just vacated and looked at her daughter- although her daughter would always be her beautiful baby girl, it broke her heart to look at her in this hospital setting. Today she was wearing her head covered in a bright, colorful scarf, no hair piece (sometimes she would wear a bangs frontpiece under her scarf), her cheeks thin and somewhat sallow. But her eyes, her eyes were shut tightly as Rory sobbed, Lorelai knew how red and lost they would be, she just didn’t know why. 

“Rory, are you sure you don’t want a doctor? You aren’t in pain or anything?” Lorelai missed her daughter’s hair, she would normally push her hair off her face as she comforted rory, it was hard to fight the long-instinctual movement, instilled over more than 2 decades of comforting her baby girl. Once Rory had calmed a little, still crying, but breathing somewhat easier Lorelai leaned in. “So, uh, you wanna tell me what that was all about there, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve kinda been hoping you’d start some real drama right about now-I gotta say, life with you, lately? Total snooze fest.”

“Mom, this isn’t funny- I’m the worst person ever!”

“Oh, now, Rory, that seems a bit harsh- not to mention egotistical...I mean, you’re really discounting the contributions  made by Nixon, Hitler… surely the guys from Jackass rank a bit higher on the list of terrible people.”

“Stop, you know what I mean! Come on, let me have it, I kissed Jess!”

“Ok, you kissed Jess when?”

“Remember when Logan was in Costa Rica?”

“Wait, wasn’t that what, like three- no, wait, four years ago?”

“Yes, and I never told Logan! He doesn’t deserve that- and he was in here, he was saying the sweetest things! He was sitting here and talking about when we have kids, about the birthday parties we’ll throw them, how much fun it’s going to be!” And then Rory was crying again, full on sobbing, leaving Lorelai at a complete loss for words. 

“So, I have a sneaky feeling that maybe there is something bigger going on here than you kissing Jess?”

“I’m ruining his life.”

“What? Who’s? Logan’s?”

“Mom, come on! He’s not even 30 and he’s spending all of his time in hospitals, dealing with being my Power of Attorney and living wills and he’s dividing his time between coasts, driving me to doctors appointments, holding my hand while I puke my guts out every Tuesday-Thursday- on a good week! I’m always sick and I’m bald and my skin is turning yellow, I basically never want to have sex… and of course, that isn’t even getting into the long-term questions: when can I start to really work again, when can we start planning a wedding for real, what if I can’t have children? Sure, we took precautions there, but it’s all still hypothetical- it’s not even just up to whether the hormone treatments work- it isn’t full-proof…. I just… I hate that I keep asking him to put his life on hold for something that may or may not ever even pan out.”

It had been a long time since Rory had ranted like that, it seemed to have totally exhausted her, she was actually winded. She lay back and Lorelai instantly moved to hand her water and to look around for a cold washcloth- there was sweat on her forehead… and the mom had no idea what to say to her daughter. 

“Umm, I’m sorry, I just don’t understand- this all came from one comment about birthday parties?” She stood up to wet a cloth in cold water, needing something to do, something to focus on.

“Mom, come on, this is serious.”

“Ok, I’m sorry, let me process ok, do you mind if I do it chronologically?” Rory shrugged as she settled back, her mom adjusting the cool cloth on her sweaty forehead, allowing it to calm her down. 

“Ok,so… about, what? 4 years ago, Logan was off with his idiot Life and Death Brigade, you guys had that huge fight, you were angry, there were the bridesmaids, you went to Philadelphia and you kissed Jess? That’s all, you just kissed him?”

“Well, yes, but you know- that’s not why I went there- I was upset and I went there to get my revenge. I was planning to work my wiles on him…” 

“Ok yeah, mommy gets the picture. So, cut to now, you’ve been through a breakup, starting a business, covering a major political campaign, a very romantic reunion, a cancer diagnosis, an engagement, 2 ½ months of treatment, another hospitalization… and now…?”

“I slept with Tucker.” That stopped Lorelai in her tracks, trying to figure out what to say to all of this new information.

“Umm… I don’t…”

“No, a year ago- on the campaign. He was grandpa’s TA my senior year and I thought he was cute and I told him he should read Eva Luna, then we met up because he was working for Obama for a while, doing some policy consulting and he was really smart and we went out a few times and we… stayed in a few times.” 

“Nice shorthand for Mommy.”

“And then he told me he was developing feelings for me and that was when I realized that I still had major feelings,  _ loving _ feelings for Logan- that I wanted to be with Logan and I broke it off. But then he came back to town  see his sister and Granpa and we talked and Logan found out about him- not that there was anything current to fill him on, but he basically filled in the blanks on our history and we fought and it sucked and I had to leave…”

“And that’s how Mommy ended up getting another middle of the night phone call to come to the hospital?”

“Umm, wasn’t it like 6:30?”

“Hey, I’m pregnant, so if I was asleep, it was the middle of the night. Not to mention, not sure that there is anytime of the day that I should get phone calls that my baby girl is in the hospital and very sick/injured. We really need to talk about your subject theme track record for sudden phone calls.”

“Umm, my subject theme of sudden phone calls? Like, I should be scheduling out the subjects of my sudden phone calls?”

“I mean, just once or twice, couldn’t you call me in the middle of the night to tell me that your colonoscopy was clean as a whistle, or that you won $50 in the scratchers?”

“You want me to wake you up, pregnant, in the middle of the night, to tell you I won $50?”

“Well, I’m just saying it might make for a fun, festive change.”

“Noted.”

“Anyways, back to why we’re here. So… you and Logan fought, you end up here… and that’s the fault of Logan? Or because you kissed Jess? Cause seriously, Kid, Mommy is kind of confused right now.”

“Gah! Mom, don’t you see? Ok, imagine, for a second, that every time you fought with dad, you might die before you get the chance to make up! Imagine that every every single time you left the room or the house angry, the last thing you said to each other… the “I don’t even want to look at your face right now…” or “Wow, you can go to hell for saying that.”... Imagine if that was the last thing you were ever going to say to him! The last time you would ever see him!”

“Rory, come on-”

“No, seriously, stop! Think about this for just a damn minute! Everytime I leave the house I could get sick, everytime I go to treatment, I could get sick… and that’s not even taking into account the  _ very  _ real, although yeah, sure, technically,  _ statistically  _ unlikely, it’s very possible that I could die from this- or something related to this. And if not from  _ this  _ cancer, do you know the long term problems I’m up against? The other syndromes and cancers, lung disease, heart disease… it’s thousands of diseases and whatever I'm up against now! The chances of us just getting to live out our 60 years of Happily Ever After is basically a bullshit fantasy at this point!”

Lorelai looked at her daughter, her fingers itching to play with her hair or do just about anything else to distract her from this topic. She knew all of this, she’d been reading books, talking on forums, reading journals she barely understood- but she wasn’t always so good at accepting bad things could ever happen to her beautiful, brilliant, perfect daughter. 

“Well, hon, I don’t know that I can-”

“Come on, Mom, let’s be real- aren’t I just letting him waste his life with me?” Rory’s tears had no anger in them as they streamed down her cheek and Lorelai had to look away as she tried to process the last five minutes of conversation. She squeezed her daughter’s hands as she tried to figure out what to say- one of the few times in life (although they seemed more frequent these days) in which she had no idea what to say. Finally she just went with: 

“Oh, honey… wow. This really sucks, doesn’t it?” They were both crying because there really wasn’t much that either could say in the situation- Lorelai was too mature to try and tell Rory she was nuts and worrying about nothing.The reality was that every fact Rory had just spouted off had been the reason Lorelai had spent so many nights sobbing, Chris holding her all night as they dwelt on the ugly reality of their daughter’s diagnosis. It’s possible the first time Lorelai saw her bald scalp at treatment that Lorelai had cried more than Rory, who always seemed so brave and so positive. 

Lorelai realized that this conversation needed comfort far beyond hand holding. She stood up and motioned for her daughter to scootch over in the bed and make room for her, laying down next to her on the narrow hospital bed, one arm behind Rory’s head and heads angled together. Historically this was their thing, so many big conversations in their lives had happened this way, how they hashed things out, how Rory had talked to her about boys and whether she was ready to have sex, how Lorelai had talked about Max moving in… And of course, how Lorelai had inappropriately re-lived her birth every year of her life at 4:03 am… It was like every big thing in their lives had been handled in this position. 

“Ok Sweets, I’m going to need you to refresh my memory a bit, here. Remember, Mommy is pregnant and it’s making me kind of stupid, so I need to make sure I have all the facts. So, remind me, Logan went to Yale, right?”

“Umm, yeah…” Was her mother officially insane?

“And he left his father’s company and has very successfully built up his own start-up company by like, what, a bajillion percent?”

“Yeah, it’s really been taking off, they’re the cover story on  _ Wired  _ magazine in two months.”

“Wow, he’s done very well, hasn’t he?”

“Uh, yeah, he’s doing well.” What the hell was this about?

“And, tell me, when you’ve gone to all of these appointments and done all of this research on your condition and long-term outlooks, he’s pretty much been around, right? Like, almost obnoxiously as though he can’t be more than 2 feet from you at any time?”

“Yeah…”

“Ok, so he’s a pretty smart, Yale-educated, I mean I hear that’s a good school… And he’s very well-informed, he gets the situation that you’re in? He’s held your hand at every doctor’s appointment, asked questions, read the literature... I mean, obviously, aside from the Jess kiss, which- by the way, don’t think we won’t be revisiting that juicy tidbit… but basically, he knows exactly what has happened and what he’s in for going forward?”

“Well, sure, I mean, intellectually he knows, but-”

“And so, with all of his smarts and his well-informed, fairly pretty head, he is choosing to stand by you. Knowing everything he knows.”

“Well of course, because he’s fucking amazing, he’s the greatest guy ever. He made a commitment and he’d never in a million years back out now.”

“But you think he wants to? Or that he should want to?”

“I just think that he has his whole life ahead of him.” The ensuing silence was the tacit acknowledgement that no matter how slim the chance- she may not be around for quite as long as Logan. After a few minutes of quiet reflection mom pulled her girl to her side, squeezing, trying to staunch her hot tears. Once she felt like she had them in control she plunged in. 

“Rory, do you love him? Like, really, really love him?” And Rory couldn’t do anything but tear up at that question.

“Oh, mom, I love him so much.”

“And you still want to spend the rest of your life with him-no matter how long or difficult that might be?” That was morbid and direct for Lorelai, but for some reason gave Rory a look of relief and satisfaction.

“Of course I do… I just, Mom, it seems so wrong…”

“Hey, Ror, you’re of an age you should understand something- you don’t get to make everyone’s life choices for them. Logan understands what is going on at this point- he has been to just about every appointment, he has heard every diagnosis, every possibility, he understands what is happening here and he’s sticking around. So you need to talk to him, you need to be honest, tell him your fears, talk it out. Because, I for one, think that the second he gave you that big shiny rock on your finger, he meant the whole ‘for better or worse, in sickness and in health.”

“You know, I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that 8 months of you and dad being in therapy and all of a sudden you seem to think you’re so smug and well-adjusted.”

“Well, I don’t like to brag, but I am currently married to the father of  _ all  _ my children. In fact, two of them came along  _ after _ getting married, when we had money and jobs… and didn’t have annoying little things like curfew or gym class.” Luckily that made Rory smile. 

“Ok Hon, I’m gonna guess that the boy in question is outside pacing like a… Huh, I don’t actually have an example of something that paces a lot, maybe it’s the pregnancy brain hitting. Anyways, I’m going to go see if I can find a cup of apple cider- the beans seem excited for some kind of fruit juice…” She kissed her daughter’s forehead and left the room- a nervous Logan trying not to look too closely or ask questions as mom left daughter. But at least this time Lorelai put up a hand on his upper arm, an encouraging sign as she quietly said, “Hey, she’s... well, she’s scared; she’s totally freaked out and she’s really worried about you, but I think she’s ready to talk, ok?”

“Hey, Ace, I got you more ice, and uh… a smoothie, the nurses thought it would do you some good… It’s strawberry-banana. I know you usually only like banana in Runts and that laffy taffy stuff, but the woman behind the counter felt pretty passionately that your smoothie should have plenty of potassium, so…”  He came in and handed her the smoothie in a to-go cup, she took a big sip from the wide straw, giving him a small smile- 

“It’s good, thanks. Nice to eat something other than broth and jello.”

Logan wasn’t sure what to do next- should he sit down, try to talk? Or should he give her more time, maybe he should go for a walk and give her some personal space?

“Do you… I mean, are you tired? Would you like me to leave you alone?” She sighed- they clearly needed to talk but neither had a clue how to start.

“No, uh, you can stay- I mean…”  _ Oh, for fucks sake Rory, you graduated Yale with honors, you have interviewed Senators, Heads of State… Oprah! You can handle this conversation!  _ And yet, she just lay there and motioned for him to sit with her, the silence was palpably awkward. Finally, Logan decided to just dive in. 

“So, just for the record, you kissed Jess?” She turned bright red.

“Fuck, Logan, I’m so sorry about that! Please, don’t hate me, I love you so much and I swear it meant absolutely nothing, I was just so fucking angry with you!” Tears were fighting to roll down her eyes, wanting to escape, but she was so afraid he would just up and walk away.

“Whoa, whoa, Ace… stop… I’m sorry, I promise, I’m not mad. I mean, that whole situation? That was on me. Come on, are you seriously lying here, crying and freaking out over a guy you kissed-”

“Not just  _ some  _ guy, Logan, it was Jess… remember? You hated Jess, you went and put up with folk night at the pub, got drunk and started a fight that led to a break up over him!”

“Ace, that was like four years ago- I was a much worse human being and way less secure man than I am now. Do you really want me to be that angry jackass I was before because you tried to exact  _ very deserved _ revenge on my sorry ass?”

“No. I mean… I’m sorry that I never told you about until just now. I mean, I kept it a secret, what kind of terrible person does that?  I’m so sorry! I swear, it didn’t really mean anything, I was just trying to … well, I don’t know what I was trying to do, I was just upset and I can only imagine that all had something to do with what the entire situation!”

“Ace, seriously, how can you possibly think I care about that now? I mean, I was a jackass, I just off and went to Costa Rica to be an idiot, Hell- the bridesmaids… I think you we can make it past this, you know? And I’m sorry for freaking out about that TA… I mean, it couldn’t have possibly helped matters, right?” He said it with such a sincere but still self-deprecating smirk that could be so infuriating, if not so hot. 

“Logan, it’s not about that… well, at least, it’s not just about… it isn’t about Jess or about Tucker- it’s that… it’s just that I hate this, Logan! I really fucking hate this. I’m so tired of being sick, of chemo, of throwing up all the time and having to check my white blood counts like every other day before I know if I can even leave the goddamn house! 

“I’m so fucking tired of writing some kind of blog for people who just want to point out my over-entitled, white, ivy league privilege. I mean, I  _ hate _ that you and I are finally in a good place- no, fuck that, a fan-fucking-tastic place! We’re engaged, I want to marry you more than anything! But right now, all I  _ can _ do is make lists of the things that I like, circle pictures of wedding gowns that may or may not look ok on me once I’ve finished losing or gaining weight from this fucking poison in my blood… I’m just making lists of possible places and flowers and themes and cake flavors and should we even have cake? Or by then will we still be in this godforsaken cupcake or, even worse, cake pop phase? Everything is annotated with questions like “will this be available in 1-2 years? What if we start planning and then it comes back, are there insurance options to cancel?” 

And by now she was openly sobbing as she held his hands and tried to look him in his eyes. “But mostly, I hate that every single time I leave the house or hang up on the phone with you, I feel like it could be the last time we ever speak. I hate that I may  _ not _ get that 50-70 years with you, to have kids with you, to see the rest of the world with you! And I really… I really, really despise that you are spending all of your time stuck with me- this angry, irrational, frustrated person who usually feels like a bitter shell of her former self- I’m just not the woman you fell in love with outside of Branford Hall anymore! And I don’t want you to be stuck here with this disgusting, sick thing I’ve become because of any kind of misguided notion of manners or chivalry or your needing to fulfill promise of debt or honor!” 

50 years later that would be the moment that Logan always remembered as his “Eureka” moment- he finally understood what was happening; why she was pushing him away, why she was so angry some of the time, why she was bringing up past (in her words at least) “affairs”… the lightbulb had gone off. 

Rory wasn’t one to bitch and whine and bemoan her lot in life- if she had gotten sick it wasn’t some great cosmic plan or a higher power trying to teach her a lesson…it was just how it was. But, she was incapable of hurting someone else, or even just watching them hurt. She was trying to save him from watching her go through this and possibly even die.

“Oh, Ace… wow, I love you so much, but that’s basically the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And I spent a year on a boat with a very drunk and frequently naked Finn.” There was something about being called stupid that pulled her out of her sob fest. 

“Excuse me?” Anger flashing in her eyes, that was a good sign for Logan. He could deal with an angry Rory, but a depressed one was much more foreign territory. He leaned in and took both her hands in his, kissing them and looking up at her, missing the ability to wrap one of her curls around his finger like he used to. 

“First of all, for all we know, I could leave this hospital today and get hit by a bus and die- maybe the one thing in the world more impossible to predict than life is death. You are sick, and this really sucks. And you’re right, there is a chance this goes badly for us. Maybe you only have another year on this earth, maybe you have 60- we don’t know, but I do know that there is nothing you could possibly do that would me keep from spending every possible minute of whatever time we do have left with you- supporting you, loving you, admiring your courage and your strength… and yes, taking care of you when you need it.

“Look, we aren’t married, we’re only engaged. But even though we haven’t actually said any vows, it doesn’t matter to me, I wouldn’t have proposed, twice actually, if I wasn’t asking for the whole shebang- the better or worse, sickness and health, ‘til death us do part… and I’m really hoping, praying actually, that it’s a very far way off, but I’m not going to miss a single minute of however long it takes, you got that?”

“Logan, I get that you feel that way… but this isn’t what I want for you!”

“Hey, do you think this is what I want for  _ you _ ? It definitely isn’t. If I could trade places with you, I would in a second! And you know what? I also know that if this had happened to me, you’d be here, sitting in this chair, loving me, supporting me and helping me through this- and you know it too. Nothing would keep you away from me. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Well obviously I would-”

“Good, we’re in agreement then, this is how the whole marriage partnership thing works, sometimes one of us goes through Hell, but the other helps them through it, right?”

“But Logan-”

“Ace, I’m sorry, but unless the next words out of your mouth are I love you, I’m probably just going to ignore them.”

“Logan, I do love you, you  _ know _ I love you- more than anything… but-”

“See, that’s all we need. Look, I’m not going to pretend this is easy for me, and maybe I should be more honest with you in the future, because trust me, this is terrifying and horrible and scary and a million other things. But that won’t keep me from being right here, where I’m supposed to be. You’re totally stuck with me, and the sooner you get that through your head, the easier this is going to be, ok?” And with that he just joined her in the bed and held her to him, his eyes dangerously full of tears, but he knew he meant every word he had just said- there was nothing aside from death that would keep him away from her, ever again. 


End file.
